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Post accident headgame advice

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ROSP 09 Oct 2016

Hi all!

I won't go into the specifics of the accident itself, but I cratered from the lower off of a route in the slate on Mother's Day. I decked about 20m.

Anyway, I have been climbing since the accident be it in various states of injury and nothing hard but my passion for climbing has largely disappeared, especially the harder stuff (hard for me anyway). After being an extremely keen climber previously I would like to get my psyche for climbing back! Does anybody have any advice on this?

I also have been left with questions of whether climbing is really the risks we take when mistakes can so easily leave you with life changing injuries or worse. Anyone else had this dilemma?

Cheers all for the advice, and I will apologise in advance for my poor grammar!
Post edited at 12:44
 aln 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:

Two things. The old cliche of get back on the horse. Don't think about it, pick a route you love and go climb it.
On the other hand, climbing passion can come and go. Stop for a while, if you really want to get back into it you will.
 Droyd 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:
Identifying exactly what went wrong and working to understand and, more importantly, prevent it is key, I think, not just in the sense of ensuring that it doesn't happen again but with regard to being confident that it won't happen again. Once you've figured out why it happened you can begin to expose yourself to experiences approaching it again, in more controlled ways if necessary, such that you can a) protect yourself from the objective danger (the thing that actually went wrong that led to your accident) and b) overcome the subjective (being scared in all climbing scenarios/all scenarios involving a lower-off, which is understandable but ultimately irrational if you've dealt with a)).

I decked off a route a couple of months back and, while I was lucky enough to be pretty unhurt, then struggled to get back into leading confidently - worrying that bomber placements were going to blow and just generally being irrationally scared of falling. I spent quite a while beating myself up about not being at the level that I felt I should be due to head issues, but eventually got to the point where I realised it was easier just to take a step back and focus on leading easier, well-protected routes, which has worked well in terms of moving back up towards where I was (and enjoying my climbing, rather than shitting myself). Most importantly, though, figuring out what happened - I was rushing to place the gear, which was two nuts, and my belayer was standing quite far out combined to cause unzipping when I fell - has meant that I can work on the fear by putting more thought into gear placements (in particular, putting cams in as first pieces, forcing my belayers to stand close even if it means they might get kicked in the head) and gradually pushing on harder routes.

In your case, gradual exposure to lower-offs may help, most likely with someone you trust nearby (at the anchor with you?) and keeping an eye on you to give you confidence that you're not making any mistakes. Alternatively, (and this is assuming that you're not already something of an all-rounder), mixing up your climbing by trying different disciplines for a while may help; if you're largely a sport/trad climber, experiment with something else for the next few months, be that getting stronger indoors, getting out bouldering, or doing some winter routes, depending on your situation/location. Anything that's comparatively new to you and requires different techniques/mindsets/levels of commitment could well be better for your motivation than feeling the need to get back into something that might well prove quite stressful anyway, will allow your motivation to come back of its own accord in time, and will likely be more practical as the weather become more grim anyway.

Glad to hear that your recovery is going well, at any rate, and good effort on exploring ways of getting back into it!
Post edited at 14:04
 Euan Todd 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:

I found a similar thing happened to my head after an accident, where my psyche for harder stuff disappeared for a while. I also remember the fear of thinking I might not be able to get out into the mountains ever again (while in plaster), and that was pretty damn scary.

What I have found worked best (for me) was just getting back out, onto easier stuff where I felt comfortable, and building back up the mileage of days out - I've almost always climbed my hardest after a few days on in a row. Don't put pressure on yourself to do too much hard stuff at first - you want to remind yourself why you enjoy it! The head will come back in time.

Of course, it still goes every now and then, but I'm fairly sure it did that before the accident anyway!

Regarding the issue of whether it's worth it, I find I have re-evaluated some aspects of my climbing/mountaineering. I'd like to be able to run, walk and climb in the mountains as long as I can, so I'm not all that psyched on risking my life on some necky, grotty quarry route, when I could have an unforgettable day on a classic mountaineering route instead! Having said that, I still do climb some grotty quarry stuff (some bold, at least for me) and have a great time, but only when I feel really motivated to climb it - I guess I now maybe just force it less?

Hope at least some of this is helpful, and not too rambling!

Euan
 TobyA 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:

You obviously don't want to say specifically, but was it your fault or did equipment fail? I remember getting to the top of Combat Rock in the slate quarries many years ago and being a bit reticent about lowering off the single bolt at the top, but figuring I had all my runners in below. My friend though seconded and then had lower off without anything in besides that bolt.

If it was your mistake, then I guess you need to build your confidence back up in your own abilities, but if it was gear failure that would seem to be a whole different thing - avoiding slate routes with dodgy lower offs for example!

Best of luck and glad to hear that you've obviously got better enough to start thinking about climbing again. A 20 mtr fall is terrifying sounding.
 Andy Clarke 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:
About ten years ago I sustained some fairly serious injuries in a big groundfall. Fortunately the long-term consequences were only life-inconveniencing, certainly not life-changing. I was surprised to find that my desire to climb was pretty much undiminished. I distinctly remember, about a week after the accident, looking out of the hospital window at a crisp winter's morning and thinking, what a great day for the grit. (Morphine is a marvellous mood enhancer!)

At the time I was head of a large comprehensive school with quite a high profile, and I was concerned that many parents, staff and governors would think that my continuing to climb was selfish, foolhardy and irresponsible. They would have had plenty of justification. (I think most of the kids quite enjoyed having a head who was a bit out of the ordinary.) But this barely gave me pause - and I think shows how intensely personal is the calculus of risk and reward in which all climbers are engaged.

Only you can answer the question of whether it's worth it, as only you know what you get out of it. For me the risks are an essential part of achieving moments of transcendent self-forgetfulness and intense apprehensions of natural beauty - but plenty will find that pretentious and ludicrous. If you really feel the desire to get the psyche back, it strikes me you may have already unconsciously decided it's worth it, and if you continue to get on stuff that doesn't stress you, I expect the enjoyment will return and the level of difficulty will edge up. I find my passion waxes and wanes, but the urge to climb is constant.

Glad you're recovering and good luck with resolving you dilemma.
Post edited at 17:36
ROSP 09 Oct 2016
Thank you, everyone, for your advice. I really appreciate the time and effort you all put into your responses and for sharing some of your own stories.

Happy climbing!
 SouthernSteve 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:

I think the big thing to realise it doesn't matter if you don't climb again or don't climb the same type of thing or as hard. You'll not be a lesser human being, just a slightly different one. Don't beat yourself up.

I suspect for most climbers that they will come back to climbing, but they will be changed, more careful etc. Some time in hospital certainly made me think.
 david100 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:

I was never the strongest climber mentally but then i had an accident. I realised fairly quickly that I still wanted to climb. But I was too scared to lead anything. I realised that trad climbing at any level is a pretty dangerous game and my wife daughter and son were more important. So now I boulder inside most of the time. It is low risk, convenient and pushes me harder than routes. I still get outside but top rope a lot. Now I enjoy my climbing better and I am a better climber win win.
 Greasy Prusiks 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:

I'd just go out and do whatever it is that you love doing at the moment. If that's hill walking then so be it or if you only want to top rope that's OK, just whatever it is that you enjoy today. When you're out enjoying the mountains you'll find your way back to doing what you want to be doing most. Remember that everyone's psyche for climbing goes up and down and that everyone gravitates to a style they feel comfortable with, it really doesn't matter if that's honnold style solos or bimbaling round the boulder room.

With regard to risk I think that's a deeply personal question that only you can answer. I find it helps to remember that everyone takes risks for their own enjoyment and that doing so doesn't make you irresponsible, it's all a question of choosing a level of risk.

Reading that back it sounds a bit like a load of hippy bollocks but it's the best I can do in writing down my thoughts. Hope it helps.
 TobyA 09 Oct 2016
In reply to david100:

> So now I boulder inside most of the time. It is low risk,

5 weeks ago I was in the back of an ambulance, blues and two on, with my son next to me strapped to a back board, head taped between blocks and his arm splinted at a bizarre angle after he fell off indoor bouldering! 'Fortunately' it was 'only' a broken humerus, but it required surgery and wiring. It's ironic that in 25+ years of all sorts of climbing I've never hurt anything nearly that bad, but risk is a really hard thing to assess. :-/

 Danm79 09 Oct 2016
In reply to Ross

It's never happened to me, but feels inevitable that it will eventually.

Climbing dominates my thoughts so the idea of never doing it again is disturbing. However the fear is fairly well pronounced as it is, so Gods knows how I'd feel if I'd been seriously injured.

Anyway, I hope you get back to it and hope it turns out to be the right decision.
 Dale Berry 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:

Following my accident a while back, I had a pretty long time in hospital followed by a good 6 months before I could walk under a crag, let alone think of climbing again. In all that time I was certain I'd climb again and prepared to say if it feels wrong I'm happy to call it a day. Happily 10 and 1/2 months later (it felt pretty good to have beaten the year I had been told it would take) I was at the top of Crack 1 at Tryfan Bach in the sun with a very big smile on my face. For me the main thing was waiting till I was fit enough, things felt good and the right route called to be climbed. Since then my trad has got reasonably solid @ HVS, rather than just the odd E1 that suited me and my best sport grade has gone up by a grade and a half. Indoors I am now much more able and confident as well. Looking back whilst my desire to climb got me into the situation, it's absence only served to reinforce all the good it does me. Climbing has always been the thing I do to escape the stresses and strains of the world. As I've now come to see it as a gift I've been given, it makes it all the more rewarding to explore where my talents, however modest, can and still will allow me to go.
 andrew ogilvie 09 Oct 2016
In reply to ROSP:

Its up to you Ross and I doubt that anyone's advice or reflection on here will change how you feel. I know from personal experience of a similar size of ground fall and another less serious but similarly challenging injury that its possible to come through experiences like that with an undiminished appetite for climbing but, in hindsight, I think that my obstinate determination to climb was symptomatic of other problems.
I still enjoy climbing and have a passion for it, if you like, but it is a different passion.
You look like a young man so I hope you will forgive me if I repeat some advice I have offered to young people I work with: choose your dreams carefully.
As Maurice Herzog famously observed "There are other Annapurnas in the lives of men"
Respectfully - Andrew
 andrew ogilvie 09 Oct 2016
In reply to TobyA:

Sorry to hear that Toby . I hope young Mr A is on the mend. - Andy
 TobyA 09 Oct 2016
In reply to andrew ogilvie:

Cheers Andy, the cast came off and the wire out last weekend. He says it's a bit stiff there but the surgeon thinks any problems will go as he grows. Quite amazing how quickly the bones mend on kids of that age! The paramedics and indeed the young woman working at the bouldering wall (Mini Works) were great and he was conscious, lucid (until they gave him morphine!) and easily moving his head so I never thought a head or back injury was likely, but still - seeing him all trussed up on the board before they got him onto the stretcher and out into the ambulance was a bit traumatic for me and his bigger brother who was also with us. Not quite as dramatic as your rescue all those years ago, but the NHS from the first paramedic who got there, to the various teams who sorted him out in hospital, did us proud.

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