UKC

100 years old today.

If he wasn't dead that is.

A true genius...

Stolen from elsewhere;

• “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.”
• “Money couldn’t buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.”
• “I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge.”
• “I’m a hero with coward’s legs.”
• “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”
• “The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.”
• “I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.”
• “And God said, ‘Let there be light’, and there was light, but the electricity board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.”
• “How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.”
• “I turned and rubbed my hands with glee. I always keep a tin of glee handy.”
• “I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
• “Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.”

A knock on the door in Nazi

HITLER - "Who is zat?"

VOICE - "Martin Bormann, I have zer message for you"

HITLER - "slide it under zer door"

Sound of Bormann grunting

BORMANN "It won't go under"

HITLER "Vy not?"

BORMANN "It's in mein head."

He made a 12yr old Diluted almost asphxyiate on a train from laughing too much.

Love Light and Peace.

I told you I was ill

You little grovelling bastard...

"Caw" said the crow,

"Balls" said Milligan.

I liked his Irish O'Lympics and First Irishman In Space

for anyone who didn't get the reference, have a listen to this

youtube.com/watch?v=TkOAUht3G5o&

and don't forget his short stuff too

Tis due to pigeons that alight

on Nelson's hat that makes it white

I’ve met people like you before. Most of Them are buried under my garden.