UKC

My team wasn't on top form today, and we had need of a number of these.

Personally, I like to see the old ways respected in this area, and when addressing a comrade sprawled on the floor or slumped on the rope I seldom venture more than a quietly encouraging, 'Oh, well done. You nearly reached the start of the hard bit', or so.

But I feel sure that with modern training methods the younger generation can do a lot better, and on the basis of today's performance I can see that my team mates and I are going to need to expand our repertoires.

So would anyone like to suggest to me some more modern such expressions?

jcm

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

"Good effort" normally goes down well!

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

Nothing modern, but "How's it going?" Is the dreaded phrase to hear while leading.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

If your climber grabs at a draw in desperation, it's always polite to ask "how's the friction on that hold?"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:
Shouting up; "should I read out the description, again, so you can get going.?", or "you can belay there and I can lead through if you like"... " let me know when you start moving again"

or.. if they are/were gibbering a bit.. "D.. I ... S... C.. O... "

It's actually quite hard to think of them, as generally they just flow suiting the moment.

or "perhaps you should edit your lead grade on your UKC profile"..

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

If someone is still on the ground after several attempts to get the start, then they might get a helpful "climb when you're ready".

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

And should they, by some mischance, actually get to the top a congratulatory 'Oh good. It's not hard then' always goes down well

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

I was once shown a problem by Martin Boysen who commented when I did it first go " you used muscles, that,s cheating"!
another comment of his to me was " there's a blacksmiths way of doing everything" !

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

'Mate just get up the f*ckin' wall' with a withering look usually works.

In reply to peppermill:

maybe not a putdown....but 'stop faffing about and get on with it' covers most situations.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

The most helpful response to "which way"? is "up"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

You're going to need to take that harness to the laundry

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

you've let yourself down, you've let the club down, ..

In reply to johncoxmysteriously: My old mate Andy would occasionally call up a terse "Your leg's dithering like a sh*tting dog!".
In turn as he thrutched up some grim chimney I suggested he was like a slug up a drainpipe.

Together we made up the SOMC - Stunned Ox Mountaineering Club, I think after a Steve Ashton line about having "the grace of a partially stunned ox in an abattoir". We even had a little latin motto - Semper Ataxicus, and my climbing helmet also had a selection of "I sat still for my X-Ray" and "World's Bravest Patient" stickers.

Happy days

b

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

When somebody's struggling and asks
"How do you do this?"

reply
"Well you put your hands on the handholds and your feet on the footholds"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

You're gonna die!!!

Climb better/stronger

Don't worry, it's easier from there (when the leader is below the crux')

In reply to johncoxmysteriously: When asked "Where now" usual answer is "spit, then go the opposite way!"
Another favourite is when someone is stuck in the middle of a crux "Is that the best place for a rest?"
On a much more personal note, when stuck at a crux way above my grade, on lead with lousy gear far enough below for their quality to not matter (I would deck before they were needed) the group were all shouting the usual, "go for it" "just reach up" etc etc. my response was. "I like it here I'm not moving!" Stuck to that for 40 mins!

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:
After dithering for ages below the crux while leading Heartless Hare (with a side runner too), Jimmy Jewel, who was effortlessly soloing Artless/Hairless Heart, grinned across and said "Have you tried using the holds?"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

If one of my mates is being a bit pathetic I usually shout 'keep going XXXX, mummy loves you'.

That usually does the trick.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

If you can catch someone at Peak Anger, that point when, ruddy faced, they are about to move from 'never give up' to 'I'll give it one more go' then a helpful "Remember, the best climber is the one having the most fun" goes down well.

In reply to HeMa:


Or "can I have your gear when you fall off and kill yourself, its not all worn out and useless?"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

When I'm faffing around and making a right dogs arse of something (which is pretty common for me) my mate Charley quite often drops in a " You're doing really well mate ".
Priceless - sarcastic bastard.

Also my mate Ben was once talking about FBD at Stanage and said " It can't be that 'ard, Reedy flashed it " cheers mate !

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

A particular favorite encouragement shouted at the climber when they are struggling is:

"Pull! Pull like you're pulling me off your sister"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

In no particular order...
- "Off belay"
- "Do you think we'll make last orders"
- "Pull on the gear I'll look the other way"
- "XXX (ideally a less able mate) flashed this"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

Oh yeah, forgot all about punisment slack...


When the leaders yells to keep the rope tight (Ie. minimal slack), just yell back "slack coming up".

In reply to rocksol:

I recall reading a Martin Boysen comment (in a Jim Curran book maybe).

Leader having a bit of trouble: 'I can't understand this, I could piss up this last year'

Boysen, "it's because you're no f*cking good that's why!"

In reply to Siward:

I think it was Bonington to Whillans on the Bonatti Pillar. MacInnes was in pieces having been given a smack on the head by a stone and Whillans was leading them all up to the top.

Bonington: Don, how did you get up this?
Whillans: Skill.

In reply to HeMa:



It should really be: "OK - slack coming up". Think of the "OK" as a psychological unsharp mask.
M

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

Whenever I spend ten minutes thrashing around in an awkward and uncomfortable posture, running out of strength and getting more and more frustrated, my climbing partner without fail calls out "JUST STAND UP".

Dunno why this climbing lark is so hard really. Hold on to the rock/hold, move foot up, stand up, repeat.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

I did manage to get Geraldine Taylor with a "It has gone free you know" when she was surprisingly insitu on an attempt at Rivelin's Roof Route.

Popping your head over the top above a flailing leader and politely enquiring "This is the descent route, right?" is also obligatory.

Also a friend once described another friend's technique as "Like a cat in a bucket", which was rather poignant.

In reply to Gone:


Perhaps you're intune more with bouldering traverses...

In reply to Gone:


Definately my favourite.

In reply to rocksol:

Hah! Obviously the blacksmith line was an MB favourite. A friend of mine, then aged 13 or 14, once passed by as MB was failing on Moon Crack and asked if he could have a go. MB reluctantly handed over the end while resting between attempts, and my friend cruised to the top, his then (and now) hardest-ever lead. MB was generous in his congratulations to the excited boy:-

"Oh, I see - it's just a blacksmith move then.'

jcm

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

Another oldie, probably meant to be encouraging, but somehow doesn't have a positive effect:
"The holds are there if you just look for them ..."

In reply to Bob Aitken:

If a mate climbs well,I often think 'bastard!',but I say ''Bloody good effort youth!' or similar.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

Well, 'just stand up' when they have been desperately trying to do just that for the past 20m+ is always popular!

'You're nearly at the crux now!"

"XXXX flashed this earlier!" where XXX is someone who has only been climbing for 6 months and can't normally climb anything more than the stairs.

"It's supposed to be soft..."

"Is it my turn yet" always draws great annoyance

It has been said before but the response "up" is great for "Where do I go?"

"Have you seen the little crimp to your left?" When they have been trying to hang onto it for past 5 minutes

"You haven't even tried yet!"

"Dyno? I can reach that static!" causes great annoyance

Best one ever was watching someone cruise a bouldering problem I had been unable to get off the ground on - in trainers! Needless to say my next attempt resulted in finishing it easily!

In reply to Gone:

"Can't you just step up?"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

'Climb when ready' usually gets the message across.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

I usually try to be kind, but have had someone slipping off the bottom off a 6b+ (top rope) which was clearly way outside their grade and couldn't resist telling them the crux was near the top and that it's not really a 6b+

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:
Favourite for goading a recalcitrant leader, "Does this mean I have to climb it in rockshoes not trainers!" Responses are often unprintable.
Another favourite I have heard, after a leader has been so strung out they have been unable to stop to place gear, get rid of the elvis leg, find a rest, etc, is "Nice route, just thought I'd run out the last bit!"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

The best (accidental) putdown I've ever heard went something like this:

I'd taken a mate out climbing for the first time to Almscliff and through the day explained the different styles, free, aid, solo etc etc.

As we walked along we see some lad, having fallen from Western Front moments earlier, sitting on the rope.
My friend pointed and asked loudly 'Is that aid climbing then'

The dejected look from our less-than-successful leader in response made me fall about laughing.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

When your mate finally gives up and weights the gear:
'You look really strong when you're hanging on the rope'

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

"why don`t you drop a grade and go for a walk"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

When my mate is struggling ill shout...do you want uncle Andrew (insert own name) to come and do that for you ?

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

Or come on. ..its not going to climb it's f@#$ing self !!

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

(after belaying for >30 minutes while a leader repeatedly failed on the crux of a crappy 8m sport route, which in fairness they did eventually do) Did you bring your headtorch?

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

"Watch me"
"I've been watching you for 20 minutes and you've done f**k all"

In reply to Chris the Tall:

One from this morning - 'That seal must be really bored - he can't find anything better to do than to watch you'.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

There is this Swiss gear manufacturer called "Chamois" or something. Anyway, all their kit have this nice, big chamois logo on them.

In my climbing group the general, helpful advice is therefore to "Move up the crag like the chamois on your pack...",

CB

In reply to Fiend:

I remember asking Geraldine when seacliff climbing did her seconds get wet twice during the climb. Saw her last week on Kalymnos She doesn,t climb now just swimming and canoeing

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:
Usually when climbing at Tremadog, as my mate grabs a branch; "are the wooden holds in at this grade"?

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

It's only a vdiff

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

"Well done, I'v never seen anyone make it look so difficult."

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

Not so much a put down but a friend used to lurk near his party piece VS at Stanage (real grade nearer HVS), wait until leader was in extremis, ask if he could try ' this climbing lark' and then solo the thing in his hush puppies.

In reply to Ciderslider:


Yeah, best type really cos you get to put down two people at the same time

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

When I was dithering once, my partner said in a miserable South Yorkshire accent "'urry up - I've not brought me sleeping bag."

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

"Blimey Graham! is this one E2? I thought it said VDiff in the book"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

(while, obviously, standing at the bottom belaying) "Shall I throw you a top rope?"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

"I can't reach the hold" usually gets a "Well, climb up to it then!"

If there's a lack of progress, "Are we waiting for erosion to bring the top closer then?"

Mark

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

Best heckle heard on a Mallorca DWS trip, to a climber paused high up on a route at Diablo "Don't bother chalking up, you're going in the sea!"

In reply to thepeaks:

My favourite going to remember it

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:


"You should have alccimbatized by now, move up a bit higher and see how you feel"

And

Climbing after light drizzle - "Are you waiting for the holds to dry?" Followed some minutes later with "Hang on in there, it looks like the sun's about to come out"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

"Al Evans wouldn't have had a no3 cam on the first ascent either"
To my climbing partner on Jean Jeanie

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

This evening at the wall as I grabbed a quickdraw to clip it then called "take", my 14 y.o. son shouted "Take a fall like a man".

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

variations on:
If I had your skill, that's exactly how I'd have done it....

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

We were at Stanage one day, years ago, watching a guy struggle on a HVS. He went up a move, put a nut in, hung on it, did it again. After half an hour, he was knackered and still only half way up, so he gets lowered off. Geraldine Taylor waltzes up and asked him if she can retrieve his gear. Leader accepts. So Geraldine solos up it, chucking the nuts down one by one and waltzes off at the top. The leader was destroyed but it was glorious to watch 😊 . The best put-down I ever saw!

In reply to Mostro:

Yes, the best put down of all, cruising something your mate has been struggling on/attempting for ages (preferably years).

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

(said to partner while both walking past the route someone is attempting) "that's how not to do it" or "ah yes, this one sorts out the men from the boys"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

My favourite is 'If you're putting the kettle on I'll have tea"

A sharp intake of breath and "Are you sure about that"..

"You'll die if you do it that way'

When dragging a second - "Hang on, the winch has seized"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

One of my favorites-
when your second is struggling and asks for "tight" the response should be "it'll come tight when you fall off"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:
'One day, with suitable training, you may approach my standard'

In reply to Mostro:


So she humiliated someone with less ability who had done his best. Bravo. Ron Fawcett would never do that. And you thought it was glorious. You should be ashamed.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:


The younger generation can be cruel. When my daughter was nine one of the tricks she and her friend had at the climbing club was waiting for an adult beginner to start off on an easy slab top rope route and then take the next line over and climb a similar route 'no hands' with the added challenge of catching up with and passing the adult before they got to the top of the wall.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:
A well known Northumbrian climber was telling me about an onsight attempt at the 2nd ascent of Sixpence "I got to this ledge, you'd call it a hold".
Probably right.

In reply to Pekkie:

To be fair, she got the gear out for him!

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

just going to tie you off and get a brew

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:
Where've you put the car key?

In reply to Michael Gordon:


Right. I suppose it depends how something like this is done, and the context. It's one thing to take the mickey out of someone who is bumptious and arrogant and quite another to humiliate a beginner who has done their best.

A long while ago I was on Gwynne's Chimney on Pavey Ark (Diff) feeling like a real mountaineer having done the crescent climb intro with sacs etc. Some young lad scrambling up the rake not too far below me stops, looks up at me, points up ahead and shouts "the hard climbs are over that way". He was right of course.

In reply to jcw:


In JCM's case, floating out to sea apparently....

http://www.ukclimbing.com/articles/page.php?id=830

In reply to Chris the Tall:



When someone says "watch me", I always reply:

"I am doing, its f**cking hilarious"

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

I was once holding Keith Sharples' ropes as he worked a route on The Cornice. After eventually failing on the crux he shouted "Put me down Graham"

"OK, you're f***ing useless" I replied.

Another one was when a good friend was failing on some problems requiring flexibility.
"Have you thought of taking up yoga"? I asked.
"Why, do you think it'll improve my flexibility"? he asked.
"No, but you're no bloody good at climbing" was my response (you need to be good mates to get away with this one!).

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:
Actually I've forgotten a personal favourite.

Was at Stanage for a Fresher's meet, so that would be 1974 or 75. Someone was soloing Flying Buttress Direct - back then, it would have been someone famous, maybe EWD? - and one of our party, a dramatically beautiful women (so much so her entire career was spent as a TV presenter) - just looked up and, just as he reached the crux, said very loudly - 'Oh he's just being such a show-off.'

In reply to Rob Exile Ward:
My favorite:

Whilst at the Foundry with my 'old git climbing partner' many years ago

He looks up the wall at a some young agitated Rockstar resting on the rope and shouts

'You know what your problem is there?'

'No - what!?' comes the reply

'You're crap like me!'

You could see the steam come out of ears! - Brilliant.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously:

I was on a route many years ago and obviously struggling when a passing climber shouts up "youth there's jugs on that route as big as your grandmother tits "at which point I fell backwards missing the floor by inches.

In reply to johncoxmysteriously: "I thought it was piss" usually suffices.

Andy F