UKC

My boyf recently had a big and what could have been a really nasty fall. He's fine, I took what slack I could, the gear held and he's just got cuts and brusies.

I was belaying at the time and and I didn't think it really bothered me, but now, the idea of watching him pushing it again makes me feel sick. If it was a mate, I'd get over it, but he's not just a mate.

Will I get over this? Is it just me that feels like this? What do I do? Retire from climbing and take up crochet?

In reply to gaucho:

I climb with my Girlfriend quite a lot. She gents grumpy when I solo stuff, even when it's Mod or Diff grade, so I don't do it when she's there. If our friends do it, however, she just has a sort of rolls her eyes. I think getting worried about your other half more than anyone else is pretty normal.

As for how to get your confidence back, you just need to do more climbing so it becomes normal again. Maybe just make sure you're not pushing grade when you climb together for a while? Time is a great healer and all that stuff is actually true...

In reply to gaucho:

Yes it's a setback for both of you. You'll both be starting from a new situation, for different reasons you'll both be nervous. He will need to assess what went wrong, also why, and whether he can sort it out. If you do it together that should help.

In reply to gaucho:
having "faith" in your belayer is vital

you held his fall so he probably has even more "faith" in you now.

i also think it's natural to be scared for your partner, even when you know you shouldn't / don't need to be.

will you get used to it? only you can decide that i think...?

In reply to gaucho:

Thanks all!! I feel like such a div, cos it's not me that had the fall but it's kind of shook me up more than him.

He came off cos it was a scary, unforgiving grade. I guess we should both be happy that the system worked.

Hopefully time & taking it easy will sort it out. And me trying to tell myself that there are way more dangerous daily pursuits like driving!!

In reply to gaucho:

(and if you *do* start crocheting/knitting, it provides you with an endless supply of beanies )

In reply to gaucho: If you're belaying your boyfriend, you can:
- make sure you're concentrating the whole time
- take in what slack you can (as you did)
- point out gear placements
- shout encouragement
- tell him which rope to clip when climbing with double ropes
And so on. If you're not there you can't do all these things to keep him safe. I'd imagine after a fall like that it'll be a little while before he wants to do routes like that again, so that gives you time to get your head together again. Keep climbing and talk to him about how you're feeling!

In reply to gaucho: Your post has made me think about this. My climbing partner is also my GF. I think i'm over careful when she's climbing and i'm very/overly fussy setting up the belay etc etc, guess this is not a bad thing, but maybe i'm taking it to far. though i was taught to be uber safe when i first started climbing.

Good post though.

In reply to gaucho: I climb with my bf as well and to be honest I feel the opposite to you. I feel happier and more confident when he climbs with me on belay than I do with others. I'm not saying his other partners aren't perfectly competent and safe, they damn well are!!

But when I'm on belay with him I know that he is the most precious thing in the world to me and I would do EVERYTHING to prevent him getting injured.

Maybe look at it that way and see if it makes you feel differently?

Cx

In reply to Clears: When I refer to 'precious thing' of course I meant to say person....



Cx

In reply to jesatu:

Thats because she remembers when you started climbing ;oP


Yeh, there's several people I've trusted to belay me in the past that for no well grounded reason I wouldn't be as happy trusting them to belay an other half.