UKC

Right,

I need tips for a best man speech for the following situation:

Group size: 15 (including me)
Venue: Restaurant (so other customers not connected to the wedding will be there and I doubt they want to hear me deliver a 10 minute epic of randomness when they are just trying to have a meal etc)

I have been best man before in front of 100+ guests but the style of speech I delivered is not suitable or appropriate for a smaller more intimate group/setting.

So what are your tips, something short and sincere will do.

In reply to Alan M:

"It's traditional that the Best Man's Speech last as long as the wedding night. Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom!"

In reply to Alan M:

No need to kow tow to the need to be rude, just run through the obligatory mentions ( bridesmaids) , propose the appropriate toast. If you want a get out of jail gag do something like
" I was very surprised to be asked to be X's best man as I hardly know him, but having found out a little about him I realise shy he did not want a better acquaintance to give this speech"

In reply to Shani:

I used 1 very similar. ladies and gentlemen, it is they say customary for the best mans speech to last as long as it takes the groom to make love. thanks you, and I sat down. went down a hit with all guests.

In reply to Dr.S at work:

I'm thinking for this speech I want to keep it short and sincere due to the venue and intimacy of the small group. Not looking for any jokes to be honest. The last time I was best man was a proper laugh. The group as a whole were wild and open to pretty much anything meaning that the speech included some border line tales/humour etc and included people such as the bride and other guests adding their own comments etc. I don't think this setting is right for that type of speech and delivery format.

I'm struggling to find the right balance between being short and sincere and short and boring or overly soppy. I don't want to be in the boring camp etc

In reply to Alan M:

Go for the soppy - if you usually aren't soppy, everyone will be amazed, in the glow of just having been to a wedding, you will have them all in tears and saying how wonderful you are.

In reply to Alan M:

Watch the many videos of best man's speeches on the internet - a lot of those 'original' one liners won't seem as original once you've heard 20 people use them, and a lot of your guests will have been to a lot of weddings before!

In reply to Alan M: Sounds a bit of a crappy situation with other people who have nothing to do with the wedding being in the same room. I've bnever seen that before.

In reply to Frank the Husky:


it being held abroad hence the small group after the wedding itself the group is going to a restaurant for a meal and the evening etc. obviously (I assume) that we will probably have our own private area or something like that. why i dont think a full blown bestman speech is suitable but will need to say a few words atleast.

In reply to Alan M:

It's abroad, thank everyone for making the effort to attend, complement the bride, groom and bridesmaids on how wonderful they look and say how priviledged you feel to be best man. Then get in-laws on both sides pissed and you will be the best best man ever. From experience!

In reply to Firestarter:
Good advice, though you got the order wrong get the oldies pissed before your speech!

In reply to Alan M:

Just tell a good tale. Show the groom to be a good man with some adventurous/daft/reckless stories.

In reply to Alan M:
I have been best man three times, the following has served me well.

Don’t ever think you can wing it on the day, you will look like a c*nt.

Don’t get smashed on booze, a few cheeky jars is fine

The aim is to make the groom look like lovable rogue, not a c*nt

Do not mention any stories that include an ex burd

Do not crack any jokes that allude to the bride’s sexual history even if she has seen more helmets then the Germany army.

The bride is always stunning, even when she looks like a bag of smashed crabs

Rehearse, rehearse and rehearse you speech so that you pretty much know it by heart so that you can……

……make eye contact with your audience……..or if you can’t do that a light fitting on the back wall

…….you can use your hands during the speech

Keep the gags short and punchy and don’t get involved in any shaggy dog stories

Don’t get involved in any private jokes that only one table will get.

Do your homework, tap up old school mates, team mates, work colleagues etc to get some dirt

Never ever start your speech with the “being asked to be a best man is a bit like being asked to make love to the queen………..” line, it’s a sh*t gag and everyone has heard it a million times

Don’t swear

Remember that the audience are on your side, they will laugh at your crap jokes at first just to be polite, but don’t try their patience with a crap speech or you will have p*ssed Uncle Gerry at the back of the room heckling you.

When you get a good laugh, pause until things have calmed down before continuing

Mention how awesome of bridesmaids look, even if they are manky

Read out cards from those who can’t attend

Toast the couple in a way that you can get a sly final dig in at the groom while complimented the bride i.e. Fiona you are one in a million, Dave, you were won in a raffle….etc etc

Bask in your new exalted hero status as the top man at the wedding and sleep with all the women who will be falling over themselves to have a piece of you.