UKC

Alone at Christmas: why is it meant to be so bad?

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 stp 16 Dec 2015
Being alone at Christmas is widely portrayed as something sad and terrible and many people really struggle with it and dread such a scenario. But why is that so? Perhaps implies no family and no friends. Well no family is pretty normal at certain stages in one's life and generally friends end up spending time with their families so we might not see them for a couple of days. I really don't get why this is meant to be so terrible though.

Of course some elderly people are alone for much of the year but that's really a different problem since its not just about Xmas.

I spend quite a bit of time on my own and really have no problem with it. The thought of having a couple of days to myself is really quite attractive. The only downside for climbers is that the climbing walls are shut. But a couple of rest days, train at home or get out to Stanage weather permitting are perfectly good alternatives.

Is it because the media so drum it into us that being alone at Xmas is terrible that some of us actually end up believing it?
 LastBoyScout 16 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

You're happy with being alone and I'd probably relish the prospect of quiet roads to get some cycling done, but I think the point of the media interest, and some charities in particular, is that it really brings it home to the lonelier ones who don't have family and friends and are having the whole family and friends thing rammed down their throats by all the advertising featuring families and friends coming together for meals and Christmas parties.

Ironic, eh.
 Mike Stretford 16 Dec 2015
In reply to stp: You're obviously a person with a focus in life, and generally seem quite cheerful, but it's not like that for everyone.

I could imagine somebody without focus, who is prone to depression and generally lonely might feel worse at Christmas alone, as the media presets images of the 'perfect family Christmas'.

I've just read the Christmas suicide peak thing is a myth... maybe partly becuase people do make the effort at Christmas?
In reply to stp:

For me the main draw of Xmas is the family, the friends, the eating and drinking and general merriment. As time has gone on our family of fifteen and two dogs has slowly dwindled to a low point of just four of us and no dogs, but is now back up to six with a seventh due in April and two dogs.

For me there is little better than sitting around the fire and laughing with your family, heading out for a good walk all together and nobody having anything to have to leave for. I think once you've had this (and if you enjoy it) then it's horrible to be alone on Christmas day. However if you've never enjoyed this aspect or end up arguing and getting stressed out then I imagine being alone at Christmas wouldn't be particularly bothersome.

As with all things, it's all a matter of perspective.
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OP stp 16 Dec 2015
In reply to LastBoyScout:

And I suppose you couldn't really make a TV drama about someone having a good time on their own at Xmas. Soaps etc. all depend on social interaction.
 Paul16 16 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

I had a Christmas to myself a few years ago and loved it - went to North Wales for the day and wandered around the mountains by myself! I didn't even mind the horizontal rain and hurricane force wind...having said that if you face being alone every Christmas then it might be tough to deal with.

This year it's just me and the missus - hoping for a dry couple of days (ha!) so Christmas day we can get up to Newstones or the Roaches for some bouldering before a big dinner and TV.
 winhill 16 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

I think it must be a cultural thing, the Jews, for example, seem less bothered.
In reply to stp: I imagine it's because every single thing you see on the TV/internet/wherever about Xmas is set in the context of "loving", "normal" family homes with delightful children, attractive partners and clean houses all filled with amazing presents and tasty food. As Morrissey onmce observed "I want the one that I can't have, and it's driving me mad." or even "All the streets are crammed with things, eager to be held".

Over the Xmas period (and this is speaking as an EMT in the ambulance service) I see more drink related incidents, as well as an increase in assaults in the home sparked by people forcing themselves to come together for the festive period and realizing they hate one another.

Being alone at Xmas is actually perfectly fine if you don't buy into the hype.

 Flinticus 16 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

Yeah, the damn walls closing! I haven't taken any extra holidays this year and the walls will be closed three of the days I am off. You'd think in a multi-cultural, modern city like Glasgow, there would be no problem with some staff keeping them open. You could even make it festive, with mince pies and a santa bouldering contest!

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 LeeWood 16 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

My wife and lad are quitting me for 5 days during Xmas but I won't be alone. I have a dog, 6 cats,
1 goat and 300 hens for company. Unfortunately none of them are competent to belay so if anyone is passing do drop in
In reply to Mike Stretford:

I'd like to think I'm pretty focused - I climb, bike, sail and have a job I love - but being alone for Christmas this year will be tough. My wife left me this year, I live the other side of the world from my friends and family, and I haven't yet built up a similarly close network of friends here.

The 'family christmas' thing may be, as some have posted, a media construct but it does have some currency. I think it does hit the lonely a bit, in part because the world shuts down and a lot of the normal distractions aren't available.

For what it's worth, I have spent Christmas alone a couple of times before and been fine with it, very much as the OP describes. This year, not so much.
 Mike Stretford 16 Dec 2015
In reply to Captain Fastrousers: Sounds like you've had a tough year! Good luck with building a new social circle, sounds like you'll be fine with all you've got going on.

As for Christmas...... UKC is always busy, it's never been easier to talk to friends and family abroad, and treat yourself to something nice to eat (that ones based on experience).
redsonja 16 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

Like you, stp, I spend a lot of time on my own and I'm perfectly happy with it. I usually spend Christmas day out on the fells. But when people ask what I'm doing for Christmas, they seemed to think it's strange that I'm by myself and say something like 'oh, poor you'. It makes me feel bad. But I don't really have family and even if I did, would still rather be out for a good walk. It's different, I suppose, if people are alone and don't want to be, but it's not sad and terrible for all of us.
 timjones 16 Dec 2015
In reply to Flinticus:

> Yeah, the damn walls closing! I haven't taken any extra holidays this year and the walls will be closed three of the days I am off. You'd think in a multi-cultural, modern city like Glasgow, there would be no problem with some staff keeping them open. You could even make it festive, with mince pies and a santa bouldering contest!

Hey if you're on holiday it seems fair that climbing wall staff should be granted the same privilege.
 timjones 16 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

> Being alone at Christmas is widely portrayed as something sad and terrible and many people really struggle with it and dread such a scenario. But why is that so? Perhaps implies no family and no friends. Well no family is pretty normal at certain stages in one's life and generally friends end up spending time with their families so we might not see them for a couple of days. I really don't get why this is meant to be so terrible though.

> Of course some elderly people are alone for much of the year but that's really a different problem since its not just about Xmas.

> I spend quite a bit of time on my own and really have no problem with it. The thought of having a couple of days to myself is really quite attractive. The only downside for climbers is that the climbing walls are shut. But a couple of rest days, train at home or get out to Stanage weather permitting are perfectly good alternatives.

> Is it because the media so drum it into us that being alone at Xmas is terrible that some of us actually end up believing it?

I know that it's trendy to blame the media but surely you're smart enough to realise that Christmas is traditionally a time for family regardless of the trash that you might choose to watch on the telly?
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 Flinticus 16 Dec 2015
In reply to timjones:

Not saying less holiday but different days! Personally I'd rather work Christmas day and Boxing day and have another two days off when amenities are open and the roads and hills (if sunny) less busy
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 timjones 16 Dec 2015
In reply to Flinticus:

> Not saying less holiday but different days! Personally I'd rather work Christmas day and Boxing day and have another two days off when amenities are open and the roads and hills (if sunny) less busy

I'm always going to have to work a portion of both days but to me one attraction of Christmas is that we don't expect the retail and leisure sectors to work to satisfy the rest of our demands. Wouldn't it be great if the catering sector got the same holiday too!

It's our most equitable holiday and I think it would be a shame to loose that part of it just because a few people selfishly want to climb, shop etc...
 Flinticus 16 Dec 2015
In reply to timjones:

Whether you take 25 December off or 17 or 5 January, each holiday is equitable. All you are talking about is having simultaneous holidays, a different aspect than equitability.

The desire to go climbing on, say, the 18 December and 'demanding' that people work then to meet your selfish need is no more or less selfish than the desire to go climbing on 25 December. I have also worked in catering before and what mattered, and matters, to me, is the amount of holidays I get and the flexibility I have with them.

I would willingly work the 25 December in my job if I could. I have worked in catering before
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 timjones 16 Dec 2015
In reply to Flinticus:

> Whether you take 25 December off or 17 or 5 January, each holiday is equitable. All you are talking about is having simultaneous holidays, a different aspect than equitability.

> The desire to go climbing on, say, the 18 December and 'demanding' that people work then to meet your selfish need is no more or less selfish than the desire to go climbing on 25 December. I have also worked in catering before and what mattered, and matters, to me, is the amount of holidays I get and the flexibility I have with them.

> I would willingly work the 25 December in my job if I could. I have worked in catering before

Ah well, I see it slightly differently and like the large scale shutdown that only happens once a year. If we started opening leisure facilities up on Christmas day how should it be decided which staff have to work?

Meanwhile if you're desperate to work on Christmas day I'm sure that I can find something for you to do
OP stp 17 Dec 2015
In reply to Frank the Husky:

> I imagine it's because every single thing you see on the TV/internet/wherever about Xmas is set in the context of "loving", "normal" family homes with delightful children, attractive partners and clean houses all filled with amazing presents and tasty food.

Yeah fits with my experience. The two people I've known to be bothered by Xmas alone both watched a lot of TV. I never watch. Much of it is vacuous at best and annoying at worst.
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 mp3ferret 17 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

When i was younger and single I used to really enjoy christmas on my own - but now i have kids and a wife - and apparently i'm not allowed to go off on my own anymore.

I hate christmas though - its my most depressing time of year (not for any real reason I can fathom) - but its always this time of year when depression takes hold - and more so when i have to spend it with others.

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 planetmarshall 17 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

> Being alone at Christmas is widely portrayed as something sad and terrible and many people really struggle with it and dread such a scenario.

Not everyone.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/millions-lucky-enough-to-spend-c...
 Coel Hellier 17 Dec 2015
In reply to mp3ferret:

> ... its my most depressing time of year (not for any real reason I can fathom) - but its always this time of year when depression takes hold

The reason -- very likely -- could simply be lack of daylight and sunshine. This is well established to correlate with depression.
In reply to Coel Hellier:

Agreed. I'm looking forward to 21st because I know the days will get longer
 Robert Durran 17 Dec 2015
In reply to mp3ferret:

> I hate christmas though - its my most depressing time of year (not for any real reason I can fathom).

It's because its a waste of a perfectly good holiday.
 Timmd 17 Dec 2015
In reply to mp3ferret:
> When i was younger and single I used to really enjoy christmas on my own - but now i have kids and a wife - and apparently i'm not allowed to go off on my own anymore.

> I hate christmas though - its my most depressing time of year (not for any real reason I can fathom) - but its always this time of year when depression takes hold - and more so when i have to spend it with others.

I gather that in Norway and other Nordic countries they make their homes brightly coloured inside as a way of having some cheer amid the darkness.

That's partly why I like bright Xmas decorations, they help to bring some brightness to thing.

Treat it as an excuse to buy cheerfully bad taste decorations to annoy/amuse your family with?

Edit: Just remember it won't last, and is cyclical like the turning of the seasons.
Post edited at 00:02
 peppermill 18 Dec 2015
In reply to Flinticus:

> Yeah, the damn walls closing! I haven't taken any extra holidays this year and the walls will be closed three of the days I am off. You'd think in a multi-cultural, modern city like Glasgow, there would be no problem with some staff keeping them open. You could even make it festive, with mince pies and a santa bouldering contest!

I might suggest that to the guys on the desk at TCA when I head down this weekend. And then duck as the branded mugs come flying back over the counter at me. ;p
 mp3ferret 18 Dec 2015
In reply to Coel Hellier:

I love the dark days and early nights. Unfortunately its not due to SAD - its because I'm a miserable bugger and suffer from (quite mild) depression. I normally wear a grin, crack a few jokes and no one notices. But during christmas the effort to keep up the happy face and enforced fun just gets too much. Never mind - It'll be over soon and I've got a week of hammocking in scotland with my eldest - that'll sort me out - for a while ......
Removed User 18 Dec 2015
In reply to stp:

If you have an elderly neighbour whoes alone at Christmas ask them round for few hours, it won't kill you. You might find it rewarding...........

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