In reply to Goucho:
Priceless. That had me proper chuckling out loud. Maybe missed an audience on this thread about dry tooling? It really deserves a wider airing.
> Four Old Climbers Sketch
> Four elderly climbers are sitting together under a crag in Kalymnos (the names are purely coincidental)
> Bob: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.
> Rick: Nothing like a good day in't sun clipping bolts, ay Goucho?
> Goucho: You're right there Rick.
> Grid North: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' ere after a day of climbing routes wi a runner every 8'?
> Bob: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have a runner every 80'.
> Rick: Aye, a manky MOAC original on a piece of worn out tat.
> Goucho: A MOAC original?.
> Rick: When I said MOAC original, I meant knotted sock!
> Bob: In a filthy, water soaked crack.
> Grid North: Knotted sock? We never even ad' a knotted sock. We had to pretend we ad' a knotted sock.
> Rick: Well, we didn't even ave' a proper rope. Just an old tow rope.
> Goucho: Tow rope? We had to tie our breeches together if we wanted a rope.
> Grid North: But you know, we were happy in those days, even though gear were crap.
> Bob: Aye. BECAUSE gear were crap. My old Dad used to say to me, "Good gear won't make you better or happy."
> Rick: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to climb all the great North faces wi' nowt but one alpenstock, onepair of instep crampons, a couple o' 6 inch nails as ice screws, and a pacamac to keep out cold - between four of us.
> Goucho: Pacamac? You were lucky to have a PACAMAC! We used to ave' to share an old sheep dogs blanket between five of us at bivi ledges!
> Grid North: Bivi ledges? You were lucky to have a BIVI LEDGES! Six of us used to have to share a foothold!
> Bob: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of bein able to share a foothold! Woulda' been a palace to us. The seven of us used to bivi on vertical ice on a ledge no bigger than a packet of fags, which you had to make usin your teeth. We got woken up every half an hour by cramp and got frostbite in every toe.
> Grid North: Well when I say "foothold" it was only the size of a matchstick, but it was a foothold to US.
> Goucho: We were hit by stonefall on *our* foothold, which split our heads open!
> Rick: You were lucky! There were eight of us hanging from a tied off nail, when an avalanche swept us 300' down the face. It were only t' sleeve of pacamac jamming behind a flake that saved us.
> Bob: 300'?
> Rick: Aye.
> Bob: You were lucky. We were swept 900' down Droites North Face into a crevase, and were stuck there for 3 weeks. All we ad to eat were one crust of bread, a tea bag, and an old Mars Bar wrapper. We used to have to take it in turns to suck tea bag and lick crust of bread. It were so cold our fingers and toes snapped off!
> Goucho: Luxury. We were trapped in a storm on the Eiger North Face for 15 months! All we ad were a knotted hanky for a bivi tent, and one Dachstein mitt and the sleeve of an old wollen sweater between nine of us.The only food, we had were half an inch of bacon rind!
> Grid North: Well we had it tough. On Everest, all we had at Camp 6 were a shoebox - for twelve of us! We used to have to get up at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the South Col clean with our tongues. All we had to eat were a handful of freezing cold scree. We climbed twenty-four hours a day wearing nowt but shorts and a tank top, and one night it was so cold, our tongues stuck to the roof of our mouths.
> Rick: Right. Fifteen of us were on't West Buttress of Makalu. The only clothing we ad between us were a scouts woggle. We had to get up at five in the morning, and fix 6,000' of pretend fixed ropes in a blizzard. The following morning we had to get up four hours before we went to bed, cut our own frostbitten arms off with a blunt ice axe, eat an ice screw, climb without a rest for forty nine hours kicking steps in our bare feet, and when we reached t' summit, we ad to leave our frostbitten legs there, and slide all the way back down on our arses.
> Bob: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.
> ALL: Nope, nope..