UKC

How does one stay on the right side of the law when writing a rude letter?

Write it on willy-shaped paper?

Before you do, ask yourself: Does your natural instinct to handling this sort of problem ever work out in your favour?

Generally - unless the other party is being deliberately deceitful - it’s best to stick to the facts.  Just spell them out slowly and clearly, as you would if explaining to a small child.

Would that be put in a fanny shaped envelope?

Cut the letters out of magazines so no one can pin the handwriting to you. 

The hive mind is craving for details

Umm, obviously misspell their name, repeatedly. Write all the rude bits IN CAPITALS. Then post it to them without a stamp do they have to pay to get it.  That should warm them up nicely. 

Green pen, really small piece of paper, densely written.

Write in crayon. 

Send them a French Letter as that would be quite rude. 

Pro tip: use green ink.

I did that once many years ago, when I was entering a competition for which the entry needed to be sent on a postcard. My (deliberately) threatening submission won first prize! Result!

Write a little downvote box at the bottom of it, with a very high number labeled "how much everyone likes you"

use Private Eye lawyers

wrap up the rudeness by using incredibly polite language.  In that language express the rude concepts so that very politely you have described the essence of the idea you want to convey

Seal the envelope by wiping your bottom with it.

"With all due respect...."

Only if you're a tool

The latest one I saw along those lines was:

"your mother should have done the right thing and swallowed you"

Thanks for the suggestions folks.

Having reflected on things somewhat I think a letter is a bad idea, so I'll probably just let his tyres down...

Was the prize a holiday for one?

"The room was small, with limited views, but the food was free. Plenty of local characters to meet." As Tripadviser might say.

? How is being rude a transgression of law.  

End it by saying 'Please file this in the appropriate place'.

Ha!

In fact, the prize was a large collection of CDs.

The rules of the competition were that you had to write in and say why you 'deserved' to win the prize. My submission started off with the usual stuff - i.e. that I was a long-time fan of the style of music involved - and finished with letters cut out from the newspaper that spelled out 'aNd I knOw wherE yOU liVe.'

The people involved must have got my sense of humour: I won first prize!

It's not. We're free to go ahead and be rude and offensive. Just don't write anything that could be construed to be threatening or abusive.

Aside from agreeing completely with Wintertree (there's a first time for everything apparently!).

It is very cathartic to write something as abusive and threatening as you can possibly manage with absolutely no attempt at subterfuge. Just as long as you then put in a drawer rather than an envelope.

I second this.

And if you're hoping to achieve something tangible rather than let off steam, skip the rudeness entirely and state the facts as simply as possible, and tell them what you would like the outcome to be. No one is ever persuaded of anything by rude writing.

(You haven't been posting notes on the windscreens of any cars at Fort William station recently, have you?)

...unless they're Anthony Burgess being 'persuaded' by Hunter S. Thompson:

https://cdn8.openculture.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/23211914/Thompson-B...

Your mother was a hamster...

"You are needlessly rude for a chubby bloke."