/ Films you'd like to see made that never will be.

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Dave Kerr - on 27 May 2013
For myself I'd love to have seen Werner Herzog do Lord of the Rings.

You?
mrchewy - on 27 May 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: My life story.
Duncan Bourne - on 27 May 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:
A big budget, all star cast film that had a really good storyline, script and wasn't full of clichés or product placements ;o)
Pursued by a bear - on 27 May 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: Mel Brookes might have made a decent stab at it too.

T.
Steve Perry - on 27 May 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: John Carpenter make Dead Space.
Tom V - on 27 May 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

A remake of "Kes" set in a holler in Kentucky with Dolly Parton playing Mrs. Casper.
Graeme Alderson on 27 May 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: The Simarillion made by anyone with a proper budget
andymac - on 27 May 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

Katie Holmes embarking on an 'Adult' career.

Film title, or plot, wouldn`t really matter tbh.
Pursued by a bear - on 27 May 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: 2001: the musical.

In space no one can hear you sing...

T.
Jim C - on 27 May 2013
In reply to mrchewy:
> (In reply to Dave Kerr) My life story.

http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows-live/movie-maker#t1=overview

Post it here when you have finished.
tototv - on 27 May 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

thundercats!!!!!!!

nufkin - on 10 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

del Toro do The Hobbit







Sigh
3leggeddog on 10 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: jan svankmeyer doing naked lunch
Tony Naylor on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:
> For myself I'd love to have seen Werner Herzog do Lord of the Rings.

WOW. Now that's an idea.

ice.solo - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:
> For myself I'd love to have seen Werner Herzog do Lord of the Rings.
>
or terry gilliam (who shouldve always got the gig if you ask me).

otherwise; an afghan version of apocalypse now, with climbers instead of surfers, strung out mujihadeen and a left over russian colonel.

another casablanca, but only if daniel day lewis could be rick.
MGC on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

I'd love to see Ewokes versus Predator " Slaughter on Endor"
hokkyokusei - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

The Birth of The People's Republic of Antarctica
PeterM - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to hokkyokusei:

Bad Taste II - get Peter Jackson back on track instead of all this elf-wank!
graeme jackson - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:
I'd love to see someone do the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the unbeliever
and
the saga of the exiles
and
some pratchett WITHOUT david F'N jason
and
Doc smith's lensman series
and
Anne mccaffrey's Pern series (or the crystal singer for that matter).
MonkeyPuzzle - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

Terry Gilliam directs The Master and Margarita. He's thought about it, but says he won't, which is much crueller than not mentioning it at all.
Steve Perry - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to nufkin:
> (In reply to Dave Kerr)
>
> del Toro do The Hobbit
>
Del Toro do At The Mountains of Madness, he's been so close to getting it done.

toad - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: del Torro and At the Mountains of Madness?
toad - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Steve Perry: Get out of my Mind!!!
doz generale - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

a shame meadows film of postman pat.
Dave Garnett - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

David Lynch doing an Iain Banks. The Wasp Factory, Use of Weapons or maybe Surface Detail.
Dave Garnett - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to PeterM:
> (In reply to hokkyokusei)
>
> Bad Taste II - get Peter Jackson back on track instead of all this elf-wank!


More elf-wank perhaps but I'd like to seem him make a good job of the Earthsea trilogy.
Tom Last - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

Asimov's Foundation, rather too large scale in time and space I fear.
toad - on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Garnett: Always thought Against A Dark Background was the most cinematic of his Sci Fi, but not Culture
yeti on 11 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

mmm surface detail, but who would play the mad as a biscuit ship avatar
Chroma - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:
Ridley Scott doing an adaptation of Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson.

Also seconding the Foundation series, but that would probably wind up like Lynch doing Dune :/
Dave Garnett - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to yeti:
> (In reply to Dave Kerr)
>
> mmm surface detail, but who would play the mad as a biscuit ship avatar

Robert Downey Jr?
Blue Straggler - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

Geek Love adapted by me and directed by Matthew Barney.
PeterM - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to Blue Straggler:

Homeboy (by Seth Morgan) directed by Nicolas Winding Refn
pebbles - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: The Cesar Romero remake of Watership Down. Zombie were-bunny apocalypse
Sherlock - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to pebbles:
Hang on...do you mean George Romero?
Wasn't Cesar Romero in the original Batman TV series? :-)
Blue Straggler - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to Sherlock:

Maybe Rebecca Romero? :-)
Darren Jackson - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

How to Get A Head in Advertising - Radical Islamists target marketing departments of corporate giants.
Smiffy - on 12 Jun 2013
Rendezvous with Rama. Superb book and would make a great film with current special effects / CGI.
Blue Straggler - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to Smiffy:
> Rendezvous with Rama. Superb book and would make a great film with current special effects / CGI.

Been on the cards for years, Morgan Freeman and David Fincher were attached. The first book alone would not however make a saleable film. A good film possibly, but its costs would not justify potential box office, it would be like the Soderbergh version of Solaris. Intelligent sci-fi for the kind of audiences that enjoy stuff like "Moon", but too expensive. Studios would have to throw in sexy action scenes (or combine it with elements of Rama II) to get bums on seats, then nobody would like it. Nothing actually happens in the first book - metal cylinder enters solar system, we go inside and have a look around, then we leave!
Trevers - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to Graeme Alderson:
> (In reply to Dave Kerr) The Simarillion made by anyone with a proper budget

Has it already been done?

I think it would work better as a TV series
Steve Perry - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to toad:
> (In reply to Steve Perry) Get out of my Mind!!!

I hear the music from The Twilight Zone ;-D

pebbles - on 12 Jun 2013
In reply to Sherlock: oops
anonymouse - on 13 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:
> For myself I'd love to have seen Werner Herzog do Lord of the Rings.

And play Gandalf.
Kemics - on 13 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

game of thrones team put together some feature length Terry Pratchett!

abseil on 13 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

THE WIZARD OF OZ PART 2

Dorothy never forgot those wonderful days in the magic kingdom. How can I go there again, she often thought.

One day a terrible tornado came and flattened the whole farm, killing everyone.

THE END
Rob Davies - on 17 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Garnett: I've always thought Consider Phlebas would be a great film, given an unlimited special effects budget. Often films with an sf element have stupid action scenes added (I'm thinking of parts of Cloud Atlas), presumably to amuse the 12-year-olds in the audience, but Consider Phlebas has wildly imaginative action scenes already written in:

- A laser battle in a building made of crystal
- A small (!) nuclear explosion on board a huge crashing cruise-liner
- A smaller ship crashing its way out of a VERY, VERY, VERY BIG spaceship
- Fun and games with the galaxy's biggest train-set
davidbeynon - on 17 Jun 2013
In reply to Rob Davies:

Consider Phlebas is certainly one of the more cinematic ones.

IMHO the later ones could be good, but it helps to have something to set the scene.
Dave Garnett - on 17 Jun 2013
In reply to Rob Davies:

Not mention opening with the main protagonist chained to the wall in a sewer cell in the process of being drowned in shit whilst attempting to shape-shift being rescued by a ship crewed by three-legged aliens blasting the wall out...
Just a bhoy - on 17 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:
Girlfriend In A Coma by Douglas Coupland, maybe even All Families Are Psychotic
cb294 - on 17 Jun 2013
In reply to Rob Davies:

Use of weapons. Who should play Sma?

CB
davidbeynon - on 17 Jun 2013
In reply to cb294:

You do know they would spoiler the whole chair thing in the trailer. Either that or cut it out because Hollywood hates downer engines.

Sma would need to be someone tall, gorgeous and slightly posh I think.
Duncan Bourne - on 17 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:
Sandman: Season of the mists
Flatland
Behold the Man by Michael Moorcock
Rob Davies - on 17 Jun 2013
In reply to Duncan Bourne: Flatland in reverse was an episode of The Simpsons where it all went 3D Weird.

Who would direct Behold the Man? Mel Gibson perhaps?
mrbird - on 17 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: The Quran, with a full hollywood cast
davidbeynon - on 18 Jun 2013
In reply to Rob Davies:

> Who would direct Behold the Man? Mel Gibson perhaps?

That would be worth seeing. Maybe we could get him to do "The Divine Invasion" while we are at it :)
ripper - on 18 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr: Debbie Does Me
Mikkel - on 18 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:
Blue Stragler want Cliffhanger remade with Dennis Quade in all roles.
Duncan Bourne - on 19 Jun 2013
In reply to mrbird:
Jesus & Mo the musical?
almost sane - on 19 Jun 2013
In reply to cb294:

Use of weapons? Ohhh, tasty.

Who would be Zakalwe? Robbie Carlyle could pull it off.

Sma? Alex Kingston perhaps. She can do a mix of callousness and compassion. Or June Whitfield for a complete messing with your mind.
Dave Garnett - on 19 Jun 2013
In reply to almost sane:

Actually, 'Zakalwe' presents a bit of a problem, cinematographically, doesn't he?
davidbeynon - on 20 Jun 2013
In reply to almost sane:

The presence of Alex Kingston would guarantee I gave it a miss.
mrbird - on 20 Jun 2013
In reply to Duncan Bourne: Exactly. 70s John Travolta plays Jesus
Blue Straggler - on 20 Jun 2013
In reply to Mikkel:
> (In reply to Dave Kerr)
> Blue Stragler want Cliffhanger remade with Dennis Quade in all roles.

Coincidentally I was looking for my VHS copy of Breaking Away (featuring Dennis Quaid) and during the search, I encountered my VHS copy of Cliffhanger (2 days after receiving my "emergency replacement" Cliffhanger DVD, 25p off Amazon!)

LastBoyScout on 20 Jun 2013
In reply to Dave Kerr:

The 3 prequel Star Wars films - without Jar-Jar Binks or Ewan MacGregor.
PeterM - on 20 Jun 2013
In reply to LastBoyScout:
> (In reply to Dave Kerr)
>
> The 3 prequel Star Wars films -

Those are films that should never have been made. They were shite..and had 100% too much EM in them
ripper - on 20 Jun 2013
In reply to PeterM:
> (In reply to LastBoyScout)
> [...]
>
> Those are films that should never have been made. They were shite..and had 100% too much EM in them

For me the 'performance' of Hayden Christensen was worse than Mcgregor and Binks put together.

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