In reply to abcdefg:
> (In reply to IainRUK)
>
> [...]
>
> People pay to be *guided* on this thing?
>
> Bloody hell ...
They certainly do.
In February we were sat in a pub in Clapham, when I overheard: “Yes, I’m
not supposed to say, but Charles was in the SAS. Henry was in the Royal
Marines, he’s been fired out of submarines and everything”.
I looked at Mrs Ridge, she looked at me. Everyone in the pub who wasn’t in
the expensively dressed group in the corner looked at each other, took a
slurp of beer and quietly leaned forward.
“We all know what to do in extreme mountain environments, that’s why it’s
vitally important you obey our directions at all times. Now let’s go
through equipment..” The expensively dressed group of women all took out
identical pink iPhones. The bloke’s spaniel, who had that 1000 yard stare
you only ever see in bomb dogs with too many tours in Helmand, or too many
hours listening to shite in pubs, wandered over to the fire. My own hound
looked on sympathetically and shuffled up to make room by the fire.
“Craghoppers Kiwi superstretch trousers. All the top mountaineers wear
them”. There then followed a list of thick fleeces, thin fleeces,
intermediate fleeces, thick hats, thin hats, intermediate hats. Everyone in
the pub wondered how big the rucksacks would have to be. The pub was silent apart from the tap-tap of manicured fingers on touch screens.
“Now First Aid. We’re all trained combat medics..” I started to get worried
at this point. Admittedly it’s many years since I did combat first aid
training, but I vividly remember a little flipbook with a flowchart thing,
that went:
Is Casualty Breathing? > No > Casualty is Dead
which I thought might not be wholly appropriate to the Dales. Someone
choked on their beer. My hound laid a consoling paw on the spaniel. The man
fished out a ring on a length of paracord from around his neck. “Your
fingers can swell due to oedema at high altitude”. There was an appreciative murmur from the pub that sounded a bit like a quiet “FFS” to my Black Sheep dulled ears. “ You should always wear your rings like this so we don’t have to cut them off. Now, about boots...”
On the plus side, a group of ladies eventually got to go to the Death Zone after their pre-3 Peaks training weekend in Clapham. *** Adventures no doubt did well out of it, as did the pub, Ellis Brigham’s and the manufacturers of olive green paracord. Plus a free nights entertainment for
the rest of us. So it does have it’s plusses..