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NEW ARTICLE: 20 People You'll Meet...at the Climbing Wall

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 UKC Articles 29 Oct 2015
Main Indoor 8m Wall busy with members, 5 kbClimbing walls are growing in popularity and attract a variety of characters from all walks of life. If you've been visiting your local wall fairly regularly, you'll no doubt have people-watched and pigeon-holed a few stand-out individuals or groups. Can you distinguish a Beta-Cheater from a Beta-Bleater? A Beanie-Boulderer from The Powerscreamer? Have you been subjected to the Lycra-Lover yet?

Here are 20 stereotypes that may feature at a wall near you.



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 Andy Farnell 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles: You forgot to add the moany old git who goes on about 'bouncing youths' and 'it wasn't like this in my day' along with 'the competition problems aren't real climbing', refusing to dyno and trying to do everything statically. And failing.

Andy F

 PPP 29 Oct 2015
In reply to andy farnell:

Also, "oh, you cannot climb it? Just dyno/skip that bad hold and just go for the next one" guy is forgotten! I have to admit, I've done that myself and felt bad about it. But it was actually easier on such a problem and could never get it right without skipping a sloper.
4
 Ramblin dave 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

Also the cheating tall person who can reach holds that you can't, and the moaning shortarse who can't reach holds that you can.
 Andy Farnell 29 Oct 2015
In reply to PPP:

> Also, "oh, you cannot climb it? Just dyno/skip that bad hold and just go for the next one" guy is forgotten! I have to admit, I've done that myself and felt bad about it. But it was actually easier on such a problem and could never get it right without skipping a sloper.

Are they related to the 'its easier if you just campus everything' guy?

Andy F
 Valkyrie1968 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

I didn't realise that Buzzfeed writers did guest articles for UKC.
7
 Lemony 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:
I'd add:
The In Situ Sitter: The person who yo never see climbing but has worn a groove into their spot on the mat - typically underneath the steepest parts of the wall.
The Troglodyte: once the sun goes down outside they crawl out from the training rooms/woodies/sex dungeons that you're always too embarrassed to go into and quietly cruise all the things you've been struggling on before slithering back into the night.
Post edited at 12:58
Removed User 29 Oct 2015
In reply to Valkyrie1968:

Ha, my thoughts exactly! I can't remember the last time one of these came out though and it's written very well. I think we can let it slide just this once.
1
 mav 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

I would add the dangerous stranger. He (always a male) asks if he can buddy up with you and your mate as his partner isn't here yet (they ever arrive). As you're tying in, he's asking where you've climbed. You mention a local crag and he's heard of it, never been because he's not done any trad climbing. You climb, he climbs (and struggles on the warm-up) and then he offers to belay your mate. When your mate is halfway up the ball, the dangerous stranger drops the rope in order to point out a hold. You spend the rest of the night nervously giving the stranger tips and hints, as you discover he's barely climbed anything ever.
Next week you bodyswerve him, the week after he is there with an equally inexperienced friend. 6 months later he's either vanished or becomes a wall rat.
 winhill 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

Why is the dog in the picture not wearing a helmet?

Won't someone think of the pups?
Wiley Coyote2 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

Anyone know how to mail links anonymously? I know a Number 7 who definitely needs to read this. We have found 'Shut the f**k up, bucket gob' does not work but a written version may still be worth a try........
 Scott K 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

Brilliant article. Recognise quite a few.
 galpinos 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

I appear to be a No. 20........
Wiley Coyote2 29 Oct 2015
In reply to galpinos:
I aspire to Number 8 but competition is so fierce it will probably remain an unfulfilled dream ....like my hopes of flashing London Wall and my night of passion with Claudia Schiffer
Post edited at 14:51
 neilh 29 Oct 2015
In reply to andy farnell:

I thought there should be a category on " silver surfers" as there is an alternative world at walls on weekdays deals when the "oldies" turn up.

Have to admit to being jealous as there seem to be large groups of them, all enjoying themselves and organising well funded overseas trips.
Wiley Coyote2 29 Oct 2015
In reply to neilh:

'Silver surfers?' We prefer Happy Old Has Beens
 nutme 29 Oct 2015
In reply to neilh:

Don't be..

First you have time, but no cash.
Later you have cash, but no time.
 Robert Durran 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:
Great article.

The author was for many years a very annoying number 2, but is now very much a number 5 (you surreptitiously watch to see how to do the crux of your project, but she shakes out in a relaxed fashion half way through it and you learn absolutely nothing.......)

My regular partner is fits one of the stereotypes perfectly!
Post edited at 16:52
 Mick Ward 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

A really lovely article. I think we can all recognise these types, mentally ticking off, "Oh God, this one isn't me, is it?" (At least I'm not The Overachieving Child... dream on!)

On a similar note, a while back, in an idle moment (like you have), I dreamed up a little piece of fun, '10 Ways to Tell if You're a Complete Bumblie'. Anticipating hate-mail beyond belief, (coward, yup!) this was quickly shelved and I can't remember any of them now. At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Interestingly though, when I mooted this idea to my partner, she got seven out of the ten straight away. She may not climb but, it seems, she's got climbers well sussed.

'10 Ways to Tell if You're a Complete Bumblie'. Consider it an open project!

Mick
 Anth 29 Oct 2015
In reply to Ramblin dave:

Yep, I'm guilty of being a "brute height and ignorance" type, normally beaten by small people who can compress themselves for boulder starts.
 Sean Kelly 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

The " I just can't understand it. I flashed this route last week!" type.
 LizS 29 Oct 2015
In reply:

What about the Poser who grunts loudly up easy routes and comes down saying "Man, that was hard!".
And then the same Poser shouts loads of beta at his girlfriend while she cruises the next grade up on the route.

Not seen those two for a while now.
1
 Timmd 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:
It missed out the grey/white haired still flexible climbers in their 70's who cruise up overhangs as if they're nothing at all, and radiate a cheerful glow at still being here and able to climb, and seem like they'll always be able to.

Post edited at 20:16
In reply to Wiley Coyote:

Or even better .... Veteran athletes!
 Misha 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:
Very good. I'm often the downgrader, except outdoors rather than indoors and with routes I've done rather than what others have done

4
 IanMcC 29 Oct 2015
In reply to keith-ratcliffe:

(Copyright KR 2015)
Wiley Coyote2 29 Oct 2015
In reply to keith-ratcliffe:

> Or even better .... Veteran athletes!

Well in my case you're half right....and sadly it's not the athlete half
 nniff 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

'Terminal BO' is usually present - of any age, from a teenager who doesn't wash, to someone who sweats heavily and keeps their climbing clothes in a rucksack until next week, and probably washes everything diligently except for their clothes.

Closely related to 'Stinking 5.10'.

They both seem to have the pick of the routes.

There are road cycling versions of the former too - you don't want to draft one of them......
Wiley Coyote2 29 Oct 2015
In reply to nniff:

> 'Terminal BO' is usually present -

Is the link btwn your post and your name just coincidental
 Andy Morley 29 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

How about the pot-boiler-writing climbing journalist who thinks in clichés all the time
8
 nniff 30 Oct 2015
In reply to Wiley Coyote:

Are you trying to tell me something..........

 full stottie 30 Oct 2015
In reply to Mick Ward:

Not quite as snappy as your idea, but this old article has that flavour:

http://www.ukclimbing.com/articles/page.php?id=832

Dave
 niggle 30 Oct 2015
Exceptionally cheeky of ms berry to pen this one, in the time I've known her she's been at least 5 of these!
 Rich Ellis 30 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

I recognise elements of me in a few of these .
How about the trad climber that returns to the wall when the weather turns and hibernates indoors on the wall until its good enough to climb real rock again. Normally Oct/Nov to March/April.
In reply to UKC Articles: A couple more that you missed.

The Alpinist
A rare but unmissable sight occasionally spotted in late spring training hard for some only moderately desperate North Face.
Tell-tale identifier He (they are almost exclusively male) stands out from all other climbers being firmly established on mid-grade routes for extended periods complete with mountaineering boots and large rucsac.

The Off-Duty Staff Member
Most climbers at the wall know who they are anyway.
Tell-tale identifier The dismissive and bored expression whilst they lackadaisically cruise hard blocs in approach shoes or sandals is normally a give away. Can sometimes be mistaken for A Golden Boy/Girl but the radiated air of boredom, indifference and lack of pysche is normally palpable.
 beardy mike 30 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

What about Geriatric hardmen.

These are the guys who are generally 60+ who have to bend the fingers out straight before setting off but once they get on the route they absolutely cruise their way up things yo struggle on using this strange method of cheating called technique. They egyptian and gaston their way up things that you find desperate and then do laps on the route. They then retreat to the sofas where they quietly whinge about their doctors appointments.
 Dave Foster 30 Oct 2015
In reply to UKC Articles:

I've seen the 'dropped from the eighth clip' category once.

Tell tale sign: Bouncing human that stands up with a pallid, shocked expression. Then falls over to cries of, "MEDIC!!". Belayer seemed quite nonchalant - must've been a goldenbollocks.
In reply to neilh:

> I thought there should be a category on " silver surfers" as there is an alternative world at walls on weekdays deals when the "oldies" turn up.

> Have to admit to being jealous as there seem to be large groups of them, all enjoying themselves and organising well funded overseas trips.

Big team of silver surfers enjoying ourselves at the wall today. Just back from Kalymnos and now planning trip to Calpe.
 Mick Ward 31 Oct 2015
In reply to full stottie:

> ...this old article has that flavour:

It certainly has. Good stuff! Can I shamelessly nick your best lines? (I'll take that as a yes.) Of course it wouldn't be sordid plagiarism, more like high-minded 'literary acknowledgement'...

Mick
 full stottie 31 Oct 2015
In reply to Mick Ward:

Some bumblies are obviously silver-tongued too. How could one refuse your Perrinesque reply? I'm flattered.

However Mick, I think you are an imposter in the world of true Bumbledom, where the ability to climb proper 'ard routes, even in the past, is an instant disqualifier.

This is a Bottom-feeder's perspective. (I wish I hadn't used that phrase already....)

Dave
 Mick Ward 31 Oct 2015
In reply to full stottie:

> ... even in the past...

Well that's me put firmly in my place - in only four words! And not at all Perrinesque. Jim would have gone on... and on... and on... with some very long words thrown in for good(?) measure.

Mick

P.S. Have been talked into attempting aforesaid article. Hmm... it may be wiser to leave some projects open.

'But there's no fule like an ould fule.'
 full stottie 31 Oct 2015
In reply to Mick Ward:

I was quite proud of the 4 words. Some of my best work comes in that quantity.

However, here's that advice that Bumblies are so good at. DO IT! It'll be great, even without long words. (there I go again.....)

I'll check this site every day between my Counselling for Bumblies sessions, held on the ground floor for obvious reasons..

Dave




Dave
In reply to full stottie:

I'd missed that article first time round, so thanks! Beautifully written, had me tittering all the way through.

Surely it makes any "10 signs you're a bumbly" type piece quite redundant.
In reply to UKC Articles:

And wrt this article, I'd skimmed through thinking "at least none of these are me", but can't help acknowledging that I'm often a 6, frequently an 8, usually a 10, and now worryingly close to becoming a 20. I must be a pathetic spectacle.
 Cary Grant 02 Nov 2015
In reply to nniff:
"Closely related to 'Stinking 5.10'"

That'll be me. I am ashamed of the smell of death that emanates from my 5.10s, but I've run out of ideas and now just try to do the whole shoe swap thing as fast as possible.
 full stottie 02 Nov 2015
In reply to Just Another Dave:

> I'd missed that article first time round, so thanks! Beautifully written, had me tittering all the way through.

> Surely it makes any "10 signs you're a bumbly" type piece quite redundant.

Thanks. That's generous of you. Still, I'd like to read a fresh perspective from Mick - after all, the make-up of the climbing tribe has changed a lot since I wrote that article. Most people I meet when I'm climbing these days have no idea what I'm talking about. In fact, I'm not sure myself................

Dave
 Timmd 06 Nov 2015
In reply to Cary Grant:

> "Closely related to 'Stinking 5.10'"

> That'll be me. I am ashamed of the smell of death that emanates from my 5.10s, but I've run out of ideas and now just try to do the whole shoe swap thing as fast as possible.

Seeing a fly investigate a pair of trainers during my teens was definitely a low moment for me.
 Flinticus 09 Nov 2015
In reply to The Ex-Engineer:

> The Off-Duty Staff Member

> Most climbers at the wall know who they are anyway.

> Tell-tale identifier The dismissive and bored expression whilst they lackadaisically cruise hard blocs in approach shoes or sandals is normally a give away. Can sometimes be mistaken for A Golden Boy/Girl but the radiated air of boredom, indifference and lack of pysche is normally palpable.

If you see them at another wall, they will ignore you unless you are a golden boy / girl (or is it just me??)

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