In reply to iain_cbr:
At a jokesy level there is the classic (though very dated):
'A Glossary of Commonly Used Climbing Terms and Phrases or
The TV Armchair Guide to Mountaineering'
by Tom Patey (from his book 'One Man's Mountains')
Climbing rope -- fulfills many functions, e.g., it may be used for lassoing
projecting spikes, crossing impassible gorges or for pulling up
climbers who have lost their nerve.
A solo climber -- One man falling alone.
A roped party -- Several men falling simultaneously.
Hemp (rope) -- A rope that breaks.
Nylon (rope) -- A rope that melts.
Ice-ax or "Pick" -- An implement for chopping holds in mud or soft rock.
Piton or "Spike" -- An implement for opening tin cans (various other uses).
Knife -- Indispensable. Should be instantly attainable. One of these saved
several lives on the Matterhorn.
Snap-link -- A link that snaps.
Safety Helmet -- A safety device for climbers falling head first. If the fall
is a long one, the climber may become completely impacted into his
helmet and be telescoped into a small globular mass which can be
stowed in a rucksack (cf. mountain rescue).
A Tiger's Web -- A hopeless tangle of rope or ropes.
A Pied d'Elephant -- A special short climbing boot for climbers who have all
their toes amputated.
Leepers -- Small insects encounted on Welsh sea cliffs.
Krabs -- Another unusual hazard encountered on Welsh sea cliffs.
(if this last hazard is considerable one, Lobster Claw Crampons
are worn).
A Cow's Tail -- The fray end of an old climbing rope.
A Lay-Back -- An unusually confortable bivouac.
A Hand-Jam -- A climber with one hand caught in a crack.
A Foot-Jam -- A climber with one foot caught in a crack.
A Good-Jam -- A climber who is permanently struck in a crack.
A "Joe Brown" -- A climber with large hands who gets stuck in cracks.
Whillans -- An orange-coloured rucksack.
A Novice -- Someone (often dead) who should be kept off the mountains at
all costs.
An experienced climber -- Someone whose death was unavoidable.
An Alpine Club Member (cf. Veteran) -- Someone who never dies but slowly
fades away.
(Contrast
An Alpine Veteran -- Someone who has been to the Alps.
Steeplejacks, Munich Fanatics, Dangle and Whack Merchants, or
Masters of the Sophisticated Modern Techniques - Alterative terms
(of a different vintage) for a piton climber.
A careful climber -- A slow climber.
A cautious climber -- A very slow climber.
A climbing-nut -- A reckless climber.
A running belay -- A cowardly second.
A Thread belay -- An asphyxiated second (due to a slow third man and a very
fast leader).
A Descendeur (French) -- A Term of derision. The opposite of a climber.
A psychological belay -- (Alt. usage) (1) A female second; (2) Looks like a
belay but isn't...
A Classic Route -- Much loose rock and grass.
A Direttissima -- A very long free fall or "Plunge".
A long Run-out -- A very long arrested fall.
"One of Nature's Last Strongholds" or "The Last Great Problem" --
A B.B.C. Outside Broadcasts Production.
Overhanging -- Vertical.
Vertical -- Steep.
Scrambling -- Fairly Steep.
Interesting -- Nerve-racking.
Thin -- Non-existent.
Amusing -- Die Laughing.
The Crux -- Where everyone else unties to watch the leader.
"Fissure" (French) -- A dirty, unpleasant crack.
Backing up, Straddling, Back and Knee, Back and Foot, Foot and Mouth --
Various postures adopted in Chimneys (?Derivation -- Kama Sutra).
Considerable Exposure -- No Privacy.
Free climbing -- No charge for spectators.
A Rurp -- A strenous grunt. A combination of a rift and a burp.
Abseiling -- Showing off, Pretending to Fall.
Committed (to the Route) -- Under Suspended Sentence of Death.
Peeling Off -- Undressing.
