UKC

I have a boyfriend who I love. He does not climb. When this has happened in the past, I have just gone climbing, with men, because I knew I was not doing anything wrong. However, I feel very bad about this and regret it, because my boyfriend of the time, must have been sat at home, concerned that I was doing something wrong. Is was a very crappy thing of me to do. How do people in my situation go climbing please? I was just about to arrange a climb when I thought about this. I would not want to do anything to make him feel uncomfortable

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

Don´t worry about it.

My regular climbing partners were very often girls, and I am still happily married to my non climbing wife. Just make sure you give your boyfriend the freedom to do things he loves, and don´t tie him down by jealousy.

CB

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

I find the thought that being in a relationship means you can't spend time with someone of the opposite sex a little odd.

If it was an ex, or there was some other concrete reason for your partner to be jealous about a particular person then fair enough, but otherwise I can't see what you're worried about.

Have you asked him if it causes him a problem?

In reply to Yanis Nayu:

No, not asked him. He would prob. not mind. Was just checking what others did.

In reply to Yanis Nayu:

He will be in soon, will ask him

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

Unless you give him cause to be jelous. For example fwarrr should have seen the ass on this lad I was climbing with today. But other than that if he is jelous it's his own problem. Not yours.

In reply to Cerris90:

Thankyou. I have no interest in the ass of anyone I will climb with, so this is good news

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

Join a club,then they'll be loads of both sexes to climb with and maybe you'll find some girls to partner up with on a regular basis.take him out with you as a one off so he can see for himself, also non climbers double as the group photographer so you get some good shots too. Try not to talk about john or dave or Fred all the time and how amazing they are.

In reply to Wsdconst:

Good advice. I will look for a climbing club, may be one near me

In reply to Climbyclaudie:


Unless you were doing stuff other than climbing, no it wasn't.

In reply to marsbar:

No, I wasn't. I just thought it was still unfair though. Maybe it was not too bad. I will ask boyfriend. May have to teach him to climb

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

There is a whole other can of worms in climbing with your other half. Think first.

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

I'd suggest briefing him before hand on what nuts are, don't want any "took me ages to get this guy's nuts out" type confusion .

On a serious note I don't think you did anything wrong climbing with men in your last relationship and as long as you're open and your bf is Ok with it, doing so again.

In reply to Climbyclaudie:


No ones's perfect

but seriously it just shouldn't even be the start of thinking about it possibly being an issue.

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

I think if you went climbing with 'boys' who looked like me (ie fat little old men), your boyfriend wouldn't be the least bit worried.

Although I reckon if you're worried that climbing with men could put your relationship in jeapordy, then it's the relationship which needs addressing, not your choice of climbing partners. The other half regularly gets dressed up in rubber to go indulge in 'water sports' with big strapping men. Am I worried?








A bit.

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

This vid will put his mind at rest youtube.com/watch?v=syi62M7dpkw&

In reply to Climbyclaudie:
Thankyou. I just asked him. The man is confused. He sat eating an apple looking at me for a moment or two, then told me he trusts me without question and I am free to climb with who ever the hell I like. He has no idea why I was worried, but he has offered to sit around crags taking my photo and growling at other men, if I should wish him to. Ah...when things with boyfriends go right

Oh, I used to love climbing with my other half, years ago, it was fun

In reply to Martin not maisie:

Haha. Well, the men I climb with usually are good looking, but I just don't fancy them. If I did, I would have one of them as my boyfriend, instead of my non climbing boyfriend. He makes up for it in other lovely ways. Am sure the water sports involves kayaks

In reply to DWS gibraltar:

What the goodness DWS...haha, well, never tried clucking, but looks fun. I am more concerned that the blond man resembles my babysitter in no small way. Is that where he has got to...? New babysitter needed!!

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

Thankyou. I just asked him. The man is confused. He sat eating an apple looking at me for a moment or two, then told me he trusts me without question and I am free to climb with who ever the hell I like. He has no idea why I was worried, but he has offered to sit around crags taking my photo and growling at other men, if I should wish him to. Ah...when things with boyfriends go right

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

It isn't unknown for a relationship to break down in the circumstances you are in, and it's no good insisting that it couldn't. Climbing partnerships are by their very nature close and at times intense, so it might be a good idea to have several different people you climb with. As another respondent has suggested, joining a club and going out on meets with a group of people, rather than with just one person of the opposite sex could be helpful.

In reply to Rog Wilko:

Rog

I've seen your profile pic - and it looks like the apparition in my bathroom mirror at 7AM: Claudie's boyfriend is safe from the pair of us.

And just for the record, if you're ever in Cornwall, all I'd be offering would be classic VSs at Chair Ladder - no matter how intense it got.

In reply to Rog Wilko:

Yes. If I had to choose between the boyfriend and climbing, would be boyfriend. Would quit climbing. A club may be a plan

In reply to Martin not maisie:

VSs at Chair Ladder? Done 'em all. You'll need to do better than that. )

In reply to Climbyclaudie: think you might be over engaging the female thought gland on this one a bit too much. First rule of boy club is we dont give that many f**ks. Like ever. About anything thats not that important. Going and doing sports with the opposite sex being one of those things. Unkess of course you have a deeply meaningful and spritual experience with the chap in which case we may have to suss him out by going to the pub with him. Then if we fear he may have an enormous shlong we may develop feelings of inadequacy which we will then stiffle until we reach the grave.

In reply to beardy mike:


Hmmm, I'm not sure I believe that. I had a non-climbing boyfriend once. Note HAD. He started to get really jealous when I took up climbing. Not just because I was going climbing with blokes but also the fact that I was suddenly spending all this time out of the house really enjoying myself. It became a massive issue and was the catalyst for me dumping him.

In reply to climbingpixie:

Yes, not hard to imagine your different tangents becoming the source of a bit of friction - "I'm just off to share a life changing adventure with a lad I really get on with. Enjoy listening to Wigan vs Stoke on Five Live, won't you Love!"

In reply to Kevster:


What an odd sentiment. Plenty of us climb happily with our other halves! My husband is definitely my favourite climbing partner

In reply to climbingpixie: should have referred him back to the rules. Dismissal is quite appropriate for this sort of rule breaking.

In reply to Kevster:


What's that then?

In reply to beardy mike:

I like the rules beardymike

In reply to climbingpixie:

Yes, this. I am not worried about him being jealous and stopping me climbing. He would not do that. I am worried about him feeling bad about it. I don't want him to ever feel bad, because I love him and he is especially awesome

In reply to beardy mike:

Oh, I need to find a club with those rules Mike...will look at my local clubs, if there are any

In reply to Climbyclaudie:
Try the LC&CC they are an active club, and (looking at your previous posts you appear to be Rossendale) they have members in your area. They are on Facebook as Lancashire caving and climbing club.

In reply to girlymonkey:


Yes, I think so to. I used to like climbing with my partner a long time ago...did not happen much as he was very good and I was a bit rubbish at it..but is best to climb with your partner. I don't think a non outdoorsy partner is ideal...nothing else for it...I will have to teach him to climb. He has not refused to climb...he has just never tried, I smell hope there somewhere He is a surfer, so he must like being outside in the cold.

In reply to Reggie Perrin:

Oh thankyou, I will, I forgot about that club.

In reply to Reggie Perrin:

Reggie Perrin...thats' funny. Faked your own death recently? (If that is your real name,just ignore me) What would I have to do, to be allowed into a club? I am not a member of anything much Will it be some kind of ritual involving scary leads and practical jokes? Will it be like the first day in public school again, cos that was shite. Sent to find long weights, get the can of stripy paint etc.

In reply to Danm79:


Yes, this.!!!! If you are going to do life changing stuff, do it with your beloved other half!! Otherwise you may tell them about that moment when you reached up and suddenly, from nowhere...there was a grippy wonderful hand hold...and they will look at you blank and ask what you want for tea. I shall fit the boyfriend with a climbing harness and head to the quarry down the road...when he wakes up I mean...better let him wake up before I break this news to him him...but it is 8am...maybe I should prod him a bit with my foot

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

Oooh, Rossendale looking foggy and slightly damp this morning. It will add atmosphere to his first climbing experience I guess. He did throw me in a very big wave, with a very wobbly surfboard and tell me to 'don't ride the wave, be the ocean'...but it did work, (you know, after me thinking I had actually died for a few minutes) have been trying to follow the various instructions to surf for years until this happened..now I can do those big waves, the really big ones that I used to stand and watch from the beach nervously Life is good

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

The boyfriend is over 6ft and muscular. Will this mean I will have to climb twice as hard if I teach him to climb? Hmmm...this is a first world problem I have now. I am very tiny, and short.

In reply to cb294:

Ask him if he wants to come along if you havent already done so. Or meet you and climbing buddies in a near by pub when you have finished. Introduce him to everyone...

In reply to Climbyclaudie:

PM Rog Wilko up thread, he is involved with the LC&CC, but basically go on a couple of meets and show you can belay safelly.

In reply to stucknortherner:

Yes, there is a plan, will do next week

In reply to Reggie Perrin:

Thats' it? Happy

In reply to Climbyclaudie:
>If you are going to do life changing stuff, do it with your beloved other half!! Otherwise you may tell them about that moment when you reached up and suddenly, from nowhere...there was a grippy wonderful hand hold...and they will look at you blank and ask what you want for tea.

I climb, but my lovely wife doesn't. She's tried it a good few times, but has decided it's not for her. However, she knows enough about climbing and what it means to me that she can share my enthusiasm and understand it. If I'm out with a group, she comes along for the social side. If it's just me and one other person, she'll pass. As she knows that to me a climbing partner is just that, someone to climb with, it's not felt as a threat to our relationship. Although there may be a raised eyebrow if I suggest I'm going away for a climbing week with a vanfull of women... She's a great wife!

In reply to Danm79:

Tottenham in his case but it's the same thing really. I guess part of the problem with climbing is it can get a bit all-consuming, especially when you start out and it's all you want to do, all the time. I spend 2-3 evenings a week at the wall, most weekends will have at least one climbing day and 90% of my holiday time from work is earmarked for climbing trips. I've had three weeks abroad this year, all climbing, and am about to go for another week to Kalymnos. I'm not sure how I could fit all this in if my boyfriend wasn't also a climber!

In reply to girlymonkey:


Climbing with someone you're intimate with can lead to some cracking rows though. It switches off the filter that normally exists in a climbing partnership, y'know, the one that stops you shouting 'stop faffing and just do the f***ing move already, it's only a VS FFS'...

In reply to climbingpixie:

Yep. In the same way that sharing your job and workplace with your partner might be a nightmare. But works for some. Or that the love of your life might be the absolute nemesis as co-driver/navigator. Being very close doesn't necessarily mean that all aspects of life will be better shared.

Like gribble above, my wife's climbed a bit, but it's not really for her, so I climb with others. She loves team sports, was an avid rugby player for 21 years and captained a few teams. I just don't get games with points and balls, hate all such sports. We totally get each other's enthusiasm for different things. Been together 17 years.

In reply to climbingpixie:


That made me laugh. I've seen some quality domestics on the crag.

In reply to climbingpixie:

y'know, the one that stops you shouting 'stop faffing and just do the f***ing move already, it's only a VS FFS'...

This is what I often need to hear, and my husband knows he can shout that at me and that is ok. Others are often reluctant to when actually it might be helpful. My husband knows my climbing ability better than anyone, he knows I am capable of harder moves than him, and sometimes needs to remind me of this. It works well for us

In reply to climbingpixie:

You'd have to switch to biking all the time instead!

In reply to girlymonkey:

"y'know, the one that stops you shouting 'stop faffing and just do the f***ing move already, it's only a VS FFS'..."

I've had many like this (in a sarcastic voice) "oh well, if I'd KNOWN it was JUST a rockover, I'd have just DONE a rockover" Does rockerover... works!

check this out ....

http://www.ukclimbing.com/forums/t.php?t=501894

In reply to Yanis Nayu:


Me too - generally between two middle aged blokes.