/ Top tip of the day.....

This topic has been archived, and won't accept reply postings.
Denni on 23 May 2013
Like a good citizen, off i went to the recycling centre this morning to recycle my glass and here is my top tip.

Don't have your car/house keys in the same hand as a bottle that you are just going to put into the massive/unable to get into green glass collector.......
rallymania - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni:

whoops!
danny_whew - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni: hahahahaha. Sorry, just that I very nearly did this a few weeks back.
pebbles - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni: so go on, tell us how you got out of that one!!!!
Chris the Tall - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni:
Friend of my wife did something similar - tossed her keys into a big communal bin at her flat along with her rubbish

Climbed into the bin, and realised that to get to her keys she'd have to empty said bin of other rubbish bags.

Found her keys

And then found that she couldn't now get out of the almost empty bin
Sarah G on 23 May 2013
Top tip #2; don't put your keys in the same pocket as your bagged up dog poo.


Sxx
Sarah G on 23 May 2013
Top tip #3; don't put your keys just in the boot of the car as you unload the rest of the shopping into said boot.... forgetting to take them out again before closing the boot lid.....

Sxx

Jenny C on 23 May 2013
In reply to Sarah G: Prior to getting a car with central locking, that was my Mum's speciality.
richprideaux - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni:

Don't put car keys for a Land Rover Discovery (300tdi for those who care) just inside the door frame of the boot on a windy day. Door slams shut after a gust, central locking thingy engages and locks you out.

Also, it's a long walk out of Cwm Eigiau...
Tony the Blade on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni:

Don't leave hire car keys on the seat and close the door as you grab a cheeky last hour at Gaillands on your way to the airport!

In reply to Denni:

My wife once did that with my wallet - bottle in one hand, wallet in the other, put the wrong thing in the bin at a motorway service station in France.

Luckily it was fairly empty and I was able to fish it out with a tent pole.

Alan
toad - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni: If you have floats on your boat keys, make sure they can support the weight of the keys before casually lobbing them to your mrs on the bankside.

glug
Hat Dude on 23 May 2013
In reply to richprideaux:
> (In reply to Denni)
>
> Don't put car keys for a Land Rover Discovery (300tdi for those who care) just inside the door frame of the boot on a windy day. Door slams shut after a gust, central locking thingy engages and locks you out.
>

Don't stand a milk carton on the rear bumper of a Discovery with the door open, if it's windy; door slams, milk goes everywhere.

This also happened in Cwm Eigiau

Blue Straggler - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Hat Dude:

Don't take a Discovery to Cwm Eigiau?
gd303uk - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni: when closing a hatchback boot, make sure your wife isnt standing under it when you slam t closed. It doesnt start the day off well.
Timmd on 23 May 2013
In reply to gd303uk:Be within running distance of a remotely controlled estate boot lid when you press the button to open.

Have seen a family friend have to run to stop things falling out when on holiday. (:-))
sbc_10 - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni:

Oh.... and don't wipe your arse with a broken bottle..
that is a piece of advice that sort of rings true whatever the situation...
Scarab9 - on 23 May 2013
In reply to gd303uk:
> (In reply to Denni) when closing a hatchback boot, make sure your wife isnt standing under it when you slam t closed. It doesnt start the day off well.

or slam down the boot (on which the supports have broken so there's nothing to slow it down on the way down) while your friends fingers are still in it near the hinge......

....that bloody hurt! And then it was ME looking after the hysterical friend while my hand was still trapped!
Tim Chappell - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Scarab9:

If you are opening a roll-over garage door, made with those horizontal slat thingies that concertina together as it goes up, use the handle: don't put your fingers in between the slats.

Waiting for the sensation of ten crushed finger-tips to go away was one of the longest evenings of my life, even with painkillers.
Hat Dude on 23 May 2013
In reply to gd303uk:
> (In reply to Denni) when closing a hatchback boot, make sure your wife isnt standing under it when you slam t closed. It doesnt start the day off well.

When closing the tailgate of your van using the pull down strap; make sure you step back far enough as you do it!
LastBoyScout on 23 May 2013
In reply to gd303uk:
> when closing a hatchback boot, make sure your wife isn't standing under it when you slam it closed. It doesn't start the day off well.

Make sure you don't come up behind your Dad when he shuts the estate boot - you'll end up with stitches in your head!
Skyfall - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni:

Don't (on your wedding day at the reception and after a few drinks) show your friends the Audi R8 you've hired for the day, lean in and rev it up, somehow slip it into gear and watch it fly across the road into a brick wall. Get arrested for being drunk in charge of a car, be uninsured as a result, and receive an invoice from the hire car company for the thick end of 100k.

Not me but a hell of way to start married life.
Blue Straggler - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Skyfall:

Where's that story from?!
Blue Straggler - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni:

Don't do a Brian Harvey :-)
David Farting-Cameron - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni: ...if, like me you have to take your specs off to do close work, don't leave them on the edge of the bonnet when you've been adjusting the car engine and then close it.
Blue Straggler - on 23 May 2013
In reply to billynoname:

If you have been fannying around with taking your nicer pair of specs off and putting them on and taking them off, en route to Chamonix, don't leave them in the roof rail before getting back in the car for the next stretch of fast toll road. They are unlikely to reach Chamonix with you.
gd303uk - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler: when getting hastely changed roadside after a climb, in bad weather, dont expect the clothes you put on the roof to still be there when you arrive home.
Ben Sharp - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni: If you break down in a blizzard, make sure you have your house keys in your pocket before the long walk home. Also, always keep a big mallet in the shed! (or alternatively a spare set of house keys, but where's the fun in that?)

Don't leave your car keys at work and your house keys in the car (me yesterday).

Maybe the best tip of all would be to get some new keys cut as spares, I'm sick of being locked out of the car or the house!

Oh, another good one for people with too much time on their hands. Fix a folded out coat hanger to some part of your cars exterior. Mines tucked under the back bumper and I'm anticipating the smugness I'll enjoy next time I drop my keys down a drain.
Tim Chappell - on 23 May 2013
In reply to gd303uk:


But on the other hand:

When setting off for the Fannaichs with your skis strapped on your back, don't worry at all about putting a krab that you ended up not needing to bind them in, on the bonnet of your car. It will disappear for a few weeks, true, but this is no problem, because it will eventually pop up on the passenger seat after you've had the car serviced :-)
Skyfall - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler:

Unfortunately it's true; happened just down the road from me
ads.ukclimbing.com
In reply to Denni:
> Like a good citizen, off i went to the recycling centre this morning to recycle my glass and here is my top tip.
>
> Don't have your car/house keys in the same hand as a bottle that you are just going to put into the massive/unable to get into green glass collector.......

Have you received a fine for putting metal in with glass yet?
In reply to Denni: Don't wipe your arse with one of those telephone wipe things they leave on your desk at work.
efrance24234 - on 23 May 2013
In reply to Denni: Everybody knows not to piss into the wind. So my top tip is when finding shelter from the wind to piss, remember that objects change wind direction. The other day I pissed on a rock with the wing coming from behind, the wind hit the rock and forced it upwards and I pissed all over my face.
Tony the Blade on 24 May 2013

Don't decide it will be a good idea to change all your password - when pissed!
MJ - on 24 May 2013
In reply to Denni:

Don't lick the water droplets off a recently boiled kettle.
dyno-sore on 24 May 2013
In reply to Sarah G:
> Top tip #2; don't put your keys in the same pocket as your bagged up dog poo.

Hmmm, I'm somewhat sceptical here; this is only really a top tip for people who actually do keep poo in thier pockets...

Top tip? Of very limited use, i'm afraid.

Top tip #1.9; Don't keep any poo in your pocket(s)

You'll never catch us <<whatever you call people who don't carry poo in thier pockets>> just chucking our car keys in a doggy bin! I rest my case.


;-)

luke glaister - on 25 May 2013
In reply to Denni: Don't go on holiday to Spain and hire a car, then drive to a remote beach with wife and kids. Then park up and say last one in the sea is a roton egg. And then expect the hire car keys to still be in your pocket when u get out....
riddle - on 25 May 2013
In reply to Denni:

Don't take your scruffy trousers off in a client's car park, shut the boot then go to the passenger door to put your work trousers AND expect the car not to lock itself during the short walk.
Further more do not expect sympathy from said client when you walk into reception is just boxer shorts and socks and ask to borrow a set of overalls.
timjones - on 25 May 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler:
> (In reply to Hat Dude)
>
> Don't take a Discovery to Cwm Eigiau?

More like don't buy a Discovery. Huge flappy rear doors are one of the silliest ideas car designers have ever conceived,

birdie num num - on 25 May 2013
In reply to Denni:
.....Don't pick Mrs. Num Num's car keys out of the ashtray
In reply to birdie num num: Did Mypyrex tell you that one?
Queenie - on 25 May 2013
In reply to riddle:

Excellent!
Jim C - on 25 May 2013
In reply to Denni: Don't give car keys with central locking to a two year old to play with when strapping them in the car seat, they will work out how to press it just when you close the doors and no amount of persuading will make them press that same button again to re-open it.
thin bob on 25 May 2013
In reply to Denni:
oopsy!
I'm actually seriously considering getting all old skool and attaching a length of elastic to my keys & wallet & threading them through my coat sleeves.
As it is, my house keys are on a lanyard thing and car keys on an old krab, which clips to the lanyard....and just as well, on several occasions: quite hard to lose (especially if you wear it round your neck like a dork). Not impossible, but difficult...
stroppygob - on 25 May 2013
In reply to Denni: When working alone in an office block which requires swipe car unlocking for each and every door entry, but not exit, do not leave your swipe card on your desk when going for a pee.
stroppygob - on 25 May 2013
In reply to Denni:

Do not leave the "d" off "card" when posting.

This topic has been archived, and won't accept reply postings.