/ One Liner Needed

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mypyrex - on 14 Feb 2013
One of the few things that I don't have in common with my brother in law is football. With him it's an obsession. Now he's a nice bloke and all that and I get on with him OK but such is his pre-occupation with football that if there is a match on tv it takes precedence over any social activities.

Now he knows that I have an intense loathing of football and generally he accepts that. However lately he has taken to making comments about it along the lines of(to me) "I bet you're realy excited about the (forthcoming) match" or "I bet your looking forward to seeing the match on tv". OK, such a remark once in a while can be laughed off but it's wearing a bit thin now that it's ann almost weekly thing.

I'm trying to thing of a comment that will send a message along the lines "OK I'm getting fed up with your silly comments" but I really don't want to upset him by being quite so blunt. Many UKCers are noted for their aptitude for one liners so I'd appreciate some help here.

Over to you.
Blue Straggler - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Once a week is nothing. Get over it.
Swirly - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex: The QE2.
mypyrex - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> Once a week is nothing. Get over it.

Sorry but almost once a week, for the best part of a year is over the top.
dissonance - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

no


short and to the point.
Darren Jackson - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

How about "Get stuffed, you utter c@nt."?
Orgsm on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Yes, I bet you're really excited about spending more time on your sofa
Ramblin dave - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:
"I was going to watch it, but the test card's on the other side."
mypyrex - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to Beat me to it!:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> Yes, I bet you're really excited about spending more time on your sofa
8/10 :)
mypyrex - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to Ramblin dave:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
> "I was going to watch it, but the test card's on the other side."
9/10 :)

In reply to Darren Jackson:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> How about "Get stuffed, you utter c@nt."?

Too subtle and ambiguous...
Fraser on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Have a pre-made 'red card' in your pocket with a big "NO" written on it, and when he asks the inevitable, show it with a smile.
MJ - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Him: I bet you're realy excited about the (forthcoming) match or I bet your looking forward to seeing the match on tv.

You: Not really, I'd rather be sh*ging your sister.

mypyrex - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to Fraser:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> Have a pre-made 'red card' in your pocket with a big "NO" written on it, and when he asks the inevitable, show it with a smile.

Nice One :)

mypyrex - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to MJ: Archived for future reference.
ripper - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to Submit to Gravity:
> (In reply to Darren Jackson)
> [...]
>
> Too subtle and ambiguous...

lose the words get, stuffed, you, and utter, and shout it at the very top of your voice, with your face an inch from his, spraying him with flecks of spittle in the process.

have to say though, I do enjoy a match on the tv meself...
dissonance - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

ask if you can go round and watch the game with him. Then spend the entire time asking random questions, flicking channels etc.
if all goes well he will be to scared to ever mention it again in case you take it as an invite.
Castleman - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

> Him: I bet you're realy excited about the (forthcoming) match or I bet your looking forward to seeing the match on tv.
>

You: Certainly am XXXXXX vs YYYYYY is bound to be a corker after last weeks results setting the scottish division 3 on fire.

(research suitable teams for XXX and YYY)
Enty - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

"Are you coming round to watch the footy this weekend"

"Sorry can't come this week I'm going to get my balls wire brushed instead"


E
sbc_10 - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

The only match I can see is your face and my arse......
rocky57 - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to Enty:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>

> "Sorry can't come this week I'm going to get my balls wire brushed instead"

Just out of interest, where would one get a service like that? A friend wants to know.

Motown - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to MJ: Got to get myself a brother in law now. How about father in laws?
Turdus torquatus on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Get a red card, whistle and notebook. Then show him the red card, blow the whistle loudly in his face and write c*nt in the notebook.
airbournegrapefruit on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex: 'I would watch it but I have better things to do with my life'
MJ - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to Will Cat:

How about father in laws?

Even though it might be morally wrong, there isn't any legal reasons why you can't. Up to you really, just probably best not to get found out...

deepstar - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex: Next time he mentions a football match regale him with one of your fascinating Trek Tales,that should put him off.
nniff - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to ripper:
> (In reply to Submit to Gravity)
> [...]
>
> lose the words get, stuffed, you, and utter, and shout it at the very top of your voice, with your face an inch from his, spraying him with flecks of spittle in the process.
>
> have to say though, I do enjoy a match on the tv meself...

Spoken like a true football fan ;o)
JamButty - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex: Agree to watch it, spend the first 15 mins shouting "that was offside" randomly then leave.

999thAndy on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex: accept with a smile, and mention you've got a few holiday photos to show him, should the game be a bit dull...
Jim C - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:
I have no on liners for you, but I CAN commiserate with you, as I too can't see any point in watching football, and even more so now that the big teams appear to be mostly teams of foreign players , with foreign managers, who have interest only in getting their hands on the vast amounts of money they can make out of the game.
A fool and his money is soon parted, is my view of football supporters with their misplaced loyalty, a loyalty not in any way shared by their teams ' stars' as far as I can see.
In my view of the world, football supporters are wasting their hard earned cash on a bunch of 'here today gone tomorrow ' overpaid prima Donnas .

So you are not alone, if that helps any.

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thin bob on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:
"Yes! especially if they wear those tight shorts! Like I do when I'm watching, mmmmm"
mypyrex - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to Jim C: Thanks for that - very consoling to know that I'm not alone.
Blue Straggler - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Tell him you're going trekking because it's so much better despite your misgivings about the local trekking group, that you voiced a couple of years ago. That'll show him!
ripper - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to nniff:
> (In reply to ripper)
> [...]
>
> Spoken like a true football fan ;o)

Indeed, I believe it's a quote from Wilde ;-)
stack - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex: Looking forward to the match? Yeah I am, my ar*e your face!
rocky57 - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
despite your misgivings about the local trekking group, that you voiced a couple of years ago.

Well remembered that man.
birdie num num - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:
When folk say to Num Num something like 'I bet you're looking forward to the match on BBC1 tonight?' Num Num normally says 'Certainly not, there's some sport on the other side'
Timmd on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

'I thought i'd watch some paint dry, it has dribbling too'?
Timmd on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:Could you just be surreal?

'I've a chicken to strangle.' either he'll stop, or he won't, but either way you'll get to enjoy being surreal? (:-))
Timmd on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:Think surrealness would only work on my mate, thinking about it, he'd take the diversion as a hint.
dek - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:
Just say you're glad he's coming around. Say you need someone to apply the anusol, as you can't reach the farmer Giles you developed whilst away trekking?!
Fishmate - on 14 Feb 2013
In reply to airbournegrapefruit:
> (In reply to mypyrex) 'I would watch it but I have better things to do with my life'

That's gonna fill the room with laughter and positive vibes and in no way make you look like yooz a little way stuck up your own botty. Well done

However if I was too be slight vindictive, something like "mmm, I'm not sure yet, incidentally, how is that vicarious lifestyle working out for you?". Said in the most genuinely interested tone you can muster. He can't really slap you back from that even if he takes the self deprecating route.

In reply to Turdus torquatus:
> (In reply to mypyrex) 'and write c*nt in the notebook' and not show that to him..... perfect :)
bouldery bits - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Just claim you prefer rugby.
Ben Sharp - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to dissonance:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> ask if you can go round and watch the game with him. Then spend the entire time asking random questions, flicking channels etc.

Don't forget to flick over to animal rescue or the news and jump out of your seat screaming every time something slightly bad or slightly good happens, with the ambiguous suggestion that you could do everything better than them. "NOooo, ah, f*ck, did you see that, did you see the way he announced those housing reforms, what an amateur. Who are ya, who are ya? David Cameron, suck my baws. No idea pal, no idea" etc.
Ben Sharp - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex: Also every time you leave the room to get a beer start screaming once your out of sight, when he comes out and see's you rolling around in agony on the floor clutching your shins just get up and say you trapped your finger in the fridge then limp back to the sofa.
LastBoyScout on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

What Jim C said. My Father-in-Law is a massive Arsenal fan, but fortunately accepts I'd rather be out on my bike or watching the rugby :-)

Why don't you just ignore his comments and change the subject - anything will do:

Him - "bet you're looking forward to the game..."
You - "Have you seen the new boots they're selling in Cotswolds now..."


Or you could try what I said to my Auntie when I got fed up of her constantly asking "do I need to buy a hat yet" and reply "That was funny the first hundred times, but it's starting to lose it's appeal".
Rampikino - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

"I'd sooner take a blowtorch to my face."

?
Cthulhu on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to Jim C:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
> I have no on liners for you, but I CAN commiserate with you, as I too can't see any point in watching football, and even more so now that the big teams appear to be mostly teams of foreign players , with foreign managers, who have interest only in getting their hands on the vast amounts of money they can make out of the game.
> A fool and his money is soon parted, is my view of football supporters with their misplaced loyalty, a loyalty not in any way shared by their teams ' stars' as far as I can see.
> In my view of the world, football supporters are wasting their hard earned cash on a bunch of 'here today gone tomorrow ' overpaid prima Donnas .
>
> So you are not alone, if that helps any.

My, you'd be fun to have a beer with...

glidezilla - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex: Why the hell would i want to watch 22 idiots chasing a Pigs bladder.
blurty - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to glidezilla:

I'd rather shut my pink bits in the door of the car
tlm - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

He says it to wind you up and he succeeds. The best thing to do would to not be get wound up by it, and that would deflate the effect somewhat.

showing a bit of interest in something that you are not interested in can be a good way of strengthening the bond between people - why not find a bit out about which matches are on before you next see him, and surprise him by replying in a knowledgeable way...

"Oh - you mean the Leeds v. Arsenal league cup game?" (well - it might have to be a bit more researched than my poor example)
John Rushby - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Say nothing

Turn up at his house ready for the match....


....wearing a Spiderman costume. Sit there through the entire match saying nothing

Go home.

mypyrex - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to John Rushby:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>

> ....wearing a Spiderman costume.

Or nothing at all ;0)
Pinged - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Why dos football cause such a string reaction in those who dont like watching it?

I dont like corned beef but Im not gonna blow a fuseat the folk who do. I just accept/respect the fact that they like it and leave them too it.

Some of you non football fans seem to have an irrational hatred of people who do like it. Which is stragne and a little tragic.
Chris Harris - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to Pinged:
> (In reply to mypyrex)

>
> I dont like corned beef but Im not gonna blow a fuseat the folk who do. I just accept/respect the fact that they like it and leave them too it.
>

Maybe so, but we don't spend hours banging on about how great corned beef is to people who don't like it, and reacting with stunned amazement when they tell us so.
No do we sit on the sofa in replica Fray Bentos shirts, shouting abuse & hurling empty cans at the telly when a Princes corned beef advert comes on.


Pinged - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to Chris Harris:

You're making a huge generalisation. Maybe it says more about the people you assossiate with rather than football fans in general.

I love football, as do lots of my mates and family. I dont know anyone with a replica shirt, I don't know anyone who hurls cans at TV and I don't know anyone who would try and discuss football with a non-fan.

Football and football fans are an easy target for those with a bulging spleen.



mypyrex - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to Pinged: Well I'll tell you what pisses me off about SOME football fans(my brother in law and maybe you excepted) is that when they are confronted with somebody who abhors it and fails to get worked up about it and accept that it's the most important thing in the world they sometimes seem to regard them as "not normal" or some sort of sub-species.

Don't tell me they don't because I HAVE come across them.
mypyrex - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to bouldery bits:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> Just claim you prefer rugby.

I would watch a rugby match especially if England were playing. He once told me that "only toffs play rugby".

Pinged - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Im sure there are plenty of such football fans. You however are exactly the same as them. You 'hate football with a passion' you 'abhore' football and you react to those that like it with the same incredulity they display towards those that dont.

Live and let live everyone.

mypyrex - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to Pinged:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> Im sure there are plenty of such football fans. You however are exactly the same as them.

NO I AM NOT. If they want to waste their time following it that's up to them as long as they do not hold me in some sort of contempt or try to ram it down my throat.
ads.ukclimbing.com
Pinged - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

youre ramming your hatred of it down UKCs throat right now
mypyrex - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to Pinged: No, I merely made a comment and asked for suggestions from others.

Pinged - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

You asked for a suggestion that would allow you to ram your hatred of football down your BILs throat without appearing to ram your hatred of football down your BILs throat.
Steph-in-the-West on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to Pinged:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> You asked for a suggestion that would allow you to ram your hatred of football down your BILs throat without appearing to ram your hatred of football down your BILs throat.

why do lighthearted threads on here always turn into slanging matches just because people have opposing views? It's a bloody good job you lot aren't in control of the big red destroy the world button

Orgsm on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:
> (In reply to bouldery bits)
> [...]
>
> I would watch a rugby match especially if England were playing. He once told me that "only toffs play rugby".

Rugby is a game played by men with odd shaped balls ;-)
mypyrex - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to Beat me to it!:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
> [...]
>
> Rugby is a game played by men with odd shaped balls ;-)
And the Ghurkas have white officers and brown privates ;0)

ripper - on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:
> (In reply to bouldery bits)
> [...]
>
> I would watch a rugby match especially if England were playing. He once told me that "only toffs play rugby".

but that's true, isn't it? (assuming you're talking union, that is?)
Orgsm on 15 Feb 2013
In reply to ripper:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
> [...]
>
> but that's true, isn't it? (assuming you're talking union, that is?)

Only rich boys play premier league, does it attest? It you like watching the game, you like watching it....

Blue Straggler - on 16 Feb 2013
In reply to Pinged:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> Im sure there are plenty of such football fans. You however are exactly the same as them. You 'hate football with a passion' you 'abhor' football and you react to those that like it with the same incredulity they display towards those that dont.
>
> Live and let live everyone.

Well said. I wrote a "live and let live" post on Friday and then for some reason decided not to submit. I understand that mypyrex's BIL's "joke" each week might be wearing, but maybe he's doing it in response to multiple expressions of "comedic" incredulity from mypyrex in the first place regarding how on earth someone can't be interested in mountain trekking :-)

Jim C - on 17 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:
> (In reply to Jim C) Thanks for that - very consoling to know that I'm not alone.

I don't drink either , but find most drinkers are ok, ( as long as they don't talk about football) There are few tossers of course that once they have a few themselves , want to 'convert' you . The 'have a drink' brigade.
Easier these days as you can say your driving, as that has become socially unacceptable, whereas in my younger days, it was quite common.
Timmd on 17 Feb 2013
In reply to tlm:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> He says it to wind you up and he succeeds. The best thing to do would to not be get wound up by it, and that would deflate the effect somewhat.
>
> showing a bit of interest in something that you are not interested in can be a good way of strengthening the bond between people - why not find a bit out about which matches are on before you next see him, and surprise him by replying in a knowledgeable way...
>
> "Oh - you mean the Leeds v. Arsenal league cup game?" (well - it might have to be a bit more researched than my poor example)

I agree with you.

Byronius Maximus - on 17 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

What about something like "not as much as I'm looking forward to the day you finally come up with a new joke"
Blue Straggler - on 17 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Hi mypyrex. Bit off-topic but I have a quick question for you, based upon another poster's vicarious outrage...

Have I "bullied" or "cyber-stalked" you:
a) on this thread?
b) recently?
c) ever?
mypyrex - on 17 Feb 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler:
> (In reply to mypyrex)
>
> Hi mypyrex. Bit off-topic but I have a quick question for you, based upon another poster's vicarious outrage...
>
> Have I "bullied" or "cyber-stalked" you:
> a) on this thread?
> b) recently?
> c) ever?

Without looking back through posts to which we've mutually sontributed I really don't know so you obviously haven't impacted that much on my raw nerves - yet.
Blue Straggler - on 17 Feb 2013
In reply to mypyrex:

Good. Thanks!
Can you tell Iain please? :-)

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