UKC

Bloody Amazon !

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 john spence 25 Nov 2017
I ordered four Kindles and they sent me aTwo Ronnies DVD
In reply to john spence:

And we've just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned. And now, back to our regular programme.
 wercat 25 Nov 2017
In reply to tom_in_edinburgh:

my wife said she tried a new car park the other day but she didn't stay as she saw a sign saying it was for bad shoulders only
 Blue Straggler 25 Nov 2017
In reply to john spence:

And later in our series of interviews with leading actresses, we'll have our very own Googie Withers - and what to if yours does too.
 Fraser 25 Nov 2017
In reply to john spence:

Further news coming in: the perfect crime was committed last night, when thieves broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets. Police say they have absolutely nothing to go on.
 Bob Hughes 25 Nov 2017
In reply to john spence:

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.
 Bob Hughes 25 Nov 2017
In reply to john spence:

'The prime minister held a meeting with the cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chest of drawers.'
 Kimono 25 Nov 2017
In reply to john spence:

I was hoping this was an anti-jungle rant
OP john spence 25 Nov 2017
In reply to john spence:

The annoying thing is I paid with my doner card by mistake.....cost me an arm and a leg.
 Mark Harding 25 Nov 2017
In reply to john spence:

A stolen van carrying pharmaceuticals was pursued by police in the early hours of this morning. It was abandoned in a motorway service station together with its cargo of Viagra. The three occupants ran off …. Police are now looking for three hardened criminals.
 Big Ger 25 Nov 2017
In reply to Mark Harding:

They'll get stiff sentences for that.
 FactorXXX 25 Nov 2017
In reply to Fraser:

Further news coming in: the perfect crime was committed last night, when thieves broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets. Police say they have absolutely nothing to go on.

The local nudist colony reported that someone had drilled a hole in their fence. The Police are looking into it .

 mypyrex 25 Nov 2017
In reply to john spence:

I went into a pub and had a ploughman's lunch. He wasn't very happy about it.
Jim C 26 Nov 2017
In reply to john spence:

> The annoying thing is I paid with my doner card by mistake.....cost me an arm and a leg.

I would have thought you might have got a Kebab with that card.
OP john spence 26 Nov 2017
In reply to Jim C:

I blame predictive text???? ..the guy who invented it died last week.....his funfair is on Sundial.
 AndySL 01 Dec 2017
In reply to john spence:

The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow.
 Hugh Cottam 01 Dec 2017
Two chickens walk into a bar, going cluck, cluck, cluck. The barman says, "I'm not serving you, coming in here using all that fowl language".

 buzby 02 Dec 2017
In reply to john spence:

I stole your joke and put it on my Facebook page and everyone's laughing except one girl I used to go to school with who's missed the joke and is being sympathetic and offering to buy the dvd if I don't want it.
im going to keep it going for a while before I put her out her misery. she's commenting on why everyone thinks my misfortune is funny.
 IM 02 Dec 2017
In reply to john spence:

Meanwhile, in an odd accident I managed to superglue myself to my autobiography.
Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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