UKC

The humble mantle - straightforward on paper but in practice ended up inching my gut over the ledge like an anaconda or a beaching whale, legs flailing around pathetically (whales and anacondas don't have legs, maybe this is why). Anyway 'the mantle' has to be the most undignified move (in my limited experience). Unless you can come up with a more humiliating sequence...

Every move up the crux pitch of Slingsby's Chimney Route (VD)

I've seen some fairly ungainly struggles on the likes of Sifta's Quid (inside, obviously). And I, as a slener-proprtioned human, have taken great delight in sanbagging many of my broader friends on things with inappropriate moves. Anything with a squeeze, really. Captain's Crawl at Birchen is a good one for that.

So I'm going to go with the 'squeeze thrutch'.

It's got to be the beached-whale mantle. Ideally somewhere with the heavily trafficked public footpath at the top. Burbage springs to mind.

Watching people belly flop onto the cheese block on Tody's Wall (HVS 5a) and then realise that they should be on their feet to enable them to reach the horizontal crack and the confusion of movement that follows can be an enjoyable watch.

The irony is that Tody's Wall can be done very elegantly (I say this as a very, very average climber), in fact it's a beautiful route for it's length.

The top out of Right Unconquerable. A brilliant example of the belly flop and wiggle version of a mantle

I know it's classic to do that awful squirming belly flop cum mantel but that's another classic crux where an inelegant struggle can be avoided by using a small high right foothold. It's still not easy because that sloping jutting top block pushes you back but you start the move in a higher, more advantageous position

End of the traverse on Anvil Chorus, Bosigran.  I tried to mantel it and ended up on a ledge unable to lift my head because of an overhang above,  unable to move my hands because they were stuck under my stomach and with my legs sticking out horizontally. Masterly. 

Was going to say Tody's Wall but already beaten to it. 

I think the least dignified move I have ever made was at the top of the VS finish to Damascus Crack at the Roaches. It was just after Free Solo had come out and there was an entire family watching me top out (who didn't understand that leading meant rope below me, so to them I was 'EXTREME FREE SOLOING'). 

Halfway through me dragging myself onto the top without any use of my legs they realised they weren't enjoying it as a spectator sport anymore and moved on.  

Sweatyman (HVS 5a) can produce some  amusingly ungainly tactics ( or so I was told by my second)

Spoiler alert! Beta warning!

(I'll save that away somewhere for future use. Got any suggestions for BAW's Crawl, while you're at it?)

The sideways shuffle at the top of The Rasp (E2 5b), perhaps mainly because it's in such contrast to the rest of the route. I've done it a few times, and each time had me removing helmet, getting head and shoulders jammed into the break and wriggling sideways with legs flailing. I've heard of folk hand traversing the slopers; they must be much stronger than me.

I'm rather ashamed to say I never 'submitted myself' to BAW's Crawl.

I assume you realise your doing it wrong and your "supposed" to put your foot up and stand up that way during a mantel.

But yes I've done the horrid belly flop too!

I suppose it depends on the shape of the rocks and the flexibility and shape of the climber. Unfortunately I can't remember the name of the route this happened on but I do remember ending up prone at the top of The Cornice at Helsby.

Top of the third pitch of Jack the Ripper (E1 5b) is good for a chuckle...

There is  something glorious about a nice rounded topout with no good hands. Best enjoyed while belaying your second; their desperate fondling of every sloper is only a few feet away but they might as well be on another crag for all the help you can provide. Bonus points if their feet are under an overhang adding a sense of urgency to the occasion.

Honourable mention to Scarlet Wall on the Roaches which seems to be made exclusively of such moves.

I always liked Steve Ashton's description of Gashed Crag, Tryfan

"Humanoids must resort to wedging up the crack with their left leg while ineffectively pumping the right foot up the outside slab. Much like kick starting an old motorbike...."

Big boot and a rucksack helped?? 

Use the flake in the roof to go feet first and slide in so that you're lying on your back; you are then in a comfortable position with a great upside down view along Stanage.

When you've finished laughing about how ridiculous it is, extraction back to a normal standing position is much easier than you might expect, there's a decent handhold out of sight to help. 

Only one hardish move now, much easier if you're tall enough.

Edit: make sure you do it with an audience so that they too can enjoy the experience 😁

I've become really poor at topping out, returning to climbing older and stiffer. Many times I've executed a beautiful technical crux and gone to pieces with a humble rounded finish.

Amused to see the knee used even on historic 9a repeats -  youtube.com/watch?v=QNjxLMUCN4M&

I found it easy to slot left leg only in and kind of rotate around the block with right leg dangling. 

Carefully consider cam in the crack above the shelf, as our rope pushed it almost deep enough to be lost. Would try green hex in hindsight. 

Holds are all very good, you just need reasonable core to chuck your leg in initially. 

Top mantel is the hardest move. 

The squirm leftwards on Pincushion

Maybe I did it wrong but I was laughing so much I fell off

I can't find it now. But I'm sure I did a climb at Almscliff (maybe it was somewhere else) that involved shuffling belly first along a horizontal chimney through owl pellets. I'm unsure what was more undignified. That or belaying the lead while he threw the worst of the owl pellets blindly towards me.

I've never forgotten Brown's comment when asked whether he struggled to finish Right Unconquerable on the first ascent. 'It was fine' he said, 'I was just a bag of muscle in those days.'

He had as much a gift for words as he did for climbing.

Anything on ice that involves climbing over a bulge into an easing angle, so that you have to watch that you don't shear your front points out by changing the angle, and then arrive uncomfortably face-first to the belay, crouched down, with an ensuing graceless struggle to stand up with your mate's rucksack in your face.

Can't say that I've done it myself.................

Ah the "Fountainebleau Flop" as we call it.

Occasionally judicious use of as my climbing partner perfected - the "boob hook", or in my case the "chin hook"  (not to be confused with a large helicopter) can help

Not exactly a climbing move but is there anything more undignified than hanging from the rope, having failed, like a sack of spuds?

 Pawn ? on Chair Ladder....ungainly stomach traverse with extended arm and fingertips just preventing rolling off.

Also the crack/groove on Spectre, Grochan. Described in Ron James's guide something like; Layback for the bold,. ..., , and belly flop and legs kicking for the masses.

I've seen a lot of those moves in my time but the last moves on this beast take some beating for undignified.

https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/stanage_popular-104/the_birth_of_a...

I think I've been at my most undignified - and it's a high bar - when executing the peristaltic writhe. This involves getting fully inside an off-width that is just too narrow to permit back-and-footing and attempting to wriggle up like a worm. It's both amazingly tiring and amazingly ineffective. The obvious solution is not to get inside the damn thing in the first place, but I always realise this too late. I still wince when I remember burrowing my way into the groove on the first pitch of Central Pillar of Frenzy (5.9). Eventually I ran out of body tension and fell back out of the bottom. Of course, it's relatively easy if you stay out of it, but I seem to suffer from a fatal attraction.

My mate adopted a similar approach on Kremlin Krack (HVS 5a) and soon ground to a halt. His power grunts gradually weakened till eventually he was bleating like a sheep. How we laughed. Then he mentioned that he seemed to have got my huge number 6 cam irretrievably stuck. The laughter faded and my wallet went pale.

A few years ago I got my nipple piercing caught on the squeeze pitch of Crypt Route. Blood all over my t shirt. My mates thought it was hilarious. I've since taken it out

Or Severe jamming if you'd had a gritstone apprenticeship oop North, amid the dark, Satanic mills...

Mick

Getting over the overlap on Spartan Slab on Etive Slabs with any sense of grace?Spartan Slab (VS 4c)

Accessing the rock fin on Dorsal Arete, Stob Coire nan Lochan, in winter. 

It's only Grade II, but even experienced guides can't do it with any kind of style or finesse 😁

BAWs crawl definitely has to be up there.  Though I'd put it down less as undignified, and more as ridiculous.  Great fun though.

Or Severe jamming if you'd had a gritstone apprenticeship oop North, amid the dark, Satanic mills... <

Thanks. Jambing (sic) is probably the bit I couldn't remember when quoting the James guide.

Done my share of bellyflops over rounded top-outs. 

Excluding those, the most memorable were the dreaded thrutch (mostly) up the inside of Monolith Crack (with intermission to take off helmet as it wouldn't fit in the crack with me...).

But my most ungraceful but unique move must have been halfway up Candle Crack (Twistleton). Even twenty years ago it was polished as ice, so the whole thing was awkward right from the first footholds trying to slide out from under my feet. By the time I got to a notch halfway up, the only way I could figure to stay on the rock was to get as much of myself into that space as possible, resulting in a bizarre head and neck jam. Don't know how I got out of that! But the rest must have been uneventful as I can't remember it. I'm sure most people must have done it in proper style, though...

I remember causing some mirth and ridicule from my worthy and much more experienced second (Quote from 15 minutes earlier: "C'mon you wimp, it's time you led an HVS") with my method of getting over the bulge on the second pitch of Valkyrie (HVS 5a). It worked eventually, but elegant it was not. 

Verandah Buttress (HVD 5b)

Verandah Buttress is usually an entertainingly inelegant tussle.

Any position, usually in an off-width where you find yourself pulling on another body part. For instance the 'haul yourself up your own leg' that comes from attempting a foot first move without first taking the time to become strong enough to complete a hanging sit up. For extra points try failing on said move when only just far enough off the floor that you can't quite reach the ground too extricate yourself. 

Kelly's Overhang - I seem to recall doing the step across just fine but losing my dignity by virtue of bleating on about it rather a lot before I actually did it.

Mantel on the top pitch of Superdirect,  Milestone Buttress. Humiliating. And mighty impressive for 1940!

No one mentioned the Mod at Birchen with the squeeze through the crack to a classic exit behind the cliff top. Is it telescope tunnel?

We loaded our mate up with loads of big gear "cos the belay needs it" and down jacket "cos its cold and youve got 2 seconds to pull up" and then watched in hysterics as he frogs legged into thin air whilst swearing and muttering to his public.

There's two next to each other — Telescope Tunnel is one, and Captain's Crawl is the other. I can't go to Birchen and not do at least one lap on Captain's Crawl. Great fun!

I don't remember there being a mantel. It's a nice bit of laybacking and stemming up the crack as I recall?

Getting pumped stupid whilst making no progress at all on the tight chimney of Monolith Crack (HS), pitch 2... And having to ab off in disgrace after failing to even fit into the chimney of pitch 3.

I once watched a very competent climber get very hot and bothered on Helfenstein's Struggle at Stanage. The guidebook comment is priceless - 'History records that Helfenstein struggled in vain.'

I too have struggled in vain, just couldn't get my chest past the rock that sticks into it - even when I've been at my "fit" weight. Always had to go for the "outside" option.

The move up onto the belay ledge at the end of pitch 2 of Suicide Wall (E1 5c). I've done it 3 times.

When I was 17 it felt hard and undignified.

Second time (early 30s) I got it right. Hand traverse, pick the right spot, step up and rock over onto the ledge.

Third time, a year or so later I was feeling cocky. It all went wrong, I stepped up to early, and ended up crouched with both hands and both feet in the traverse crack, wondering what on earth I was going to do next. I have no idea how I made it onto the ledge, but I can confirm that it was hideously undignified!!!

Steve

Yes there is some nice laybacking and stemming, but that's after the mantel, which is at the end of the thin traverse from the belly.

* belay. Darned autocorrect!

Agreed! Baws crawl can feel about E2 but doing it your way feels about VS. There's not many Hvs's I'd solo these days but Baws Crawl is one of them. 

Also you can climb it 50 times and it never stops being fun!