/ Outdoor stuff on wedding lists

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Tall Clare - on 21 Jun 2013
Hi all,

This being UKC, I'm sure it's something other people have done... if one was to have some sort of wedding list, there was nothing from John Lewis etc that you required (we do *not* need more bedding - or a soup tureen), but your 'small' tent was knackered and contributions towards a replacement would be very gratefully received, how would you go about it?

I feel weird about the whole wedding list thing but experience says some people *do* like to give a gift, and it's helpful to give them some sort of clue.

For anyone who's had an 'outdoor' wedding list, did you just ask for vouchers from, say, Cotswold?

Hat Dude on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

Don't know much about how these things are done these days, but couldn't you present it as a sort of spoof John Lewis type formal wedding list but from an outdoorsy shop. A bit of humour might make it look less cheeky.

My daughter is getting married in August, has lived with her partner for a few years so has everything for the house. Their honeymoon is a kind of road trip in California so they have listed a number of things they plan to do and suggested that if anyone wants to give a gift, they sponsor one of these.

999thAndy on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:
Your day, your rules. We got 2 new ropes a load of new cams and a voucher for outside when we got hitched, along with the usual towels and stuff.
So a tent doesn't seem that weird - maybe your mates could all chip in for one?
cap'nChino - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare: Me personally, as a guest to a wedding. I wouldn't mind in the slightest being asked to buy from an outdoor gift list.

I like wedding lists; as I understand the convention is to bring a present or money to weddings. By the hosts letting me know what they want I don't have to put any thought in to what to buy I can look what gift is in my budget and hey presto! social convention adhered to. If only my fiancé has a 'birthday and Christmas list' it would make life easier.

That said, I am a less traditional person and am a bit happy go lucky with these things. I imagine a more traditional person may not be so open to the idea and you will end up with a casserole dish!

The suggestion above of making it a bit cheeky sounds like a good bet.

Best wishes.
Skyfall - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

Just say you plan to live in the tent ! Or the kids.
Wingnut - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:
>>I'm sure it's something other people have done

IIRC Rubbishy did something of the sort?
Tall Clare - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Skyfall:

Haha, it's tempting... :-) I guess we could play it as a 'home from home'.

The other weird thing, which is why I feel a bit uneasy about all of this, is that the wedding itself is a teeny tiny thing for close family up in Scotland - this is the big party that we're inviting people to, so I don't think anyone should bring a present really. I think it's just to be able to offer an option if people *do* want to. I hate the thought of being seen as grasping.
Tall Clare - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Wingnut:

Ah yes - but that was tangible objects, so people could buy a nut or a cam or whatever. Makes things easier, in some ways.
marsbar - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare: I think a little note at that says something like please don't feel that you have to get us a gift, but if you do wish to get us something we would prefer vouchers for cotswolds as our tent is in need of replacement and we have all the household items we could possibly require, isn't out of order. Otherwise people will feel that they must get you all sorts of things you don't want!
Ferret on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare: Wedding lists work for me - I'd never not get something so I'd far rather get something needed and appreciated.... We put a few things on a spreadsheet, and in the invites supplied the information that there was a list available if anybody wanted it (hedged arodund with lots of but we don't expect, we appreciate your time and expense in simply coming type stuff, which we realy did - lots of folk spend a fortune coming to weddings, often at times when they don't have a fortune to spend withoutr adding gifts on top).
If anybody wanted to give a gift and were interested in the list they emailed a friend who kindly acted as keeper of the list, then emailed back to say 'I am getting X so take it off the list' etc. So the friend made sure that there was no duplication etc and it worked well for those who wanted to get something and wanted inspiration to help them. Gave us flexibility to put outdoorsey stuff and quirky stuff from all sorts of places on it rather than just some dept store.
alasdair19 on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare: we had two wedding lists one at john lewis and another at crag X in sheffield/foundry. They ordered various things in for us and gave excellent advice. we split an ultra quasar into £50 lots and made sure there was a range of price points.

Significantly more fun than vouchers...
owlart - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Ferret: Friends of mine did something similar, except I created a webpage for them that guests could simply tick off an item that they wished to give, and then it stayed on the list but was no longer selectable for other guests. They stressed that they valued the company of their friends over receiving gifts, but if they wished to give a present, then the list gave some ideas.
Tall Clare - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to alasdair19:

It's a twenty year old Quasar we're wanting to replace... :-)

Thanks everyone - I feel a bit less weird about it now...
Hat Dude on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

Hmm this has got me thinking; if I renew my wedding vows do you think I could get a new rack?

Actually I don't need to; the old ones are still working fine (Vows that is not rack)
Chris the Tall - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:
You may find that relatives will probably want to give "ceremonial" gifts (i.e. dinner service) and friends would prefer to give practical stuff. Splitting the list between John Lewis and Cotswold seems a great idea

But make sure you get a slow cooker and a toaster with a bagel setting !
jonnyblindsign - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:
This seems like a good idea to me. As far as I can see the only point of having a wedding would be to get a bunch of stuff you want and to get all your mates and family to have a party together. I am fairly cynical towards the other aspects of weddings :)
EeeByGum - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

> I feel weird about the whole wedding list thing but experience says some people *do* like to give a gift, and it's helpful to give them some sort of clue.

Don't feel guilty. If you are going for a reasonable traditional day, you are forking out for a nice meal and a night out for your guests so the least guests expect to do is make some form of return contribution.

Anything goes. We did a John Lewis list, but our friends have asked for money towards a honeymoon or money generally. It doesn't matter really.

Hope it all goes well!
derryclimbs - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

check out this link for wedding present etiquette, or lack thereof

http://www.thespec.com/news-story/3845206-have-your-say-about-the-wedding-gift-firestorm/

not particularly helpful for you, but funny nonetheless
dsh - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

We didn't do a wedding list and 90% of people gave us cash which of course you can spend on what you like so I'd go with that.

lowersharpnose - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

Excellent idea.

You could split the tent (or any big items) up into £20 named chunks - pegs, front pole, rear half of groundsheet etc. I am sure you will be able to get a friendly gear shop involved.

ads.ukclimbing.com
Carolyn - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

I had a vague memory Needlesports did wedding lists - look like they also do gift vouchers....
http://www.needlesports.com/Catalogue/Gift-Vouchers
AndrewHuddart - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Carolyn:
I have the same memory- there's a reason that they're the best gear shop out there!

"Wedding Lists: Tying the Knot? Needle Sports regularly keep wedding lists for climbers who would rather get something more useful that a toaster or towel for wedding presents. Like some new ropes for instance!

Email us your wedding list and your friends and relatives can decide what to buy and we will tick each item off as it is sold. Don't forget to give it a title (eg Haskett-Smith Wedding List) and the date of the wedding.

Please tell your wedding guests to make sure that they write the name of the Wedding List in the Special Instructions box as they go through the checkout procedure."
Fraser on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

I received a wedding invite last month, which basically included something along the lines of: 'if you're giving a gift, we'd appreciate money rather than objects, as we're saving for a house deposit'.

Reminds me, I must go soup tureen shopping soon.
tiffanykate12 on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:
One of the easiest ways to not feel weird about it is to say "Your presence means more than presents. But if you want to give a gift, see *insert wishlist/link/website* for ideas."
My sister & brother in law got people to 'buy' parts of their honeymoon - at the end of the day, if it's something you'll appreciate and use, might as well ask! There's no harm in it.
Ferret on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to tiffanykate12: Yeh - most people feel weird about being seen to 'ask for' gifts... I certainly did. However, I've never not wanted to get a gift for somebody whether I'm going to their full wedding, the evening do or a post wedding party weeks down the line. So once I kind of accepted what I do, it didn't seem quite so hard to help those who were similarly minded to get us something we really wanted rather than a 15th toaster....

Regretably some have no problem at all asking (nay, expecting or coming close to demanding)for (significant) gifts, usually on top of already overly expensive weddings, stag/.hen day, weekend/weeks etc. Luckily none of them are likley to be friends!!
coinneach - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

Heavy hints help.......................when we got married we got ( among other things ) a tent, sleeping bags, 2 x thermarests and a trangia. ( the stove, not the one who posts on here).

All still in use too, bar the sleeping bags, 20 years on !
smm - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare
I'm going to go against the grain here but I find the whole business of asking for / expecting money or nice things for you a bit grasping and distasteful and sadly indicative of a materialistic society. Wedding lists used to be to enable couples to set up home together in the days when you didn't live together before you got hitched.
Surely the whole point of having guests is because you want them to share a very special day with you, not because you fancy a shiny new rack / tropical honeymoon.

I accept that most people will want to buy you something, and I suppose having a wedding list set up somewhere if guests ask makes sense, but I would much rather have it left up to me what I buy for the couple and try to give them something which shows them I've actually thought about them.

And as for 'your presence is more important to us than presents....' that makes me want to hurl the invite onto the nearest bonfire - because clearly if your presence was more important then don't even bloody mention giving things! Second only to 'no boxed gifts' in terms of tacky phrases on wedding invites as far as I'm concerned.

But maybe I'm spending too much time on mumsnet where grasping wedding gift lists cause all sorts of outraged debate.....
LastBoyScout on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

Someone I know asked for a tent for their wedding and someone else asked for money towards a very nice oak kitchen table.

We already had at least 2 of most things we needed, so asked for something towards doing something amazing on honeymoon (tour of Cambodia and a week on Koh Samui) and some furniture for the lounge. We still have some left over and have no idea what to spend it on just now - we have embarassingly generous friends :-)

Try and avoid vouchers, as it ties you into a specific shop, but it somehow seems less necky than asking firectly for cash - the important thing is to spend it fairly quickly and let everyone know what you got with it.
Tall Clare - on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to LastBoyScout:

We're not having a honeymoon so that solves that one.

Some very helpful thoughts here - thanks everyone!
LastBoyScout on 21 Jun 2013
In reply to smm:
> I'm going to go against the grain here but I find the whole business of asking for / expecting money or nice things for you a bit grasping and distasteful and sadly indicative of a materialistic society. Wedding lists used to be to enable couples to set up home together in the days when you didn't live together before you got hitched.
> Surely the whole point of having guests is because you want them to share a very special day with you, not because you fancy a shiny new rack / tropical honeymoon.
>
> I accept that most people will want to buy you something, and I suppose having a wedding list set up somewhere if guests ask makes sense, but I would much rather have it left up to me what I buy for the couple and try to give them something which shows them I've actually thought about them.

Initially, we didn't have a wedding list and no mention of presents on our invites, for exactly that reason - we didn't really want anything. In the end, so many people asked either us or our parents what we wanted and where the wedding list was, we caved in and had to send something out.

> But maybe I'm spending too much time on mumsnet where grasping wedding gift lists cause all sorts of outraged debate.....

I spent 5 mins looking at Mumsnet as it came up on a Google search for something baby related - I vowed never to go on there ever again!
MtnGeekUK - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

How about these few...?

http://www.ourweddinglist.com/

http://www.whattogive.com/

I also remember a site where you specify the "gifts" and people effectively "buy" by donating cash.

e.g. you plan on going on honeymoon on a roadtrip through the US, so you set up on your list:

- Romantic Dinner for two - £30

- Tank of Fuel - £50

- Chips for the casino in Vegas - £10

They can insert a message when they "buy" these, so you know who's done it. Think it also allowed guests to create their own "gifts" too.

Can't remember for the life of me what it was called though...

Food for thought?
Indy - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to alasdair19:
> (In reply to Tall Clare) and made sure there was a range of price points.

That's the key!

Indy - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to EeeByGum:
> (In reply to Tall Clare)
>
> [...]
>
> you are forking out for a nice meal and a night out for your guests so the least guests expect to do is make some form of return contribution.
>

Oh Lordy that seems like the wrong attitude

Trangia - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to smm:
> In reply to Tall Clare
> I'm going to go against the grain here but I find the whole business of asking for / expecting money or nice things for you a bit grasping and distasteful and sadly indicative of a materialistic society. Wedding lists used to be to enable couples to set up home together in the days when you didn't live together before you got hitched.
> Surely the whole point of having guests is because you want them to share a very special day with you, not because you fancy a shiny new rack / tropical honeymoon.
>
>

I tend to agree with you on this one, particularly where the couple are already living together and have a home and furniture.

If guests want to give something special, then that's up to them, but publishing a list strikes at expectation and I don't think guests should be put under that sort of moral pressure.
The New NickB - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

I had a Terra Nova tent on my wedding list! Actually it wasn't on the proper list, but I suggested to a bunch of mates that it would be a welcome and well used present. Vouchers for an outdoor chain of your choice is another alternative. I assume a decent number of the people you are inviting are outdoorsy and would understand.
colina - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to smm:
> In reply to Tall Clare
> I'm going to go against the grain here but I find the whole business of asking for / expecting money or nice things for you a bit grasping and distasteful and sadly indicative of a materialistic society. Wedding lists used to be to enable couples to set up home together in the days when you didn't live together before you got hitched.
> Surely the whole point of having guests is because you want them to share a very special day with you, not because you fancy a shiny new rack / tropical honeymoon.
>
> I accept that most people will want to buy you something, and I suppose having a wedding list set up somewhere if guests ask makes sense, but I would much rather have it left up to me what I buy for the couple and try to give them something which shows them I've actually thought about them.
>
> And as for 'your presence is more important to us than presents....' that makes me want to hurl the invite onto the nearest bonfire - because clearly if your presence was more important then don't even bloody mention giving things! Second only to 'no boxed gifts' in terms of tacky phrases on wedding invites as far as I'm concerned.
>
> But maybe I'm spending too much time on mumsnet where grasping wedding gift lists cause all sorts of outraged debate.....

totally agree ..I think married couples have got a bloody cheek asking for this and that and as for asking for hobbyistic articles such as his n hers kayaks etc ..don't even go there

.

Indy - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Trangia:

Nice thought in theory but either you have to ask them what they want puting the reciever in a position as to the 'value' of the gift or risk getting them something they don't want/like/have.

We still have THE most ugly impractical and expensive i.e. trendy cutlery service from a relative that went 'off piste' we hate it but can't get rid of it for fear of causing offence.
ben b - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare: You need something for inside the tent, too....

http://www.rei.com/product/846689/big-agnes-saddle-mountain-sl15-sleeping-bag-double

Highly recommended :-)

b
Mark Collins - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare: Me and the missus thought it too cheeky to ask for anything, so suggested that those who felt they must give something could donate to Mountain Rescue or RNLI. I know its not a tent, but it is a new suggestion not mentioned by anyone else so far.
The New NickB - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to colina:

Some of us have friends and relatives that a) want to give gifts; and b) appreciate a little direction.
Timmd on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

Not read the thread as i'm in a rush, but could you say you don't require/need anything for your home like towels and pots, but as your tent is knackered any donations towards a new one are vey welcome?
33% Longer - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

When the now Mrs Longer and I got married we said to people that we really didn't expect gifts, as we already have a house/dinner service/towels, so we said if you want to give us something - contribute to our honeymoon. As a result most people gave us money, some were happy just to be there and those that actually did give gifts gave us some really nice thoughtful gifts rather than some of the generic wedding gifts you see.
colina - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to The New NickB: I agree to a point ,some direction is a good thing but I emphasise SOME.
Robert Durran - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to colina:

> totally agree ..I think married couples have got a bloody cheek asking for this and that..

Absolutely. They should just count themselves lucky to be getting married and that I am even giving up a day's climbing to grace them with my presence.

On second thoughts, my wires are getting a bit on the worn side and the tapes on my cams are looking a bit dodgy - anyone out there fancy getting married?

Tall Clare - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to colina:

Hence the thread. Good grief. It's to get a bit of a steer on these things simply because people have already started asking. We're not actually *expecting* anything.
Tall Clare - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Mark Collins:

That had been my other thought.
Tall Clare - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Timmd:

That was where the thread started...
smm - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Robert Durran:
Robert I will happily buy you a new rack of camalots when you get married!
Tall Clare - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to colina:

To revise that - the only thing we're actually asking people to bring to the party is a fireworks. I know, we're awful/grasping/etc.
Robert Durran - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to smm:
> (In reply to Robert Durran)
> Robert I will happily buy you a new rack of camalots when you get married!

Excellent! I shall, in the unlikely event, hold you to that. Now then, a honeymoon in Indian Creek would be nice....

Timmd on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:
> (In reply to Timmd)
>
> That was where the thread started...

Oh, oops. (:-))

If you say all you really want is their attendance, but if they feel they'd like to, tent donations are most welcome, that's pretty much what my friend's brother and new wife did at their wedding recently.

You're not asking for anything if you phrase it like that.

If the above has already been covered, i'm having a random disjointed day and can't read threads. Not the kind of day I thought i'd have...
smm - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Timmd:

If you're really not asking for anything then don't ask for anything on the invite!

As soon as you put something about, well actually we'd really quite like a new tent, then people feel obliged and an expectation is created.





alasdair19 on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to smm: i think the reality in a uk wedding is the expectation is there as soon as you mention wedding, irrespective of your personal circumstances.
AlisonSmiles - on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare: it restores my faith to give outdoors vouchers. My cousin has suggested his local non chain outdoors shop. I am loving support for a local business as well as giving my cousin and his intended this gift of happiness.

I have a work colleague getting married when I won't be around and had decided her and her wind surfing mountain biking camper van owning fiance would appreciate similar ... now the rest of the workplace are joining in which is lovely because we know they'll be able to afford something proper special and joy bringing if unconventional.
Timmd on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to smm:
> (In reply to Timmd)

> As soon as you put something about, well actually we'd really quite like a new tent, then people feel obliged and an expectation is created.

It depends on the people reading it i'd have thought?

Some people would want to give something and would be happy to donate towards a new tent, some people wouldn't want to give something and would feel happy not to, and some people might feel obliged.

My friend's brother told guests their company was what was most important, but if people did want to give something to them they could donate to their honeymoon fund, and lots of people didn't do.
control freak on 22 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare: I still plan to buy you a bath mat and a gravy boat. Sorry.
doz - on 23 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:
Tent or whatever else you may need seems totally reasonable request....and I find in these modern ones with sewn-in groundsheets you can get away fine without a gravyboat...
Cú Chullain - on 23 Jun 2013
In reply to Tall Clare:

I cant stand wedding lists and thankfully fewer and fewer couples seem to insist on them. If a guest really wants to give something suggest a few charities they can donate to.

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