/ The minor amusements of climbing.

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The Ivanator - on 15 Sep 2013
So what things bring a smile to your face whilst at the crag? A few personal favourites:
* Watching partner getting attacked by seabirds.
* Conversations on constricted belay ledges along the lines of "Mind your nuts don't whack me in the face when you start the next pitch"
* An ongoing competition to clip the most useless thread known to mankind on a trip to the Dolomites last year - we found plenty that barely held the weight of the sling!
SteveoS - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

The over use of phrases such as 'Just cut loose' and 'Liquid fear'
highclimber - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator: Placing a new piece of gear, even if it's totally pointless, just because it's 'not cool' to have shiny gear hanging from your rack!
Richard Horn - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

Hearing power screams from a VS
tmawer - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

The sound of an accidental escaping trump when someone is pulling/trying hard!
highclimber - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to tmawer:
> (In reply to The Ivanator)
>
> The sound of an accidental escaping trump when someone is pulling/trying hard!

My shoes often make a sound not too dissimilar to flatulence when doing similar moves.
AlanLittle - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to highclimber:
> (In reply to The Ivanator) Placing a new piece of gear, even if it's totally pointless, just because it's 'not cool' to have shiny gear hanging from your rack!

Essential. I dragged my 1980s vintage rack into the twenty-first century this year and now I look like a clueless n00b. Need to get everything scratched up asap.

TheDrunkenBakers - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to tmawer:
> (In reply to The Ivanator)
>
> The sound of an accidental escaping trump when someone is pulling/trying hard!

What makes you think its accidental?

DerwentDiluted - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:
Watching the guy you are belaying get into such a contorted position he only had 2 options, self fellatio or falling off. I was too busy laughing to either care which or remember which. (Keepers crack on Curbar)

Bulls Crack - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

Standing on top of Quietus watching a mate's increasingly feeble efforts to pull over...and waving him bye bye
victim of mathematics - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

James Oswald
abseil on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

Many moons ago I was firmly belayed at the bottom of Castell Helen while my mate was some way up a route. A giant wave came out of nowhere and washed right along the cliff, completely submerging me for a second or so. Meanwhile my mate [watching] stayed dry. He reckoned it was really funny...
deepstar - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator: Wathching Quarryboy fighting with the piece of equipment he optimistically describes as a "rope",it weighs more than he does!
mattrm - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to Richard Horn:
> (In reply to The Ivanator)
>
> Hearing power screams from a VS

You've listened to me climbing before then.

Had a Swiss guide ask if I was having sex down there once. Other mates have commented that I have a career in women's tennis.
myserable old git - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator: taking a longish fall which ended up longer than it should when my second discovered dog shit on the rope!
gd303uk - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to abseil: it sounded very funny, I genuinely laughed out loud,.
Karl087 - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator: My wife taking the mick, constantly, as I make my first lead of the year. To then take her around the corner to a 'V-Diff' and listening to her whingeing and gradually getting scared at the roof of said 'V-Diff'. Slightly amusing, for me, seeing her face appear over the roof......HaHaHaHaHa!!!!!
The Ivanator - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to highclimber:
> (In reply to tmawer)
> [...]
>
> My shoes often make a sound not too dissimilar to flatulence when doing similar moves.

That doesn't explain the smell away!
Merlin - on 15 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

Watching two old deaf gits shouting at one-another at Stanage:

Climber. "Watch me here, it's a bit tricky."
Belayer. "What Don? You're Safe?"
Climber. "Watch me, it's a bit tricky."
Belayer. "Okay... Off belay!" as he steps away from the cliff and unclips the rope before realising in horror what the climber meant - "Oh, I thought you said you were safe!" As he clips back in with the belay plate.
Climber. "No! I said watch me, it's a bit tricky."

Meanwhile I'm struggling to hold on to the route next door due to the fits of laughter!
abseil on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to gd303uk:
> (In reply to abseil) it sounded very funny, I genuinely laughed out loud,.

It really was funny, even I was laughing after the wave passed, when I saw my mate's sheer delight at events. Just before the wave hit I thought 'Thank God I'm belayed'. As it passed over me only 3 thoughts, wet, salt, cold.
wilkie14c - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:
Looking down at my partner when he's at the hard bit and saying "go steady mate, I don't want to test this belay"
Untying one rope when out of sight of same partner, threading a tree root then tying back on.
Finishing off the day by sneaking a boulder into his pack.

Karma is gonna bite my ass one day :-D
ice.solo - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

i always enjoy going thru customs with a big bag of fine white powder.
wilkie14c - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to ice.solo: What do you enjoy about it? the cavity search...
;-)
ActionSte on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:
Im normally in stitches belaying my (slimmer than myself) partner up tight chimneys, something about that level of awkwardness and struggling really tickles me... He normally sees the even funnier side when im half way up the thing screaming 'How the hell did you get up this??' 'IM STUCK' 'F&*^ing FAT ARSE' 'nyaaaar' and so on...
Technical gut jams.
Partner about to pull over the top exclaiming 'er, dont put your hand there, there's a big pile of shit'
Starting to pull on that oh so hard move, letting one rip, hitting the deck in a fit of childish giggles.
Deliberately taking your time on a route knowing your partner is freezing their arse off in gale force winds at the top of the route.
ice.solo - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to wilkie14c:
> (In reply to ice.solo) What do you enjoy about it? the cavity search...
> ;-)

for sure. anywhere else you have to pay.
humptydumpty - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

Watching partner climb into an open-bottomed chimney... and then swear a lot when her helmet got stuck and she ended up dangling from the chin strap.
SteveRi - on 16 Sep 2013
"It's just like The Foundry, but outside!"
Timmd on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator: Me quite innocently while belaying my dad after one of my first leads;

'I don't think you'd hit the ground if you fell off, dad.'

'Pardon? What do you mean?'

My belay was fine. (:-))
Big Lee - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

Falling off a route when my partner least expects it. That always cracks me up.
tri-nitro-toulumne on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

Couples arguing on routes. Eg:

RockJock's Girlfriend (seconding an overhang) "I can't see my feet"
RockJock "They're on the end of your legs"
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The Ivanator - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to abseil:
> (In reply to The Ivanator)
>
> Many moons ago I was firmly belayed at the bottom of Castell Helen while my mate was some way up a route. A giant wave came out of nowhere and washed right along the cliff, completely submerging me for a second or so. Meanwhile my mate [watching] stayed dry. He reckoned it was really funny...

I had a similar soaking whilst leading the downclimb on Right Angle at Gurnard's Head, not sure my second was so amused as he knew he had to follow the pitch a few minutes later. It turned out to be the only freak wave that broke so far up the cliff in the whole time we were on it though. I actually felt the weight of the water thump me against the rock, more exhilarating than scary though.
Red Rover - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:

Being attacked by a huge swarm of midges while I'm hanging from a free hanging belay, and my mates leading a hard traverse while 20 feet away from any gear so I can't take my hands off the rope to defend myself. Some walkers below wondered why somebody was hanging from halfway up a cliff screaming.
ablackett - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator: When the guy leading asks for some advice. "keep going" "go up" "move your feet, then your hands higher" "try not to fall off" All of those are funny.
The Ivanator - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to Big Lee: When you fell off the top of that DWS at Swanage it cracked me up "Oh sheeet"
.... ..... ..... ..... splash!
philpdr - on 16 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator: Watching an Australian mate trying to climb up a boulder in Thailand after a monkey that had nicked his banana bread.
abseil on 17 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:
> (In reply to abseil)
>...It turned out to be the only freak wave that broke so far up the cliff in the whole time we were on it though...

Snap... these freak waves seem strange. Mine was so large, yet in the previous 30 minutes, none of the waves had even touched my feet. (Glad you were OK when the wave hit.)
Piers Harley - on 17 Sep 2013
Hearing someone offer advice in the form of "Just step up". oh and listening to couples having arguments at the Crag.
GrendeI on 17 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator: I take great amusement in watching people put their frontpoints through their trousers.
CurlyStevo - on 17 Sep 2013
In reply to The Ivanator:
My personal favourite is watching any udging where the leader ends up belly down on a ledge and can not get up, or is slipping down as much as they are going up :)
GrahamD - on 17 Sep 2013
In reply to tri-nitro-toulumne:

> Couples arguing on routes. Eg:


This can be funny. I remember at a crag in the Lakes once a couple were just chipping at each other in a low key way until all of a sudden she snapped and shouted "Right, No Sex for you for a Week!!". The whole crag creased up.

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