In reply to Jamie Bankhead:
For the same reason they put posters up in police stations of crack addled whores, to stop us from going the same way, I am going to impart some advice.
1) don't do it. Just buy an old Raleigh Grifter or purple mountain bike with rigid forks
2) If you must, buy something that costs no more than £150, was made by a 9 year old in China and has cotter pins. As a consequence, it will fall apart, you will hate it and revert to 1) above
3) If you do buy a halfway decent bike then never, ever read the bike mags because if you do, it's curtains. This is what happens:
It starts off innocently enough. You sit in your lounge looking at £500 of Trek and thinking how good it would be to speed down the pass into the Clach for last orders, the wind in your hair and a chicken in your trousers. Then, you open the greasy pages of Cycling Weekly and it all goes wrong from there. Some nasty man from Wiggle or Chainreaction will tempt you with his shiny bling, or which he wants only magic beans, pebbles or red berries.
Before you know it, you have ordered a set of carbon bars, a Chorus chainset and those lighter ti spindled Look pegals.
All will be well for a week or two, then the urge returns and Wiggly Man is calling you with a £120 Rapha hat and £300 Rapha bib shorts. You need them, no really need them. must have them. Off the the bank for some more magic beans and pebbles.
You're 4 weeks in now, the bike has been used twice 'cos it has rained a lot, your knee hurt and anyway you ebayed the stock wheels to pay for a pair of Mavic carbons. 50mm rims are the way to go.
As you idly fondle your dream bike something in your recently arrived copy of ProCycling catches your eye. You focus on the slinky frame and read the magic word "Colnago".
From there on it is down hill. You sell a kidney to an Arab and rent your bottom out to lonely sheep farmers to pay for this sexual piece of Italian exotica. Desperate to get hold of the new Campg 11 speed you steal from your employer, break into cars parked on the pass and wank for coins outside Nevisport.
So kids, just say No.