UKC

I find myself climbing the corporate ladder, and a nagging sensation that I should be finding the one girl and settling down having a few kids and letting the middle age spread set in. My alternative lifestyle a distant memory and occasional annual trip to climb in the peaks......

On the other hand screw convention I will never conform... The norms can stick their boring lives up their ***

Mid life over for another year!

In reply to Murcantile:
Each person is on their own path and journey, and comparing oneself to other people can often be a bad thing.

There's nothing to stop anybody looking for love...

In reply to Murcantile:

I've had a mid life crisis every year since I was around 25. This year it's another motorbike, a couple of years ago it was racing powerboats. I'm on about my 26th crisis so far!

In reply to Murcantile:


There is no "should".

In reply to Oceanrower:

This is exactly my attitude. This year's crisis (I'm 49.5) is taking place on a mountain, in Peru.

In reply to Murcantile:

I knew a guy who had one of these in his late 20s, left his high-profile job in the media, ditched his girlfriend, sold his posh London house and... wait for it... came to work for me as a project co-ordinator on telecoms projects. I guess he just wanted to try out 'being ordinary' for a while. Meanwhile, I just bought a sports car three weeks ago. Hey-ho.

In reply to Murcantile:

"Started out with nothing and still not most of it left" Seasick Steve, I think.

In reply to Murcantile:

why does kids mean boredom?

I think I've had my most active start to a year in my first one with a new born as I'm so keen to use any weekend I get. I've ran 70-80 miles a week, raced 3 marathons and trail marathons and undertaken some massive days out in the mountains including a rare winter traverse of the Great Range Traverse in the Adirondacks..

In reply to Murcantile:

For all that getting older's a drag, it's better than the alternative.*

But it's worth having a think for a while. All those things you wanted to do, all those places you wanted to visit, all those plans you had; you ain't going to do half of them. Maybe no more than 10% of them. So what's important to you; what's really important, the most important? Stop putting it off. Do it, or start doing the things you have to do to do it; then get it done.

Life's shorter than you'd like and the older you become, the more tied down you tend to be, the more commitments you tend to have, the more things there are in the way of you doing what you always wanted to do or going to the places you wanted to visit. Stop procrastinating. Get things done.

(Awfully sensible, all that. Normal service will probably be resumed later on.)

T.
* this joke first heard on a Dave Allan show, more years back than I can remember.

In reply to Murcantile:

I seem to have permanent mid-life crisis (I'm 28 lol). The pull of the societal norm; good job, pension, mortgage, 2 cars, wife, 2.4 kids etc...partly enticing as it means security in old age etc. Then another part of me wants to stick 2 fingers up at the lot of it, buy a cottage in the absolute middle of nowhere and spend my days climbing, walking and generally sitting around doing nothing, feeling smug that the most stressful decision I have to make in my life is whether to walk up Bow Fell or Fairfield tomorrow!!

In reply to phja:


Why can't you do that with a wife and kids? Isn't it just finding the right person?

I've just bought a house in the woods, trails from my doors, XC ski trails start 100m away..

In reply to Murcantile:

I'm 65 and I'm not sure I've had one yet!

Martin

In reply to Martin Hore:



Also 63 and missed my crisis. Probably due to having so many jobs and changes of direction in life, never bored or time for one.

In reply to Murcantile:

I had mine at 50 yrs old, bought a Suzuki SV650 sport, that was fun.

In reply to Murcantile:

Interesting question. I guess you have to decide at some point what your values are and what kind of future is appealing. Or maybe you don't, you could go with the flow...but I would suggest that a bit of self-analysis is useful.

When I found myself in this situation, it was quite easy to decide that doing a job my heart wasn't in, climbing the ladder was a completely pointless way to live. For me, wife and kids don't enter the equation, and I have no interest in getting a bigger house or a posh car or anything that requires earning a lot. So what was I even working for? The future did not make sense.

I've retrained to do something much more satisfying and flexible so I can take time off, still earn what I need (or a lot more I suppose, if I was prepared to put the work in), change location when I want etc. The future is now quite flexible and if I don't like the way things are I can change them at will. For me, this has transformed my situation from one of staring into the abyss to feeling a lot more relaxed. I can, really, do what I want (within reason) and live by my own priorities - and they're not in line with what someone of my age and whatnot is expected to do.

I guess the thing is, if you're going to choose an inflexible, committing path (kids and job to support them) then you need to be pretty sure that that's what you actually want. If you want flexibility and an open future, then set yourself up for that. But I reckon you've got a good few years to decide!

Go climbing for a bit, see who you meet in the next few years, and take it from there?