UKC

Mission Statements/Corporate bollox

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Removed User 19 Nov 2004
Many years ago when I worked for Racal they had a slogan 'Get it right first time'. It seemed like a good thing to aspire to and easy to remember. When Alan Sugar was asked what Amstrad's mission statement was he thought for a moment and replied 'we want your money', which again seems sensible and memorable.

My current employer is a multi billion dollar multi national and has a mission statement which, if I remember correctly, is about four lines long and contains the phrase 'strategic independence'. I have no idea wtf the rest of the statement is, I only remember it being worded in the opaque language of the corporate bullshitter and being instantly forgetable.

I was wondering if anyone else out there had come across any memorable mission statements in their careers and if anyone thinks they have any value whatsoever.
JoHNY 19 Nov 2004
In reply to Removed User:

Corporat drivel design monket laugh at fag in mouth uzzi in nostril make smoke up in hospital company war class war in kryll
Removed User 19 Nov 2004
In reply to JoHNY:

John,

What a suprise!

Lovely to read another incisive and witty contribution from you. Which particular medication have you over indulged in today?

Steve James 19 Nov 2004
In reply to Removed User: We, at the company I run here, are asked regularly to come up with such drivel. We have a list of drivel ready prepared and just select a few that haven't been used over the past few months.

Sustainable. Diversity and Inclusive are popular at this time.

Nelberto Rockostaro 19 Nov 2004
In reply to Removed User:

Well if you think that then you obviously are not "thinking outside of the box". You need to be more "Dynamic" and "Time flow" your "combined resources" to achieve "the absolute goal" without "Moving the goal posts".
Removed User 19 Nov 2004
In reply to Nelberto Rockostaro:

Good I see we're having a real mind feast here.

So far we've gor 'Inclusive sustainable diversity' and 'Time flow our combined resources to achieve the absolute goal without moving the posts'.
Nelberto Rockostaro 19 Nov 2004
In reply to Removed User:

I agree but it's all a load of bollox!

I have managed to reaveal sources through a dynamic group of people from diverse disciplines, collectively solving problems through creativity and expanded horizons.
Removed User 19 Nov 2004
In reply to Removed User:
If younare having a feast you'll need some "low hanging fruit".......
Steve James 19 Nov 2004
In reply to Removed User: You need to undertake a thoroughh audit first. Maake a quick sandwhich! I think not. First audit the contents of the fridge, analyse the risk / cost benefits, determine the ROI potentials, demand / supply cycle implications and then grab the cheese.


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