UKC

So I’m in need of some good new excuses to add to my repertoire for the next time one needs to be deployed to hide my shameful effort. 

Good ones I hear or use a lot are:

• my fingertips are too cold 
• my fingertips are too sweaty
• the hold is too big for my hands 
• anti beta chalk
• this climb is shit 
• im not tall enough, I can’t reach
• my hands are too big for this crack
• the conditions aren’t right 

Let me know if you have any gems !

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I once fell off as a result of some kind soul, unexpectedly and without warning, starting up a drone quadcopter thingy about 10 feet behind me.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

At 4’11”, I use the “I’m not tall enough “ quite a lot !

In reply to rachelpearce01:

It's too hard.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

Won’t work for everyone, but my usual one is: I’ve only had four hours sleep because of my 18 month old. Therefore tired/weak/lacking focus etc  

Sadly, usually actually true. 

In reply to rachelpearce01:

The only 'excuse' I could ever use (because I never wanted to fall off, and when I occasionally did, it always took me by surprise) was that gravity got the better of me because I wasn't climbing well enough.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

My all time favourite that I heard at Millstone, was "I was beaten by the psychology of the situation"

I think it means he got scared and bottled it but it was  impressively cryptic

In reply to Gordon Stainforth:

It's a scientific fact that there are "strong gravity" days and "weaker gravity" days. I notice that gravity has increased greatly since the turn of the century.

In reply to overdrawnboy:

It definitely increases as you get older.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

It takes more courage to get back on and succeed after falling … so, judgement may depend on what happens afterwards

I recently took a fall on a classic 6c+ in these parts. The day was late and my belayer impatient … when speed overtook haste I came unstuck; but thats no excuse  

In reply to rachelpearce01:

Catch whooping cough, guaranteed 100 days of "sorry I'm having a coughing fit".

In reply to rachelpearce01:

"Hold broke". Then the rock or the crag get blamed

In reply to rachelpearce01:

• I just wanted to test the pro / your belaying device / my falling technique before I go for the crux

In reply to rachelpearce01:

The hold I was going for was full of insects (once when bouldering on the coast). It was way too freaky.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I'm too hungover. Use it all the time.

 

I'm too tall

In reply to rachelpearce01:

Tom Patey's book One Man's Mountains has an excellent essay entitled The Art of Down Climbing Gracefully which is a series of climbing excuses - I'd recommend checking it out as it's quite amusing!

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I'm a lazy fat bar steward and not very good at climbing is my usual go to excuse. 

In reply to Gordon Stainforth:

And as you get fatter - Newton  might have formulated a general equation to express this, but I have the personal anecdotal evidence to back it up.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

"my foot popped" amuses me when, applied to a piece of shit footwork.

In reply to GrahamD:

I have definitely used this !

In reply to rachelpearce01:

The route doesn’t suit my style of climbing.

In reply to Gordon Stainforth:

Can’t use the ‘getting older’ excuse since Ben Moon started sending 9a in his 50s 

In reply to rachelpearce01:

Ex British team member at Raven Tor wasn't doing so well on a route because of her shorts apparently, the wrong type.  

 

 

Changed them and the outcome was the same

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I like Ondra's new one

"FUUUUUU#K!!!!!"

"IT'S FU#*ING HUNDRED MILLON DEGREES"

In reply to rachelpearce01:

Just put my hand into a wasps nest....

To be accurate I think I jumped rather than fell....

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I’ve been nursing an injury in my ...I don’t think I’ll climb that we’ll because.

In reply to GrahamD:

Mine definitely popped in Kalymnos last Easter so I find that a good description.  I was "laying off" a tufa with my left hand with just one poor foothold and my other leg flagging to keep balance as I leaned across a long way out right to clip the krab on the end of my panic stick as it hung from the bolt.  Just as my fingers made contact with the krab my foot most definitely popped.  There was no other point of contact to help me so I ended up in hospital with my left foot in plaster.

Al

In reply to rachelpearce01:

A grizzled old coffin-dodger of my acquaintance cried out 'Ah, my arthritis!' before falling off a mantelshelf move.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

"Snake! Snake! Actual f*cking snake!" was one of my favourites.

In reply to Andy Gamisou:

A couple of years ago I was leading a climb on Brantrake Crag when a fighter jet flew very low over the crag and then hit his after burners on his way down the valley. I bet he was smiling. 

In reply to rachelpearce01:

'The dandelion leaf got me' ... After slipping off the top jug while clipping the lower off! 

In reply to Gordon Stainforth:

I had a high gravity day at the wall yesterday!

In reply to GridNorth:

I'm sure it is a valid description for some falls.  Its when its applied to slipping off a Vdiff I find it amusing.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

https://www.ukclimbing.com/articles/features/150_excuses_for_falling_off_i_...

In reply to brianjcooper:

Ah - we used to get that at Bowden Doors.  Particularly worrying was what appeared to be bullit holes in the rock where they seemed to occasionally strafe the rock.  I'm  sure someone on here will know more about that.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

How about "I'm feeling too strong today and just overgripping"?

In reply to rachelpearce01:

If you're not falling off, you're not trying hard enough covers it all

In reply to rachelpearce01:

My 11yr old daughter quite often farts when climbing.  I have witnessed her fall off giggling at the amazing whiff she had just produced.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

The wind in that hole blew me off (this was a climbing partner on an indoor wall) - it was a balancey route ...

In reply to rachelpearce01:

You need to meet my invisible friend Reg.  He's my Reasonable Excuse Generator and he's always there when I need him.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

• I have too much skin
• My arms are too long
• These shoes are too sticky

All of these made sense at the time! :-P

In reply to rachelpearce01:

The question is, did you fall off attempting to make progress? If so you don't need an excuse, you were trying. If "falling off" is actually giving up, eg slumping onto an overhead runner calling "take" instead of fighting on, then you don't need an excuse for falling, you need sound reasons (i.e. excuses) for making a "mountaineering decision".

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I usually find “I’m a sh*te climber” pre-empts further painful discussion.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

If you're not falling off the route's too easy for you and you should be on something harder.

In reply to Lemony:

That was one of mine and there really was a snake in the crack where the hold was ...

In reply to rachelpearce01:

One that greatly impressed me was, 'My socks are the wrong shape'.

In reply to brianjcooper:

Had exactly the same thing in Glen Pean many years ago - a Tornado came past so close I could taste the unburnt fuel. Neadless to say, we bagged our explorations of that crag and went back to the bothy to change our trousers!

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I was reversing a dyno.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I don't have any excuses for falling off, I have reasons.

In reply to Andrew Kin:

A friend of mine farted his way up Alter Crack, a fart at every move,  it's surprisingly difficult to belay with tears in your eyes. It was very funny though.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

• "That sheep looked at me funny. Seriously, it looks like it might bite or something."
• "Which of the four grooves does this f*cking guidebook think is the obvious one?"
• "I was distracted by that fit girl,guy,sheep that just walked past."
• "I didn't want to bridge that far in case my tights split."
• "I wanted to test my new DIY screamer."
• "I thought I was about to sneeze."
• "I really, really need a sh*t!"
• "No WAY is a move like that VS!"

In reply to Wingnut:

This is giving me flashbacks of Red Wall on Llywedd. I chose wrong. Didn’t fall off, as we would not be having this conversation if I had...!

In reply to rachelpearce01:

"I decided to do some falling practice"

In reply to rachelpearce01:

"I didn't fall off; I threw myself off to check if you were belaying properly"

In reply to rachelpearce01:

While self-deception/delusion is nice... best to accept the real reason... "I*m shite", this can be physical (not strong or good enough.... never not tall enough) or mental (got scared and could not commit)... luckily both can be trained, physical being easier.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I didn't warm up enough first

In reply to rachelpearce01: about 25 years ago I was climbing on Gimmer Crag with a muscular young tyro who was exceptionally strong of arm and finger, but weaker of resolve. It was a cold day and he didn't seem to be enjoying his pitch on our warm up route, Gimmer Crack. Not altogether unexpectedly he fell off.

"What happened Dave?"

"I fell off 'cause my chest was too big" the reply. God's honest truth. 

 

In reply to rachelpearce01:

Getting puked on has been an excuse to back of a route on multiple occations, since the Northern Fulmar seems to enjoy nesting on classic routes here. And my backpack is really starting to stink of fish oil.

But having used the "too big hands" and "anti beta chalk", for someone with physically challenged fingers, I can guarantee that those are very valid excuses. Climbing in Sweden this summer on a classic 5.11 finger crack, I thought I had read the moves on the top part of the crack for the onsight, following some obvious chalck in the crack. But apparently the swedish gnomes have disturbingly skinny fingers, I had absolutely no use of that chalck beta, which felt more like forcing a bloated sausage into an ATM card slot, ending with a fun whip

In reply to rachelpearce01:

I was once climbing on Suspension Bridge Buttress in the Avon Gorge and  was sand blasted off because they were cleaning the underside of the bridge.

In reply to GridNorth:

I was once climbing on Suspension Bridge Buttress in the Avon Gorge and was warned not to put my hand in the small cave by two young Peregrines with reasonably well developed beaks. I beat a hasty retreat.

In reply to rachelpearce01:

There's a 6 foot snake wrapped around the belay chain...............................'TAKE!'

True story from Chaulet in Ardeche, though the snake gets bigger every telling.

In reply to GrahamD:

A friend of mine used to take this further - "I DIDN'T fall off." (in spite of the evidence of her now dangling on the rope). "My foot slipped."

 

jcm

In reply to Alkis:

I think I may have picked the same one a few years back! 

In reply to rachelpearce01:

As were were roping up for the first climb of the night and shone a torch up the route: There's a brown snake on the big jug. We went home after that.

 

In reply to Stairclimber:

In a similar vein my wife once came across a blunt nosed viper (which are pretty venomous) basking on a small ledge between the last bolt and belay whilst climbing in Cyprus.  We decided to wait until the end of the day to clean the route.