UKC

In This Thread: unwarranted bile about silly / trivial stuff that does your head in when climbing.

Before anyone jumps in to complain about people being oversensitive or petty, note that posting in this thread tacitly accepts that the stuff you're complaining about is a trivial irritation rather than a matter of life and death. Conversely, don't post stuff which you genuinely think is a major issue, eg serious safety or ethics related stuff.

So...

Indoors:
* People who've read a blog somewhere about stamina / power endurance training and decided that they need to do laps on problems or extended ARC rainbowing sessions. At a popular bouldering wall. On a busy tuesday evening.
* People who spend ages earnestly debating what's "in" and what isn't for a given problem despite their being an obvious notice or a route tag that unambiguously tells them.
* People who want to do the sociable "working problems together" bouldering thing, and fail to pick up on hints that you don't.

Outdoors:
* People who, when being the second second in a group of three, wait for the climber before them to finish climbing before putting their shoes on, putting their helmet on, taking their belay jacket in their bag etc. Particularly on a cold day.
* People who, when you can't figure out what to do on a route, shout up to suggest things that you've already tried repeatedly.

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Other climbers

In reply to Ramblin dave:

On UKC, posts like this... http://tinyurl.com/ot637vk

and posts containing this... http://tinyurl.com/p9xkjb4

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Indoors:

- route hogs (particularly bad at our excruciatingly busy indoor wall)
- People who have kicking and screaming failure tantrums whilst still hanging half way up the wall.

Outdoors

- People who shout 'ice', when they hack a chunk off.
- People who don't wear helmets.
- People who bottom out your screws and don't tell you.
- People who cant keep ropes neat/ turn your 120m of double ropes into a tangled nightmare.
- People in the mountains who cant read a map.

This is turning out to be dating a thread for misanthropes...

In reply to Ramblin dave: moderating crags - people who insist on entering a route into the database when it's already there (because they've mis-spelt it, eg Alison's Rib instead of Alison Rib). People who write their logbook comments into the route description box.

In reply to Ramblin dave: People climbing on the same crag as me. How dare they...

In reply to Mark Kemball:

agreed . . . . . someone has written "never a 3 star route" in the route description of a 6c in Rodellar

In reply to Ramblin dave:
Those 'all the gear and no idea' types who having discovered their climbing will never progress beyond frigging their way up severes decide to make it their role in life to pass on their wisdom and experience. So they clank around the bottom of crags festooned in gear while spouting incomprehensible jargon and dispensing bad advice to bewildered beginners in a VERY LOUD VOICE.

In reply to duchessofmalfi:

Damn, rumbled.

In reply to Wiley Coyote:

Damn, rumbled too.

In reply to SuperstarDJ:

Aha! You fell for my cunning trap, eh?

In reply to Ramblin dave:

When sport climbers assume you must be super hard-core for being a trad climber.

When people act really surprised or give loads of praise to you after doing a route you found super easy. Trivial but it makes me uncomfortable..

In reply to Ramblin dave: Bro'ulderers with baseball caps watching each other with arms crossed (watch-these-guns style, then high-fiving and shouting after a success.

My mom on the phone saying that I shouldn't go climbing, last week Mr X, you know Mr X, fell down a ladder and broke his leg.

In reply to Ramblin dave:

"Hell is other people" Jean-Paul Satre

In reply to Ramblin dave: Myself when I fail to climb things I should be able to climb

In reply to tri-nitro-toulumne:

Yeah but all his mates were French...

In reply to Ramblin dave: people who take up position under a route to get dibs then stand there for ten minutes chatting with their buddy. Either get on with the route or move away so someone else can use it

In reply to Ramblin dave: people who have an engrossed conversation with someone when in fact they're meant to be belaying me.

In reply to Ramblin dave: When you join a club trying to make friends in a new area, meet fellow minded climbers and somehow feel more isolated on club nights than you would bouldering alone.

In reply to pebbles:

+1 for this

I've had people sit at the bottom of a popular grit route eating a sandwich, no harness or shoes on and then moan at me for "pushing in".

People that insist on carrying massive jangly cowbells everywhere they go
..or even worse, clip them to the outside of their backpack! CLING CLANG clang CLing

In reply to Ramblin dave:

1. Huuuuugely expensie (moon / prana) T-shirts* worn only to the wall. Often worn by otherwise normal types who'd laugh me to scorn if I tried ordering a skinny latte decaff instead of builders.

2. Tennis elbow.


* and I don't believe they could all be bought in a sale.

In reply to Ramblin dave:
People who ve you've lent gear to who don't realise that tatty piece of tape is a cunning code giving address,telephone no.email and next of kin.
Dogs with no owner in sight that sit below you when soloing

In reply to 999thAndy:

Our lass (an non-climber) thought that Prana was a Prada rip-off!

In reply to Ramblin dave:
Epic snorers in club huts who keep everyone awake half the night and then the selfish b@stards wake up full of the joys of spring next morning and wonder why everyone else is so grumpy

In reply to Ramblin dave:
Short climbers who only ever have to lift 9 stone through their fingertips, complaining that having a long reach is cheating

In reply to stevieb: Tall climbers that can clip the chains with three moves.

In reply to Tony the Blade:

It'd probably be cheaper if it was.

In reply to puppythedog:
Scrawny leaders without the strength to haul me up the crux

In reply to Wiley Coyote:


That's me, apparently. And farter.

In reply to Niall:

LIKE.

In reply to stewieatb: Ordinary jealousy, we are used to it. We are only bitter because the copious amounts of cheese we swallow cause terrible gastric pain. Now, if I may ask, what have you ever done in Font?

I wave my baguette at you in an arrogant way.

In reply to puppythedog:

Medium climbers who are forced to develop a full and varied skill set and burn everyone off all the time.

In reply to Ramblin dave:
The inability of indoor bouldering walls to decide between them how hard V0 actually is.

People who don't look at a guidebook (or a map, for walking trips) until the saturday morning of a trip, and hence have to faff around for ages trying to work out where they actually want to go.

In reply to GrahamD:


Me too "Like a butcher's horse" apparently.

In reply to Crag Pony:

>Dogs with no owner in sight that sit below you when soloing

What's wrong with that? A sort of proto-bouldering mat.

jcm

In reply to stevieb:


+1

Also +1 to the OP's nomination of the types who embark on extended back-and-forth rainbow traverses of the bouldering wall.

In reply to drolex: I'm sorry Drolex, I feel my compatriots have rather overlooked your contribution: self deprecating, ironic and amusing. Are you SURE you're French?

In reply to Tony the Blade:

Half right I'd say.

In reply to scott quinn: Climbers who spend their working day on UKC complaining about their mate's cowbells...

In reply to Ramblin dave:

''I'm a climber'' climbers, who feel they're something special because they're climbers.

The coolest/nicest climbers I've known have been the ones who've just really enjoyed climbing, and remembered it's no big deal in the scheme of things for most other people.

In reply to Ramblin dave:


Setters that work at the same wall that can't decide what any bloody grade is.

so many times you have to hunt for the name on the route card and mentally adjust accordingly.

Also climbing buddies that call/text you 2 hours after they are meant to meet you to inform you they are lost/drunk/broken down/drunk/dead.

Peopel who assume that snoring is a deliberate choice and expect you to be able to switch it off,even though they are staying at a hut where they know its communal living.........
and think that shouting obscentites in the middle of the night is acceptable as a comment on snoring..........
and who then snore themselves !

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Indoors:
Foot pain
Too hot

Outdoors:
Foot pain
Too cold

jk

In reply to stevieb: Excellent

In reply to Timmd:
How can you tell if someone is a climber?

They will tell you.

In reply to Timmd:

Couldn't agree more on this one! I have also found that such people are often not particularly good at climbing but superb at patronising bullshitting!


Also excellent point! Tom Patey puts it well when he says that climbing is one of the most natural things to do and our "hairy arboreal ancestors" have passed on some of that desire and ability to us!

In reply to Mark Bannan: I just find them a bit much.

In reply to The Pylon King:

Yep

In reply to Ramblin dave: People who "send" routes, tell you "send" it, make the "send" etc.

In reply to Ramblin dave:
Why can't climbing shoes be designed for narrow feet? It really wouldn't be that difficult, just make the lace holes further apart and it would be fine. Heffalumps could still get them on ( with long laces) everyone's a winner

In reply to Ramblin dave:
Folk who get all outraged and shouty on UCK just because you coiled one down at the base of Right Unconquerable

In reply to Timmd:

I used to be like this when I first started and it was new and exciting for me.

I soon realised that it doesn't make you cool and exciting and other people don't give a crap. I now just say I've 'been away for the weekend' and my friends get the picture.

Also, if you try and exaggerate each and every trip, then when you really do have an epic noone is going to care

In reply to CorR:

That was me at the wall on Thursday. Posh hardcore Quechua multi-purpose Alpine trousers (in the brightest red ever applied to a fabric) to show that I get out there in the mountains and I "really mean it", combined with a Bir Bintang T-shirt from Bali to show that I can also be all chilled and cool and "beachside climbing bum". The only thing I was lacking was tattered shoes. I am working on that.

People who've been climbing for 30+ years and know every name of every route at every crag in existence, along with the person who did the first ascent who they probably had a pint with right before he/she did it and gave them 'a few tips', and yet struggle to haul their alcohol bloated bellies up anything harder than VDiff. Oh, and then they tell you off for using cams on E4.

Oh, and rock gyms that set 'V8' problems that are obviously not more than V5 that do nothing but give the once-a-week top ropers something to brag about.

In reply to Trevers:

It's more an ego thing that's annoying, rather than the enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is cool. Finding it difficult to explain for some reason, tho it's not that important anyway. ()

In reply to Timmd:

Well if I have any ego whatsoever, it derives from climbing. We're all allowed a bit of ego, right?

In reply to nickh1964:

They can't help snoring but they could stay home...or camp...or get a room somewhere....or sleep in their car. Knowing you are going to keep everyone else awake all night and spoil their weekend because they are too knackered to enjoy their climbing strikes me as pretty damned selfish

In reply to Blue Straggler:

Posh? Hardcore?
Quecha?

In reply to Dave Garnett:

Yeah man they were totally like 50 Euros and you can't get them in any old Decathlon gotta go specialist quecha shop Chamoninx lolz 4reel

Ostentatiously climbing with shoe laces not merely untied but blatantly slackened off, so everyone knows you are only using those routes as easy warm-ups and you climb so hard that you have tighten the shoes really tight so it would be impossible to just have them tight all the time.

The extreme version of this is to carry a more technical pair around with you on your person, to change into for the "proper" problems, despite the fact that you are only at the wall and could easily leave them in your bag until "needed"

In reply to Blue Straggler:

Whatever, dude. I got a North Face keyring for my Skoda Yeti.

In reply to Ramblin dave: People who who climb easy routes and then record it in their logbooks as "in trainers, in the rain, carrying a rucksack", so you know that they were doing something way beneath them, and there is no risk that you will view them as anything less than heroes.

In reply to Ramblin dave:
People who hog the circuit board by doing 30 laps of the Font 5, jug-per-foot boulder circuit calling it 'Training' on a packed Wednesday evening at the wall, and then wonder why nobody talks to them.

Oh, and 'Taps Aaff' indoors.

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Climbers who buy super-tight, technical shoes faaaar too small and then try to break them in, ignoring the fact that they'll never be remotely comfy.

This was me, buying my second ever pair and walking like a penguin for three weeks until I could sell the damn things off to someone else.

In reply to Submit to Gravity:

Or, people who dog routes on top rope and then write in their UKC logbooks something like "easy 6a+" when the route is graded 6c or something.

In reply to TwilightVoyage:

There are a remarkable number of votes on grade for The Indian Face on UKC.

In reply to rasmanisar:

People who use phrases like "once-a-week top ropers" to show everyone how bold and how dedicated to climbing they are

In reply to Ramblin dave: Crap climbers who get into "instructing youth groups", who drag 20 uninterested kids to the local crag and set up top ropes down the most popular routes.

In reply to Submit to Gravity: People who polish routes and problems by climbing in damp conditions in trainers or walking boots. Ditto people who don't clean their shoes, especially in font. People who need a snow storm of chalk and huge tick marks before they make a move.

In reply to Trevers:

No, none at all. ()

In reply to stroppygob:

Surely if a route is easy enough for a group of uninterested kids to climb with a top rope then it must be far too easy for any hard core climber to even consider climbing

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Giant tick marks. Meaning a line of chalk along the lip of a 2-inch wide ledge.

In reply to Blue Straggler:

Touchè.

In reply to mgco3: TBF I think the key thing there is that he said 'most popular', not hardest. There's many, many more people climbing easy grades than there are on hard grades.

In reply to 999thAndy:

Mine was, as were my prana trousers for which I paid Needlesports around 30 quid iirc. They are by far the best climbing trousers I ever had. I don't wear them to the wall but they're perfect for (e.g.) Gogarth or the Dolomites.

In reply to mgco3:

Probably. Having a 'classic' corner line set up for an abseiling group is more annoying, granted this has only happened to me once!

In reply to Tony the Blade:


Without also showing posts like this

youtube.com/watch?v=JnRQxBHk-Cw&

In reply to 999thAndy:

I bought one of the Moon 'Bus Stop Climber' T's in a sale and quickly discovered it can never be worn to the wall. The problem is the little bus stop sign next to the shelter the guy is climbing has 8b written on it. Which I contend is obviously a bus number but for some reason everyone who has seen me climb sees as an invitation to take the piss.

In reply to AlanLittle:
I didn't include trousers as there is more to climbing specific leg wear than a t-shirt. There is nothing technical about a sodding t-shirt.

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Oh gawd. this is the wrong thread for me.

# People who post-mortem a route you failed, going on and on about "if you had put your hand here" or there then you would have managed it.
# Especially irritating when they haven't climbed the route
# Even worse when you know the route is about 5 grades harder than they have ever climbed.
# People who lower off at high speed "coz its kwel"
# People who fail to look where the route they are climbing is going and whether it conflicts with anyone else.
# Guys who think that because they are doing some super-hard route at the wall they have to take their top off and casually look around to see who is watching them.

# People who top-rope some high E grade route and then go on about how they have "climbed E6"
# People in the wall who say that everything should be bolted outside because they don't want to face danger when they are climbing (I've had this in the last few days)
# Climbing partners who stand you up - i.e. you're at the crag wondering where the f*ck they are.
# Climbing partners who let you down at the last minute.
# Boulderers who climb underneath people leading a route. (Almscliff, recently)
# People who don't understand that letting their dog bark at a soloist topping out might result in serious injury
# People who sling top-ropes on every s*dding buttress in Burbage because "they've got a group arriving"
# The same people who after you move their top-rope aside as there's not a kid in sight threaten to throw the top-rope down on your mate who is leading
# The same people who somehow think that being screamed at nose to nose when they are standing with their back to a large drop is somehow out of order when they've just threatened to throw a rope down on your mate.
# People who think there are hard and fast rules in climbing like "you must sit down to belay"
# People who don't apparently think for themselves and parrot wot they got told on a course.
# People who nick other people's possessions and call it "crag swag".
# People who think that because they have an SPA that entitles them to being an arrogant patronising git.
# People who are f*cking selfish and neither think, nor care, the effect their actions have on others.

[Deep breath, back in a minute]

In reply to John_Hat:
Of FFS John get off the fence and tell us what you really think

In reply to Wiley Coyote:

Sorry....

In reply to John_Hat:

TBF some of these are major irritations

In reply to John_Hat:
No need to apologise. I loved it!

In reply to Wiley Coyote:

..and whilst I'm here...

# Small children who, when you're feeling wobbly 30ft above your gear, said gear being 25ft off the ground, shout "Mummy, look, that man's going to fall off!"
# "Normals" who quip "there's steps up the back" not realising that you've heard the same "joke" 1,000 times before and their life is now in danger.
# Parents who take LOTS and LOTS of photos of their loved ones doing Their First Climbing Lesson without caring that the strobe effect of the flashes is driving everyone nuts.
# Same said parents who wander around the wall trying to get the right angle for photos of their loved one oblivious to whose rope they step on.
# Same said parents who wander around the wall trying to get the right angle for photos of their loved one oblivious to whose belayer they bump into.
# People who leave their rope on an indoor lead wall to "reserve" the route, in the manner of a towel, whilst they f*ck off for a cuppa tea.
# People who leave their rope in an untidy heap in the middle of the wall floor for people to trip over.

.. I'll be back...

In reply to Wiley Coyote:


The way I see it, if anyone can't sleep through a bit of snoring and farting in a communal bunkhouse they really aren't that tired and should have been trying harder at the crag / in the pub.

In reply to Ramblin dave: That gloves cost so much and last one trip.

I think it should be made clear to anyone who thinks you can leave a rope somewhere and reserve a route or routes (at a crag or at a wall, be they an individual or group leader) that you can't "reserve routes".

I've nothing against people leaving their rope at the bottom or setting up top ropes but if someone else comes along to climb the route manners dictate the person who needs to apologise is the person who left the rope in the the way not the other way around.

In reply to Ramblin dave: people who say "you're off your head if you want to go winter climbing when it's winter"!

In reply to Ramblin dave: and of course forum threads with quarks v vipers or which is the best other piece of very similar climbing gear. If you have to ask......

In reply to Ramblin dave:

The welsh language and old climbers who snigger arrogantly when you mis-pronounce the name of the crag.

People that do laps to failure on the big leaning wall with nothing clipped...

In reply to Ramblin dave: People who are neither Spanish or French shouting alle!

In reply to Neil Carruthers:

Why is it ok for the Spanish?

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Feeling like an old fart because I still have several largeish hexes on rope dangling from my harness.

Being assualted in the kneecaps by said hexes if I make any sudden swinging movements.

In reply to Neil Carruthers: Venga!

In reply to Ramblin dave: I always try to carry just the right amount on my rack for the route but I hate it when I come a cross a bomber placement but haven't got the gear!

In reply to duchessofmalfi: Wasn't actually sure if it was French or Spanish (exacuse the ignorance) so I put both!

In reply to John_Hat:

# People who think there are hard and fast rules in climbing like "you must sit down to belay"
# People who don't apparently think for themselves and parrot wot they got told on a course.

Amen Brother

# People who have only got their SPA yet think they can call themselves Instructors.

In reply to Jim Walton: Oh, and whilst we're on it;
# People who haven't got BEng after their name but call themselves an Engineer.

I'm off to lie down.

In reply to Ramblin dave:
Some good stuff here. I'll add:
* people who moan about the route setting at a wall in incredibly vague terms. If they can articulate a specific complaint then they might have a point, but if they just grumbling about the setting being "not very creative" or "a bit uninspiring" then it's odds on that they got spanked and are sulking.

In reply to Jim Walton: There are plenty of fully qualified engineers without a BEng and plenty of proper engineers who don't bother to get chartered. People who think otherwise are a minor annoyance to engineers.

In reply to Wiley Coyote:

I snore and hate other people snoring, so I sleep in a tent and use the hut facilities where I can do. I'll happily pay to do so, it's best for other people as well as me.

In reply to John_Hat:

Slightly off topic but a few years back when leading Saul's Crack at the Roaches a small lad behind me exclaimed "Mummy is that man going to die?". My mates as you might imagine all pissed themselves at this but it was a touch off putting!

In reply to Ramblin dave:

'Buddies' rather than 'Partners'. 'Pants' rather than 'Trousers', 'rapping' rather 'abbing'. All finger nails on the blackboard of life.

In reply to John_Hat:

# People who opine about the grade of a route having only ever top-roped it
# People who opine about the grade of the route having led it but only after top-roping
# People who opine about the grade of a route despite never having been on it
# People who opine about the grade of a route having never been to the f*cking crag.

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Overweight dog walkers who stare at you when bouldering and ask-

'Are you training for something bigger?'
or
'Have you seen that film where the guy has to cut the rope?'

Particularly common at Brimham Rocks.

In reply to Jim Walton:

Or people who only have a BSc and call themselves an Engineer!

In reply to Ramblin dave:

The guy in the club who shouts "Oi. Turn that head torch off!" when walking from the crag in the evening.
Real climbers don't need artificial light to see where they're going.

In reply to Offwidth:


Spooky!

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Gear on your harness that places itself when you are scrambling down the descent route, only a very minor irritation though!

In reply to Bobling:

I got completely stuck when i nut "placed itself" perfectly in a crack on "The Awkward Step" at Bosigran, i could not move up or down. Fortunately someone behind me removed it.

In reply to Skip:

Guess that could go in the minor amusements of climbing thread.

I also had to start racking my nut key at the back as it's nearly had me off several times by lodging itself in a crack.

In reply to Ramblin dave:

Myself constantly complaining about my knackered finger/knee/wrist/shoulder/ankle to anyone with earshot when I fall off something I could barely do if it was fit but I never am because I'm constantly f*cking my finger/knee/wrist/shoulder/ankle by trying something i can barely do.

In reply to i.munro: no way do you regard those things as minor irritations

In reply to Skip:

I've always racked mine at the back, it's nearly had me off once or twice when doing bunched up back-step type moves when it's hooked the bottom of my trouser leg. That'd be better in the minor amusements thread too, my partner thought it was hilarious.

In reply to Wiley Coyote:

Why don't you use earplugs?

In reply to deepsoup:

Mine's hooked itself through the loop on the back of my shoe before now, forcing me to hop...

In reply to Ramblin dave: My Nut key tore my new sherpa softshell trousers (that I had won)whilst I was soloing up a vdiff/severe at stanage. I was seriously grumpy about that. It was the first time I had worn them.

In reply to Ramblin dave:

In no particular order:

- being half a world away from euro limestone
- partners who don't want to try
- crappy indoor walls
- gear companies that discontinue classics
- not enough cams of the right size on splitter cracks
- people belaying too far out at walls
- nobody taking and sending round pics from the crag
- crap carrot bolts and crap anchors and no rap chains at some crags
- people who think a gri-gri is a hands off belay device
- reading the approach description AFTER taking the wrong route
- bloody buddhist retreats closing access to a great blue mountains crag (Cosmic County)
- chain grabbers
- shirtless beanie wearing wannabes
- extra speedy lowerers (it's not a race)

i'm sure i'll think of more when i calm down :p

In reply to tlm:
I think you should re-enact that on Thursday to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day.

In reply to jimtitt: Oh, don't get me started on that one!

In reply to Ramblin dave:

People who warm up on my project. It just toasts me.

In reply to John_Hat:

Brilliant, cheered up my day no end this thread. As a new and very poor climber kicking his way up routes indoors and out it is interesting to see what experienced climbers think of newbies. Pretty positive so far i was expecting a collective lashing in general terms.

In reply to RFWilkie: Funny as had me spill my coffee

In reply to Steve Perry: Guilty, got a bollocking.

In reply to MischaHY:

Yep.

In reply to Skip:

>I also had to start racking my nut key at the back as it's nearly had me off several times by lodging itself in a crack.

Oo-er.

jcm

In reply to Skip: I know, I know a real climber wouldn't slip but if you do slip when racking your nut key on the back it can be painful - based on experience