UKC

corporate cr*p

New Topic
This topic has been archived, and won't accept reply postings.
 Dan Greaves 31 Aug 2004
Someone has just asked how I am fixed for Friday:
what for?
We need a brainstorm
what on?
The annual strategy meeting at the end of september.
You mean we are going to brainstorm a brainstorm?
Yes, a pre-brainstorm if you like?
Erm...is this a productive use of our time?
CraigB 31 Aug 2004
In reply to Dan Greaves:
> Erm...is this a productive use of our time?

Maybe you should set up a working group to look into that.

Craig
 Michael Ryan 31 Aug 2004
In reply to Dan Greaves:

Are you an "owner" or a "renter" of the company.
OP Dan Greaves 31 Aug 2004
In reply to Mick - Rockfax USA: I'm a renter (employee?)
 andy 31 Aug 2004
In reply to Dan Greaves: There is some pretty well evidenced research that suggests that the decision making quality of groups of people tends to be worse than that of individuals - so rather than 'brainstorms', idea generation sesions' and the like, you'd all be better off going of on your own for "a bit of a think"...
 Ridge 31 Aug 2004
In reply to Dan Greaves:
I can't believe you're using the term brainstorming. A friend was warned that this term is offensive to epileptics, and that the phrase 'blue sky thinking' should be used instead.
OP Dan Greaves 31 Aug 2004
In reply to Ridge:

psml!

but mightn't that upset blue people?

(Andy: my thoughts entirely)

Quentin Blake 31 Aug 2004
In reply to Ridge:

My Mum has to use the phrase 'Mind Shower' in her lessons now, as 'Brain Storm' was put away by the PC Police for exactly the same reason. Offensive to epileptics my arse.
 Ridge 31 Aug 2004
In reply to Quentin Blake:

Mind Shower, excellent, (conjures up all sorts in my twisted little mind)
 sutty 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Dan Greaves:

Could they not have a conference instead, then talk in the box and not be let out till they have made a decision. No cups of tea or food either, just a plentiful supply of water to concentrate the bladders.

Vertically_Challenged 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Dan Greaves: How else are you going to dream up next years buzzwords. My tip for sanity is to play Management Bingo. Draw up a list of known buzzwords. Score one point each time they are mentioned. Alternatively, visualize the process of chewing your own leg off in minute detail.
rich 01 Sep 2004
In reply to andy: aye, for all sorts of reasons but my favourite, and still my favourite phrase on all t'literature is, 'social loafing' :¬)
Drew Peacock 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Ridge:

I prefer "Imagineering" myself.

Also, play "B*llsh*t Bingo" - see here - it changes each time you refresh the page:

http://www.perkigoth.com/home/kermit/stuff/bullshitbingo/

OP Dan Greaves 01 Sep 2004
In reply to rich: love it! I wonder if I can change my job title to "Dan Greaves, Social Loafer" - it sounds considerably more debonair than all this executive vulgarity.

 Clare 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Dan Greaves:

i heard that if you take all the chairs away so everyone has to stand, decisions are made much quicker and most meetings only take around, say, 20 minutes instead of 2 hours. Throw the chairs out of the window (make sure the boss's car isn't parked underneath)
rich 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Clare: where did you hear that then?
 Clare 01 Sep 2004
In reply to rich:

I can't remember
rich 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Clare: i know, its just one of those things innit?

all i can say for certain was when that tory bloke was in charge of asda's he was all for standing up meetings so if you looked at back issues of management today or the sunday times or similar from about the mid-90s each you'd probably find something anecdotal
 Clare 01 Sep 2004
In reply to rich:

it's worth a try though... although my boss has just suggested we get some beanbags for meetings... hmmm...
OP Dan Greaves 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Clare: yeah there was a fashion for that just after the dot-com boom collapsed. Everyone decided that inflatable chairs weren't cutting the mustard so they should all have super-productive meetings standing up. Sounds like a dreamt-up answer to the question, "what are you doing to save money?" if you ask me.
rich 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Clare: tell him/her they discriminate against people who wear skirts
 DougG 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Clare:

> i heard that if you take all the chairs away so everyone has to stand, decisions are made much quicker and most meetings only take around, say, 20 minutes instead of 2 hours

I know of at least one company in Aberdeen who have tried that.
 CENSORED 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Ridge:
> that the phrase 'blue sky thinking' should be used instead.


As a resident of the UK, I found that phrase offensive!
Simon Waterfield 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Clare: The military do that. - when they 'took over' the ministry of ag and fish after the last farm outbreak they emptied all the meeting rooms of chairs - worked wonders evidently.
 JayH 01 Sep 2004
In reply to Simon Waterfield:

Don't believe the hype - they'd probably *actually* just run out of chairs elsewhere, having sold them on some cost-saving measure...

New Topic
This topic has been archived, and won't accept reply postings.
Loading Notifications...