UKC

your significant other?
A couple of threads about dating and dating other climbers in particular has got me thinking about this.
If you see climbers of opposite sexes climbing together, do you assume that they are in a relationship together or just that they are climbing partners.
Do you climb with your wife / husband / BF / GF?
If not, would you like to?

In reply to teflonpete:

I climb with mine, when we have the chance. Why wouldn't you?

In reply to teflonpete:

My other half stopped climbing with me 12 years ago when she fell on inch on a route. She only took up climbing to please me and be with me at the start of our relationship and I have never pressed her to climb again.

I just climb with my mates.

It is nice to climb with women though, as I much prefere stearing at their arses rather than my hairy arsed mates.

BTW just started snowing in sunny Blackpool.

Yay

In reply to teflonpete:

My fiancee isn't a climber and it doesn't pose a problem, though we're not one of those couples who have to do everything together. It's not that she doesn't like outdoorsy stuff, far from it as we go hill walking together, just that climbing doesn't do anything for her. She'll come to the crag with us sometimes and be perfectly happy being outside, reading a book and drinking a brew.

In reply to teflonpete:
you can't assume anything from who a person is climbing with, I mostly climb with other blokes but you don't assume one of them must be my partner do you.
I've been trying to get the other half out climbing but it normally ends in tears. I really try my best to encourage her and not push her more than the minimum, but it's normally too much and we get to a point where I'm sat on top belaying and she's sat on the rope refusing to move on Vdiff.

In reply to teflonpete: Many years ago I used to climb with both halves of a couple. They had young kids & had decided it was better if only one climbed at a time, "just in case". Meant they never climbed together.

In reply to teflonpete: I occasionally climb with my girlfriend but only inddors as she doesn't like outdoor climbing! I have taken her a couple of times and she just gets freaked out.

To be fair it gives me the chance I need to get out there with the boys and have some time away and gives her time to do her own thing!

In reply to teflonpete:

Yep I climb with my better half, but not exclusively.

I also climb with other women and she climbs with other blokes. Wouldn't always assume that just because two people are climbing together they are an item.

If I had a non climbing other half, then I would be pleased if she showed an interest and wanted to try it out, but I wouldn't expect or demand it.

Si

In reply to teflonpete: Iclimbed once with the girl i was seeing before christmas and found it really stressful plus she got annoyed because although she can toprope 6a indoors she cudnt 2nd HVS it was also very stressful trying to explain how different outdoors and indoors is tactically.
But then all that stress might have been added by the fact that her mum turned up and I was climbing with her too on the first day I met her!
Thankfully we aren't together anymore!

In reply to teflonpete:

I've been climbing with my wife for 15 years although since we had kids, she can't really be bothered with it any more. I now climb with oldest son. I also climb with other people who are variously wives/husbands/BFs/GFs/singletons and it never really occurred to me to make any assumptions about relationships between two people on rope.

I would like to climb more with my wife - maybe she'll get back into it this season!

In reply to teflonpete:

My Mrs isn't really into climbing, she has a little go a couple of times a year when we go on holiday with the kids and she can get up a Diff or easy V.Diff. I'd like to climb with her more but it's just not really her thing.
We've been together for about 14 years now and I've only been climbing for just over 2 years so it wasn't a factor when we met but she's happy for me to climb with whoever I want, whenever I want (within reason).
My climbing partners vary from a bloke of 70 to a couple of 20something girls but they're only friends and climbing partners.

In reply to teflonpete:

I've climbed with boyfriends. I climb with male climbing partners, and female climbing partners. My last boyfriend lived so far away that if I'd only wanted to climb with him, I'd have been waiting a long time between climbs. I don't tend to assume anything of other people climbing together unless they're having a huge row, in which case I'll assume they're a couple

In reply to teflonpete:

The reason I posted was on the other threads some single people were saying they were looking for partners who climb (amongst other stuff) and I just wondered how important that is to people. My Mrs and I get on fine doing our own things but enjoy it when we do climb together.
Because of my own situation with climbing partners (a large pool due to being in a club) I generally just think that people are climbing partners rather than couples.

In reply to Tall Clare:

From what I've seen that is too true for comfort!

In reply to teflonpete:
I climb with my other half, and without her. To me, they are very different things and very different days. With my usual male climbing partner, I relax and focus on my climbing and improving. Whereas with the other half, I get quite stressed making sure it goes smoothly and that she's safe and having a good time.

As a result I tend to climb easier stuff with her and just enjoy the day, place company etc

What I'm not sure about though, is whether it's because she's my other half etc and he's a mate, or whether it's because when I climb with her, I'm the better, more experienced member of the team, but when I climb with him, I'm not.

In reply to teflonpete:
my gf isnt really into climbing as much as i am but can drag to the wall now and again and its so much nicer.

apart from anything you get to look at the bum of someone who who has a nice bum (no offence to people ive climbed with before but blokes bums, just dont do it for me)

but then theres the fact that she gets scared on the wall and she likes having a hug at the bottom of it afterwards and i like my hugs too. and yea why wouldnt you want to climb with them. Climbing brings you closer because you do get scared, isnt tha tpart the reason we climb, for the challenge of doing something slightly scary??

In reply to Gandalf:


um... eh?

In reply to Tall Clare:
*unless they're having a huge row, in which case I'll assume they're a couple *

Haha spot on......

I climb with my other half but I also climb with a lot of other Girls, so many that they used to refer to themsleves as my hareem.

I have to admit I tend to try and match my climbing partner to the route I'm doing. If I'm climbing indoors or on Sports then I don't mind who I'm climbing with as I can easily strip the route if the 2nd doesn't want to climb it. But if I'm on trad then I won't ask my girlfriend to follow me up anything that will freak her out or she says she doesn't want to do. But again if I can easily strip the route or if it has no gear this tends not to be too much of a problem but it is something I consider when climbing outdoors. This may come across as a little condescending but at the end of the day I like to go out and climb to enjoy myself and I think the same can be said for those I climb with, so if I'm asking someone to do something that is going to cause upset, why do it when we can find something else to do

In reply to teflonpete: I used to climb with mrs J but she gave up when she started producing children. She still wanders up mountains with me when her achilles tendon isn't playing up.

In reply to Tall Clare:

ROFL. There's still a sharp intake of breath at some of our slides of a rainy descent down the Nantillons glacier after a traverse of the Petits Charmoz that strained our relationship somewhat Still, we were all the closer after two days and nights in the tent together. It wasn't just the lightning that was crackling during that particular storm though.

In reply to teflonpete: I couldn't go out with a girl who wasn't a climber. Given how much time, headspace, holiday space etc.. climbing and training for climbing takes up, it just wouldn't work. My girlfriend enjoys climbing and I love climbing together. Doesn't stop her hastling me to go to Rome or some other blinking city-break holiday though. The argument that we can do that when we're really really old doesn't seem to wash

We met on a climbing trip though, which helps.

Like someone above though, I save my hard routes for when I'm with my 'regular' partner (a bloke with whom I learnt to climb in the first place). It's very important to still climb with him, and is a completely different experience.

In reply to ChrisBrooke:

*Doesn't stop her hastling me to go to Rome or some other blinking city-break holiday though*

Haha - snap!!!

'We' are going to London for a long weekend to see a show......I just know the weather on that particular weekend will be amazing!!!

but - thats relationships, give and take and all that

In reply to SGD: Exactly. 'How nice to have a day in London when the whole country is bathed in sunshine, Scafel is dry and there's a super low tide at Gogarth....'

In reply to SGD:

with seemingly more giving from the men than the women

In reply to teflonpete:

I've climbed with people I'm in a relationship with and without. I always feel there is a different dynamic between the partnership when I climb with a "partner" and a mate. If anything thing I think I prefere actually not climbing with a "partner" because then I can keep my relationships out of climbing.

thats my two pence

In reply to teflonpete:

my last two gf's were climbers, and right now i have a hard time thinking myself with a non-climber.

mind the reason is not really climbing together in itself (it can be great and even exciting but some days it's not good for the climbing nor for the couple).

the reason is that at the present time my social environnement, habits, values,lifestyle, the reasons why i like people or not, etc are so deeply shaped around climbing, that me and the average non-climber are likely to be miles apart, we wouldn't understand each others' issues.

it is not even strictly necessary that she's a climber in this sense. She could be practicing other activities that tend to absorb people into them and have a similar social sphere (in terms of personalities, habits and why not, amount of money running around) and it could work fine.

On the other hand, you know those well-dressed girls doing just some indoor bouldering from time to time, but never climbing outdoors let alone considering sleeping in a tent or stuff like that? Well, they're not climbers in the sense i mean...

In reply to ghisino:

well put.

In reply to mlmatt: You're right about a different dynamic. For example, my girlfriend will climb harder if there's someone other than me there as well. It it's just the two of us she isn't as tough and can give me a harder time about it being hard/cold etc

That said, I wouldn't give up climbing with her for the world. It's a very special thing to share.

In reply to Gandalf:

Could you explain this please? I take it that you mean in *your* case or, perhaps, those of your particular friends, rather than as a generalisation?

In reply to ghisino:
I know exactly what you mean, mine climbs indoors, and happily camps and hikes (as in proper multiday treks) with me, but have yet to persuade her to join the activities together

will keep trying though!

In reply to ghisino: That's how I feel (only swapping the genders)

In reply to Dilys the Dachshund:
well, all the couples i know of, the blokes usually gives up more of his life than the girl does. For example, a mate has stopped coming down the pub as much as he spends time with gf, but she still goes out as often.

just seems to be the social trend that ive noticed, the man makes more comprimises to facilitate the woman than vice versa.

In reply to Gandalf:

How odd. I can't think of many men I know who'd be that easily played.

In reply to teflonpete:

I married my climbing instructor. Blushes.

I do climb with other people, but I'm picky as he is a tough act to follow!

And yes, we do occasionally row on routes. However, the rows probably sound worse than they are as you have to shout the obscenities so they are heard at the other end of a 60m rope Hee hee.

Can't imagine it any other way. I would get seriously claustrophobic if I couldn't get out on the hill regularly and I am blessed that my bloke shares my passion. I admire couples where only one half is a climber- especially the non climbing half as they seem to be very tolerant of extreme boredom/cold/sitting at the bottom of crags.

In reply to teflonpete:

My marriage has been going through a very tough time over the last few months and we have both had to find a bit of personal space, so I may not be the best example.

My wife climbs a bit, enjoying the odd trip to the wall, a bit of winter climbing and walking, scrambling in the mountains, we have done a fair bit of stuff together over the years. I enjoy all of those things as well, but often I want to push myself harder than she does and it can be difficult commiting the time to do those things with other people.

If we manage to straighten things out, time to follow personal journeys will be part of that future, although I will still happily climb with her.

In reply to Tall Clare:

I think it is rare that anyone is played, sometimes both people in a relationship can feel like they have given up too much. It can really depend on the dynamic of the relationship.

I have seen relationships where the women seem to live totally in the shadow of the man and visa versa. I suppose if I was being a little sexist I might suggest that women have a reputation for being a little more needy.

In reply to teflonpete: I used to take my wife climbing occasionally on easy routes many years ago. We'd get hysterics in the middle and then "that was great" at the top. But she was never really into it and isn't bothered to try again after recovering from a long illness. She's always let me go off climbing with few problems which is great.

I've also seen things like 2 couples where they've climbed boy-boy, girl-girl and with eachother's girl-friends but not so much with their own gfs. In these relationships the boys were more (climbing) experienced and they found they got too protective if climbing with their own gfs, which wasn't enjoyable for them or the gfs.

In reply to:

Not climbing, but I once tried to teach my wife snowboarding. It was an unmitigated disaster and one that will never be repeated in any sport that requires us to get out of bed.

In reply to The New NickB:

Good luck with that Nick. Getting some space in our relationship helped my Mrs and I get things sorted, hope you get things worked out.

In reply to teflonpete:
yep, I go trad climbing pretty much exclusively with my wife in the spring/summer/autumn, great fun altogether She climbs harder than me as she uses something referred to as technique...

Tend to go bouldering with mates in the winter though

In reply to teflonpete:
I largely climb with my husband as i know his schedule it is very easy to organise. If we are a group I climb with everyone, but try and give some time to the ladies. I do often climb with other people.
We live in a small town/ country so everyone knows the men I climb with aren't my romantic interest. I don't think that people will be couples unless their body language tells you that or they are yelling at each other.
I do know some couples who argue under the stress and should not climb together.

In reply to teflonpete: There's doing things that will push me, then I prefer similarly experienced mates, for easier stuff or more chilled out days I'll climb with anyone

In reply to teflonpete:

I often climb with mine these days, simply because work means we have limited time together as it is. However, rewind 2-3yrs and I almost exclusively climbed with other people - I was leading harder routes and didn't /don't like leading things that a partner will have big problems following. I also prefer mountain routes, and my partner(boyfriend) likes scrambles but dislikes longer more technical routes.
In winter, at the moment I climb exclusively with my partner. I have big issues of trust with winter partners and get very scared very easily (not for me, for them) due to an incident several years ago. I would climb with others but only if they had a lot of experience at harder grades than I climb, and none of my regular mates fit that description. Another difference with winter is that if I'm driving 7hrs North with Jez, it's usually a "him and me" weekend in that organising a meet that far away doesn't work with my circle of friends very often, and I wouldn't then abandon him to spend a day with another person.

In reply to teflonpete:
I hope that people don't think that when I'm climbing with my male climbing mates that they are my boyfriend or husband. If they did tongues would be wagging down at my local climbing wall as I have a few different male climbing buddies!

As for climbing with your significant other, it's never relly worked that well for me. Maybe that says more about me than the men! Its especially hard if you climb at a slightly higher grade than them.

In reply to teflonpete: I climb quite a bit with my partner, and it's always been great. She enjoys easy jug style Trad route climbing and hates bouldering and indoor climbing.

If I see opposite sex couples I don't assume they are a couple unless maybe they were off shagging in the heather. Or wearing matching gore tex.

I got well chatted up by a girl when at a crag with a pal, then her boyfriend appeared and she was still at it, was quite annoying. I had assumed she was single.

My wife doesn't climb but can belay no problem. More importantly, she quite enjoys going outside and just belaying me for the day...

A perfect combination in my opinion. I get to climb what I want and rest when I want.

It's good to mix that up with climbing with mates as well though.

In reply to Tiberius:

I tried that for a wee while too...

but for both our sakes I got her a nice young man for 3hrs a day.

this helped.. she learnt in the morning while I played "go nuts in the pow" and after lunch I learnt to ride switch whilst spending time with her.. jobs a gooden.

Climbing wise, I was once with girl who climbed and I do know a few couples who can pull it off, but my personal experience was not the best. We were many grades apart and she wasnt keen on sea cliffs or mountain crags so days spent with her saw me on gritstone with little to inspire me. when I did go off with the lads to climb she took it as me not wanting to be with her...

I guess it all depends on the individuals involved ..but I think you would have to be roughly the same standard or just climb sport/single pitch routes.

looking back on it I think she was right ..climbing with my friends was a cry for help....

In reply to teflonpete: Have had a few climbing b/f's and for me it doesn't tend to work. They've climbed harder than me and I'm normally having to push myself when sometimes I can't be arsed. If I say no, then b/f would get stroppy, but if I climb something that's too hard for me, then I get stressed and stroppy. Lost count of the amount of times I've told b/f's to f*ck off, when in a stressful situation.
But I always thought I could never have a serious relationship with someone who didn't climb as my life was all about climbing and everything was centred around climbing.

That was until I met my partner who I'm with now. He doesn't climb as such. He loves the hills and will go walking and scrambling and he's a lot braver than me when it comes to scrambling! But he hates tying into a rope (took him out for a winter route once <my passion> and he hated it) and I won't do that to him again if he doesn't want to. He would never go to a climbing wall, whereas I go twice a week to train.
But he's very lenient about me going away climbing whenever I want to, and would never insist I spend time with him.
But fact is, I love him so much and he's so important to me that I'm more than willing to miss weekends out climbing. It doesn't feel like a sacrifice at all as I *want* to spend time with him. And since we've been together I've done loads of things that I havn't done for years cos I've been too busy climbing, like go out for meals, go and see bands etc.
But we will go out hillwalking together which is really nice and we're talking about going to the Alps together which will be amazing. Won't be to do anything technical that requires a rope, but I'm happy just doing PD stuff as I've never been to the Alps before (and excuse me if I got the grade wrong cos I can't ever seem to remember that grading. PD is after F right, but before D. Then AD is after D? Or is it F,PD,AD,D?)

In reply to teflonpete: Wot's this 'climbing' lark you mention?

In reply to SARS:

you've got a chica grigri!

gold medal dude

In reply to Gandalf:


Oooo I think you should take that back!

<feels heckles rising>

In reply to teflonpete:

I thought it'd be nice to climb with my husband but he doesn't really want to do it, he has his own interests. In any case he has a habit of pushing me(with the best intentions) but like Sonya, I have a habit of getting really cross with him. So I think it's just as well he doesn't climb with me.

I don't assume anything from people climbing together. Loads of people on here have friends of the opposite sex, that they climb with.

I climb with my girlfriend. Though she's been climbing about 7 years, and it's only 2 years for me. I started climbing more because of her, and am loving climbing outside now (stupid weather! bring on spring).

I trust her belaying 100%, since she's belayed me about 80% of the time, but I'm a little more cautious with others belaying me.

She's not a fan of climbing outside in cold weather though, so the temperature needs to hit double digits before we head out.

In reply to teflonpete: I'd happily climb with a boyfriend but not exclusively - I also enjoy climbing with mates, random UKC pick-ups and my brother and there's no reason to give that up. I wouldn't be impressed by a boyfriend who expected me to only climb with him (and I wouldn't expect the same of him). I climb with different people for different reasons and get something different out of it.
Depends on the person though - I've had climbing boyfriends before with whom it didn't work (for lots of reasons), and those with whom it was great. And I've had boyfriends who weren't remotely interested which was ok but it would have helped if they were at least a little passionate about something else. I found myself either losing out on climbing a lot in order to be with him or (at the end) preferring to climb rather than see him. I suspect that's a reflection of the relationship rather than climbing itself though!

In reply to mux:



I think this is a really good point. My bloke and I climb together a lot but it works well for us for pretty much the reasons you mention above - we climb at a similar standard (well, he climbs a bit harder than me but I'll catch up...), we're both keen and happy to spend a lot of our weekends/holiday time/evenings climbing and we both have similar aims and aspirations. That's not to say we don't have the odd barney on a belay ledge, probably more so than I would with a partner who wasn't my bloke, but by and large we're fairly compatible as a climbing partnership. So yes, I would rather climb with my bloke but that's not because I'm shagging him.

FWIW I wouldn't assume that a man and a woman climbing together were necessarily an item, I've climbed with loads of blokes I wasn't dating and so do most of my mates. As Clare said, I'd only make that assumption if they were having a blazing row!

One thing I have noticed is that when people see me out as part of a climbing couple (as opposed to a climbing partnership) there seems to be an assumption that I'm fulfilling the belay bunny/second role, not sure if anyone else has experienced this?

In reply to teflonpete:
I keep my climbing as my thing. My wife does a lot of painting, and thaat's her thing that shes does alone, her own time away from me and our daughter. Climbing's mine. She does have an interest and will try it once the next child's popped out, but she knows that I need my "me" time. If she comes too, then it just means I get another free pass out for a climb on my own!