UKC

I topped out and was greeted by...

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 The Ivanator 16 May 2016
Yesterday I had a great day climbing at Symonds Yat, the highlight of which was the fantastic Pam's Pride (VS 4c) as I pulled over the top of this climb I found myself eyeball to eyeball with a pair of Mallard Ducks (a Drake and his lady), we spent several seconds of mutually surprised perusal of each other before the ducks decided they weren't going to act as audience to me building a belay and flew off!
Once previously whilst climbing in No match for crag id:3741 on the Gower my partner topped out at the precise moment his ex-wife was strolling by on the coastpath ...timing is everything!
So what memorable and unusual tales of sights seen on top out can the great and good of UKC share?
 MG 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:
> So what memorable and unusual tales of sights seen on top out can the great and good of UKC share?

A large bull at Berryhill about 3m from the top of the climb. Turns out he was very friendly and just curious about ropes etc. we both sat down and admired the view.
Post edited at 10:51
 Babika 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

......a couple of Maltese guys pointing guns at me.

On the sea cliffs they have this rather horrible pastime of tethering a little bird to attract others. When the others arrive they are shot.

Which is a tad scary for climbers topping out on the cliffs....
 GridNorth 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

A couple performing oral sex on each other at the top of the Avon Gorge.

Al
1
 RikGordon 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

I was climbing Grotto Slab with my son and some friends at Stanage. Those familiar with the route know there is a little grotto/cave at the top. On the way up I could see some flowers in the grotto, which while unusual didn't spark any concerns. Once at the top of the route I found that the grotto was covered in a fine white dust, which I'd managed to get over my hands, top and probably inhaled. Before I realised what it was.

I'm guessing someone's last wish was to have their remains scattered, I think the ash probably got blown back into the grotto!
 SenzuBean 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

On Saturday we climbed as two pairs at Shorn Cliff (Cry Wolf (VD) and the Severe to the left) . At the top of the route, after both setting up belays the other leader lent against a tree. The tree groaned and cracked and started to tip over the edge - directly over the two seconds now coming up! Turns out the tree was just a rotten 2m tall lump of wood, long dead. After both seconds were up, abbed off, we cleared the base of the route, made sure no-one was anywhere near - and I booted it off the crag with one kick.

Not quite on the top of the crag, but on Sunday we were also at Symond's Yat, while in the approximate middle of Whitt (VS 4c) I yelled down something to my belayer. That seemed to wake up a rather large rat inside of a hole right next to my face! After a few seconds of mild terror, I realized that it was probably a baby bird and that I was not in danger of getting rabies and getting my face chewed off.
 Offwidth 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

The muppets filming this with a very loud drone:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGqWZ5fABHg&app=desktop

grrrrr
 steveriley 16 May 2016
In reply to GridNorth:

Top of Frogsmouth Quarry - naked photoshoot - nice back-drop of the Runcorn chemical works.
Ok, I was running at the time so cheating, but we can't let that spoil a good story.
 gribble 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

Top of pitch 3 somewhere in Echo Valley, I pulled on to the belay ledge and came face to face with a snake about a foot away from my nose. we both froze, then it scuttled off in to a crack. Not a big ledge, and we shared it for the duration as the second came up and led on before I could leave the snake to its ledge. Bit uncomfortable.
 GridNorth 16 May 2016
In reply to gribble:

I've lost count of the number of snakes and scorpions I've encountered, the latest one only a few weeks ago in Sicily although I heard it when I put my hand in a pocket rather than seeing it. The only place when that has concerned me though was Morocco where I understand there are a few deadly snakes and insects.

Al
 humptydumpty 16 May 2016
In reply to Offwidth:

Grrrr... I just watched the whole thing expecting something to happen. Nothing did.
 GarethSL 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

At the Yat back in 2010 I didn't top out as the final moves on Albany required very close facial contact with a wasps nest. Ended up traversing away and abseiling from a tree root.

According to the logbook the wasps had moved further down the climb by 2012.

Albany (HS 4b)
 Chris Harris 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

...my belayer, suffering rope confusion. Taking in on one rope & paying out on the other......
Jim C 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

A young Golden Eagle on Skye, we stared at each other eye to eye just a few feet away for a couple of seconds , and as I was thinking how I might get a quick photo, it soared off over my head .
 danm 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

Topping out onto the wind scoured summit plateau of Lochnagar in the midst of a wild winter hoolie, an arctic hare came over with ice dreadlocks hanging from his cheeks and used my partner as a windbreak as he belayed me up. The little fella stuck around as we coiled ropes, seemed pretty curious about us.
 fred99 16 May 2016
In reply to GarethSL:

When I did Albany and found those wasps, I finished the climb rather quickly, and without stopping to place the gear that any normal leader would.
I decided that the risk of falling was less dangerous than the risk of getting stung whilst fiddling around - second appreciated it too.
 Graham Hoey 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

Topped out on Yellow Wall at Gogarth to emerge in the very middle of a Sherlock Holmes movie being filmed. Once they had determined that, as I sat down to belay I wouldn't be in the shot, they carried on doing more takes. Every so on I had to gesture for them to stop so I could shout to my partner.
I never discovered which film/series it was in, but the scene was one to do with someone (on behalf of Homes and Watson) who had been lowered down a cliff on an old rope. If anyone has seen it I'd be interested to know the name of the film or series.
 Otis 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

Climbing at Holyhead mountain a few years ago I found myself at a small ledge mid way up the climb. Littered with stools, a bird of prey of some description had clearly been using it as a loo with a view. From the evidence in front of me (a leg band) it was apparent the bird had recently received some nourishment and somewhere, a pigeon racing enthusiast was awaiting the return of one of their birds.
 nniff 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

A puffin at the top of the Old Man of Hoy. He was a talkative little chap and we passed a pleasant half hour or so wittering away at each other. It seemed to brighten both of our days up.
 George Fisher 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:
I topped out a boulder at Bridestones the final hold of the problem was a lovely natural dish in the rock. I initially thought someone had spilt the contents of their chalk bag into it. Turned out I had my fingers in somebody's ashes.

It was a lovely view from their final resting place.
Post edited at 14:11
 Trevers 16 May 2016
In reply to GridNorth:

> A couple performing oral sex on each other at the top of the Avon Gorge.

Sorry!
 Root1 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:
Skiing off piste at Aonach Mor I disturbed an arctic hare amongst some rocks. It set off apace downhill with me skiing happily beside it, after about 500yds it took off side ways. magic!
Post edited at 14:26
In reply to Graham Hoey:

About what year was this?
 Yanis Nayu 16 May 2016
In reply to GridNorth:

> A couple performing oral sex on each other at the top of the Avon Gorge.

> Al

I bet they were less pleased to see you than you were to see them!
 Rog Wilko 16 May 2016
In reply to GridNorth:

> A couple performing oral sex on each other at the top of the Avon Gorge.

What, simultaneously?

Removed User 16 May 2016
In reply to GridNorth:

I was jugging out of a sea cliff on Malta after a bit of an epic. It was dark due to said epic so I had my headtorch on. It was about 60m worth of corner climbing, beginning with a nice crack system. Anyway, as I'm jugging up my headtorch is on the rock in front of me and scorpions were coming out of the crack I'd just been climbing to get to the light (I assume). Couldn't kick them off because my mate was below on the coral starting ledge.
Removed User 16 May 2016
In reply to Rog Wilko:

No, one after another, he was there for a while...
 elsewhere 16 May 2016
In reply to Removed User:

> No, one after another, he was there for a while...

fumbling with nuts can take a while.
1
 john spence 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

Topping out at Holyhead mountain I was greeted by the Red Arrows fanning out above me, my daughter was events coordinator for the red Arrows at the time and I casually said to my climbing partner, " My daughter laid this on for us as a treat."
 DaveHK 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

A woman sun bathing topless at the top of Sundance Wall, Malham.
 JIMBO 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

... an adder basking at the top of Bowden Doors. Face to face with just my finger over the top. I felt like I had to wait until it slithered further away so I could finally heave over.
 DerwentDiluted 16 May 2016
In reply to GridNorth:

> A couple performing oral sex on each other at the top of the Avon Gorge.

> Al

Think Pink?
 Morty 16 May 2016
In reply to GridNorth:

> A couple performing oral sex on each other at the top of the Avon Gorge.

Not the kind of nuts you want in your hand when you are topping out.
astley007 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

on topping out on the dervish many years ago, I looked across to see a very well known North Wales activist of the time on top of a young lady, who was herself lying on rather large piece of slate. She must have been poorly as he was performing a very strange form of CPR on her...she did recover as she suddenly let out a very strange noise and started breathing very noisily,....
Never seen that slate CPR technique in any text books!!!
1
 goose299 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

No mention of a turd yet?

UKC has let me down
 Lloydfletch 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

Another shagging one here. I topped out of a solo of east ridge of great tor to find a couple madly pulling their trousers back up. the beaches bellow were all deserted and it was midweek so they were obviously very surprised to see me and looked at me as if I was mad. I took myself to three cliffs to give myself and them a some peace.
ultrabumbly 16 May 2016
In reply to RikGordon:
> I'm guessing someone's last wish was to have their remains scattered, I think the ash probably got blown back into the grotto!

What's its friction and moisture absorbency like? ........
 BenTiffin 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator

Porn shoot on the beach below upper jackys tor on Gower.

 Lloydfletch 16 May 2016
In reply to BenTiffin:

An actual porn shoot?!! on the gower!!
Removed User 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:
soloing at Happy Valley I pulled over the top and found myself staring at a pair of feet and between them a pair of hairy bollocks, I fell off, and left the naked sunbather in the sun undisturbed!
Post edited at 20:15
mike bailey 16 May 2016
In reply to GridNorth:

> A couple performing oral sex on each other at the top of the Avon Gorge.

>
...and they say romance is dead.

 johncook 16 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

I had been living in Texas for four years and still not seen a rattle snake. Mentioned it on every trip. Then on trip to Whichita Mountain Wild Life reserve, just started the mantle onto the top of Leap Frog and came face to face with the long desired rattler! A hasty reverse and a very scary traverse to the next anchor ledge ensued. The snake just lay there waiting to scare the crap out of the next person. It made no effort to move away, just looked at the edge the ledge for the whole time. Friends assured me they had arranged it to shut me up about rattlers!
 EarlyBird 16 May 2016
In reply to Offwidth:

That was disappointing - I was expecting the actual Muppets. Kermit et al.
 tjekel 17 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

used a sumptuous hole as hold in lumignano nova when a rather large owl used my hand as starting point. did not finish the route thereafter, as the hand was a bloody mess.
cb294 17 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

... a couple having sex. I had just soloed a route near Capo Falcone, Sardinia, so had no option but say hello, step around them, and walk down the other side.

CB
 Hat Dude 17 May 2016
In reply to goose299:

> No mention of a turd yet?

You've reminded me

A handkerchief weighted down on each corner with a pebble with a mound in the middle which was starting to stain through
 Fredt 17 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

Nothing.

On a climb at Red Rocks, nothing but a flat smooth dome.
Nothing to belay with, or ab off. (There was a solitary bolt hole, but we had nothing to put in it).
Brought three others up with a standing dynamic waist belay.
Then using same, lowered each down to the last pro, about 15 feet down.
Then the scariest downclimb I have ever done.
OP The Ivanator 17 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

Not a climbing story this one, but all these incidences of amorous couples reminded me of a time I was snorkelling in a picturesque bay on the coast of the Maltese island Gozo in the Mediterranean, I'd been swimming head down admiring the aquatic life for some time before heading in to shore, as I emerged dripping and flapping around in flippers I found I'd photobombed a well to do Maltese couple's Wedding shoot - I still wonder if they saw the funny side and treasure their romantically styled shoot by the bay with the dripping, pasty, masked guy in shorts suddenly looming up right behind them!
 nutme 17 May 2016
Last year I got myself eye to eye with a black viper in Charmonix. After a second or two I let go and enjoyed 4 meter fall..
 Trangia 17 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

I topped out and was greeted by a horrible off width final crack which I hadn't seen from below........
 OMR 17 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

This was in winter, so I don't know if it counts, but...
A Russian. Slithering across the snow towards me at the top of No2 Gully on The Ben. Wearing trainers. And an accent from a James Bond movie. It was a strange day all in all.
https://cairngormwanderer.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/the-fool-on-the-hill/
 Graham Hoey 17 May 2016
In reply to idiotproof (Buxton MC):

Either 2012 (30th June) or 2013 (22 Sept) the only other possibility seems too long a go, 2009.

cheers

Graham
 digby 17 May 2016
In reply to Fredt:


> Nothing to belay with, or ab off. (There was a solitary bolt hole, but we had nothing to put in it).

The perfect argument for tricams!
 Fredt 17 May 2016
In reply to digby:

> Nothing to belay with, or ab off. (There was a solitary bolt hole, but we had nothing to put in it).

> The perfect argument for tricams!

It was a very small hole, about biro sized, - surely too small for anything?
 Michael Hood 17 May 2016
In reply to Fredt:

Maybe one of Dave Birkett's filed down sliders. Sounds like an interesting top out!!!
 Andy Hardy 17 May 2016
In reply to Removed User:

> [...] found myself staring at a pair of feet and between them a pair of hairy bollocks, [...]

Was this during a really exceptional heatwave?
 FactorXXX 17 May 2016
In reply to Removed User:

soloing at Happy Valley I pulled over the top and found myself staring at a pair of feet and between them a pair of hairy bollocks

Was it Buster Gonad?
 airborne 17 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

More than once climbing at Swanage I've topped out to find the carefully pre-placed belay rope at least 30ft away in the wrong place. Cue much whimpering and pulling up on loose grass.
 BenTiffin 17 May 2016
In reply to Lloydfletch: photographic mind. Not vid. They tried various spots for suitability between the cliff top and the aisle before settling underneath us.

 Lloydfletch 17 May 2016
In reply to BenTiffin:

Aha! That makes a bit more sense (not that it makes loads of sense)!
 Big Ger 17 May 2016
In reply to The Ivanator:

My best top out? Land's End Long climb, to be greeted by a small boy rapped with admiration.

Small Boy; "Did you just climb all the way up there mister?"
Me; "Yep" (tangles legs in rope, falls flat on face.)
Small Boy; "Twat"

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