/ NEW ARTICLE: VIDEO: It's not a jug! When couples argue at the crag

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UKC Articles - on 13 Apr 2012
Gaz and Katie in Font, 4 kbWe've all been there, well I certainly have. There's something about the stresses of climbing, and the tensions of relationships that can add up to those cringey moments at the crag.

The toys are out of the pram, a few sharp words are spoken in haste, other climbers are turning their heads away in embarrassment, and all of a sudden you're that couple having a domestic over forgetting the water bottle, or not giving enough slack at the right time.

Read more at http://www.ukclimbing.com/articles/page.php?id=4568

Skyfall - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

Fantastic; love the chalk bag in the face accompanied by hidden smile at the end.

Last Autumn I witnessed a rather p*ssed off 'famous male climber' at Kaly who was clearly a teensy weensy bit unhappy about having to climb F4's with his female climbing partner. Not so much a full on tantrum as just plain old sullen with the odd spiteful (if quietly spoken) comment thrown in for good measure. Oh how we laughed.
The Norris - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

A climbing trip isnt complete unless i unwittingly reduce my partner to tears! (sorry, but if you just step up on that foothold, you'll be fine..)

It makes the post climb pint that much sweeter in my opinion (shame i have to get the drinks in cos im in the do house)

hokkyokusei - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

You call that a domestic?! I suspect there are people somewhere in the world that are STILL cringing after witnessing the domestic my gf and I had at the start of Clogwyn y Person Arête last year!
Ackbar - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles: Haha!
gethin_allen on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:
That's nothing, I've been sat atop a climb, belaying my OH on something easy that I know for a fact she is capable of climbing having a great little tiff.

This mostly centres around, her saying "I can't ..., just lower me down" me saying things like yes you can, you're already past the crux, just stand on that, you've climbed harder, If I lower you from here I'll have to abb off to get the gear out/ I'll shag my ropes because the rope is over an edge etc.

In the end we resort to her attempting to climb in the least enthusiastic manner possible and me hauling her up as much as possible and keeping the rope as tight as possible.
Christheclimber - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

You have to laugh well done for posting this tiff
Jon Stewart - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

That is by far the best bouldering video I've ever seen. If only all the dated trip-hip and send-it-dude of your average bouldering film could be replaced by this kind of thing...
muppetfilter - on 13 Apr 2012
lithos on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to Jon Stewart:

wot he said
Jon Stewart - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to Jon Stewart:

*dated trip-hop. (I'm in my 30s, that was a typo, honest).
Cat G - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles: Love it! Looks like a cool problem - do you know what it's called? where is it?
wilkie14c - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:
I got a vid of my mate telling me how he manages to deal with his farmer giles while in the hills, best pants to wear, best way to avoid chaffing, best cream <anusole> etc. Needless to say he didn't know I was filming :-)
Tim_C7 - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

I'd want a video of her reaction when she see's this video is on ukc home page lol.
Cliff Lowther - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles: CLASS!!!! hahahaha
Ron Walker - on 13 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:
I get this all the time trying to video the difficult bits which I think photogenically are the most revealing and the most interesting!
Having said that posting the raw footage on UKC is undermining their trust and is asking for really serious trouble!
gaz parry - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to Ron Walker: First off ta for all the comments. We put this video to UKC as a change from the norm and a snippet on the reality of climbing as partners, not easy sometimes. The problem is Eclipse at Potala.

22 Éclipse 7a traverse fltr / slopers Bernard Théret
***** [ 4 photos ] on the boulder 10m to the left and behind red n°10. Start to the left, traverse to the right on slopers via a crack and exit by the arete of the second face to the right (20 moves). NB : the opener's method used no foothook, or 6c+ in another guide probably with a heel hook.

http://bleau.info/mee/

Ron it was Kate who published the video first on her blg www.epic-adventures.eu with my permission. We just thought it was a brill.
tom_in_edinburgh - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

She's right though, it's not a jug.
John1923 - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:


Someone needs to tell her that behaving like a child is not cool. She is a grown woman, and responsible for her own tantrums.

The huge relationship red flag is that as soon as she started her tantrum he immediately started packing up and doing exactly what she wanted.

If I were the bloke, I would wait see if she calms down + apologises. If she didn't, and this happened a lot, then I would look for a new girlfriend.

If she is this bad when not spotted properly, imagine what she'll be like when she hasn't slept properly because the baby is keeping them up, and he gets a redundancy notice.

I agree with muppetfilter, they both need a bit of relationship counselling.

tim000 - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles: this is worrying as im taking my wife climbing this afternon for the first time . if you see a short blonde woman in tears at warrington climbing wall stay away :-)
biscuit - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to John1923:

RU serious ? For starters you should never agree with muppetfilter ;0p though i think his comment was tongue in cheek.

It was a tiff that people have all the time. As Gaz says in his post they've been together for 10 yrs and have a healthy enough relationship to look at this and laugh at how silly they were.

They get on well enough to travel the world together and live in a camper van at the minute. I reckon they're doing alright really ;0)

I can't believe i've come online to defend someone elses relationship but before you comment on other people make sure you know all the facts.

BTW i reckon you're within your rights to get stroppy if you've asked for a spot and not got it.
John1923 - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to biscuit:

If they look back and can see where they were at fault, and she apologises, and this is a rare occurrence. Then there is no problem.

However his immediate response was to go along with the tantrum, not be surprised that it happened. This suggests that she has tantrums regularly, and that would be a problem.

Long relationship /= Healthy relationship.

However I do not know everything, I am just pointing out a very common relationship red flag. If there are other red flags, then it is time to start worrying.

They shouldn't break up because of one episode of stroppyness.

##

However as a more general point, our society's taboo of not talking to people about their relationships "unless we know everything" is very problematic. This is because relationships change gradually over time, and people (myself included) can end up in ridiculous situations without realising it. We often need someone to explicitly say "The way she/he just treated you is not OK."

When I left an abusive ex girlfriend my friends and family were suddenly comfortable pointing out all of the problematic things that they had seen. If they had said these things to me while I was in the relationship, I might have left the relationship a few years earlier, and that would have been a very good thing.

##

I hope that this video is as bad as it gets for Gaz, if it is not, and she is worse inside the van, then he might want to think of ways that he can change the situation. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
Wiley Coyote - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to John1923:
> (In reply to biscuit)
>
>>
> However I do not know everything,


However I do not know anything*

There, fixed thatg for you


John1923 - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to Wiley Coyote:
> There, fixed thatg for you

Thanks it all makes sense now xx.
biscuit - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to John1923:
> (In reply to biscuit)
>
> If they look back and can see where they were at fault, and she apologises, and this is a rare occurrence. Then there is no problem.
>

That's what they say in the pre-amble. They both watched it back and cried with laughter at how silly they had been.
> However his immediate response was to go along with the tantrum, not be surprised that it happened. This suggests that she has tantrums regularly, and that would be a problem.
>

Big leap in thinking there.

> Long relationship /= Healthy relationship.
>

Very true

> I hope that this video is as bad as it gets for Gaz, if it is not, and she is worse inside the van, then he might want to think of ways that he can change the situation. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.

I'm not comfortable with what you say here as you are insinuating a lot on a public forum.

I guess if they both felt happy posting it on a website they are OK with it and it wasn't/isn't a major issue.

I agree that people sometimes need informing/supporting within problem relationships however i don't think that making assumptions and then discussing their relationship on a public forum is the way ahead. I know they put the vid on a public forum but as i say that in itself was enough to make me think they are OK with what happened.

Anyway, end of discussion for me. I can understand your POV but i fear you may be a bit over zealous due to your previous experience.
Robin Brooke - on 14 Apr 2012
Brilliant, I (we) feel much better now!

The way I look at it, Tantrums are a sign of youth, and we all want to stay young...
John1923 - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to biscuit:

You're right.
Goucho on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles: Who needs 'spotting' when they're barely 4 feet of the ground FFS!!!!!!!!!
Furanco C - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

I for one am exceedingly happy to make sweeping generalisations on Gaz parry's relationship based on 1:46 of footage. Should we have a sweepstake on how long they'll last?
xusa on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to gethin_allen: haha this sounds so familiar to me:)
xusa on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to John1923: That's a bit too much don't you think? every couple has moments like that and that doesn't mean you have to split up.. they would probably laugh after all this...
xusa on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to Goucho: yeah but she would have fallen on her back...
bouldery bits - on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to Jurgan C:
> (In reply to UKC Articles)
>
> I for one am exceedingly happy to make sweeping generalisations on Gaz parry's relationship based on 1:46 of footage. Should we have a sweepstake on how long they'll last?

LOL!
Hannes on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to John1923:

> Someone needs to tell her that behaving like a child is not cool...

Have you ever spent time with an angry woman? Should he have made her stay there? It sounded like it was "her" problem she wanted to climb and if she didn't feel it any more should they have sat there watching the trees? And has no one thought she might not have been annoyed by the lack of spotting but rather that she fell off it for the n-th time and was frustrated? Suggesting counselling is ridiculous
JoshOvki on 14 Apr 2012
In reply to Jurgan C:

After that huge argument I am surprised they are still together! So my bet is 2.543 seconds. How much to enter this sweepstake :P
patsaunders - on 15 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles: I wondered what the out come was, was there and saw it brewing. cheers for sharing!
Enty - on 15 Apr 2012
In reply to John1923:

How long you been married John?

E
Bulls Crack - on 15 Apr 2012
In reply to Goucho:
> (In reply to UKC Articles) Who needs 'spotting' when they're barely 4 feet of the ground FFS!!!!!!!!!

What he said!

And why were they filming it?
Hannes on 15 Apr 2012
In reply to Bulls Crack: Have you ever fallen straight onto the hard ground kidneys first from 4ft?
Offwidth - on 15 Apr 2012
In reply to Bulls Crack:

Firstly anyone asking why someone wants a spotter on Font 7a slopers utilising heel-hooks is a bit of a prat.

Secondly anyone asking why someone wants film footage of something significant to them is a bit dim.

Thirdly this sort of thing seems really common to me. Some partners who climb together seem to be able to behave really well, even in private, but most dont (at least not all the time). In fact it's tame to some things I've seen (no names...). When trying really hard on a problem, people tend to behave imperfectly to take out their frustration; anyone will do sometimes: doesn't even need to be a partner partner.
nicolaw - on 15 Apr 2012
In reply to Jon Stewart:


i agree, funniest and most insightful film i've seen on here in a long time.
Bulls Crack - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to Offwidth:

just curious why they were filming a not very photogenic problem. And yes I have fallen-off 4' onto a mat..quite a few times!
Offwidth - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to Bulls Crack:

"And yes I have fallen-off 4' onto a mat" ...Head first onto a rock because your spotter is missing? Might explain the weird comment.

If this happened for real it could be very serious... I was hospitalised with a suspected radial skull fracture from tripping over when walking... in a much more controlled fall.
Goucho on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to Offwidth: Firstly anyone asking why someone wants a spotter on Font 7a slopers utilising heel-hooks is a bit of a prat.

Well obviously I must be a prat - i wonder how i've survived over 40 years in this sport!
smallerrich - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

That's amazing, this has made me smile!

Thank you Gaz and Kate for sharing your hilarious moments with the world.
Goucho on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to Offwidth: We're talking about 4 feet!!!! - god, we used to fall head first out of trees when we were 7 years old from a greater height than that!!!!

Do you have spotters on standbye when you sleep in a bunk bed - just in case you roll out during the night.

God there's some whimps in this sport nowadays :-)

Bulls Crack - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to Offwidth:

Ok ok its dangerous sport.

I just thought the spotting bit was funny since I don't think it was the lack of spotting that was the issue - just something/someone to blame - we've all been there! And I thought the video was quite good -a refreshing change from the more polished rock heroics, self-depreciating interviews and inevitable musical accompaniment.
Skyfall - on 16 Apr 2012
Heavens to betsy, this is showing the worst of UKC - which is a shame given the apparently lighthearted intention of sharing the video with everyone.
bouldery bits - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to JonC:

Hear Hear!
Enty - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to JonC:

Doesn't take long does it?

E
Naomi Buys on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to John1923:
> (In reply to biscuit)
> This suggests that she has tantrums regularly, and that would be a problem.
>

Hee hee, classic brilliant Kate! I know her very well and she does have regular tantrums, usually equally funny ones! And Gaz knew that long before he became her boyfriend... but he knows that she is well worth it. Kate is full of personality, humour and originality which more than make up for the odd tantrum here and there.

Nice one Kate, you are a legend!
Sam Mayfield - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to Naomi Buys:

Kate and Gaz that was such a tame tiff!! good job we don't have video evidence of the full blown horrible rows I have had at the crag with Rich!

I will never go back to Gandia as such bad memories. Ask people at El Chorro once about pulling Rich off a route when he shouted "watch me" I heard "take me"!! Ken Palmer told me to tie him off and leave him to cool down!

:0)


Luv Sam and Rich Orange

gingerwolf - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to Sam Mayfield: hahahahaha, nice one Sam!!

Maybe we should do that more often: by which I mean tie Rich off halfway up a route :P

Hope you guys are well :)
Enty - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to Sam Mayfield:
> (In reply to Naomi Buys)
>
> Kate and Gaz that was such a tame tiff!!
>
>

I was thinking the same Sam.

E
Marc C - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles: ha ha, love Gaz's self-justifiying "YOU wanted me to film you!" Reminds me of an experience I wrote about it a few years' back:

It just doesn’t work. Climbing with your other half. Keep it separate. Otherwise ‘Relate here we come’. I’m leading this VS 4c slab – should be straightforward. But my confidence canister began to leak a bit when Daisy (back from her fling with Mr Lawnmower) asked me to show her how to tie on again for the umpteenth time and then proceeded to hold me with the dead end of the rope. A slow leak became a major haemorrhage when I suddenly felt myself being tugged off (no double entendre intended):

- What are you doing?!”
- “I’m keeping it tight like you do”
- “Yes, but that’s when you’re seconding” -
- “ Doesn’t it help when you fall off if I keep it tight?”
- “But I’ve got no bloody gear in at the moment!”

A major haemorrhage becomes a Titanic-scale iceberg-inflicted catastrophe when I peer down between my jitterbugging knees to see her with her camera rapturously stalking a sheep 10 yards away (leaving my rope as carefree and unattended as Manchester City’s goalposts). The mantra ‘Respond not React’ echoes in my tin-drum mind: I try to be patient: I try…

- “For F*ck’s Sake, are you belaying me or what?! My f*cking life’s on the line here!” .

She’s been waiting for this. My momentary indignation is drowned by a seething torrent of long-nurtured grievances:

- “I was only taking a photo! Anyway, you said this climb was a piece of piss and you were only putting the rope on so I could have a go at it, though like you said, I probably couldn’t do it, because the only climb I’ve ever done was a Vdiff crack over at Birchen’s, and that took all day, and you didn’t have any time left to climb any ‘real’ routes, and then you moaned all day and acted like a big spoilt child cause we had to go to Mum’s party on Sunday and you made a fool of yourself pissing about on the swing and split your trousers…”

There’s probably more life in this perpetual sentence, but I turn back to the comforting silence of the rock and carry on. Better to climb upwards and away (no matter how precariously) than climb down and face a three-hour argument ending in a stony silence on the long drive back home. I manage to get a piece of pro in: it’s not the right size, it wobbles, but I haven’t the strength to hang on to find a better fit:

- “Slack!”

The rope goes tight!! I’m nearly pulled to my doom.

- “Slack!?!??!!!
- “Why didn’t you say so?”

Amazingly, ten feet of slack is sent out. I grab the rope to clip in, but my pathetically loose Wallnut has long since rejoined my rucksack twenty feet below…

- “Do you want this?!” she calls up.

This is no VS! It might have been with old Derek holding my rope (why of all days did he have to suddenly do some DIY this weekend?) – but factor in the lack of trust, the emotional upset, the weariness, the potential husband-killer on the other end of the rope - and it’s now E10 7b. I risk another downwards glance – in spite of the alarming sensation of feeling I’m about to part company with the rock and smash myself badly on a sharp boulder ten feet below (strangely enough, this fate has become more and more attractive an option). She’s sulking! The rope’s being paid out desultorily every few seconds – but she’s not looking at me – her head’s in this month’s edition of Hello! magazine.

Only one thing for it! Untie and solo to the top. My right hand’s crimping some minuscule edge, whilst my left hand loosens my bowline. The rope snakes downwards (I don’t think she even notices). My technique’s fallen apart – I’m doing the opposite of everything the textbook would tell me to do: I’m hugging the rock, using my knees, scrabbling at arms’ length, rushing blindly upwards…and then I feel rain…just a subtle few spots at first…but then a steady shower…then tides of water running down the slab. Swallowing my last vestige of Pride (that last indomitable unsundered bastion: Male pride), I call down:

- “Daisy, love, can you run round to the top and throw me a rope down? please?”

I’m no longer in a bargaining position – all my masculine power has rushed downwards – transmuting en route into the primal energy of the Wild Woman. I beseechingly behold my Nemesis…

- “Please, love…Please. I’m sorry.”

I would have asked her to climb up, but I’ve never had cause to doubt Chauncely-Phibes’ opinion of lady climbers in his seminal ‘Mountaineering for the Married Man’ (1911):

“In general – notwithstanding some freaks of nature – the male of the species is biologically advantaged in matters of leading. Studies have conclusively established that men have longer necks, cooler heads, more developed powers of concentration, greater athleticism, and greater powers of route-finding and navigation. Haply, as in may other areas of life, The Maker has established a natural harmony; for just as men are naturally endowed with the qualities required for leading up steep courses of rock, women have innate proclivities for subordination – perfectly suited to seconding. The fairer sex has (and this is amply evidenced by any disinterested observer of the human species) a psychological and emotional constitution that lends itself to admiring, hero-worshipping, and approval-seeking.

A lady’s voluptuous physique – whilst most pleasing to an admiring male’s eye – lacks the well-developed musculature of the male for. Her mind – whilst excellently suited to concentrating on quite extraordinarily detailed pieces of needlework, and even following quite complex political and philosophical debates that we men are wont to indulge in whilst enjoying our pipes on a capacious belay ledge – similarly lacks the steely resolve that characterises the cultivated male climber’s. Amid the manly terrain of mountains and high precipices, the more adventurous specimens of modern womanhood – whilst unable to emulate the skill and courage of her male mountaineering colleagues and chaperones – may gratify their desire for approval, affection, and love by following their husbands on courses of moderate severity.”


Wise words indeed. However, at this point I’m flabbergasted! She solos gracefully over and past me with the rope tied around her (somehow she must have discovered some hidden holds or an easier variation ??). Two minutes later (the longest two minutes of my life), the rope slithers down to save me.

Monday morning – the hand tremors having just abated – I take out my climbing diary – turn to a fresh page; slowly, guiltily, then more assuredly, I write, “Had a great day – did Condor Slab with the missus…nice climb…bit of a soft touch VS though…had to give her a bit of a tight rope on the crux”.
Bulls Crack - on 16 Apr 2012
In reply to Goucho:

Apparently it was a scarey footjam so spotter needed
Offwidth - on 17 Apr 2012
In reply to Bulls Crack:

"Ok ok its dangerous sport.

I just thought the spotting bit was funny since I don't think it was the lack of spotting that was the issue - just something/someone to blame - we've all been there! And I thought the video was quite good -a refreshing change from the more polished rock heroics, self-depreciating interviews and inevitable musical accompaniment."

So why not say that in the first place (as I'd completely agree with all of it). In the meantime this macho bollocks about spotters at 4' (and individuals surviving for hundreds of years without them) spoils the thread; and you've justified the filming to boot ;-)
gaz parry - on 17 Apr 2012
In reply to Naomi Buys: Thanks Nao, we are looking forward to catching up with you two when we finally get out of font back to the UK. But to make everyone jealous conditions are amazing here 8 degrees and windy :-)
@Sam Yeah you guys have had some amazing bust ups and are still together, nice one x
We just keep wondering how to turn it into a series ;-)
Offwidth - on 17 Apr 2012
In reply to gaz parry: You could do a Dallas...sonething really bad happens and it turns out it was just a dream.
Ramblin dave - on 17 Apr 2012
In reply to Offwidth: And the dream fades as the dreamer is woken from their sleep by frantic shouts of "TAKE!!!" from the person they're meant to be belaying...
ads.ukclimbing.com
Chris the Tall - on 17 Apr 2012
In reply to gaz parry:
Great vid, but is Kate as bad as some of your other climbing partners when it comes to tantrums ?

scooott - on 17 Apr 2012
In reply to Bulls Crack:
> (In reply to Goucho)
> [...]
>
> What he said!
>
> And why were they filming it?

Maybe to watch it back at a later date. Just a hunch.

damion - on 17 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

Excellent. A great technique there, that I shall now adopt: wife throws shoes, throw chalk bag at wife.

Smile triumphantly.

Then maybe run like hell. :)
The Pylon King on 25 Apr 2012
In reply to UKC Articles:

Is that it?

Christ i remember having a screaming match with my wife at the Roaches and me ripping the guidebook up into pieces.
MJ - on 25 Apr 2012
In reply to Formerly Known as Pylon King:

Christ i remember having a screaming match with my wife at the Roaches and me ripping the guidebook up into pieces.

I used to know someone, that if he did a bad route/or felt he had been sand bagged would rip the page out of the guide book.
bpmclimb - on 26 Apr 2012
In reply to Formerly Known as Pylon King:
> (In reply to UKC Articles)
>
> Is that it?

Yeah, I was disappointed, too :0
James91 - on 21 May 2012
In reply to hokkyokusei: this is genius.. I think that I witnessed that said domestic, unless it happened more than once in the same place (not unlikely)! to be fair i have seen worse.. but it was fairly fiery! ha. glad to see you survived the encounter..

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