/ Wedding guest list drama
So my fiancee and I are getting married next year, sent out the invitations a couple of months ago and for reasons of space we have not given plus ones to our cousins at the wedding breakfast - we have said partners are welcome at the evening reception. Now, two months after the invitations went out, two of my fiancee's cousins are kicking up a stink wanting a plus one each for a girlfriend and a fiance each. After two months of complaining to everyone except for us, one cousin finally contacted us through facebook at the weekend. Now we said to her - you've got our numbers, give us a ring or arrange to see us as we really don;t want to do this over facebook. This evening my fiancee got a phone call from her cousin who essentially shouted over anything my fiancee tried to say to her and essentially said if she couldn't bring her fiancee to the wedding breakfast she won't be coming at all, and if she's not going then her brother and her mum and dad might not be going either. Cousin has offered to pay the extra place, but as we keep telling her, her brother and my fiancee's aunt - it's not a money thing - it;s a space thing. coupled with the fact that neither of us have met the cousin's significant others - not right keen on being brow beaten into having someone that neither of us have met at one of the more intimate bits of our wedding. Cousin has accused my fiancee of making our wedding day all about her (isn't that the point?) and has really quite upset my fiancee.
Are we being unreasonable?
PS - If this doesn;t make sense it's because I am absolutely fuming about how my fiancee's cousin has spoken to her whilst expecting to get an extra invite to the wedding.
Thanks for reading my lengthy rant.
Wisdom according to Num Num: You're not being in the least bit unreasonable. It's your wedding, not theirs. No loss if they don't come, get an early decision off them if they're not coming, that way, you can invite someone who likes you both.
No. Maybe you could set up a table for them in the car park?
If i have my way someone is getting a smack before the reception. Thanks for the collective wisdom of UKC - confirms what i already know - I am not unreasonable. It is our (or my fiancee's) day.
Ahhh.......Now I remember why we went to the Caribean and got married on the beach with just the two of us and photographer, administrator and priest as attendees (and witnesses)...
I know this is not for everyone but we are both not very sociable people, with our families in opposite hemispheres so we actually thought not having anyone at the Wedding was actually fairer than choosing one location which would be very hard for the others family to attend.
I hope you manage to sort things out and still enjoy your day.
I totally agree with Num Num. I think you are certainly not being unreasonable.
On a similar topic - and this isn't about you at all - I've known a church of England vicar for years. He's officiated at weddings all his life. He opened my eyes when he told me weddings often cause fights/ problems and are not always the happy occasions people think (these are his words, not mine, I'm just repeating his story).
The issue was that my dad had left ten years or so previously, having little or no contact with either my mum or even his kids. I had been in touch with him about five years before this, and so had mended some bridges between us, and tried to do the same for my siblings, but really to no avail.
When I told my mum that we had invited my dad, she went mental, saying that she wouldn't come, how could we betray her (which I totally understood), and even explaining my reasoning to her made no difference, as the red mist had well and truly descended.
I ended up having to be quite stern with her (which I hated), saying that it was in fact our day and not hers, and could she not put her differences aside for just one day. Much arguing / silence ensued...
Anyway, our wedding day came, my mum was fine, and I even saw her conversing with my dad a couple of times.
In conclusion then, your wedding day is about you and your wife, and no-one else. You are entitled to be a bit selfish on this day of all days.
We had no aunts, uncles, cousins etc... but we did have for example, parents of friends, who mean more to us than relatives that we never see. Our families were not given any 'spaces' for their hangers on... I don't care that my mum has been to weddings of her friends kids (more fool them!)and therefore thinks she should invite said friend to my wedding... I don't know the friend well enough to want them them there so no dice. If you don't know the cousins partner and especially the fiance that suggests to me that the cousins are not a major feature of current life... I'd be questioning inviting them at all, even more so with their behaviour. If they are the type to take the huff and for the rest of their family to do the same so be it - you wouldn't want them there anyway.....
Agree with Num num. Don't even think of it as unusual, something similar happens at most weddings as far as I can tell, and that includes mine. Just put your foot down, do what you want, and get the arguing over early so that it's forgotten about by the time the day comes along.
Something else that appears to be inevitable at every wedding; someone will get very drunk, make a tit of themselves and seriously upset someone else. Don't bear a grudge about this, someone has to do it. :-)
Unless... is there a table full of little five and six year olds in the far corner you could put them on? Obviously because of space that was the only way you could squeeze them in... (and they could accidentally end up having nuggets for the wedding breakfast too). On the plus side it should give your cousin some people to talk to who are on her level.
Someone once gave me some really good advice.
"It's my wedding, and if you don't like it... you can f*** off."
My advice though is be prepared for the consequences of excluding people, if your fiancee is upset about the 'upset' check with her that she is okay with excluding them. In our case there were rumblings of upset from my side of teh familly and MrsTheDog was worried that we they would see her as the cause of exclusion, that it would set the wider family setting we now all share off to a bad start. At times it was difficult because some members of the family disparaged our wedding plans describing them as not 'weddingy'. None of this bothered me a jot but some of it did tickle a few nerves for MrsTheDog.
In short do what you like, it's your day and you are being reasonable but be prepared that the problem won't go away and it may get messy.
Good luck on the pending nuptuals have a great day.
> "It's my wedding, and if you don't like it... you can f*** off."
True. But the OP has made a rod for their own back with this one.
"Hey cuz, you can come to the wedding breakfast but you can't bring your wife/hubby" - wtf?
I sympathise with the OP but I do kind of agree - if the other halves can come to the ceremony, and they can come to the reception, but they can't come to the 'breakfast' bit, what are they supposed to do - wait in the car?
To the OP: We're finalising the guest list for our wedding and the reception (which will be on two separate weekends, to add to the complications) and the drama's just about to start for us!
Seconded - tell them to get f*cked.
Precisely why I hate weddings and all the razzmatazz that goes with them. Cancel the whole thing and just the two of you slip off to the Registry Office!
In my experience, husbands/male fiances don't give two hoots if they aren't invited. Female ones have a paddy because they want to coo at the dress and say "wasn't it a lovely day, weren't they lucky with the weather?"
I got married 3 months ago so I feel your pain. I have quite a large family and we had a small registry office wedding without any frills as to us the party afterwards is the main part of the day so we told all aunts, uncles and cousins that they were invited to the reception but not the ceremony. None of my cousins' children were invited to the reception which was in my landlady's back garden due to numbers, space and us not wanting to accomodate for childrens entertainment (or having the garden wrecked by kids!). Also, if we hadn't met people's partners they weren't invited, it was our day and we wanted those people who actually meant something to us to be present.
There were a few grumbles from a few people but most understood.
Also, have either of your parents asked if you've invited great aunt Doris' sister's friend that you may have met once at a distant family wedding 20 years ago yet?! That's when the fun really begins...
We had space limited to 40 people during the day due to space restrictions. We made a strict rule of immediate family and immediate friends. One rule I stipulated was no +1 for single people. If you had a current partner at the time of invites going out they could come. One of my friends after that invite period started seeing someone and they just came along to the reception at night and met my friend. Some of my friends weren't happy and offered to pay and I told them it wasn't money - it was simple space logistics.
We also never invited extended family to the day ceremony, and this caused a lot of fall outs as being from a Catholic family on my side who are all used to be invited to the opening of a can of beans.
> I sympathise with the OP but I do kind of agree - if the other halves can come to the ceremony, and they can come to the reception, but they can't come to the 'breakfast' bit, what are they supposed to do - wait in the car?
'Family' the 'friends' you never chose to have in your life.
Your day, your rules. Suck it up.
When it was our 'special day' I refused to have day which was great to bunch of cousins and great aunts who I merely know through the accident of birth whilst risking sidelining friends with whom I have a much closer and meaningful relationship.
The behaviour of your cousins would leave me informing them very simply that it's your way or no way.
Too many other important things to be stressing about getting married to be concerning yourself with distant relatives and people you've never met.
Haha, this strikes a chord - the small and intimate ceremony we've got planned has to accommodate eight (well, seven and a potential plus-one cackling aunt) parents, amongst whom there's still some animosity thirty years later. Oh the joys of divorced families! And my partner's kids won't be at the ceremony (because it's the only way we can have a whopping great four days of honeymoon - our annual holiday together - without the kids) so that's another tricky one to navigate.
All you people with 'happily married and still together' parents, no previous marriages, normal friends - you're surprisingly fortunate!
I'd have total sympathy if there were a cut off and cousins were excluded completely for example. The odd thing is to say that they can come but not bring their other half for one event but can to the other. First off it's much nicer (and the done thing really) to allow other significant halves to attend but the split event ruling is just inconvenient if they are going to come to the day in some capacity. Personally I wouldn't get worked up over it and, as said, it's the OP's wedding ... so his rules. But I might be a little less inclined to attend if I had other options involving my other half, if you see what I mean. Which would save space at the reception and help everyone out ;)
- You're not unreasonable at all
- You can invite who you like to whatever part you like
- You're fiancee doesn't deserve to be treated like that
- We had to make similar decisions to you and basically invited everyone who we couldn't to meals etc to the evening dance
- Because of the large catholic family of my wife, we ended up excluding quite a few +1s of my friends, just because they couldn't be fitted in for space
- However, we did have a couple turn up from Ireland to Scotland who we hadn't invited at all, long term friends of my wife's family, and because of their shear gumption and enthusiasm we did manage to include them in our meal despite the lack of space
- Calm down, make a final decision, be positive in your interactions, best speak yourself and protect your fiancee and don't entertain any crap
Firmly in the fck em all camp.
If they aren't mature enough to see the bigger picture then not worth keeping in touch with.
> All you people with 'happily married and still together' parents, no previous marriages, normal friends - you're surprisingly fortunate!
Agreed! We had a registry office 'do' with my mum, her mum, the sprog, my Uncle and my mum's Guide Dog. Nice and simple. The 'reception' was lunch at a local restaurant by the river followed by an open invite to join us in the pub. Ended up being very chilled out and a really nice day as a result.
Between us we had far too many crackpot family members to even think about doing it any other way!
> True. But the OP has made a rod for their own back with this one.
> "Hey cuz, you can come to the wedding breakfast but you can't bring your wife/hubby" - wtf?
To be honest, I'm not sure what a wedding breakfast is. Isn't the ceremony/service and a reception enough?
As others have said, it's your day and your rules. If you specify that everyone has to come in a pirate outfit then that's what they have to do.
We are in early stages of planning our wedding, and the initial invite list is well into three figures as we've got a lot of friends and family. It's going to cost a fortune, and ANYONE who starts playing silly bu@@ers is going to get kicked off the invite list with pleasure that we're not paying to entertain someone who cannot understand that the wedding is for the couple and not them.
Personally, I'd tell the cousin that whilst you would be happy to have them there, the small spoilt brat they appear to have turned into recently will not be welcome and its up to them whether they come or not by how they behave, oh, and shouting at the bride is not acceptable under any circumstances and you await their apology.
I kind of agree, but on the other hand - and this is purely from my own perspective - the thought of being a 'bridezilla' and starting to issue orders about who can and can't do this and that seems massively egotistical. Yes, it's 'our' day, but people will be travelling to see us, more than likely having to stay overnight, often buying new outfits, and then if they want to buy presents too...
Though I'm quite prepared to admit that some of my reluctance to be 'the centre of attention' is because of all the years of event management I've done - I'd far rather be in the background with a pen and a running order :-)
> That was my thought. Couples are just that - a couple, a combined unit. I don't really see how you could expect to invite one half without the other. Not knowing the other halves doesn't really come into it - they're all part of the whole family.
> To be honest, I'm not sure what a wedding breakfast is. Isn't the ceremony/service and a reception enough?
Wedding breakfast is the proper/posh name for the meal and speeches bit. Presumably reception in this context means the evening do/disco/pissup.
OP: Of course you can do what you want, but I can see why the cousins are p*ssed off if their other halves are excluded from part of it. If it was me I wouldn't come - but our family's so big I've never been invited to a cousin's wedding anyway. It's your show - your rules. Good luck with it all!
> I kind of agree, but on the other hand - and this is purely from my own perspective - the thought of being a 'bridezilla' and starting to issue orders about who can and can't do this and that seems massively egotistical. Yes, it's 'our' day, but people will be travelling to see us, more than likely having to stay overnight, often buying new outfits, and then if they want to buy presents too...
I'm not attempting to argue here so please don't take anything the wrong way.
1. they do not have to come and therefore expend monies on overnight stays.
2. they do not have to buy outfits.
3. The don't even have to buy you a present.
At the end of the day you are offering them an opportunity to celebrate your union. They are not being forced into it and if they do then there could be inherent costs to do so.
My family on my father's side expect to be invited for the free party. That to me was the wrong focus and why they were not present at my wedding.
> Though I'm quite prepared to admit that some of my reluctance to be 'the centre of attention' is because of all the years of event management I've done - I'd far rather be in the background with a pen and a running order :-)
Whilst you may want to be in the background this will not be an option.
And more importantly - congratulations, have a lovely day (and honeymoon too).
And that goes for those that have theirs coming soon too.
1. As far as family is concerned, your wedding has nothing to do with you
2. You should have foreseen that not offering plus-ones would have caused problems.
If I were you, I would call her bluff and un-invite her and if that means some of your other relatives won't come, you can then invite some more of your friends who will be much more grateful, accommodating and generally on your side.
Good luck - I still look back at my wedding day with varying feelings of dread.
All a balancing act - personally if I wasn't close enough to cousins now to know their partners/fiances I wouldn't be inviting the cousins either.... but perhaps thats been too tough a call and if the OP has fond memories of people that they were close to in earlier years and they want to invite them but can't bring themselves to exclude other close, relevant friends for a partner and a fiance they have never met.
In a traditional 'old fashioned' wedding lots of people came to ceremony, went away during the wedding meal (breakfast) then came back in the evening.... that was all facilitated by churches generaly being large, budgets being small so many people expected not to be fed and watered and evening do being comparatively cheap therefore larger than the meal bit (hall, band, buy your own drinks) - now that expectations, budgets and style of weddings have chnaged its all got more complicated. Against that persepective it doesn't seem unreasonable to have people coming to parts but not all....
All comes down to who you want for what... and the way these people are behaving, unless they respect the wishes of somebody who wants to have a select band of people they know and love beside them for the intimate parts of the day (no way would I have colleagues at ceremony or meal for example... they are colleagues and don't get to see the intimate bits of my life... I know others who end up inviting loads of colleagues as they don't want to be rude and invite the one that they are genuine friends with and not teh others....then end up with half their team watching one of their most emotional events ever). I'd hoof the cousins out for simply behaving badly and threatening that if one can't come the rest will walk too - do the rest know that certain individuals are threatening action on their behalf??.....
We got around this problem by dividing the number of guests into sections:
1. People we wanted to invite (our friends)
2. People my mum wanted to invite (my family and whoever else mum felt needed to be invited)
3. People her mum wanted to invite
Both mums got equal number of invites. If second cousin doris and her boyfriend didn't make the cut, that was mum's problem not mine.
Stop trying to please other people with this; please yourselves. Anyone worth their salt as either a friend or a family member will understand.
You should not have invited cousins without +1
Either you invite Cousin + partner or you don't invite cousins at all (to the dinner)
If I was invited to a wedding but my wife wasn't, I wouldn't go. It puts them in an awkward position.
> You should not have invited cousins without +1
> Either you invite Cousin + partner or you don't invite cousins at all (to the dinner)
> If I was invited to a wedding but my wife wasn't, I wouldn't go. It puts them in an awkward position.
Tricky, as then if you don't invite cousins you will NOW have space to invite some more people ! What about inviting complete strangers, they will be very compliant , and I'm free and happy to go anywhere without my wife.
Not sure that this helps
However, if you really want or have to have the location then it can't be helped.
I felt very it was nice to be invited to my wife's cousin's wedding - we had been going out for almost 4 years (at university) but weren't engaged. I don't think I would have felt upset about not being invited, and I would have insisted she go.
Her sister didn't get to bring her 2 month long boyfriend (obviously not around at invite time, but she didn't get a +1 invite for a whoever).
This is all a terrific advert for living in sin.
Also for gay marriage. They've the right to have just as much grief as hetrosexuals.
See you would think so, and largely speaking that's the case, though weddings bring out the worst in people. ESPECIALLY MOTHERS! Without going into detail all I'll say is i'm still not talking to my mum 2 months later. However other than that we'd a great day.
thanks for all the responses, we did expect our decision to put a couple of noses out of joint, but with 11 cousins between us you've got to make the cut somewhere - we just didn't expect people to get like this over it. It's not like we're asking them to wait in the car as the wedding is in the same town as the cousins concerned live in. We also thought that inviting cousins without +1s would be less drama than not at all as some people seem to think that they are entitled to invitations - should have buggered off to the carribean - at least that would have pissed everyone off evenly.
I can see why the cousins are trying this but from our point of view, if my mrs-to-be received an invitation to a wedding that didn't include me I couldn't give a stuff. Why should I - its not like once you're in a relationship or married you become incapable of doing things independently. Although I love the soon to be Mrs Longer to bits I do enjoy a bit of time when she's not there!
Thanks everyone anyways - at least I feel less angry now.
Just remember to include in your speech "Thanks to everyone for coming, included those we didn't invite". Most people will laugh, thinking it's a joke, just look to your aunt-in-law for the cruel stare :-)
> + another
and one more
My wife and I were selective over who we invited to our (very much DIY) wedding. We though it better to invite people who really wanted to be there and who took pleasure in us being happy - not just turning up because either they, or we, thought they had to.
They did put several noses out of joint - which turned out to be a very positive thing. In the last 20 years I don't think I've 'had' to spend any social time with anyone who I didn't want to. Those who we offended in 1992 have managed to stay offended, and I'm delighted. It's saved a lot of time and lot of meaningless Christmas cards.
Basically, if they've got a problem; tell them they're not invited. It's your day.
As for initiating the discussion over facebook; words fail me.
> I sympathise with the OP but I do kind of agree - if the other halves can come to the ceremony, and they can come to the reception, but they can't come to the 'breakfast' bit, what are they supposed to do - wait in the car?
Erm, that isn't what he said is it? Thought he said not enough space at "breakfast" but welcome to come to reception. No mention of ceremony (which is usually friends/close family anyway). Or did I miss something?
It's not unusual for everyone to be at a church wedding, everyone to be at an evening reception, and a small select bunch to be at the wedding breakfast. The OP has clarified this further down the thread.
Same happened to me 10yrs ago at my first marriage. Aunt and Uncle refused to come because I didn't invite my cousins' partners (who I'd never met).
Anyway, it's one of the many reasons this time round we buggered off alone to Africa, had a great ceremony alone on the beach (with priest, photographer and co-ordinator) and came back all married. No fuss, no hassle, no guests. Perfect!
My cousin got married. I wasn't invited due to money/space constraints. I wished them all the best and asked my parents (who were invited) to say hi.
Because I'm a reasonable person!
Your day. Your decisions
Have a great wedding
Well i thought that too, but what do i know about weddings, I'm just a bloke. Mind you i did think that i could get away with popping the question then turning up at the appointed time in a suit. I was wrong there too.
We caused a stir because ours was imidiate family only and lots and lots of friends.
My gran could not understand that I was not going to invite family that I only see at weddings and funerals when their place could be filled with a friend who I wanted to spend time with.
Small and intimate? It sounds suspiciously like you're not inviting all of ukc. I think if you double check the forum postings rules you'll see the part where we all get to attend your wedding :-)
To the op: I invited all kinds of +1s to my wedding but failed to invite the groom's cousin's 9 year old son, as he would have been the only child there. Apparently the parents of said child were massively offended. They didn't attend on the day and they've not spoken to us since (it was 5 years ago) for which I am grateful as I don't need people like that in my life.
Try your best, don'tgo out of your way to cause offense, make your invites with thought and care, but once you've reached a decision, then the others can STFU.
I got married in July, and faced a similar dilemma. My personal opinion was, if we didn't know the partner, then they didn't get and invite. Fiancees and married partners did get an invite, but I didn't invite all my cousins. We were lucky in that there was noone at our wedding who we didn't want there... there were however some people who we would have lied to have invited, but couldn't because someone else was there who we didn't quite like as much. We had the added complication of it being in Germany, so it tends to be more expensive (getting people to buy their own drinks at the reception is definitely NOT the done thing), and therefore it was difficult to invite British guests to just a part of the wedding.
In the end, it turned out ok, but I think if anyone had complained, we'd have politely told them it was out rules and they didn't have to come if they didn't want to. Weddings are difficult enough to organise - I'd never request that someone else should be invited - at the most, I might ring to ask if someone was invited or not if it wasn't clear - but certainly not to request an invite!
If they're causing stress, tell them not to come at all, and give their invite to a friend who you want to come, and who wants to be there.
means what restraunt holds 50 and you have 50 guests? ironically despite your desire for the "most intimate" part of the wedding the ceremony is legally a public occasions so you seem to be in a real fight about adding 2 people out of what 20, 30, 40 for lunch this seems nuts.
oh an invitation which reads please come to wedding but only have your partner along in the evening is odd and impractical.
"they" have been very rude but weddings are not really "yours" they're family occasions and frankly people get emotional and irrational because they care which is kinda nice right
guess what you don't get your own way on your weddiing day just like the rest of your life.
ps I had a father in law in tears over arguments about whether a doolaaly grandmother got to go along and throw her food around at the reception it seems ridiculous now and I was probably as furious as you!!
pps nothing UKC likes more than wedding histronics
> Wisdom according to Num Num: You're not being in the least bit unreasonable. It's your wedding, not theirs. No loss if they don't come, get an early decision off them if they're not coming, that way, you can invite someone who likes you both.
If they are a married couple, then I think.that you are duty bound to invite both or not.at all. If it is 'just' a 'significant other', then it's up to you. No space=no place. Screaming and shouting doesn't change that fact. That said, I don't envy your position in the matter!
> means what restraunt holds 50 and you have 50 guests? ironically despite your desire for the "most intimate" part of the wedding the ceremony is legally a public occasions so you seem to be in a real fight about adding 2 people out of what 20, 30, 40 for lunch this seems nuts.
> oh an invitation which reads please come to wedding but only have your partner along in the evening is odd and impractical.
> "they" have been very rude but weddings are not really "yours" they're family occasions
They live in the same town. Their girlfriend or partner or w/e can come later. What's the big deal? Who would kick up a fuss about that? Im not married but was invited to my girlfriends cousins wedding and I declined.
I don't know you. Why are you inviting me to something this important? I don't go to weddings of people I don't know. I was told that I could just come to the reception instead which I would have been more comfortable with if I had have gone. But alas I find that stuff boring and was not buying a new suit while saving up to go to the gunks.
If whoever wants to go for a meal with their girlfriend/boyfriend no one is stopping them. Tell them to f*ck off.
> "they" have been very rude but weddings are not really "yours" they're family occasions and frankly people get emotional and irrational because they care which is kinda nice right
This is about the best answer I've seen so far. I don't understand why people go abroad to avoid family and freinds or costs. The whole idea of a wedding is that you are declaring to your family and friends that you have formed a special partnership. doing it in secret or only in front of a few of your friends seems daft.
And traditionally a mariage is where you bring up children, so what's all this "No kids invited"?
We had 200 to our wedding, the church could "only hold 130". It was rammed. 70 of them came to the meal, children as well who were at adult prices (That's a ridiculous rip off!). Then 200 or so in the evening who again were all fed at the buffet.
It was difficult to select which family memebers/friend came to the meal. My Parents were divorced and working out where their 'common' frinds sat was a nightmare.
To top it all, my cousins (and partners, who I'd never met) came to the meal, ate, then announced that they were getting in an early night because of the christening in the morning. What christenig? Oh the christening of my cousins baby, I didn't know she'd had a baby and hadn't been invited to the christening. Nice! LOL.
> This is about the best answer I've seen so far. I don't understand why people go abroad to avoid family and freinds or costs. The whole idea of a wedding is that you are declaring to your family and friends that you have formed a special partnership. doing it in secret or only in front of a few of your friends seems daft.
> And traditionally a mariage is where you bring up children, so what's all this "No kids invited"?
That's just one interpretation though - who's to say what's right or wrong?
A big formal marriage (complete with acting like a total princess, expecting to be the centre of attention, spending a fortune etc etc) is my idea of hell.
> That's just one interpretation though - who's to say what's right or wrong?
> A big formal marriage (complete with acting like a total princess, expecting to be the centre of attention, spending a fortune etc etc) is my idea of hell.
That's exactly what I mean. The most important things are 1. The exchange of vows and 2. Everyone is relaxed and enjoys themselves.
If the bride is lording it up no one enjoys it, if guests can't bring their closest friend they're not going to enjoy it.
There is a good reason to have a standard formal wedding. Everyone knows exactly what to wear, what to do, how to behave and what is going to happen next.
I play in a band and have been to so many weddings where the couple have tried to do something differently and completely come unstuck.
One wedding they had to have lasagne to start with. It had to be delivered, was late, and no one ate it. Keep it simple.
Weddings should have a bit of formality - it adds gravitas.
To the OP
We had similar restrictions and decided on no kids - boy oh boy did that cause some ructions - but it was our day and in the end I think the friends who'd sprogged found it nice to be without the kids for a short while.
> There is a good reason to have a standard formal wedding. Everyone knows exactly what to wear, what to do, how to behave and what is going to happen next.
> I play in a band and have been to so many weddings where the couple have tried to do something differently and completely come unstuck.
But lots of people don't *want* a standard formal wedding. Next thing you'll be suggesting it has to happen in a church!
The bigger risk, as I see it, is that people with no event management experience are suddenly managing a £15k event (or whatever), complete with emotional complications.
> Weddings should have a bit of formality - it adds gravitas.
Obviously - it's a legal ceremony. All the bullshit of rent-a-bride identikit white dresses and five ushers though? No thanks.
> To the OP
> We had similar restrictions and decided on no kids - boy oh boy did that cause some ructions - but it was our day and in the end I think the friends who'd sprogged found it nice to be without the kids for a short while.
Which is really nice for siblings with kids... no... wait... see, there's no single easy solution.
My friend had a similar issue with the 'no kids' rule. Invitations were sent out early enough to arrange something suitable. Much complaining and mumblings until the ' well if our kids cant come we aren't coming' .... 'ok, well hopefully we'll catch up soon after the wedding'
My mum had a strict 'If I dont know them or like them, they aren't coming to the ceremony/breakfast'. +1's can come to the evening bit but not the main bit.
its your wedding so you can do as you damn well wish
oops forgot the winking smiley!
A good friend of mine started posting on Facebook about her impending wedding. I thought we were in for months and months of wedding talk. About a week later, the wedding photos were up. Sounds like they completely avoided all the wedding b*llocks and just got on with it.
Much better to go for a hotel/venue that does the catering too. If they're doing weddings every week they'll be well practised.
Places like that tend to have wedding co-ordinators. There are a lot of them kicking around.
> But lots of people don't *want* a standard formal wedding. Next thing you'll be suggesting it has to happen in a church!
Not at all. People are free to do what they want. All I'm saying is that when you are dealing with a large group of people and you don't normally organise parties of that size (and budget) then as you say, get an organiser, or reduce the size and budget to what you can manage. And manage it well. OR don't stress over things you have no control over.
Very true. In my case, I'm feeling quite relieved that I've got fifteen years of event management experience to call on...
> Places like that tend to have wedding co-ordinators. The lot of them need kicking around.
fixed that for ya
Some people *live* for weddings. Really. The thought of wrangling that many bonkers brides fills me with horror, but maybe these people are performing a valuable service to society by stopping these people inflicting their mentalism on their friends?
quite possibly, they still need a kicking :-)
Whilst reviewing my career-change options a while back, someone who knew that I'd done lots of event management and some PR stuff suggested that I become a wedding co-ordinator. I thought it best to ignore them...
> My cousin got married. I wasn't invited due to money/space constraints. I wished them all the best and asked my parents (who were invited) to say hi.
> Because I'm a reasonable person!
There's no place for the likes of you on this forum.
Get the pitchforks. We'll drive him out!
Rule 1: Your party, your rules.
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