UKC

When I was Six I had my tonsils removed. Sitting in the hospital bed I was given a golden plastic trumpet to mark the occasion.

In reply to Slackboot:

I expected you to say your tonsils in a nice pickling jar. 

In reply to Slackboot:

That's awesome! Did you use it in the hospital bed?

Now I know what to ask for my 50th (I might up the spec to actual gold)

In reply to Flinticus:

You have to get your tonsils out to get the trumpet. I dread to think what has to be removed to get one made of real gold!

In reply to Chive Talkin\':

I expected him to say a 12-pack of salt and vinegar crisps as happened to Adrian Mole 

In reply to Chive Talkin\':

When I had most of a lower slipped disc removed, I jokingly said to the surgeon before the operation ‘could you keep it for me’.  When I came round in the hospital ward, there was the jar on my bedside cabinet.  Kept it for ages, then flushed it down the bog !

In reply to Slackboot:

When I was about 14 or 15 my grandad gave me a 6 inch tall metallic pink plastic grandfather clock for Christmas.

On a more serious note it turned out to be the first sign of the dementia that was to come.

Edited to add. 

Christmas eve when I was 7 my dad took me and my younger brother in to town shopping for a present for my mum. Whilst out he bought my brother an army crane truck with opening doors, a working crane and pull out stabilisers. He got me a parka coat. 

In reply to Slackboot:

A brace of Woodcock with a recipe.

In reply to Slackboot:

A steam engine. I was about ten. 

(it was a very very small one - it was ace!) 

In reply to Slackboot:

A German monk I know gave me a crucifix

I can't to display it (am not religious)

I can't bin it either - there must be some residual religion in me after all!

It lives in a drawer

In reply to Slackboot:

I was working on al large country estate doing telecoms work and the lord of the manor asked my mate and myself to do a little job for him on the side and said he would see us alright for it. it only took about 15 mins anyway when we finished he took me through to the kitchen and handed me over two turnips one for each of us. I was to amused to get angry about it.     

Another boy I worked with was working in an elderly woman's house and was drinking tea she had made him when she asked if he liked cake, sure do he answered and she went to the kitchen and came back with a bag of flour and handed it to him.

In reply to Dax H:

Not having my glasses on I so misread that! (omit a crucial "l")

In reply to buzby:

Once I found someone's iPhone and when they rang it we arranged for them to come round and collect it. They brought me a bunch of slightly bruised bananas as a thank you.

In reply to mick taylor:

I had my appendix in a jar for years! It was removed when I got ill on a school trip to Italy, and my grandpa (a retired doctor) arranged for the surgeon to send it home with me. He took a look and reckoned they'd got it out with less than 6 hours left before it burst.

In reply to Alyson:

I had thirteen teeth removed in a single sitting once, and kept them all in one of those old tobacco tins. One by one, over a few years, they got lost under the sofa. 

In reply to Slackboot:

About 40 Christmas's ago, just as my first marriage was splitting up, my [then] mother-in-law give me a pair of pyjamas. Unfortunately they were very useful for keeping me warm in bed for quite some time after that.

In reply to buzby:

What Dax H said above about the weird present from his grandad turning out to have been an early sign of the dementia that was to come..  I wonder if this funny story might actually also have been a very sad story.

In reply to Blue Straggler:

How could you fail to notice 13 old tobacco tins under your sofa!?! 

In reply to Slackboot:

I once mowed my ex neighbour's garden, I kind of had once looked out of my window and saw her working away at it with a pair of kitchen scissors.

She gave me a bag seeds in return, which I had no idea what to do with as the whole pack was in Chinese and she barley spoke English. Turns out they were sunflower seeds and tasted quite good.

In reply to Slackboot:

When I lived in Worcester in the 90's the drummer in my band presented me with a couple of brace of rabbits in a black bin liner. One of his weekly jobs working at a nursery was to keep the numbers down. Skinning them was fun (pre youtube)

In reply to Clauso:

13 sofas of course ! 

In reply to Slackboot:

A dose!

In reply to OP.

A friend worked at a 'Theatrical' Guest House where Tommy Cooper was staying. He was known to be a good tipper so they tried very hard to be helpful and polite. Sure enough when Mr. Cooper's stay was over and he was saying goodbye to the staff he handed them a bulging envelope. It was full of teabags!

In reply to Dave the Rave:

Was a beater on many shoots as a kid. Hated the sight of a dead woodcock 

such beautiful and rare birds

In reply to Slackboot:

I was sat in a diner one December morning, alone, in Philadelphia PA, pining over a break up. 
 

The waitress came over said I looked sad and gave me a bauble. 

In reply to Donotello:

Did that cheer you up?!

In reply to Phantom Disliker:

Ready for the vampire apocalypse.  

In reply to Slackboot:

I was once given six standard paper cups wrapped up in wrapping paper by a family friend of my wife's parents at Christmas at the in-laws. Both my brothers-in-law got exactly the same.

In reply to Slackboot:

In the office secret santa a couple of years ago, I was given a neoprene belt that would apparently aid weight loss when running. This was 2 months after my first marathon and I weighed <12 stone. Still wondering who gave me it, and why. What were they trying to say

In reply to Slackboot:

A video of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan while waiting in hospital to have grommets fitted

In reply to Slackboot: For my 40th birthday I told my wife I wanted a good quality wrist watch as a present. I took her to the shop and pointed out the exact one I wanted, tried it on in front of her and even circled it in the brochure that the brand of watch had.

imagine my surprise when I received a very large box for my birthday containing...... you’ve guessed it...

a paper shredder.

In reply to Slackboot:

In Kurdish Iraq the grandfather of a local gangster I had some acquaintance with passed away and I received his glass eye as a gift....

In reply to abr1966:

I think that's pretty cool with the story attached to it. It's intriguing and macabre.

In reply to abr1966:

youtube.com/watch?v=HVXS832a2kc&

In reply to Slackboot:

For my 21st birthday my auntie sent me a plastic tray. Just a standard sort of plastic tray that you might eat your dinner off while watching telly if you're that way inclined. I didn't make much use of it as she'd previously sent me a tray for my 19th birthday too.

(Funnily enough she's an awesome energetic, trailblazer of a woman with a thousand cool stories, she's just spectacularly bad at presents.)

In reply to Slackboot:

My Mother-in-Law gave me a kitchen spoon for Christmas - it's a nice, new, red silicone one, but I still have no idea why. The whisky, beer and cash were much more useful.

When I bought my first house, my Mum helpfully told all my relatives I wanted money for new curtains for my birthday - fortunately, I got the money and spent it on more exciting things.

A friend of mine has bought some very strange presents over the years, including a hoodie I could have got 4 of me in, in a colour I'd never wear, and some very odd clothes for the kids. She does a lot of charity work and I suspect they are new items that have been donated for sales that she's thought we might like/be useful. My wife got a bag of bras from her on one visit, none of which were her style or size!

In reply to LastBoyScout:

My wife and I just both got gigantic hideous martini glasses from my Mother in Law for Christmas. Mine was decorated with a huge glitter piano keyboard (I’m not musical) and my wife’s with pink glitter high heel shoes (she is not a girly girl and never wears high heels). We also tend to drink wine and single malt rather than martinis. They were also of such poor quality that the glitter decor started coming off the moment they came out of the wrapper, and so huge that there wasn’t room in our regular glasses cupboard or the backup glasses cupboard. I am afraid they ”went to a better place” before being used even once. And she has known us both and our habits for decades.

It’s the charity shop volunteer explanation rather than dementia in her case - I think she buys vast quantities of random stuff from the shop she works in because it catches her eye and hasn’t sold, and then come Christmas time does her best to share out the tat between relatives.

In reply to Slackboot:

My sister was given 2 bananas and a can of beans by my aunty. I got a bottle of jura. Thirty years later, my sister still mentions it at christmas

In reply to Slackboot:

a half used jar of peanut butter for my birthday

In reply to toad:

That reminds me, is it a common thing in most people's experiences for couples to give joint presents at Christmas? Pardon the slight hijack to all.

In reply to Dave the Rave:

Do you know where the famous, slightly nutty flavour of woodcocks or snipes comes from?

CB

In reply to Slackboot:

Once I had my wisdom tooth pulled, it took about 40 minutes. After that the doctor asked if I wanted to keep the tooth. Sure said I. It was all crooked and weirdly shaped, my cat played with it for while.

In reply to Slackboot:

One of my PhD students upon graduation gave me a plastic owl alarm clock. They also gave their cosupervisor one. I'm now the proud owner of two plastic owl alarm clocks! Project had nothing to do with owls or clocks before you ask.

In reply to cb294:

No. Please enlighten me

In reply to cb294:

Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina?

In reply to Dave the Rave:

Snipes and related game birds traditionally are only partially gutted (on purpose) before cooking. The guts almost always contain large numbers of tapeworms, which add the flavour and cannot colonize your gut even if one accidentally survives.

CB

In reply to Taylor's Landlord:

Please pass me the mind bleach...

CB

In reply to Taylor's Landlord:

I always thought her ex was guttersnipe.

In reply to Slackboot:

When living in China a colleague brought me some of his wife's breast milk.  Apparently, she had too much for their baby and it's very nutritious 

In reply to Slackboot:

I gave one of my brothers a fork for his birthday ...

In reply to Slackboot:

the weirdest thing I've ever been given (when it comes) is removal of EU citizenship

In reply to Timmd:

I don't understand the connection between couples, and toad's post that speaks about a sister and an aunt. Could you explain?

In reply to Blue Straggler: The link was Christmas. 

In reply to Slackboot:

A rather dotty friend of my mother gave my brother a 'Children of the World' jigsaw puzzle for his birthday.  It had six pieces.  He was 14.  Later that year, I fared a little better with a four colour biro

In reply to Donotello:

I'm still trying to think what "bauble" is a euphemism for ... 

In reply to nniff:

When I was about 11 a not-quite-dotty-but-maybe-a-bit-out-of-touch acquaintance of my parents (thing she was the mother of a friend's ne'er-do-well husband, and should not have felt obliged to be giving presents to the likes of me) once gave me, for my birthday, 10p - which was a kind enough little gesture but it didn't seem random/rushed/distressed in a "oh I didn't know it was your birthday, I was just dropping in with this cake tin for your mum, er, here, it's not much of course" but a bit of fuss was made over it and I remember somehow having to pretend that I could buy a Matchbox car (they were about £1 at that time) or small Lego set (minimum £1.50 at that time) with it! It was a bit awkward and one of the first times I had to "act" in the name of diplomacy. 

10p! 

 

In reply to wercat:

You can hear the puzzlement in the voices of 'official types' from other countries when they mention it in passing.

In reply to Slackboot:

When I was 8 or 9 years old in 1975 so eager was I to give xmas pressies that I gave my Dad a stolen but new Parker pen for his birthday, one I had stolen from our better off next door neighbours flat as we were always in and out of all our neighbours flats. I continued using swag like this for pressies for people until I was 12. The shame of it. 

In reply to Slackboot:

I worked  in the live music industry  and had to stage manage Screaming Lord Sutch and his band back in the 90's.   At the end of the show I paid him his fee and in return he gave me a Monster Raving Looney Party £1million  pound note with a big picture of him on it.

He also promised that if he ever became PM it would become legal tender and promised to honour it by giving the owner £1million sterling.

In reply to cb294:

You're always good for nuggets like this, thank you!  

I've always loved Matjes (pickled herrings for those not in the know). My enthusiasm was temporarily dampened when I learnt that the sexually still undeveloped herrings are only partially gutted before being sotted in brine and the enzymes from their own pancreas, which apparently account for the amazing tenderness of the finished result. I'm proud to say that I got over it. 

Two memorable presents:

1. A set of real darts plus dartboard from my godmother; I was five years old. I didn't see them again until my twelfth birthday. 

2. A gold ring from my second wife, in a beautiful small church on our wedding day. She dumped me not two years later, having broken every wedding promise in the book. I sold it and bought complete new sets of wires and cams, which have since given me infinitely more pleasure than I had in the last year of our marriage  

In reply to Slackboot:

A frozen fish.

While this in its own right is not completely odd it was the fact that it was presented to me by Haliru Dantoro Kitoro III dan Muhammadu Sani, Emir of the Borgu Kingdom, New Bussa, in Nigeria.

Desperate to find somewhere to sleep before nightfall I found myself knocking on the compound walls of large looking residence. I was invited in and parked up my filthy Land Cruiser next to a suspiciously grand entrance to an even more impressive building. I was ushered in and found myself in a long throne room that was decorated in leaf gold, wood carved walls, Benin statues and at the end, an actual throne with an eldeerly man dressed in magnificent pristine white robes. Feeling like a complete ejitt in my travel worn clothes, unshaven state and general grimy appearance I politely asked if it was possible to camp within the grounds of his palace. After some consultation with his advisors I was allowed permission to pitch my rooftent on the lawn of his lovely garden which was home to a number of peacocks and giant tortoises. As myself and Mrs Cu shared a sunset beer while marvelling at our good fortune the Emir graced us with his presence and offered us a welcome present of frozen fish.

In reply to Cú Chullain:

What an experience! Great story.😊

In reply to Slackboot:

Agnetha out of ABBA

In reply to coinneach:

The OP is weird things you have been given. Not weird things you want! ☺ 

And its not weird to want Agnetha.

In reply to Slackboot:

My girlfriend dropped the first issue of that build your own Warhammer Army partwork into my lap today. I have been clean* for nearly 28 years and now this!

*the odd toot of recreational napoleonics notwithstanding.

In reply to Clarence:

I walk past a Warhammer shop every day. I often thought about calling in just to see what its all about. But because I have an addictive personality I might give it a miss now I've read your post.

In reply to Slackboot:

Who's that girl in my cellar then?

In reply to Slackboot:

Don't. You will be disappointed.

I popped into my local Games Workshop a few years back and found the plastic figurines and other cheap looking products a massive disappointment. 

In reply to Cú Chullain:

Yeah, this isn't filling me with early 90s nostalgia like it was intended to do. 

In reply to Slackboot:

a beating in the headmaster's study with his famous rubber hairbrush, over 50 years ago.  Decades later he was outed as an abuser, not that I didn't deserve the beating, being caught all tooled up after lights up at the head of a squad ready to attack another dorm.  I opened the door and there he was ...

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/blair-s-old-school-shamed-1861...

In reply to Slackboot:

not weird perhaps but unexpected and memorable.  Sent by my mother down the hill to the farm as a youngster to pay the milk bill came back carrying an orphan lamb to look after and keep.  You should have seen her face ...