UKC

My father died some years ago and we interred (most of) his ashes in one of his favourite spots in North Wales - with the landowner's permission.

We kept some ashes(about a cupful) back intending to scatter them on our grandparents grave. I visited the grave the other day and, out of courtesy, sought the permission of the vicar. I was told, a little curtly, that it was not legal to do so but that I could have them interred by a funeral director.

From what I have seen on the internet what the vicar said was a load of codswallop(maybe she had an interest with a local undertaker;0[ )

Anyone know anything about this sort of thing? If I'd scattered them at night or when nobody was looking who would have been any the wiser?

In reply to mypyrex:

We had this situation when my grandmother died - she had been a member of the United Reform lot, grand-dad was CofE and had predeceased and was in the local village churchyard. Vicar was a total wanker and came up with every reason you could (not) think of that precluded popping her ashes in with him. Suffice to say Granny's ashes went in there, as did those of my Aunt and my Uncle when the time came. Even if they find out, what are they going to do? Get a hoover??

In reply to mypyrex:
I sympathise with you. I wanted to do the same with my mother's ashes and sprinkle them on her father's grave. Somehow I thought I needed permission from the vicar. He said no, stating it was undignified and so on. He suggested having a service and burying the casket and so on. All stuff my mother wouldn't have wanted anyway. It all seemed to get rather complicated.

Then someone suggested that I simply went to the grave and scattered the ashes anyway. Its not as though the vicar lives at the church and guards it!!!

So thats exactly what my wife and myself did. We also planted some bulbs too. Looking back, I can't see how I got involved with the vicar anyway. People turn up at graves and plant flowers, memorials and so on. You don't have to ask do you?

Good luck - just do it!

In reply to mypyrex:

It's a bit blurry, but I recall being told that in some places it is illegal / frowned upon to scatter ashes (by the funeral director). He then immediately followed up on that saying that if you do it discreetly and don't make a big song and dance about it, no one's going to know. If you go back in a couple of weeks time and scatter them then, I bet the vicar will have forgotten all about your first visit.

In reply to mypyrex:

My friend died on boxing day three years ago, following a very long battle with cancer. His 3 year old and 6 year old boys were asked by him prior to dying where they would like 'him' to be scattered, they chose a tree that they loved playing around on Hampstead Heath. The funeral came and went, one of the saddest days of my life , let alone that of his wife, kids and family. Anyway his ashes were scattered around the tree in a very simple family only affair. His wife and boys decided have a party to celebrate him so it was decided that there would be a BBQ on the Heath around the tree. The tree was decorated and lots of games ensued. Dave's ashes were still around the tree as a) it was the summer, no rain, and b) it was a sheltered spot. About an hour into the fun there was a shout from a very dear friend... Oi, someone stop that dog pissing on Dave! There was indeed a dog doing his business on Dave's ashes... and we all, kids included, thought it was hilarious. Dave would have been doubled over at this as well.

Not really related to your story but thought I'd share it anyway.

My advice, just go do it, they're only ashes not body parts. Good luck

In reply to mypyrex:

Thanks for reminding me I still have a cupfull of my mothers ashes in the house, must look them out and scatter. My sister and I have shared them and scattered in assorted places (as requested), I think the remains will go on top of a little hill overlooking our valley where we all live.
Some of my mothers were scattered in her local churchyard, kind of walking round and ashes dropping down the trouser leg! Put them where you want but discretely is my advice.
Good luck and thanks for the reminder.

In reply to mypyrex:

I like Dave Perry's idea. I cannot see that they can stop you spending a morning tending to your grandparents grave, planting a few bulbs and adding some slightly 'enriched' potting soil at the same time.

In reply to all:
Thanks for sympathetic comments and advice. I foresee a return visit to the churchyard in about six months.

In reply to mypyrex:

Not wishing to lower the tone of a serious and considered thread, but I feel I need to tell the story of a friend of mine who scattered his mother's ashes on the South Downs.

She was a pretty feisty old lady, liked her fags, her booze and various other disreputable, politically incorrect habits, more or less exemplified the idea of growing old disgracefully. She also had a rather barbed sense of humour, which she appeared to take into the afterlife. She was keen on the idea of her ashes being scattered on the Downs, as she loved them so much.

My friend was one of life's natural enthusiasts, but also a bit accident prone, with a tendency to get too task-focused to identify relevant externalities. He duly received the ashes and took them up to the top of the Downs, failing to notice a number of important points :

1. The Downs, being the highest hills around, tended to catch any wind going
2. It was quite a windy day
3. He had failed to notice the direction of the wind when it came to doing the deed

Allegedly the old lady's ghost could be heard collapsing in unearthly but hysterical laughter.

In reply to Simon4:
In the same tone, we stopped for a lunch break at the top of Tryfan and got the sandwiches out. It was a windy day and we noticed a gritty dust being blown about, including on the sandwiches.
Investigation revealed a large heap of ashes on a nearby large flat rock......

I am told this would be the 'luncheon stone' named about the turn of the century.

In reply to Simon4:

When Steve McQueen died he had asked a pilot friend of his to scatter his ashes from an open cockpit plane, which his friend duly did.

However he didn't allow for the slip stream from the propeller and landed caked all over in ash.

In reply to mypyrex:

My parents ashes were surrepticiously scattered some 9 years apart at one of their favourite spots on a lakeland fell ( but not one of the most well trodden ones). Apart from the immediate family there was no-one around to witness the deed, as the spot we chose was off the main track but with a 360 degree field of view.

In reply to mypyrex:

Sorry to hear you had an unsatisfactory encounter with the local vicar - I'd have hoped you'd have got a little more sympathy. (They really don't make money out of it!) The reason for the restrictions is that we are in the end talking about dealing with human remains and there are laws governing that. If you decide to go ahead anyway when no-one is around then please bury the ashes - if they're visible on the surface of the ground then it's pretty obvious what they are and it can be a bit unpleasant for other people coming to pay respects in a graveyard. Hope that helps and that in the end it's all as you'd want it to be.
Simon.

In reply to Removed Userclaire14:



I hope and trust that you did not eat the sandwiches!

In reply to Trangia:

This was a very appropriate solution

http://www.space.com/15810-scotty-ashes-spacex-rocket-launch.html

In reply to SimonCRMC:



Not for ashes - you can do what you like with them

In reply to imkevinmc:

Wow! I bet that was an expensive funeral plan!

In reply to mypyrex:

i have also fallen foul of the combination of wind direction and scattering of my mother's ashes, and ended up with a faceful
As my sister dryly noted afterwards 'even dead she's still able to reduce us to tears'

ps just to add, that my mum was a rather difficult person <British understatement>

In reply to Tony the Blade:

Great story!

In reply to mypyrex:
In the later years of my mum's life we lived close to her in Derbyshire. One of her treats was to go for a picnic at a local beauty spot where we could climb with our kids. A ritual was to stop for a self timed picture of all the family at a bench and we have several versions of this image. When she died and was cremated we pondered on where to spread her ashes and decided that this picnic spot was ideal. We set off with the urn in a rucksack and as we passed the bench someone suggested the idea of another picture. Mum is in the middle of this one as well - in an urn - inside a rucksack! We all smile when we look at it nowadays. I bet she would giggle as well.

In reply to keith-ratcliffe:

We've got a similar family snap as well -- you can't see mum and dad in it - but they will always be together there!

In reply to Trangia:

Reminds me of the story I heard of some top brass in the Navy whose last wishes were to have his ashes scattered in the sea from a submarine. They surfaced and did the ceremony, but at the moment the ashes were about to go into the water, an engineer below decided to make the most of being on the surface and charge the batteries or whatever , and so with a big sucking noise the ex admiral went down the snorkel and into the diesel engines. Perhaps it's what he would have wanted?

In reply to Dave Perry:

What a PITA. We decided to scatter Mum's ashes near a little chapel in LLandrindod Wells, out of courtesy I contacted the vicar, who referred me to the landowner - both could not have been more helpful, and it totally removed any stress from what was really quite a significant day for our family.

In reply to mypyrex:

I talked to my Mrs P about this trying to figure out how, or who told us or suggested, we went to the vicar in the 1st place and we think the suggestion came from the undertaker saying we; 'just couldn't do what we wanted with the casket etc.,'.

Ps Mum said she wanted her ashes scattered on her dad's grave. Which we did eventually,although we did dig them in a bit as it looked rather scruffy otherwise. We were then left with the oak casket (don't ask how I ended up buying a casket).

It stayed in my man cave for about 5 years I think, until eventually I decided to use it for kindling for the fire - so we got some additional benefit from my mum in the end. She;d have thought it funny anyway.

Mypryex -- Good luck.

In reply to Dave Perry:


Great story.