UKC

My uncle, who is 75, was recently widowed. His late wife used to do all the bills and things and she was reasonably computer literate. However uncle hasn't really got a clue about them. He did go for one to one sessions just before Christmas but never really got beyond doing emails.

The trouble is his late wife set up his on line bank account as well as doing other things online.

I have shown him countless times how to log into his bank account and transfer money etc. I have told him that he must go into his account, even if he's not doing a transaction, to get used to it. He's ok while I'm there to give him guidance but then a few days later he'll phone up to say that he can't get into his account.

I really think that he's not really bothering to take in what I telling him and that his mind is on something else. I've been trying to guide him now for several months but he's not really any further forward. I sometimes wonder if he'd rather let me do it for him but I'm not prepared to go down that road for all sorts of reasons. I've told him numerous times that the only way to be able to do it is to keep at it.

Any suggestions please?

In reply to FesteringSore:

Have you written any instructions down rather than just talking him through it.
Screenshots plus step by step guide for example?

In reply to dissonance:



Yes,in plain easy wording, but then when I start going through it again with him he starts writing his own notes. When I tell him he's already got notes he says that I do it differently to the way he does it. I can't think of any simpler way of showing him. Very exasperating. :0(

What I am wary of is teaching him like a young school child who is not paying attention but that's what it feels like sometimes.

In reply to FesteringSore:

Ok, so when he makes these notes, what do you do with them?
How about taking his notes, adding in some screenshots and then sitting back and watch him try with them. If he fails then upgrade the notes.

Generally when teaching computing (or possibly anything) you need to find a connection to something they already know. Once you have that then its easier. If I am delivering training I like to have 3-4 comparisons in mind for each bit. Try each one until they go aha and then go from there.

In reply to FesteringSore:

I have the same problem with my father (around the same age) with simple things like email. I can write down step by step instructions but the moment something even slightly out the ordinary crops up then it all goes to pot. For many years now I have been explaining over and over again about simple things such as forwarding an email!

I am not sure he'll ever learn and I suspect the same could be said of your uncle... just a different generation I guess. If he isn't learning and you think it will never be truly solved, I'd look into getting all his bank/bill stuff reverted to the old fashioned method... go to the bank, call the bank, write checks for bills and all that. Seems like a huge step backwards but in the end I suspect would be more hassle free for the both of you.

In reply to dissonance:

To be honest once I'm not there I don't think he comprehends the notes, his or mine. I just get the feeling that everything is going in one ear and to of the other and he's not doing anything to retain the information.

In reply to crayefish:

You may be right.

In reply to FesteringSore:


In my experience, the only way to cope with IT stuff is to get someone to show me how to do it and, as they do so, to write my own notes in language I understand (things like " press the button to the right of the big one at the bottom"), otherwise, these computery people will just wrire apparent gobbledygook. Then practice it a few times with them still there incase it doesn't work and the notes need amending. Also, passwords should be kept in a notebook next to the computer, otherwise you will forget what they are or where you hid them.

In reply to FesteringSore:

I find this with my parents and think it's the crux of it. I think they're not listening, and not trying to retain the information, for whatever reason. They think they won't understand it, so they don't. I do know they learn other new things and retain that - mum sings In a choir and learns the words for example. I think some people don't know how they learn. And they certainly don't know how to learn some new i.t. skills. Does he learn/ remember anything else?

If he does and you can be bothered you need to discuss how he has learnt/ will learn and retain this info. I've no qualifications in this and perhaps some teacher can explain the mechanics and whether there is another way of instructing - video perhaps.

Good luck!

In reply to FesteringSore:

Is it just computing or does he have problems learning anything new ? I can remember my Dad struggling to cope with changes while in the early stages of dementia & I'm having the same now with my father-in-law where I can explain things several times, he makes notes, etc but without fail I get an email a couple of days later saying something doesn't work. They are both over 80 but dementia, senility etc can start much younger

In reply to FesteringSore:

Possibly no helpful but could it be that doing something on the computer reminds him of his wife? So his inability to learn is linked with grief and guilt about not being able to do it?
Is the problem that you are telling him what he needs to know and he hasn't yet got to the point where he realises that he needs to know it?
Not sure how you can help with that but may explain why he doesn't appear to take it in.

In reply to FesteringSore:


Is the guy needing company?
Not tons of incentive to learn to use the computer if it means his nephew stops coming round to show him how to use it?

In reply to FesteringSore:

Do you get him to write down what the process is as you go through it with him?

That does 3 things - it slows your teaching down as you have to wait for him to write, which gives it more time to go into his head.

It also means that he has to think about it properly in order to write it down.

and finally, he has a written record that makes sense to him, because he wrote it (you can always check it as he writes it) that he can refer to.

In reply to All: Thanks for useful suggestions and comments.

Phone call - he's now panicking because he tried to use pc and when he put in his password on start up it wouldn't accept it. I suspect he's got Caps Lock on but even that's too complex for him to handle over the phone. He'll have to wait till I go there on Sunday

In reply to FesteringSore:


Can he change to telephone banking?
He might find it easier just talking to somebody rather than struggling with a computer.

In reply to FesteringSore: It's just not possible to teach elderly relations computer skills. I'd give up now.

In reply to FesteringSore:

I think it would be best (as someone else suggested) to go back to old fashioned banking.

As for the learning side of things, people of any age don't learn well whilst they are grieving.

In reply to grommet:


They're scared, and when they're scared, they won't think straight, and won't learn. Scared they won't understand and will look foolish, scared they'll do something wrong and all their money will disappear, scared they'll break the computer somehow.

Whenever my dad gets a new piece of electronics (especially if I buy it...), he'll complain that he can't understand the remote, can't read the letters, etc. But when I next go and see him, his fingers are flying around the buttons without looking...

I can't say that I know how to overcome this fear...

In reply to FesteringSore:

Without wanting to be rude, the difficulties might be coming (at least in part) from your obvious frustration with him.

"Showing him" is also at least part of the problem - he needs to sit down and press the keys himself and makes his own notes as and when he needs too. If he does it himself three of four times it will soon stick.

Hope this helps?


Chris

In reply to Chris Craggs:




That is precisely what I am getting him to do.

In reply to FesteringSore:


Great. When you said you were "showing him" I wasn't sure,


Chris

In reply to FesteringSore:

I think this may be age related - and not necessarily signs of dementia. Many people, myself included, notice memory difficulties ("senior moments"?) from fifties onwards. I have had many friends quite a bit older than my age from climbing and other activities and I noticed quite a lot seem to have problems retaining information and now I know what it feels like as I seem now to be more like a sieve than a ZX81!. If this is really the case then you could be putting him under stress by expecting him to learn as a younger person would - not at all a generation thing, except for the factor of sheer age.

Plus anyone recently bereaved has a lot of healing to do before getting back to a semblance of normality.