/ Dead cow at Guillemot Ledge

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Monkey_Alan - on 12 Jul 2013
A warning:
There's a dead cow in the boulders immediately below the lower abseil point at Guillemot Ledge, Swanage.
It smelled pretty nasty last night, and with more hot weather forecast, it's not going to be pleasant climbing between Mistaken Identity and The Spook or thereabouts.

Alan
ceri - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: nasty! Has anyone tried notifying the farmer to see if they will get it removed
Bruce Hooker - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to ceri:
> (In reply to Monkey_Alan) nasty! Has anyone tried notifying the farmer to see if they will get it removed

I hope you are joking :-)

colina - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: I believe the cow was bouldering and fell .very sad .
Monkey_Alan - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to ceri:
According to the Echo, the farmer knows:
http://tinyurl.com/lyzhuwp

It's well wedged between the boulders, would be quite a major undertaking to extract it.
Big Lee - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

Sad new. Condolences to the family at this terrible time.
JonathanBarnett - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to colina:
> (In reply to Monkey_Alan) I believe the cow was bouldering and fell .very sad .

I think it's highly irresponsible of you to speculate on this tragedy until the full facts come out. Show some respect.

Perhaps the farmer will moooooooove it.
pebbles - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to JonathanBarnett: sounds like a load of bull to me
kingjam - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to JonathanBarnett:

Typical of dare devil cow soloists milking the glory and not understanding the consequences.

When i read tragic stories like this it, ;eaves an ache in one of my stomachs and makes one of my milk curdle.
tallsteve - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
Some years ago a cow died running off the top off the cliff at Witches Quarry near Clitheroe. Despite being in an easily accessible location the farmer left it as a reminder to the climbers of the risks they were taking ...
stonemaster - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to pebbles: Stop milking this thread....:)
nniff - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

That's seriously off route - Bovine's in N Wales. Made a right corned beef hash of it
the sheep - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to stonemaster:
Pull the udder one!
puppythedog on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: tragic, any speculation is pointless until a fully autopsy can establish whether the cow was in its right mind or not. So sad.
Trangia - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

The Mods should pull this thread, it's utterly tasteless and lacks compassion. This is a public forum. Don't you people realise that the whole herd could be reading it with tragic knock on effects on milk production?
stonemaster - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to the sheep: Might need to ruminate on that....:)
dale1968 - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: can we steer this away from milking cows to a steer
ellis - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

Problem with the abseil steak?
stonemaster - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to ellis: Holy cow! That would have got the 'elf and safety people in to check the working at height regs...:)
Slarti B on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to ellis:
Or maybe due to the knot, was it a Cows Tail, Clover Hitch or a Bowvine?
stonemaster - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Slarti B: Stop this stampede already...:)
pebbles - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to stonemaster: whats your beef?
nniff - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to stonemaster:

I've herd she was from 'Uddersfield, but mooved south to pastures new.

I'll get my coat
pebbles - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to nniff: nah, she was from Ilkley, just by the Cow and Calf
climber666 on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
Pile some driftwood on it, a bit of waste plastic or similar, all the rubbish you can find and burn it before it becomes a health hazard, brilliant crag clean-up.
The Pylon King on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

Cant all the meat eaters just... well... eat it?
Trangia - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to climber666:

Call in the Royal Navy to bomb it as they did for the Torrey Canyon

http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/march/29/newsid_2819000/2819369.stm

Trangia - on 12 Jul 2013
Mark Morris - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: What route was it on?
PopShot on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: I would think that the Environment Agency would remove it?
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Mike Highbury - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: Can't we just tell the Queen to clean up her beach?
dale1968 - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to PopShot:Thats a waste of food; don't be so lazy, get a barbecue down there, 20 climbers and the problems solved
rallymania - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to PopShot:

Maybe you could arrange for some of those scroungers on benefits to chop it up and make food parcels for the under nourished?



Carolyn - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

Has no one asked if the cow was old enough to take responsibility for her own actions yet?
jon on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Trangia:

I can't believe the Torrey Canyon was 1967!
DerwentDiluted - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

I just herd about this and wanted to say I am deeply mooved. I cud not believe it.
stevemarkperry - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to DerwentDiluted:

It was obviously cowering away from the sun and got trapped.
Owen W-G - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to stevemarkperry:

Climbing is a high steaks business
puppythedog on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Owen W-G: Everyone should stop mincing their words and burger off. All of the cream of the puns have been used. Climbing is a Dairying Hobby. I for one plan to get leathered tonight in tribute to this brave climber.
Owen W-G - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to puppythedog:

<sets up police cordon>

Mooove along folks, nothing to see here.
toad - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to puppythedog: Don't have a cow, man!
abseil on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to puppythedog:

These jokes are really tasteless. Someone ought to vet them. Now I’m cheesed off.
toad - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to abseil: You're right it's bullocks. Someone ought to provide a steer on this
Richard White on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to toad:

This is all udder nonsense!
abseil on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Richard White:
> This is all udder nonsense!

Yes, it's veally ridiculous, and I'm going to [b]ranch out into new pastures.
Richard White on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Richard White:

Dorset police have released a statement they are investigating reports of a strip of cowslip planted along the edge of the cliff....
Richard White on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Richard White:

This particular herd of cows are renowned for their lean beef. This one is now ground beef.
abseil on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Richard White:
> This particular herd of cows are renowned for their lean beef. This one is now ground beef.

You mean it was a ground-up ascent?? I'd take that with a pinch of salt.
Goucho on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: This gets my vote for most entertaining thread of the year.

Nice job guys - thanks for the wit and chuckles.

Gouch.
abseil on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to pebbles:
>sounds like a load of bull to me

Don’t get all stewed up – it’s a sizzling thread. The BMC are going to grill the landowner – he’ll get a roasting, unless he knows his onions.
Greenbanks - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Goucho:

A Mad Cow Deceased then...
dpm23 - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to kingjam:

I think we need a debate on the ethics of cows soloing. Should there be a minimum age (routes designated off limits for anything that could end up on a restaurant menu described as Veal)? Should UKC show video clips of cows soloing?
DerwentDiluted - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Richard White:
> (In reply to Richard White)
>
> Dorset police have released a statement they are investigating reports of a strip of cowslip planted along the edge of the cliff....

And Daisy's at the bottom...
patrick_b - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to DerwentDiluted:
> (In reply to Richard White)
> [...]
>
> And Daisy's at the bottom...

Poor thing. It was cold last night too.. She was probably lying there all night, friesian.

Bruce Hooker - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

> Dead cow at Guillemot Ledge

Sounds like a cowboy film :-)

Showdown at OK corral...
toad - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to patrick_b:
> (In reply to DerwentDiluted)
> [...]
>
> Poor thing. It was cold last night too.. She was probably lying there all night, friesian.

And the only person who could warm her up has died!





















The late lamented Thora Hird
Goucho on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Greenbanks: Apparently her last words were 'E2 my arse!!!"
Goucho on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to patrick_b:
> (In reply to DerwentDiluted)
> [...]
>
> Poor thing. It was cold last night too.. She was probably lying there all night, friesian.

Serves her right - stupid cow!

TheDrunkenBakers - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to pebbles:
> (In reply to nniff) nah, she was from Ilkley, just by the Cow and Calf.

Dont you mean (M)ilkley

TheDrunkenBakers - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: They say that the way to woman's undercrackers is to make her laugh. Well I can tell you I am no female but I certainly have the horn.
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nniff - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Goucho:
> (In reply to Greenbanks) Apparently her last words were 'E2 my ar*e!!!"

More like, 'E coli my ar*e'!

Goucho on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to DerwentDiluted:
> (In reply to Richard White)
> [...]
>
> And Daisy's at the bottom...

...I actually think she was called either Thelma or Louise.....

SGD - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: I think we have milked this thread to death.
toad - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to SGD: Agreed, it only leaves me to post this and the thread is officially complete.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQMbXvn2RNI
Troy Tempest - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
I don't understand. I always thought cows that live near cliffs and on hills had shorter legs on one side so they didn't fall off?
Twisty - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

Great thread, very amoosing! Pat on the back to all involved. Seriously though, did the daisy chain break?

I bet it was Friesian during the evenings, it could have done with a leather Jersey for sure.
lazzaw - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: Apparently Mountain rescue were unable to find here in time to rescue her alive as the had trouble tri-ungulating her position.
ellis - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

About time someone suggested it got lost heading to Cattle Troughs.
Diggler - on 12 Jul 2013
Monkey_Alan - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to ellis:
It's more lost than that.
While it was originally climbed by a prolific Swanage climber, The Celestial Way of the Dead Cow is over 1100 miles away!
digby - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

Dead cow at Guillemot Ledge? That Guillemot must have looked very small on a ledge capable of holding an entire cow.
I think the ledge should be renamed.
ellis - on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to ceri:

Farmer could at least get in on a rib - eye up the situation.

bobbyf on 12 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: As a previous post has mentioned, we shouldn't speculate on how this happened. These things are rarely black and white.
Misha - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
What a cheesy thread!

Bet it wasn't wearing a helmet. I blame the pro climbers for setting a bad example.
stroppygob - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
> A warning:
> There's a dead cow in the boulders immediately below the lower abseil point at Guillemot Ledge, Swanage.


SSSShhh! Everybody will want one....
Ali.B - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: What route was the cow on?.... bet it was 'outside the wire' :-)
abseil on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Ali.B:
>What route was the cow on?

Not sure, but last week she did the Cow at South Stack:
http://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/c.php?i=4424

And the Matter-horn.

(PS if you think that’s bad, read lazzaw’s post above – “Mountain rescue were unable to find here in time to rescue her alive as the had trouble tri-ungulating her position”!)
Iain Peters - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
Surely a classic case of not looking beef-ore you leap, and in my experience the best steaks at Swanage are found at the top of the crag not the bottom.
lazzaw - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: I think it is quite sad that people are using this thread to joke about the death of this poor animal for their own omasument.
Ciderslider - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to colina: Was it wearing a duvet jacket and beenie ;-)
dek - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
Offal news!......But we oxo know, Cows have no heifer heights.
Bulls Crack - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to dek:

These are all stock jokes
Misha - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
Did it have mooltiple injuries?
nniff - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to dek:
> (In reply to Monkey_Alan)
> Cows have no heifer heights.

We have a winner!

cuppatea on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

What kind of cow? If there was no Jersey the poor thing must have been Friesian.
Misha - on 13 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
I bet it was looking quite sheepish when it realised that the crux was pretty hard.

When it got to the crux hold, it probably thought "I can't believe it's not butter". Or perhaps "Cow hard is this".
abseil on 14 Jul 2013
In reply to Misha:
>...it was looking quite sheepish...

Oh no! Not the sheep jokes! All about a cow on a shear cliff. That's baaaaaad.
Paul F - on 14 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:

Hope someone shouted Bellow…..


No news on the condition of this cow though.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-23303998
Strachan on 14 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
Maybe it tied in with a bovine instead of a figure of eight...?
deepsoup - on 14 Jul 2013
In reply to Strachan:
<applause>
Misha - on 14 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan:
The real issue is that instead of being well 'ard it turned out to be a coward.
Toerag - on 15 Jul 2013
Jus - on 15 Jul 2013
Jus - on 15 Jul 2013
In reply to Toerag:

Damn, too late!
ellis - on 15 Jul 2013
In reply to abseil:

Well, there's a dead sheep at Secret Stanage, somewhere around the route "Hold Your Breath", appropriately enough. Watch out if your heading for "Fun in the Sun".
patrick_b - on 15 Jul 2013
In reply to ellis:
> (In reply to abseil)
>
> Well, there's a dead sheep at Secret Stanage, somewhere around the route "Hold Your Breath", appropriately enough. Watch out if your heading for "Fun in the Sun".

Oh no, now ewe've done it. Cue the next wave of baaaad jokes..
jcw on 15 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: I find there is a remarkable lack of empathy in this thread. Down at the Cattle Troughs end they remember that one good churn deserves an udder!
Ciderslider - on 15 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: I think that's enough, come on, nothing to see here, let's mooooove along.
Skol on 15 Jul 2013
In reply to Ciderslider:
Was it the cow that jumped over the Moon?
Gene00 - on 16 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: The poor cow died when she was on holiday too. I know she was on holiday cos she had a 'wee calf'
james may - on 17 Jul 2013
In reply to Monkey_Alan: It's my understanding that she will be remembered for Heifer and Heifer ! R.I.P

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