UKC

My stepson came to see his aunt(my SiL) at the weekend. A very emotional time.

He is a good chap. He said something which I thought was very true. "There is no nice way to die"

Thinking on from that, cancer must be one of the cruelest ways, not just for the patient but for the family as well.

In reply to mypyrex:

I would say any long term terminal illness to be honest.

In reply to mypyrex:

It is cruel and horrible to patient and family, but it does at least give you a chance to say your goodbyes.

In reply to MattJP:

True. I don't think cancer is uniquely horrible, in fact I can think of far worse ways to go. At the risk of being glib, given the OP's situation, with cancer the pain relief and hospice side of things is pretty much sorted. Dying of anything else can get you shoved in a side ward with minimal care.

In reply to mypyrex: Yes, but I've just found out a mate who was 28/29.. was killed this weekend.. for me, young burying parents/older relatives is life and something we all have to face at some point, parents burying kids is life out of kilter. That's the cruelest of all.

In reply to mypyrex: cancer is horrible, horrible. and as you say, both for the patient and family/friends. a girl I worked with recently died of cancer. she was 28. he poor father said that its wrong for children to die before their parents, which I thought very true. is your Sil at home or in hospital?

In reply to mypyrex: puts things into perspective aswell doesn't it? things that normally seem important just seem trivial compared to what else is going on around you.

In reply to mypyrex:

my mum died of cancer slowly and painfully, the doctors didnt spot it and my mum never bothered to chase it up. its was horrible.

my dad came home from the pub drunk and fell asleep and never woke up. In my view quite a nice way to go.

mum passing was much worse as it was played out over a many months.
dads was more shocking because of the speed it.

In reply to goldmember: sorry about your mum and dad.but I agree, that although your dads death must have been a great shock, for him it was a good way to go as he never knew anything about it. its awful watching people with cancer getting more and more frail and you suffer as much as they do in a way

In reply to heidi123:

In contrast a friend of mine died recently at tbe age of 32 by falling down the stairs. Her family and friends have had no time to come to terms with her death, but then they at least didnt see her suffer in pain. Its bloody hard however it comes, and having seen both, im not sure which is easier for family etc. (although in my mind a quick mostly painless death is preferable for the victim).

I hope you are coping ok mypyrex

In reply to mypyrex:

Your son in law is right but, having said that, both my mother and step mother died of cancer and, if properly managed, it can be quite a peaceful way to go surrounded by family. That can be a great comfort to all of you.

My sympathies and thoughts are with you.

In reply to Postmanpat:


Well said. Personally, my experience is that palliative care is generally excellent, and while other symptoms can be difficult to get control of, pain should be kept well under control. Dementia is the disease I fear most.

In reply to mypyrex: Just wondered how you are doing, thinking of you and your family.