UKC

Just a bit of a ramble - Quite an important day to day.  It's a year since I took a long hard look at my alcohol intake and allowed myself to entertain the fact that I might have an alcohol problem.  

It was easy to blame lockdown for it, but I've always been a big drinker.  Northern bloke culture where everyone drinks and it's a massive rite of passage to get served in a pubs, or at the off licence, or even the honour of sitting with your Granda in the working mens club and buying him a pint.  Coupled with a natural shyness and awkwardness which has always been loosened by alcohol and it was bound to happen.

It just became part of who I was.  The booze hound, the bloke to keep up with, the beer demon .  But it ramped up massively over the start of lockdown through boredom I think.  It was when I decided to have a week off it and started getting anxious and nervous and panicky feelings that I convinced myself I had a problem and decided to share on UKC.  I didn't want to share with my family the word "alcoholic' just through the fear of the stigma or the pity or whatever.  I've never actually had alcohol cause me problems as such like losing work, violence, abuse, missing bills / mortgage payments or anything like that (probably lost a few years of my life, but I can't dial that bit back I suppose).   My drinking habit was really just getting absolutely tanked and waking up feeling rubbish with increasing black spots in the memory of the previous night.  But the anonymity of UKC was a great springboard to talking about and taking that first step.

Your response was fantastic and positive both on the forum and off it.  Lots of PM's of private similar stories.  It made me feel like I wasn't that alone.  The similarities in a lot of your stories and mine were very eye opening.  

After the first week or two of anxiety and sleep patterns being mucked up, it actually became a lot easier than I expected.  I've though about alcohol EVERY SINGLE DAY since I gave it up.  But it's been in a very positive way...and not in a 'deprived and craving it' way.  I've discovered that it's pointless trying 'not' to think about it so you need to think about it in different ways.  Every occasion or milestone has been a case of thinking "will I get through this without a beer", like the first weekend, or the first big bike ride (was always good to have a beer at the end of it), christmas...whatever.  Each one came and went.  No big deal

I've had dreams where I've looked down and saw the at I'm halfway through a pint and been massively disappointed and pissed off with myself.   I've got to keep telling the missus that it's not a problem to walk down the beer aisle when she fancies a cheeky gin or wine.  

I've been seeing this date get nearer and nearer with a sense of joy, and early on I was toying with the idea of celebrating with a huge box of beers but for the past few months I've been more and more positive that I wouldn't.  And I don't want to.  I'm going to continue on for the near future at least.  I've got no real inclination to drink again but then again, I might suddenly decide "yeah, I'm going to have one".  It's an amazing place to be in.  

I've dropped nearly four stone, I'm sleeping easier and I'm generally less stressed and moody.  I love my new life. The money I've saved is astounding (and also embarrasing when you realise what you've pissed up the wall over the course of your life)

I'm absolutely determined not to try and demonise booze though.  I think it's a particularly bad drug for me personally but I just want to echo what I've said on previous updates - If you're going to drink then make sure you buy the good stuff, and have a bloody good time with people you love and enjoy every last drop.  Just always keep an ear out for that little voice that tells you it might be time to do a bit of self examination, and to have a word with yourself.  It's bloody hard (I think I've been ignoring it for a good few years before the lockdown mega binging started) because you just want to bury your head in the sand a bit and ignore it

I feel like I could achieve anything at the moment.  I am never going to tell myself "I could never do that" because I know now that I can.  And so can anyone.  

I might even consider getting back to the climbing wall again...

So it's time to stop counting the days now and just get on with life.  I'm looking forward now to the day when I wake up and realise "Wow - I actually went a full day without booze popping into my head at least once"

Thanks UKC. It's probably been my most productive and healthy year since I left school.  Whatever you're drinking tonight, have one for me

In reply to ThunderCat:

Great post, thanks for posting, helpful. And congratulations

In reply to ThunderCat:

This is UKC at its very, very, best. 👊

In reply to ThunderCat:

~I was partial to a drop but then I moved to an area where the  pubs served only Robinson's beer. Now I don't drink much at all.

In reply to ThunderCat:

Fantastic post! Congratulations.

In reply to ThunderCat:

I'm having a Saltaire Blonde. Cheers!

But seriously, bloody well done. I've a very similar background and relationship with booze (and sweet stuff, which is another issue).

I've taken lockdown as an opportunity to cut down on the booze and empty calories, and I'm leaving lockdown in a far better state than I went into it. I've not given up, and I've noticed consumption has crept up over the past couple of weeks. However I think once things ease off and I start getting together with mates again it might all start to slip. I'm actually quite concerned about that.

I can't imagine ever giving up, the taste of  a good pint is just sublime, and I've certainly got more choosy and rather than thinking “The beers crap here, I'll have a really cold lager instead”, I might well not bother with alcohol.

But enough of me, bloody well done again!

In reply to ThunderCat:

What an absolutely fantastic post to read! I can’t quite believe it’s been a year since you first posted about this, but well done. Not just for going a year, but the shift in mindset about it all sounds like no small thing to achieve; that must feel good. Thanks for sharing the update.

In reply to ThunderCat:

Congratulations, as you know, you've been a bit of an inspiration and motivation. He says, having just put some bottles of posh Belgian beer in the fridge to chill (hey like you say, at least make sure it's half-decent stuff)  

I am due a few dry weeks soon I think. 

In reply to Blue Straggler:

Enjoy it lad.  If I ever do break my fast, it'll also be with posh Belgian beers

In reply to ThunderCat:

Nice one, and congratulations on the new awareness of your own strengths, finding new depths to them, that's always a good thing, even without the not drinking alcohol. 

You'll be much healthier for it, and richer in different ways...

In reply to ThunderCat:

Good one! Well done. I was wondering how you were doing. I’m 1000 days plus as of last week and almost started a similar thread.

i think it gets easier because the coping mechanisms get more ingrained than the drink. But I still have random urges. Last week I was driving home and went past a little dive bar with a beer garden on a backstreet, the temptation to get a nice cold draught and sit in the sun for 20 minutes was strong but I know it can’t be one.. 

well done!

In reply to ThunderCat:

Awesome,  well done!!

In reply to ThunderCat:

Good effort,  and bloody well done!

Ps - I'm typing this in the bath with a bottle of Bradfield Farmer's Stout next to me, so I don't think I'll be emulating your success any time soon

In reply to John Ww: I seem to struggle to not eat sweet things, but I quit smoking 23 years ago now. I remember a highly strung music guy who first appeared in the 60's dying relatively young after a lifetime of being particular about his health (including not drinking). If you don't drink to excess and are active,and happy - that's got to be good. I hardly drink and beer makes me glum, but a beer in the bath sounds rather agreeable. Quite chilled.

State of mind probably counts for a lot in the end...

In reply to ThunderCat:

Hey TC, great post, great year!  I almost posted the other day to see how you were doing so really nice to hear everything is still going well.

Also props to Roadrunner - I remember back when you were drinking and used to post some weird incomprehensible stuff!  

I went to France a while back with my cousin who let us know he'd given up, something he said about sobriety has stuck with me ever since: "I wake up every morning now ready to attack the day".  I really like that idea - being able to make the most of every day.

Thanks for posting, I'm raising a glass of red to you!

In reply to Blue Straggler:

Yep. Belgian beer is definitely half decent.

In reply to John Ww:

Some serious multi tasking going on there.  Respect!

In reply to Blue Straggler:

Yes, probably. I've had a good mentor. There. Can we still be friends?

In reply to Tom Valentine:

Come on now, we'll have no trouble here.  Don't make me break out the cow puns...

In reply to ThunderCat:

I was only ribbing him. 

Excellent to hear.

Giving up booze was one of the best things I ever got myself .

Well done . Fantastic work.  

In reply to ThunderCat:

Very proud of you old chap. Its not an easy thing to do but it's so very worthwhile if you can't moderate yourself. 33 years for me this year.

Roadrunner keep at it pal. 1000 days is excellent. 

In reply to Dax H:

Thundercat! 

In reply to ThunderCat:

An excellent and uplifting post Thundercat, and great congratulation to you, it clearly wasn't an easy journey but you have done it.

Dave

PS To the two who disliked Thundercat's post, come on have the guts to identify yourselves and tell us just what you found so dislikeable about an account of a difficult time in someone's life that has a great outcome.

Or do you think it is somehow funny to dislike any post, no matter what?

Dave

In reply to Tringa:

Cheers fella.  Don't worry yourself about the dislikes, they are what they are.  Ironically one of the outcomes of my boozing was a bit of short thread and a propensity to get wound up over internet stuff like dislikes, or having to have the last word on threads in petty and meaningless arguments.  I might even have been guilty of disliking some posts which weren't really justified just because I felt a bit moody.

Perhaps the dislikers found the post a bit over dramatic, or tedious, or repetitive.  I can identify with this...I bore myself sometimes.  Perhaps they have shares in one of the major brewing companies.  (the guy from our local corner shop has probably seen his profits nosedive over the past year).  Maybe they just don't like me.  It's fine.  I don't take it personally.  Right now I'm very upbeat and love everyone (in a caring, sharing and totally consensual way)

In reply to Tringa:

I think 2/161 dislikes is in the noise floor of accidental taps when browsing the thread on a mobile.  

I enjoyed the OPs post although it did make me wonder if I should stop buying condensed milk, I was having a couple of spoons as a pick-me-up when I chanced upon their thread.

Nice work, OP.  

In reply to ThunderCat:

That's the spirit ! or should I say soft drink ?

AP

In reply to wintertree:

This - I had to check I'd not accidently disliked it myself!  

In reply to Archmagos_Dominus:

I do wonder how much / how quickly a quick nip of whisky would batter me after so long clean.  Probably be on the floor within seconds....

A very cheap night

In reply to ThunderCat:

It really wouldn't be worth it .  Alcohol is an evil drug .

There's so much more space in the mind for other things than booze.

In reply to Archmagos_Dominus:

No immediate plans to matey.  I have some new goals to work on for the next year....I'm having a bit of a social media purge (I waste a stupid amount of time on facebook so I've deactivated my account and removed the app.  It's amazing how many times I've already gone to look at it without even thinking over the past 24 hours and then noticed it's gone) (*)

I still have a bit of weight I'd like to shift and I think I need to focus on getting rid of processed sugar from my diet (I'm a bugger for peanut M&M's) and for basically getting a more healthy, balanced diet.  Having a few beers tends to lead to raiding the fridge and bingeing on rubbish

Edited - I don't actually count UKC as "social media"...so that's ok.

In reply to ThunderCat:

The Facebook move I applaud also ,   must be going on 10 years since I deactivated my account . 

One of the other best things I did .

In reply to ThunderCat:

We done!

I've never had issues with alcohol, apart from knowing we to stop, but I never have to start, I can take it or leave it.

Tabs though were a very different beast, it took me years to give up, but eventually I managed it.

I've never gone back to it, apart from a few cigs , but I didn't enjoy them so it was easy not to start again.

Good luck with whatever you decide, now you've broken the grip, you may be able to have "measured" drinking, some people can or you might decide it's not for you forever.

Congrats on getting to where you are.

In reply to wintertree:

Fair point.

Dave

In reply to ThunderCat:

Well done ! This is a very inspiring story.

In reply to ThunderCat:

I noticed my alcohol intake going up over lockdown. A extra bottle of wine here and there during the week. The odd g&t of an evening. A cheeky beer with a meal. More at weekends.

This might sound counter intuitive, but I joined a wine club. So now I have more alcohol in the house. However, we now only drink at weekends. The wine we drink is better quality, but we consume less of it. Also, giving it a score and deciding if we'd like to buy it again, makes me think more about about what I'm drinking. I plan a meal and choose the wine to go with it, rather than trying to find something at the supermarket that will do. I still enjoy real ale from local breweries and obscure spirits, but in smaller quantities.

In reply to ThunderCat:

Nice one!

I've made some improvements myself, as I was in a similar situation with lockdown. I like cooking but also drinking beer whilst cooking... and it was starting to get out of hand.

I found a variety of 2.8% beers*, ranging from cheap but ok to quite crafty. I switched to those and it's gone well. Don't get too drunk, don't feel the bad physical and mental effects regularly, don't feel like I'm missing out. Wouldn't suit everybody but it's working for me.

* there is now a lower tax on beer up to 2.8% encouraging it to be brewed

In reply to Mike Stretford:

I bet the craft breweries still want 2 quid for a 330ml can...

In reply to ThunderCat:

I lost a lot of weight just removing all junk. I just snack on nut and dried fruit mixes. No chips.

I'll have a few chocolates late at night but literally just two - three. Being tired is a huge issue on binge eating though, not just because the alcohol screws up your blood sugar levels, and not drinking aids sleep massively, the quality of it and quantity.

I don't demonize drink either, my wife enjoys a beer and has a 6-12 pack in the fridge most of the time but that lasts her weeks if not months and I don't look at what I lost more gained. Time in the day, money (and I spend that money as treats), every few months say buy something nice that you would have blown and pissed it away against a wall.. Saturday I was up at 5, met a mate and ran a sociable 10 miler and was back in the house just before 8 am and spent the day with the kids then fitted in a 20 mile ride as the kids were getting ready for bed. 

And despite knowing the 1000 days I don't count days I just know I'm getting close to three years so googled when my 1000th day would be.

I think the thing I find hardest is not commenting to mates/acquaintances who I see have similar issues. I had a mate bragging on his instagram story about downing a bottle of sangria thing, brushing his teeth and putting the trash out so his gf won't know he's already drunk a bottle before he starts drinking with her - been there done that, when you start hiding and lying about drinking the alarm bells should go off. I can't make them stop and it's not my place to argue with them over it and get stressed myself about their drinking. I'd have not stopped until I was ready to.

In reply to Ridge:

They do....... it pays to shop around online. Home Bargains do a Taproom Light 440ml for 99p, it's ok. You've got to be careful with online review scores as some people score them low because they are low ABV!

In reply to Cobra_Head:

"Good luck with whatever you decide, now you've broken the grip, you may be able to have "measured" drinking, some people can or you might decide it's not for you forever."

I've a mate who was sober for years and has gone back to controlled drinking and it seems to be holding. It's been 5+ years and he's never drunk, just the odd beer.

TBH for me it's more my wife now as well as the risk that I might not be able to control it. I just don't see it's worth the risk when I don't miss it and think I've gained from stopping. But also I know my wife would never enjoy a night out with me or be comfortable with me drinking at all. I didn't quit for her but she's certainly a consideration now.

In reply to Roadrunner6:

Occasionally that idea creeps in.  I just don't know if I would just get the taste and go apesh*t again.  I probably would.  I love the fact that I'm not craving it though, or having to fight the temptation because as soon as there's any will power involved I give in.  I like being able to think about in that 'positive' way, to actually contemplate it, remind myself of all the benefits and then decide against it.  

I don't have any problem at all buying drinks for others.  I even signed the missus up for a Gin delivery club (the ones where it seems like you're getting a good deal on all of these craft gins but are probably paying more than you need to).

There's tentative plans to have a quick work reunion in Media City on friday night (cos we've all been working from home) and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone getting bladdered while I sip me ginger beer.  I've even offered to do a few lifts home at the end of the night. 

I think having two grandkids now is also a factor.  When my daughter was at home it was a little more controlled and I didn't seem to drink in the house.  It was mostly on nights out.  But there's been a couple of times where I've gone in the man room and had to fight to open the door against a pile of bottles or cans.  I would hate the girls coming by to visit and seeing that.  I'd be bloody mortified if they even associated me with that kind of lifestyle.

Maybe if I don't glamorise normalise alcohol in the same way that it was in my early life they might have a more responsible attitude to it as they grow up.

In reply to ThunderCat:

Yeah the kids is a consideration for me too. My daughter was 2.5 when I got sober so she's no memory of me ever drinking or being drunk. The twins are 1. 

I do worry about how I'll be when they start drinking, they've to make their futures, experimenting with alcohol is part of growing up and they have to make their own mistakes. Maybe they'll not have issue.

In reply to ThunderCat:

What's the record for the most 'liked' post on UKC? 210 must be up there!

In reply to Stuart Williams:

nah, there was that one about Brexit last week, remember ?

In reply to Stuart Williams:

Anyway 210 is remarkably high and shows, IMO, a very good and honest piece of writing from the OP, and also a very good situation (which might resonate with a lot people too??)

In reply to profitofdoom:

It helped me a ton to just get it off my chest a year ago and if it does help anyone think about things and shine a light on where they are, then that's great.

It's a weird beast, is UKC. On one hand it can be place full of petty squabbling snide gits (me near the top of the list sometimes) and then in the blink of an eye its nothing but decent human beings offering a bit of support. No one on this site knows me in person and no one has anything to gain from offering that support, yet it came across in spades. Invaluable 

In reply to ThunderCat:

I've not given up, but have cut back massively. Just had a couple of pints with friends who live nearby and I'm certainly conscious of getting the taste for it.

In reply to ThunderCat:

I tried that for a while on and off, and while I found it easy enough to stick to a one or two drink limit, I realised that it would start out as once in a blue moon but slowly it would become more regular, and even small amounts of alcohol regularly would start to have a cumulative effect on my mental health.

Obviously everyone has to find their own balance, but for me staying tee-total is the most beneficial, as well as the lowest risk strategy. Think I've had two drinks (for the bells) in about the last 5 years - alcohol doesn't cross my mind any more, so if my life goes down the crapper at some point is not going to be the "friend" I turn to 🙂

In reply to Ciro:

I just find it far less stressful to not drink than have one and walk away. The moment I have one it's a constant battle to not have more. "one is too much, and a 1000 not enough". Moderation was always my issue, but abstinence is just far easier once you've broken the habit. Now it's been a while I can honestly say I don't really miss it, but for a few months after quitting I really struggled imaging not drinking for another few days.

Re the last point, similar, once it's no longer a coping mechanism I think the risk of turning to it is reduced. 

It's strange what triggers memories though, I just watched Peaky Blinders and they always turn to whiskey in stressful times, well any time.

In reply to Roadrunner6:

I stopped drinking alcohol last June, following a largely unexpected horror of a hangover.  Never meant to actually stop drinking entirely but haven’t felt the urge to drink since.  

I really miss the flavour of a good red wine, but don’t want the fuzzy brain, headache and bad tummy that even a relatively small amount of alcohol would leave me with.  My body appeared to becoming less and less tolerant of it.

Since stopping drinking I notice alcohol is everywhere, telly, books, memes, adverts.  It’s your birthday = have a drink, you have passed an exam = drink, you’ve failed an exam = drink, you’re bored = drink.  I know it’s completely ingrained in our culture but until I didn’t do it, I hadn’t realised just how unhealthy the obsession with alcohol is.

And I really don’t want to turn into that miserable old bat with the cats-arse mouth who glowers and snaps “I’m tee-total” when offered a drink at a wedding.  So, for now I just say Im not drinking today

In reply to Stuart Williams:

I believe I held that distinction for this thread but TC looks to be only one behind and his thread is far more worthy!

https://www.ukclimbing.com/forums/winter_climbing/this_ridiculous_behaviour...

In reply to Sealwife:

When I miss a good nice tasting wine is eating a good steak. The two just went together well but it's not a big issue.

I thought saying 'I'm not drinking' would be an issue but I don't think it is, plenty of people don't drink much or anything at all, for a person who drinks/drunk a lot it seems a much bigger deal than it actually is. Most people don't bat an eyelid when I say I'm OK I'll just have a water or something.

In reply to Ridge:

Me too, this time last year I was on a slippery slope. I should add I had January off before going for lower alcohol beers, that helped a lot.

In reply to Roadrunner6:

That's been a positive change over the years. I remember when there was real pressure at socials, even work dos. Seems pathetic now, looking back.

In reply to Roadrunner6:

Well, there a solution to that! A nice cauliflower 'steak'. 

In reply to Flinticus:

I'm actually pretty much vegetarian these days. Almost no red meat. I've a wife who gets kidney stones so we've cut out lots.

In reply to DaveHK:

It looks like your title has fallen!