/ If your partner had a car accident...

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Blizzard - on 22 May 2013
broke their neck and was incapacitated.

What would you do? ie, would you stay with them, and would you give up your life caring for them if they needed it.
Bloodfire - on 22 May 2013
In reply to Blizzard: I would do what I had to do to ensure I could care for her in the absolute best possible way. That doesn't necessarily mean giving everything up. It may mean getting a special carer and adapting the house as me caring for her may not be the best thing for her.
tlm - on 22 May 2013
In reply to Blizzard:

How would you know in advance? What if they had brain damage and their entire personality changed as a result of the accident? Why would you need to give up your life because they were disabled? Wouldn't they still be able to have a life of their own, as many paraplegics do?
David Martin - on 22 May 2013
In reply to tlm:

There's a fair argument that after such major trauma the injured person would no longer be the same person you entered the relationship with. In one sense they obviously are, in another they are fundamentally changed.
Along similar lines as Theseus's paradox, while we all change physically over our lifespans such a sudden change fundamentally alters the identity of the person you entered in to the relationship with. Even over a period of time, substantial changes in personality and physical form are, in my mind, grounds for separation. If my other half became a slug on the couch, surrounded by pizza boxes, watching only day-time TV, I'd feel justified in no longer holding a life-long connection.

When taking up paragliding I told my fiancee that, should I suffer a severe spinal injury, I would hold no grudge if she left me to spend her life with an able-bodied person. Even if it resulted from something unrelated to this or climbing, it seems to me to be unfair to expect someone to have to alter the rest of their lives to service my disability.

It is a slippery slope though. What about disabled children? Caring for the elderly, etc etc. Ultimately its down to the individual and, like abortion, I don't think it is right for anyone outside of that relationship to stand in judgement over the choices made by those in the relationship.

Tall Clare - on 22 May 2013
In reply to David Martin:
> (In reply to tlm)
>

>
> Ultimately its down to the individual and, like abortion, I don't think it is right for anyone outside of that relationship to stand in judgement over the choices made by those in the relationship.

I feel a little weird saying this (given that we don't agree on much) but I agree with this.

wilkie14c - on 22 May 2013
In reply to Blizzard: We've already committed our lives to each other so yea, course I'd stay with her
Ridge - on 22 May 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:
> (In reply to David Martin)
> [...]
>
> [...]
>
> I feel a little weird saying this (given that we don't agree on much) but I agree with this.

Took the words out of my mouth there. A very good post from Mr Martin.
The New NickB - on 22 May 2013
In reply to Blizzard:

I don't think any of us can prejudge the situation, but I would certainly try very hard to make a situation work, if you have made a commitment, I think you at least owe them that.
mattc - on 22 May 2013
In reply to stroppygob: Only average!??
John_Hat - on 22 May 2013
In reply to Blizzard:
> broke their neck and was incapacitated.
>
> What would you do? ie, would you stay with them, and would you give up your life caring for them if they needed it.

Of course. she is my partner.
lost1977 - on 22 May 2013
In reply to Blizzard:

tbh i couldn't say a friend was in a situation where his role changed from partner to carer, he stuck by her for quite a few years before realising it wasn't something he could do

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