UKC

If it had been filmed at the time, what route, pitch or part thereof which you led or seconded, would have won a 'Comedy Climbing clip of the year award.'

My own offering would have been when I followed the start of the second pitch of Creagh Dhu wall, (the big flake,) at Tremadoc. It really seems to me that not only were all 4 limbs stoutly refusing to do what I wanted them to, but were all fighting each other at the same time, a bit like Dr Strangelove at the end of the film doing everything bar strangling myself.

I don't think the attempt could have looked more ludicrous if I had been wearing Lancashire clogs, boxing gloves and had a wet towel wrapped over my face.

Any other offers?

In reply to Ann S:

One of my friends got a bit cheeky and did that very route in deck shoes. Made for great viewing on his lead!

In reply to Ann S:

Mate on Emmas crack, birchen edge. We sandbagged him and he had a full big wall rack on by the time he left the ground. All of it useless and all of it stopping progress. There were some swear words and a lot of frog leg thrutching. The audience gave an applause too.

In reply to Kevster:

Ah yes , the good old frogs leg move. That's an accomplished part of my repertoire!!

I think I did a sort of crossed leg scissor frog move on the wide crack of Jean Jeanie.

In reply to Ann S:

It was funny. He climbs indoors up to mid french 7's so being sandbagged on a Mod was funny.
Nothing wrong with frogs legs waving about in the sky. Its as good as a double knee on a ledge or head jam in a roof/corner for technique prowess.

In reply to Ann S:

I remember laughing at my friend Andy beaching belly-first on a large chockstone like a stranded whale. All that could be seen from below was a pair of legs sticking out from the crack, perpendicular to the crag. Wriggling.

Then I seconded the route and despite all efforts to the contrary I ended up in the same ridiculous position. Can't remember the route name but it's somewhere on Froggatt Edge.

In reply to Alyson:

Bit of a Frog theme developing here!!

PS. Just added a reply to your timber supply thread.

In reply to Ann S: My other half fell through a bush near the top of Little Cenotaph at Pass of Ballater, knocking down a branch which landed on my head. All I could see when I looked up, was his legs waving madly from out the bottom of some vegetation.

In reply to Ann S:

Bramble Crack, a Diff at Bamford edge. I had to crawl along a ledge to get out! Next time I'll traverse before that!

In reply to Ann S:

Probably on the well-named Elephant's Arse at Holyhead Mountain. The crux is a squirm into the eponymous orifice. There's a friendly jug on the lip to help you. Then the floor of the cave is a large puddle. And there are no other holds in reach. So I spent a long time half lying in muddy water while thrashing my legs around the outside blindly trying to get some purchase on something.

Happy days.

In reply to Ann S:

We had a good laugh watching someone trying to climb flying buttress on stanage, he ended up laying on his belly on the ledge facing left and was struggling to get up.
He fell of in the end but was perfectly fine.

In reply to Ann S:

Desperately trying to get off the ground at one of those undercut starts at Birchen Edge - I think it was my first encounter with grit. Eventually my friend gave my behind a hearty and helpful shove to get me started.

In reply to Ann S:

Tody's Wall. IIRC I ended up draped over the block with my bum sticking up in the air at one point. :

In reply to Wingnut:

With all these bum in the air stories, I've remembered photographing a mate doing the teeter across the narrow neck of rock to the Cioch on Skye. He started off brazenly walking across, then got down and bounced a cheval backwards and finally lay facedown and slithered across still backwards.

He was dressed in all black buffalo gear and looked like a gigantic slug.

He knew I had snapped several shots of him while jeering loudly and the film from my camera mysteriously disappeared later that week.

In reply to Ann S:

I won an award.....
Read the Non Parle article from 27 Aug 2008 BMC download

https://www.thebmc.co.uk/Download.aspx?id=304

Chris

In reply to Ann S:

I managed to laugh myself off Pincushion - those who have done it will know the moves

In reply to cwarby:



Enjoyed that, top quality epic! Thanks.

In reply to Carless:


Can hazard a good guess at 'em. Remember doing Pincushion for my second Extreme, on a Sunday evening, with the sun setting on the slab, the sound of cow bells in the distance, an enormous sense of peace.

A few days later, on a burning hot afternoon (when nowadays, you just wouldn't climb; but we had no sense then) I got my hands crossed on Mangoletsi. (The only other time this has ever happened was on the crux of The Boldest; luckily I was only seconding.)

Back to Mangoletsi - I laughed and laughted and laughed like a drain. It wasn't in any way nervous laughter; it just seemed the height of silliness.

But there was a deathly silence from below. When my second came up, he muttered, "You'd really have gone the distance."

Odd what we find funny.

Mick

In reply to cwarby:

"climb in Braille " - brill.

In reply to Ann S:

The other Chris wrote the article, so credit where its due.

Mark - Cheers for reply. Moral of story - Take the bl***y topo with you.

Chris

In reply to Ann S:

Lockwood's Chimney (VD) Many years ago, badly hungover, to the point of nearly throwing up with any exertion! Trying desperately to get off the ground at the back of the cave, tried straight up facing in, no go, tried the left edge, made some progress till forced off balance, and slithered back to the ground, tried right hand side, nothing doing, then 3 of my hungover mates tried, each failing miserably. Howls of laughter, and piss taking as each of us floundered in turn. I finally cracked it by climbing facing out, with back on the wall, left foot bridging on left wall (facing out) right foot desperately scrabbling for any thing, and finishing with a fosbury flop onto the ledge above!

In reply to Fiskavaig:

I well remember my one and only visit to Lockwoods chimney; like you there were 4 of us as well, but minus the hangovers. Me being a short arse could not get up the wall you describe and Gerry who is what used to be called a 'portly gent', didn't have a cat in hell's chance. We both relied on clambering onto poor Bills shoulder and doing the flop from there and I swear I saw Gerry put one foot on the top of Bill's head. How we didn't end up with a major casualty in there I don't know.

In reply to Ann S:

The very short and modest Gwynant Crack is very willing to spit folk out.
Getting up it is a mixture of trying to stay in it with one half of the body, while kick starting a motorbike with the other.
A good leveller for the most elegant of rock monkey.

In reply to birdie num num:

Not familiar with that one Birdie. I must check it out if ever get down there again.

In reply to Ann S:

Watching my mate trying to get off the floor with a heavy pack on his back on Groove above. I was laughing so hard and his anger was adding to it. Makes me laugh still when I think back.
He got his own back when I struggled through the hole on shelob. That wasn't funny but I could definitely hear laughter. ..
Luke.

In reply to luke glaister:

You need a jet pack on your back to get started on Groove Above!!

In reply to Ann S:

just the other weekend, my mate was top-roping some routes at Sheepstor, which many of you will know is a very popular group crag. He was huffing and puffing all sorts of profanities like "c'mon ya b****rd" and "get that f****n hand up there" to what he thought was to himself. My mate and me were creased up laughing at him and when he returned after a successful summit attempt, we said "tough climb?" to which everyone one else at the crag burst out laughing. He honestly though he was saying it all under his breath.

Had to be there I guess....

In reply to Derry:

I'm afraid I disgraced myself on a visit to Shepherds by letting rip, when all the nuts on my keeper crab fell off as I tried to reclip them back to the harness; it was the first time I'd ever done this in many years of climbing and I was absolutely outraged at my stupidity.

Just glad there were no passing nuns or vicars that day.

In reply to Ann S:

A mate of mine was seconding a climb at Swanage on a very windy day. About 5m before the final overhang he pulled on a hold and a large block detached itself leaving him dangling in space.

He calculated that if the leader lowered him off there should be just about enough rope for him to reach the ground, so he shouted to the leader to lower him off.

Meanwhile the leader had felt the increased pull on the rope but unable to hear the second, and assuming he would start climbing again soon. Held on hard.

This situation continued for several minutes, and eventually the second decided that he had best start prusiking up. After about 15/20 mins of strenuous prusiking he reached the overhang and had just about made contact with the rock again, when the Leader, fed up with holding him decided that he must want lowering off.

So just as the second was searching for holds he found himself being lowered down again!

Still well above the ground the rope ran out and the second was then faced with an even longer prusik back up again!

He eventually emerged at the top and air was blue!

It was only in the pub afterwards that they both had a good laugh about it

In reply to Trangia:

If Buster Keaton had been a climber I really think he would have filmed something like that.
What a hoot.

In reply to Ann S:

I was climbing many years ago wtih somebody who is a bit of a potty mouth. When she got to the top of the crag there wasn't much to belay from so she intended to walk quite a bit further back to find a belay. She decided she wanted to tell me this. It was one of those days when the wind is blowing in a directions that means that the person at the top of the crag can't hear anything, while those at the bottom of the crag can hear everything very clearly and very distinctly. Naturally, she thought I would have trouble hearing her, as she couldn't hear me above the howling gale at the top. So, she repeatedly bellowed "I'm going f**king miles back" numerous times. It was the kind of crag where there are often lots of families having picnics. One woman actually covered up her child's ears. How I laughed.

In reply to cathsullivan:

Hi Cath. Hope you've had a good summer.
Now there's an idea for a new club- 'The Potties'.

In reply to Ann S:

A friend of mine and his mate went to Avon gorge one day to climb an hvs under the bridge he said. Both like a smoke... as we call him stoner dan. Anyway. He said they were on the 2nd pitch belay and my mate lead the last pitch. Made safe and took the slack in. They are sports climbers so we're climbing on one rope. The traffic below made talking to each other non existent. So the second set off. Climbed 10 feet up only to realise he left the rucksack on the ledge. After shouting for slack for 5 mins he give up and made the decision to untie and down climb to the ledge. Only to look up and watch the rope slowly being taken in. My mate who is at the top then thinks his mate has made the move and is flying up the route only to pull a tag end of rope over the cliff top. In true stoner style he's sat there trying to work out what's going on. When all of a sudden. His mate solo's over the top. As white as a sheet. And immediately says. "Get a fu..ing biffta on bae. Hahahah I can't imagine what the last pitch on solo was like.
Luke.

In reply to luke glaister:

Reminds me of a day out on the North Cornish Coast way back in my college stoner days - I was making pretty slow going of a fairly lengthy HVS whilst my second was wedged comfortably out of the wind with a joint on the go. Upward progress became harder and harder as gradually the rope became tighter and tighter. Looked down to see why he had ceased paying out and he was curled up fast asleep in the sun....

In reply to Philo22:

Hahahahahahah. Brilliant. I know they say it makes u layed back... lol.
Luke.