In reply to Sandrine:
I have few enough skills in life, but one is the ability to write the most horrible Pam Ayres type 'poetry' Here's the offering to my ex partner this year on her 39th. Her pet name was 'Beasty girl' Hence the 'beast bit'
Oh creature most beasty!
Well now you’re 39!!
To mark the day, I’ve summed you up
With a horrid little rhyme.
You grew up with a barbie mum and a father, quite amusing.
Their genes combined to make a beast,
Perplexing and confusing.
She’s cute, it’s true, she’s smart, she’s fun,
When it comes to world affairs she knows what’s going on…..
She has a very sexy bum (well since she’s started running)
She’s intelligent and cunning.
She used to have bright flame red hair
Now she’s blonde, quite becoming!
She’s friendly, caring, very loyal,
She’s there for all her friends.
She’s the only girl I’ll argue with
Then call to make amends.
She’s lovely, nice and does a lot for others without fuss.
But get her sat inside my car and all I do is cuss!!!!!!!
She offers comments on my driving (but doesn’t have a licence!)
She tells me off speeding, even when I feel I’m idling!
She questions my directions and tells me that I’m off track
She shouts at me, throws custard pies
Why? I’ve no idea!
But future boyfriends, take advice, DON’T DRIVE HER TO IKEA!!!!
This bossy little creature, will drive you up the wall.
She’ll give you grief and tell you off and worse
She won’t make sense. She’s got a woman’s logic.
From that there’s no defence.
For all that would I change her?
Not one little bit.
She’s a gorgeous, sexy little thing.
(And a RIGHT annoying GIT!!)