UKC

University of Life will be at Stanage this weekend. We will not be setting up any top ropes as all new comers’ just need to man up and crack on with proper lead climbing. No risk assessment needed. Brexit n all that.

Fake news.

The UOL would have their freshers’ meet at Cloggy, or the Shelterstone, not a single pitch outcrop 10 mins from the car park...

Cloggy? pah - roadside crag. Surely somewhere like Carnmore or even St Kilda.

They could at least pull their finger out and head to somewhere like Laddow.

Correct. I’m The President of UoL and we’ve upped the auntie, so to speak, this year. I’ve headed out a few days early to sort stuff out.

Regards, Mick, Gindlewald.
 

You’ve upped your auntie? Didn’t she mind? At least you’re keeping it in the family...

Oh great. I'm the president of the SoHK and we were planning on going there this wekeend. We can get together and chat about those pathetic Generation Zeds.

E

*correction 

The UoL Mountaineering* Club actually only ever meet in the Vaynol arms, for a nice gammon supper, followed by sinking 15 beers (each). They "discuss" (talk at each other) about that one time they had a great "adventure" on Hail Bebe (VD) despite it being <5 mins from the road and including a literal path. Once that's done, time to complain about the kids (i.e. anyone under 40 or with anything above a GCSE), top ropes, cams (hexes are fine etc etc) and how they hate the wife nearly as much as they hate bolts from those "bloody europeans". The last time any of them went climbing was 1992. 

*None of them have ever been near a proper mountain, but one once summited Mam Tor via the not-tourist route. They of course have strong opinions about Yr Wyddfa (although of course they call it Snowdon), Ben Nevis and Scafell Pike being overrun with tourists taking selfies.    

p.s. It's joke, please take it that way. I can slag of millennials just as easily

UoL doesn't have any clubs as we can't be bothered with all that bureaucratic nonsense.

If you had written "No risk assessment" it would sound brave and manly, like a lion eating a snickers bar. But writing "No risk assessment needed." means you did risk assess it and decided there was no need for a risk assessment. You are weak, like a lion eating a bowl of pureed mango.

University of Life my arse, sounds more like the Polytechnic of Last Chances.

Did you not know the UoL is a post-92 ex-poly?

President!?  What kind of school, or uni for that matter, has a president?

The real UoL has an arch-chancellor, and the real SoHK a headmistress.

Anyway, I heard the pathetic generation zeds of the Primary School of Getting the Shit Kicked Out of You were also planning to be there, so you'd better stay out of their way or you'll be getting the shit kicked out of you.

Nicked from an old copy of Private Eye:

Surely the lion would be eating a Lion bar...?

(do these even exist any more? Years since I’ve had one...)

Grindelwald? Getting top ropes up on the north face? Brilliant!

Lions? Yes - I think there are still a few around.

In the bar?

You're thinking of The Red Lion. Most of them are beige.

Maybe they're in the mane bar?