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Hi all,
I posted in Sep 2013 about my jealous partner; http://www.ukclimbing.com/forums/t.php?t=562154&v=1#x7481290
Today it ended, it initially improve with help of counselling but began to slide back again about 8 months ago. Same issues. I've been on anti-depressants for the last 6 month and feel absolutely exhausted. For the past month I've been living at a mates house (male) just to give us both a break. We've been talking about it almost all weekend and I've come to the conclusion i cant go on. So there you go 15 years down the pan, I feel broken, devastated and scared. I really don't know where to go from here.
I really did appreciate all the replies at the time so thank you.
I posted in Sep 2013 about my jealous partner; http://www.ukclimbing.com/forums/t.php?t=562154&v=1#x7481290
Today it ended, it initially improve with help of counselling but began to slide back again about 8 months ago. Same issues. I've been on anti-depressants for the last 6 month and feel absolutely exhausted. For the past month I've been living at a mates house (male) just to give us both a break. We've been talking about it almost all weekend and I've come to the conclusion i cant go on. So there you go 15 years down the pan, I feel broken, devastated and scared. I really don't know where to go from here.
I really did appreciate all the replies at the time so thank you.
In reply to broady:
You've had 155 people read this and no-one's commented. So.. I didn't see your 2013 thread but i thought i'd just say well done for persevering and going through all the counselling and grief. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I guess at least now you can be fairly sure if it didn't change in that time it's not really likely to. It'll take time, but hopefully you'll look back on it in a while as the start of a kind of freedom... Are there kids involved?
Only advice: Try to go climbing more than drinking.. :-p
You've had 155 people read this and no-one's commented. So.. I didn't see your 2013 thread but i thought i'd just say well done for persevering and going through all the counselling and grief. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I guess at least now you can be fairly sure if it didn't change in that time it's not really likely to. It'll take time, but hopefully you'll look back on it in a while as the start of a kind of freedom... Are there kids involved?
Only advice: Try to go climbing more than drinking.. :-p
7
In reply to minimike:
yes but not mine, two girls from her first marriage both grown up and who i lovee dearly.
yes but not mine, two girls from her first marriage both grown up and who i lovee dearly.
In reply to broady:
I wouldn't want to offer an opinion when you haven't asked for it in the post but I hope things pick up for you.
I wouldn't want to offer an opinion when you haven't asked for it in the post but I hope things pick up for you.
In reply to broady:
Good luck,sometimes things end and others begin. the worlds a scary but exciting place,nows a good time to be selfish, do things you've always wanted, try things you've never tried.dont dwell,don't be bitter just move on,remember the good times fondly and make some more.
Good luck,sometimes things end and others begin. the worlds a scary but exciting place,nows a good time to be selfish, do things you've always wanted, try things you've never tried.dont dwell,don't be bitter just move on,remember the good times fondly and make some more.
8
In reply to broady:
What that person said ^^^
Perhaps in time you might meet somebody who isn't jealous? Get into the habit of seeing the people who feel solid as a rock fairly regularly, old friends and the like, and spend some time 'just being' as well as doing new stuff, and gradually you'll find your equilibrium again.
What that person said ^^^
Perhaps in time you might meet somebody who isn't jealous? Get into the habit of seeing the people who feel solid as a rock fairly regularly, old friends and the like, and spend some time 'just being' as well as doing new stuff, and gradually you'll find your equilibrium again.
2
In reply to broady:
I'm wondering if you being on the meds could be down to the strain you've been under in part, it could be that given time you'll feel like a a new freedom has been granted to you?
Best of luck, change is often scary but it's not always for the worst.
I'm wondering if you being on the meds could be down to the strain you've been under in part, it could be that given time you'll feel like a a new freedom has been granted to you?
Best of luck, change is often scary but it's not always for the worst.
Post edited at 18:22
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In reply to broady:
Onwards and upwards, you will be fine. 5 years from now you will be thinking "Thank god I got out of that relationship". Time is a brilliant healer.
Onwards and upwards, you will be fine. 5 years from now you will be thinking "Thank god I got out of that relationship". Time is a brilliant healer.
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In reply to marsbar:
Feeling about a low as ive ever felt at the moment, a complete failure. Ive just had to tell my parents and they are both so upset.
Feeling about a low as ive ever felt at the moment, a complete failure. Ive just had to tell my parents and they are both so upset.
In reply to broady:
You're not a failure. Arguably the end of a relationship that has become problematic now is better than trudging on miserably for another fifteen years.
You're not a failure. Arguably the end of a relationship that has become problematic now is better than trudging on miserably for another fifteen years.
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In reply to broady:
Chin up mate, time will heal. You are far from being a failure. I agree with a poster above - one day you will look back at this (I speak from some experience) and realise that you have dodged a bullet. Good luck. Keep yourself busy, go the gym, go climbing, spend time with mates you trust. Things will work out.
Chin up mate, time will heal. You are far from being a failure. I agree with a poster above - one day you will look back at this (I speak from some experience) and realise that you have dodged a bullet. Good luck. Keep yourself busy, go the gym, go climbing, spend time with mates you trust. Things will work out.
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In reply to broady:
You are not a failure. You did everything you could and tried counselling but you can't make someone else change or be reasonable.
I'm sorry that you feel that way. It may be upsetting for your parents but its you that had to live with it, not them.
Keeping a relationship going when it isn't working isn't good.
Getting out of a bad relationship is so hard but it is the right thing to do.
There will be hard times over the next few months but things will get better. Been there.
Take care of yourself and don't bottle it up.
You are not a failure. You did everything you could and tried counselling but you can't make someone else change or be reasonable.
I'm sorry that you feel that way. It may be upsetting for your parents but its you that had to live with it, not them.
Keeping a relationship going when it isn't working isn't good.
Getting out of a bad relationship is so hard but it is the right thing to do.
There will be hard times over the next few months but things will get better. Been there.
Take care of yourself and don't bottle it up.
Post edited at 19:45
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In reply to broady: Hi Broady,
You should not feel that you are a failure, it takes a great deal of strength and courage to make a descision to end a relationship that you have invested so much of yourselves in. I beleive that you will have had experiences that will make you stronger in your future relationships, it would appear that you have done the best could at the time, and that is all we can ask of ourselves.
Some relationships are just not meant to be.
Breathe deep, give yourself time to recover, try to stay strong.
Grithugger
You should not feel that you are a failure, it takes a great deal of strength and courage to make a descision to end a relationship that you have invested so much of yourselves in. I beleive that you will have had experiences that will make you stronger in your future relationships, it would appear that you have done the best could at the time, and that is all we can ask of ourselves.
Some relationships are just not meant to be.
Breathe deep, give yourself time to recover, try to stay strong.
Grithugger
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In reply to broady:
You're not a failure.
You're not the first person in this situation and you won't be the last. Things will pick up.
Have a read...
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/175772
You're not a failure.
You're not the first person in this situation and you won't be the last. Things will pick up.
Have a read...
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/175772
2
In reply to broady:
Ayup. Been there and done that. Crap isn't it? But, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
You mightn't feel like it, but this is the time for change.
I survived a ten year relationship with a particularly jealous and vile person. They pull you into their mindset.
I fled the situation after the punch that broke the camels back, and never returned.
A little hard at first but it set me on a new life. The key was joining a climbing club and meeting new folk.
Don't let her drag you back! They're good at trying that. Flee, flee, run for your life!
I look back now and laugh at that relationship
Ps . Are you Bill Bailey? He's ace
Ayup. Been there and done that. Crap isn't it? But, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
You mightn't feel like it, but this is the time for change.
I survived a ten year relationship with a particularly jealous and vile person. They pull you into their mindset.
I fled the situation after the punch that broke the camels back, and never returned.
A little hard at first but it set me on a new life. The key was joining a climbing club and meeting new folk.
Don't let her drag you back! They're good at trying that. Flee, flee, run for your life!
I look back now and laugh at that relationship
Ps . Are you Bill Bailey? He's ace
4
In reply to broady:
Some partners are just draining the best out of you - jealous or what have we. Do not go back, I fear she will not reform. Been there.
So, you are on anti-depressants. Been there too. Some of the best I did was attending a therapy group lead by a psychologist and a physiotherapist. Their combined knowledge, lessons and exercises made wonders. You know, the mind is affected by the body and vice versa. Being in a smaller group talking similar experiences helped a lot too. I don't know if you have that kind of program going where you live, it is kind of new here. All I can tell is that the pills are fine, but they definitely can not stand alone. I have some notes on basic stress psychology I took from the sessions which I can forward if you like.
You have already taken a good step in the right direction asking for advice in this forum. Carry on in that direction and seek peoples company. Some might let you down if they are weak or not prepared. Some of them might even be family. Let them go for the moment and protect yourself. You can turn back to them when you are ready. In the mean time seek stronger peoples company. Talking is good.
Then, as others say: Go climbing! - or even better: do some cardio exercise. Running releases endorphines that will affect your brain to see things in a brighter light. Endorphines are good!
Some partners are just draining the best out of you - jealous or what have we. Do not go back, I fear she will not reform. Been there.
So, you are on anti-depressants. Been there too. Some of the best I did was attending a therapy group lead by a psychologist and a physiotherapist. Their combined knowledge, lessons and exercises made wonders. You know, the mind is affected by the body and vice versa. Being in a smaller group talking similar experiences helped a lot too. I don't know if you have that kind of program going where you live, it is kind of new here. All I can tell is that the pills are fine, but they definitely can not stand alone. I have some notes on basic stress psychology I took from the sessions which I can forward if you like.
You have already taken a good step in the right direction asking for advice in this forum. Carry on in that direction and seek peoples company. Some might let you down if they are weak or not prepared. Some of them might even be family. Let them go for the moment and protect yourself. You can turn back to them when you are ready. In the mean time seek stronger peoples company. Talking is good.
Then, as others say: Go climbing! - or even better: do some cardio exercise. Running releases endorphines that will affect your brain to see things in a brighter light. Endorphines are good!
2
In reply to broady:
It might not feel like it right now, but it's a new beginning for you and you have the opportunity to steer your life in the direction you want it to go. Best of luck.
It might not feel like it right now, but it's a new beginning for you and you have the opportunity to steer your life in the direction you want it to go. Best of luck.
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In reply to broady:
As many others have said, you have done all you can without destroying yourself completely. You are out of it now. It will take time and you will feel very lonely for a while, and suspicious of people who try to help you. You will wonder if they are just there out of sympathy. They are not. People will gather round you and help. Take it. Time will help you to heal, but you will never forget. Work hard on remembering the good times. If you need help there are counselling services, and often a good friend who will listen and be discrete. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
I say this after ending a 27 year relationship, not because of others jealousy, but for several other things they did. The effects are just the same. Now five years on I am broke but happy, with more friends than I realised. (Many avoided me because of my partner!)
We will all be rooting for you. And waiting for the up-date when you have yourself sorted out.
As many others have said, you have done all you can without destroying yourself completely. You are out of it now. It will take time and you will feel very lonely for a while, and suspicious of people who try to help you. You will wonder if they are just there out of sympathy. They are not. People will gather round you and help. Take it. Time will help you to heal, but you will never forget. Work hard on remembering the good times. If you need help there are counselling services, and often a good friend who will listen and be discrete. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
I say this after ending a 27 year relationship, not because of others jealousy, but for several other things they did. The effects are just the same. Now five years on I am broke but happy, with more friends than I realised. (Many avoided me because of my partner!)
We will all be rooting for you. And waiting for the up-date when you have yourself sorted out.
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In reply to broady:
went through a divorce a few years ago after 25 years married, at the time it seemed like the worst thing to happen in my life, three years on i now realise its actually been the best thing that could have happened although i would never have thought it at the time.
I'm slightly older than you but for me it was a new beginning and a release from the constant stress of being in a relationship that simply didn't work.
it takes a long time and its mentally draining but it does get better.
good luck and you will go from thinking about it every moment of the day till eventually one day you realise you haven't thought about it at all.
went through a divorce a few years ago after 25 years married, at the time it seemed like the worst thing to happen in my life, three years on i now realise its actually been the best thing that could have happened although i would never have thought it at the time.
I'm slightly older than you but for me it was a new beginning and a release from the constant stress of being in a relationship that simply didn't work.
it takes a long time and its mentally draining but it does get better.
good luck and you will go from thinking about it every moment of the day till eventually one day you realise you haven't thought about it at all.
4
In reply to broady:
The best I can say is: try not to think that the whole 15 years was a waste, you must have had good times or it wouldn't have lasted so long. You gave it a go and tried to sort things out but, obviously things were too much.
When I split with my ex of 8 years we didn't make any real effort to try and make it work and even now almost 2 years down the line I still wonder if we could have made it work.
You made that effort and now you know the answer so you should have a clear mind and know that life goes on and you are free to enjoy it.
The best I can say is: try not to think that the whole 15 years was a waste, you must have had good times or it wouldn't have lasted so long. You gave it a go and tried to sort things out but, obviously things were too much.
When I split with my ex of 8 years we didn't make any real effort to try and make it work and even now almost 2 years down the line I still wonder if we could have made it work.
You made that effort and now you know the answer so you should have a clear mind and know that life goes on and you are free to enjoy it.
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In reply to broady:
I'm sorry it didn't work out. But for your own health you obviously decided it was better if you left. That doesn't sound like failure to me - it sounds sensible.
Neither have the years been wasted as probably a lot was good and you've hopefully gained personally in terms of learning more about relationships. That will probably make you stronger in the end too.
I'm sorry it didn't work out. But for your own health you obviously decided it was better if you left. That doesn't sound like failure to me - it sounds sensible.
Neither have the years been wasted as probably a lot was good and you've hopefully gained personally in terms of learning more about relationships. That will probably make you stronger in the end too.
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In reply to broady:
It's a trite saying, but time is the healer. Go climbing, just go guilt-free climbing.
I split from a jealous girlfriend (only five years together, but I still know how it feels) it had got to the pint that I daren't even speak to any woman in the running club we were members of, for fear of jealous repercussions later. It's only a few months since we split but I'm much happier and have fallen on my feet with a new girlfriend who doesn't appear to have a jealous bone in her body, which is just SO refreshing.
It's a trite saying, but time is the healer. Go climbing, just go guilt-free climbing.
I split from a jealous girlfriend (only five years together, but I still know how it feels) it had got to the pint that I daren't even speak to any woman in the running club we were members of, for fear of jealous repercussions later. It's only a few months since we split but I'm much happier and have fallen on my feet with a new girlfriend who doesn't appear to have a jealous bone in her body, which is just SO refreshing.
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In reply to broady:
Well today is a new day, Feeling more positive since reading your replies. Thank you all for your kind words. I actually slept well last night for the first time in ages. I know its going to be a long and difficult road to normality and there's lots to sort out but I've got some amazing friends who have said they're here for me.
Thank you all,
Broady.
Well today is a new day, Feeling more positive since reading your replies. Thank you all for your kind words. I actually slept well last night for the first time in ages. I know its going to be a long and difficult road to normality and there's lots to sort out but I've got some amazing friends who have said they're here for me.
Thank you all,
Broady.
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In reply to broady:
I didn't read the original thread either but I have now and it seems to me you've done all the right things, sometimes relationships just don't work and the hard bit is to admit to yourself that it is never going to and to free yourself so you can move on and find a relationship that is going to work.
Keep busy, do all those things that you've always wanted to do and good luck!
I didn't read the original thread either but I have now and it seems to me you've done all the right things, sometimes relationships just don't work and the hard bit is to admit to yourself that it is never going to and to free yourself so you can move on and find a relationship that is going to work.
Keep busy, do all those things that you've always wanted to do and good luck!
1
In reply to broady:
You are not a failure, so get that thought out of your head straight away
As someone who is on his fifth marriage, I am completely unqualified to give any advice on relationships.
However, I have a masters degree in getting over broken relationships, and it's an old cliche, but time is a great healer, and you will bounce back. Most important thing - keep busy.
And then one day, when you're least expecting it, you'll meet someone and 'boom' the whole game will begin again?
> Feeling about a low as ive ever felt at the moment, a complete failure. Ive just had to tell my parents and they are both so upset.
You are not a failure, so get that thought out of your head straight away
As someone who is on his fifth marriage, I am completely unqualified to give any advice on relationships.
However, I have a masters degree in getting over broken relationships, and it's an old cliche, but time is a great healer, and you will bounce back. Most important thing - keep busy.
And then one day, when you're least expecting it, you'll meet someone and 'boom' the whole game will begin again?
In reply to broady:
Might be easier than you think, you might feel much better in a couple of weeks? Sounds like you always tried to do the right thing so you've nothing to feel bad about. I know you'll feel bruised for a bit, but it's a great age to be single and content, or single and looking.
Chin up.
> I know its going to be a long and difficult road to normality
Might be easier than you think, you might feel much better in a couple of weeks? Sounds like you always tried to do the right thing so you've nothing to feel bad about. I know you'll feel bruised for a bit, but it's a great age to be single and content, or single and looking.
Chin up.
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In reply to broady:
Great reply. And wishing you all the best for a bright and very happy future.
> Well today is a new day, Feeling more positive since reading your replies....
Great reply. And wishing you all the best for a bright and very happy future.
Post edited at 14:01
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In reply to broady: good to read your utdate... I think you will find that as the days pass you will feel better and better, and the problems you saw ahead will shrink in importance.
Spend time with your friends and do a lot of things. Enjoy your new space and think about what's important and what you want. And good luck
Spend time with your friends and do a lot of things. Enjoy your new space and think about what's important and what you want. And good luck
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