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Having babies is not something I often think about but I guess I've been thinking about a lot of life-related things since I lost Mum in August...
To the Mums and Dads on here, how old were you when you had your first child? I'm guessing by and large the men will be older than the women but I've nothing to base that on and therefore could easily be wrong.
To the childless amongst you, do you have an age in mind by which time you think you should have your children (if indeed you want children!). I used to think 28-30 was about the right age, only now I'm 26 and suddenly 30 isn't so very far away anymore never mind 28! (Well compared to when one is 21, say, or 22). So maybe I should push that age on...or not? I suppose it's not exactly something you can choose necessarily.
I'm not even that convinced I want kids necessarily. I guess I'd be open to it if the right person came along and we were happy and he really wanted kids. (Which is a change from point blank not wanting them!haha) But I suppose it is something we all have to think about at some point. As we reach child-bearing age and then find ourselves passing through it and contemplating beyond it.
And now a question for anybody, at what age would you think "Man that's old!" for a woman to be expecting. And a man?
Anybody been adamant they didn't want kids but ended up with them?
Conversely, anyone not got kids and wish things had turned out differently?
Oh and anyone getting older, not had kids and quite happy with that and want to keep it that way?
Any other variations?
I suppose there must be all sorts out there, even in a cross section of UKC...
I should go to sleep instead of contemplating such things, shouldn't I...
To the Mums and Dads on here, how old were you when you had your first child? I'm guessing by and large the men will be older than the women but I've nothing to base that on and therefore could easily be wrong.
To the childless amongst you, do you have an age in mind by which time you think you should have your children (if indeed you want children!). I used to think 28-30 was about the right age, only now I'm 26 and suddenly 30 isn't so very far away anymore never mind 28! (Well compared to when one is 21, say, or 22). So maybe I should push that age on...or not? I suppose it's not exactly something you can choose necessarily.
I'm not even that convinced I want kids necessarily. I guess I'd be open to it if the right person came along and we were happy and he really wanted kids. (Which is a change from point blank not wanting them!haha) But I suppose it is something we all have to think about at some point. As we reach child-bearing age and then find ourselves passing through it and contemplating beyond it.
And now a question for anybody, at what age would you think "Man that's old!" for a woman to be expecting. And a man?
Anybody been adamant they didn't want kids but ended up with them?
Conversely, anyone not got kids and wish things had turned out differently?
Oh and anyone getting older, not had kids and quite happy with that and want to keep it that way?
Any other variations?
I suppose there must be all sorts out there, even in a cross section of UKC...
I should go to sleep instead of contemplating such things, shouldn't I...
In reply to Flicka:
What you should do is read "We Need to Talk About Kevin" by Lionel Shriver
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> I should go to sleep instead of contemplating such things, shouldn't I...
> I should go to sleep instead of contemplating such things, shouldn't I...
What you should do is read "We Need to Talk About Kevin" by Lionel Shriver
In reply to Flicka:
I was adamant, in my teens that i'd never have any as i was raised as one of four and our house was always noisy and messy and did i say noisy? :oP
Four kids later and, although i barely have time to scratch my own arse at times, i wouldn't change my noisy, messy lot for the world If you are ready for it ( even if you didn't Know you would be, as i was) the stuff that comes along with it will be busy,expensive, tiring, funny, smelly, strange but, mostly beautiful
I was adamant, in my teens that i'd never have any as i was raised as one of four and our house was always noisy and messy and did i say noisy? :oP
Four kids later and, although i barely have time to scratch my own arse at times, i wouldn't change my noisy, messy lot for the world If you are ready for it ( even if you didn't Know you would be, as i was) the stuff that comes along with it will be busy,expensive, tiring, funny, smelly, strange but, mostly beautiful
In reply to Flicka:
Well, I'm 28, my wife's 24 and my daughter is almost 7 weeks.
Although not entirely planned (!) it was around the time we thought of when we first discussed it, that is to say that 4 years ago we said in a about 4 years and it remained at "in about 4 years" until it happened!
The NHS did do it's best to make my wife feel like a "young mum" as at 24 she qualifies to join in our area's young mum support groups despite having been married for nearly 4 years and having little in common with the still-at-school/single mothers that the group is aimed at.
I seem to slowly build up my surprised reactions to hearing about first time mums from age 38 upwards.
Nick
> To the Mums and Dads on here, how old were you when you had your first child?
Well, I'm 28, my wife's 24 and my daughter is almost 7 weeks.
Although not entirely planned (!) it was around the time we thought of when we first discussed it, that is to say that 4 years ago we said in a about 4 years and it remained at "in about 4 years" until it happened!
The NHS did do it's best to make my wife feel like a "young mum" as at 24 she qualifies to join in our area's young mum support groups despite having been married for nearly 4 years and having little in common with the still-at-school/single mothers that the group is aimed at.
> And now a question for anybody, at what age would you think "Man that's old!" for a woman to be expecting. And a man?
I seem to slowly build up my surprised reactions to hearing about first time mums from age 38 upwards.
Nick
In reply to Flicka:
The oldest mother recorded is 70 !!
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> And now a question for anybody, at what age would you think "Man that's old!" for a woman to be expecting?
> And now a question for anybody, at what age would you think "Man that's old!" for a woman to be expecting?
The oldest mother recorded is 70 !!
In reply to Flicka:
Fifty when I (my wife - 32) had my first daughter - 52 for my second....But of course I'm a bloke.
Girl's now 20 and 18...both healthy...but keep me out of sight when their friends call...
Fifty when I (my wife - 32) had my first daughter - 52 for my second....But of course I'm a bloke.
Girl's now 20 and 18...both healthy...but keep me out of sight when their friends call...
In reply to Flicka: Well, I am mid thirties, tried for a while and didn't get pregnant in my late 20s, not as bothered as I think a lot of people are by that, these days I'm not sure I would want to have my life turned upside down by suddenly having 24/7 responsibility for a little person. Don't get me wrong I love my niece and my mates kids, but I also love my freedom. Anyway, I suggest you try not to worry, whatever happens happens, FWIW I'm happy, I don't forsee me having kids, but if it happened I would make the most of it and probably just drag them along and do stuff anyway. Anyway get some sleep
In reply to Flicka:
Wooow ha, too many questions. Although I have to admit I have been pondering many similar quandaries in recent times.
As a male I was reasonably comfortable in the notion that men have a "best before" were as women have a "sell by" date. Having (apparently) passed my best before date (by a long way ) I am shocked to find that the options for picking-up in-date "sell bys" are surprisingly limited!
Don't leave it too long. In fact, if you hurry up, you might have time to get another bite of the cherry (so to speak).
Wooow ha, too many questions. Although I have to admit I have been pondering many similar quandaries in recent times.
As a male I was reasonably comfortable in the notion that men have a "best before" were as women have a "sell by" date. Having (apparently) passed my best before date (by a long way ) I am shocked to find that the options for picking-up in-date "sell bys" are surprisingly limited!
Don't leave it too long. In fact, if you hurry up, you might have time to get another bite of the cherry (so to speak).
In reply to Flicka:
I was 30 and my wife was 28 (nearly 29) when we had my daughter and we had my son 3 years later.
I hadn't wanted kids before I met mrs Teff and she hadn't been bothered about them in her previous relationships although we both liked kids.
Worked out just right for us, I was into partying, drugs and bikes before I met my mrs and she was into travelling, partying and was generally drifting around a bit before we met.
We had a good time doing what we were doing but were both growing bored of our lifestyles when we met and we just clicked and wanted to settle down together. It was after we had settled and got married we decided to have kids, we wouldn't have been ready before.
If my son goes to university, I'll be about 55 by the time he finishes, still young enough to move to a different area or change careers so we had them at the right time for us.
It will be different for other people, it depends on your circumstances.
We both like our own pursuits and doing couple stuff and family stuff.
I absolutely love them to bits and can't imagine what life would have been like without them but then if we'd never had them I'd never have known what life was like with them. That said, I've never regretted for one millisecond having them.
I was 30 and my wife was 28 (nearly 29) when we had my daughter and we had my son 3 years later.
I hadn't wanted kids before I met mrs Teff and she hadn't been bothered about them in her previous relationships although we both liked kids.
Worked out just right for us, I was into partying, drugs and bikes before I met my mrs and she was into travelling, partying and was generally drifting around a bit before we met.
We had a good time doing what we were doing but were both growing bored of our lifestyles when we met and we just clicked and wanted to settle down together. It was after we had settled and got married we decided to have kids, we wouldn't have been ready before.
If my son goes to university, I'll be about 55 by the time he finishes, still young enough to move to a different area or change careers so we had them at the right time for us.
It will be different for other people, it depends on your circumstances.
We both like our own pursuits and doing couple stuff and family stuff.
I absolutely love them to bits and can't imagine what life would have been like without them but then if we'd never had them I'd never have known what life was like with them. That said, I've never regretted for one millisecond having them.
In reply to Flicka:
We were both 32 for first and 33 for second (reaver2k!). When we think back, ideally we would have been 5 years younger, but these things don't plan well. The average age for first pregnancy in the UK is 29 now I think, so you don't need to feel odd just yet, and I have lots of friends who have had babies up to early forties. It does get a lot trickier older though!
Man that's old --- maybe 43 and onwards?
We always thought we would want kids
We were both 32 for first and 33 for second (reaver2k!). When we think back, ideally we would have been 5 years younger, but these things don't plan well. The average age for first pregnancy in the UK is 29 now I think, so you don't need to feel odd just yet, and I have lots of friends who have had babies up to early forties. It does get a lot trickier older though!
Man that's old --- maybe 43 and onwards?
We always thought we would want kids
In reply to Flicka:
Funnily enough, I was discussing this in the pub with some friends this evening, as one of them is pregnant (at 22).
I am 28. I love other people's babies. Part of me would love to have children of my own.
Another part of me loves the lifestyle I live at the moment too much. I love spending my weekends wild camping and climbing and being able to take off spontaneously without worrying about anything else. This year, I have climbed harder than I have done in the last ten years and it feels like I can only get better from here. I don't want anything, including children, to get in the way of that.
On the other hand, I would love to have children and I get major baby envy when around other people with children!
I think, as my housemate put it very succintly, if I have children accidentally I would absolutely love it. However at the present time there is no way on earth I would deliberately put myself in that position.
If I don't have children, I don't think I will regret it. I like the life I have, and I will live it to its fullest. If I do have children, I won't regret it either and I would make the most of that situation too.
As regards age, my Mum had me when she was 26 (accidentally) and my sister when she was 28. She keeps remindng me I am getting old. I think times have changed and I have no problem with being older than she way. However, beyond 35 I would think very carefully as the risk of Down's syndrome and other birth defects increases dramatically beyond this age in the mother....however that still gives me 7 years, so I guess I'll just wait and see what happens....
Having just re-read that, I guess it's fair to say that my thoughts on the subject are very muddled!
Funnily enough, I was discussing this in the pub with some friends this evening, as one of them is pregnant (at 22).
I am 28. I love other people's babies. Part of me would love to have children of my own.
Another part of me loves the lifestyle I live at the moment too much. I love spending my weekends wild camping and climbing and being able to take off spontaneously without worrying about anything else. This year, I have climbed harder than I have done in the last ten years and it feels like I can only get better from here. I don't want anything, including children, to get in the way of that.
On the other hand, I would love to have children and I get major baby envy when around other people with children!
I think, as my housemate put it very succintly, if I have children accidentally I would absolutely love it. However at the present time there is no way on earth I would deliberately put myself in that position.
If I don't have children, I don't think I will regret it. I like the life I have, and I will live it to its fullest. If I do have children, I won't regret it either and I would make the most of that situation too.
As regards age, my Mum had me when she was 26 (accidentally) and my sister when she was 28. She keeps remindng me I am getting old. I think times have changed and I have no problem with being older than she way. However, beyond 35 I would think very carefully as the risk of Down's syndrome and other birth defects increases dramatically beyond this age in the mother....however that still gives me 7 years, so I guess I'll just wait and see what happens....
Having just re-read that, I guess it's fair to say that my thoughts on the subject are very muddled!
In reply to kathrync:
Isn't that just saying you would prefer things to happen naturally (whatever the events)? I find the whole idea of 'planned' pregnancies a bit, ... a bit sterile! It's like saying there's nothing to life apart from procreating.
> Having just re-read that, I guess it's fair to say that my thoughts on the subject are very muddled!
Isn't that just saying you would prefer things to happen naturally (whatever the events)? I find the whole idea of 'planned' pregnancies a bit, ... a bit sterile! It's like saying there's nothing to life apart from procreating.
In reply to Flicka:
hmm, trying to think, was about 24 and K was 26, I convinced K it would take ages due to her being on the pill for along time, we had 3 months before it happened he's now 19 and just cleared off to university and the years seem to have flown by.. I look across the room now and still remember the day we brought him home and put his carry cot on the ironing board by the door whilst we panicked after finding the boiler and heating had broken.
dunno if there ever was a right time with money and jobs but we just compromised and seem to have muddled our way through.
hmm, trying to think, was about 24 and K was 26, I convinced K it would take ages due to her being on the pill for along time, we had 3 months before it happened he's now 19 and just cleared off to university and the years seem to have flown by.. I look across the room now and still remember the day we brought him home and put his carry cot on the ironing board by the door whilst we panicked after finding the boiler and heating had broken.
dunno if there ever was a right time with money and jobs but we just compromised and seem to have muddled our way through.
In reply to Hairy Pete:
Yes, I think that's fair. However, I am very much waiting for a "natural" failure in contraception rather than waiting for a natural conception without contraception....
> (In reply to kathrync)
>
> [...]
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> Isn't that just saying you would prefer things to happen naturally (whatever the events)? I find the whole idea of 'planned' pregnancies a bit, ... a bit sterile! It's like saying there's nothing to life apart from procreating.
>
> [...]
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> Isn't that just saying you would prefer things to happen naturally (whatever the events)? I find the whole idea of 'planned' pregnancies a bit, ... a bit sterile! It's like saying there's nothing to life apart from procreating.
Yes, I think that's fair. However, I am very much waiting for a "natural" failure in contraception rather than waiting for a natural conception without contraception....
In reply to kathrync:
There's nothing 'muddled' about that!
> However, I am very much waiting for a "natural" failure in contraception rather than waiting for a natural conception without contraception....
There's nothing 'muddled' about that!
In reply to Flicka: I was 33 and girlfreind 34 when I had my first, they made a big fuss about her being "old" and we had an amnio test, everything was fine and he's still great.
My second, a lovely surprise, after not trying but not avoiding for a number of years was concived when we were both 43. didn't need an amnio, they can test by ultra sonics, She was born a little perfect bundle and still is three years later.
I know women panic and they are told a lot of horror stories but my advice, for what it's worth, is take you time have then either when you wnat or when they happen. As long as you're fit enough, and it's very hard work, especially the first two years, then there's no problem.
I'm really happy I had kids, I didn't want them when I was younger, I didn't want the responsibility. Now I'm older they are grreat, they keep me young and it's nice to spend the time to teach and nuture them.
best things ever.
My second, a lovely surprise, after not trying but not avoiding for a number of years was concived when we were both 43. didn't need an amnio, they can test by ultra sonics, She was born a little perfect bundle and still is three years later.
I know women panic and they are told a lot of horror stories but my advice, for what it's worth, is take you time have then either when you wnat or when they happen. As long as you're fit enough, and it's very hard work, especially the first two years, then there's no problem.
I'm really happy I had kids, I didn't want them when I was younger, I didn't want the responsibility. Now I'm older they are grreat, they keep me young and it's nice to spend the time to teach and nuture them.
best things ever.
In reply to Flicka:
What a heart warming thread.
-10 to 15 ish - all girls had fleas (so my dad said) so no dramas there
At 16/17 18, never wanted kids, drink/parties/good life instead and make use of the hormones I was given.
20+ thought about it, but then thought......narrh keep going on my own and do all the the things 'I' want to do.
24 Joined Army loved the life, thought about settling down/children etc
30 Left Army - still thought about family life and how special it actually is
35 (now) good job, house, single, no children.
some good points maybe, some guy's would love it, but on the flip side, deep down I knew I wanted to father at a young age, but spent too much time with my head up my own arse and (sometimes think) missed the chance!?
At this stage in my life i would love to have a son or daughter, and like your thoughts have already told you it depends on the right person. I know guys I left school with, one in particular had 3 children by the age of 22! I do believe that the social surroundings/family can pre-predict <(if there is such a word) your progression in life, some people choose and are happy with a family at a young age, and some leave it until an older age and are equally happy.
So I think there really isn't an age, just when it feels right?
My Brother put it (at 40, wife 26), on his new born recently - "the amazing thing is, is the un-predictability of it all"? what ever that means!
and after a few half drunken words, what I think what he was trying to say in his own little words was - it really doesnt matter, because when the time comes to be parents and knowing your about to be a mother or father totally outrides any human feeling or emotions and age or anything else just really dont count.
its a gift, and feel blessed if that time comes
What a heart warming thread.
-10 to 15 ish - all girls had fleas (so my dad said) so no dramas there
At 16/17 18, never wanted kids, drink/parties/good life instead and make use of the hormones I was given.
20+ thought about it, but then thought......narrh keep going on my own and do all the the things 'I' want to do.
24 Joined Army loved the life, thought about settling down/children etc
30 Left Army - still thought about family life and how special it actually is
35 (now) good job, house, single, no children.
some good points maybe, some guy's would love it, but on the flip side, deep down I knew I wanted to father at a young age, but spent too much time with my head up my own arse and (sometimes think) missed the chance!?
At this stage in my life i would love to have a son or daughter, and like your thoughts have already told you it depends on the right person. I know guys I left school with, one in particular had 3 children by the age of 22! I do believe that the social surroundings/family can pre-predict <(if there is such a word) your progression in life, some people choose and are happy with a family at a young age, and some leave it until an older age and are equally happy.
So I think there really isn't an age, just when it feels right?
My Brother put it (at 40, wife 26), on his new born recently - "the amazing thing is, is the un-predictability of it all"? what ever that means!
and after a few half drunken words, what I think what he was trying to say in his own little words was - it really doesnt matter, because when the time comes to be parents and knowing your about to be a mother or father totally outrides any human feeling or emotions and age or anything else just really dont count.
its a gift, and feel blessed if that time comes
In reply to Flicka:
Was 40 when I had my first, 42 with my second, Wife is 13 years younger. Was never going to have them, love them to bits now and have no regrets. They do change your life but you'll be too busy to notice.
Was 40 when I had my first, 42 with my second, Wife is 13 years younger. Was never going to have them, love them to bits now and have no regrets. They do change your life but you'll be too busy to notice.
In reply to Flicka: hey flicker i no what you mean i lost my nan in july and 3 days later my girlfriend of 3 years told me we was having a baby now she is 25 and i am only 22 so i have being thinking that im too young but now i have had time to think i am really looking forward to it
In reply to Flicka:
Hey. I find that I am torn between my strong maternal instinct and a wish to have children, and the fact that I want to achieve so much more with my climbing a mountaineering. I was 25 when I discovered that that was my passion in life, I'm 28 now and have just moved to new-zealand to try an achieve some of these climbing goals. However the clock is ticking.... Although its a moot point cos I dont have a boyfirend at the mo, let alone a husband! But on thing I know is that you cant rush things,or plan things too much,life has a way of working out the way it wants to, go with it and see what happens! it'll all be ight in the end.
I wouldn't judge people having children later, but much past 40 I would feel was too old, just personally. And you're more at risk from things like down's syndrome and other chromasomal abnormalities after 35, that's just a plain fact. In hope I have kids, and I'd like them before 35 but what will be will be....
x
Hey. I find that I am torn between my strong maternal instinct and a wish to have children, and the fact that I want to achieve so much more with my climbing a mountaineering. I was 25 when I discovered that that was my passion in life, I'm 28 now and have just moved to new-zealand to try an achieve some of these climbing goals. However the clock is ticking.... Although its a moot point cos I dont have a boyfirend at the mo, let alone a husband! But on thing I know is that you cant rush things,or plan things too much,life has a way of working out the way it wants to, go with it and see what happens! it'll all be ight in the end.
I wouldn't judge people having children later, but much past 40 I would feel was too old, just personally. And you're more at risk from things like down's syndrome and other chromasomal abnormalities after 35, that's just a plain fact. In hope I have kids, and I'd like them before 35 but what will be will be....
x
In reply to all:
Interesting answers, folks, cheers
(In the end sleep was more pressing than waiting up to see what people would reply )
I think the reason I'm thinking about it is my mum died age 59 and I'm 26. So, adult, but boy would I have liked her around for much longer. And although there is no direct correlation, as people die at all ages, it started me thinking that the later you have kids, the less time you get to spend with them.
And, if more downs syndrome kids are born to parents over a certain age, is that because by nature's standard you should have had kids by then? Does that matter now that "survival of the fittest" is no longer how humans live?
Interesting answers, folks, cheers
(In the end sleep was more pressing than waiting up to see what people would reply )
I think the reason I'm thinking about it is my mum died age 59 and I'm 26. So, adult, but boy would I have liked her around for much longer. And although there is no direct correlation, as people die at all ages, it started me thinking that the later you have kids, the less time you get to spend with them.
And, if more downs syndrome kids are born to parents over a certain age, is that because by nature's standard you should have had kids by then? Does that matter now that "survival of the fittest" is no longer how humans live?
In reply to Flicka:
I was 31 for Jack and 33 for Robyn.
Putting a mental "cut off" on it is tough, but I think after about 40 some wider questions emerge that you'd ("you" to avoid "one") have to consider:
- having a kid is a big health strain
- bringing up kids requires (in my view anyway) a lot, and I mean a LOT, of energy. Kids explore the world very energetically and you want to be able to run around and explore it with them.
- you risk some "stage of life" mismatch not long after that: if you have the kid at 45, you'll be 60 when they're 15.
However, I think the biggest factor is about how comfortable a person is to be "outside the wave". It seems to me that, broadly, there's a wave through life that you and you friends are in so that things like buying a first house, getting married and having kids happens roughly together. If you are very far in front of the wave or very far behind it then it feels rather different and can be lonely. You need to be sure that your a person who's comfortable with that.
Having said all that, if someone thinks about it responsibly and feels they understand the issues and can work with them, then I can't see any reason not to have kids later (or earlier).
Given that life doesn't always follow a neat plan, the key thing is to be happy and comfortable with the choices you make. I'm happy the way it's worked out for me....but I hope I'd be just as happy if I'd gone a different path.
Finally, a HUGE step forward would be if people (men as well) could not feel they had failed somehow if they are childless - it really is just in their heads (I think), not in the view of the world around them.
John
I was 31 for Jack and 33 for Robyn.
Putting a mental "cut off" on it is tough, but I think after about 40 some wider questions emerge that you'd ("you" to avoid "one") have to consider:
- having a kid is a big health strain
- bringing up kids requires (in my view anyway) a lot, and I mean a LOT, of energy. Kids explore the world very energetically and you want to be able to run around and explore it with them.
- you risk some "stage of life" mismatch not long after that: if you have the kid at 45, you'll be 60 when they're 15.
However, I think the biggest factor is about how comfortable a person is to be "outside the wave". It seems to me that, broadly, there's a wave through life that you and you friends are in so that things like buying a first house, getting married and having kids happens roughly together. If you are very far in front of the wave or very far behind it then it feels rather different and can be lonely. You need to be sure that your a person who's comfortable with that.
Having said all that, if someone thinks about it responsibly and feels they understand the issues and can work with them, then I can't see any reason not to have kids later (or earlier).
Given that life doesn't always follow a neat plan, the key thing is to be happy and comfortable with the choices you make. I'm happy the way it's worked out for me....but I hope I'd be just as happy if I'd gone a different path.
Finally, a HUGE step forward would be if people (men as well) could not feel they had failed somehow if they are childless - it really is just in their heads (I think), not in the view of the world around them.
John
In reply to Flicka: Was 23 when I had RB. She wasn't planned, but then again her Dad and I got 'carried away' so getting pregnant wasn't exactly an accident either!
I kinda did things a different way round to most, who go through education from teenage yrs to early 20's, then do their partying and getting a job, then start settling down, getting married, having kids blah blah.
I did all my partying as a teenager, from around 13-19, had RB in my 20's and started settling, and now in my 30's I'm going through education Maybe once I'm in my 40's I might actually have a good job. Although, it would be dead nice if I could stick to my trend of doing things in a muddled way and retire at 40 :oD
I'd hate to have a baby/small kids at my age, or in 40's. I've got less time to devote and less energy!
I kinda did things a different way round to most, who go through education from teenage yrs to early 20's, then do their partying and getting a job, then start settling down, getting married, having kids blah blah.
I did all my partying as a teenager, from around 13-19, had RB in my 20's and started settling, and now in my 30's I'm going through education Maybe once I'm in my 40's I might actually have a good job. Although, it would be dead nice if I could stick to my trend of doing things in a muddled way and retire at 40 :oD
I'd hate to have a baby/small kids at my age, or in 40's. I've got less time to devote and less energy!
In reply to Flicka: To be honest I've had thougts about having little Zygs. I'm 26 now and I still feel far too young to have babies. I always thought when I was in my early 30s. I don't know. I stil have so much that I want to do for myself and I know kids don't necessarily change it, they will have an impact on my career and climbing.
The other week at a Friends wedding my Zyg offered to look after a friends baby for a little while. I don't think I've seen anything so adorable as him holding this tiny baby, having a little chat to her......don't want kinds, I don't want kids, I don't want kids, I don't want kids
The other week at a Friends wedding my Zyg offered to look after a friends baby for a little while. I don't think I've seen anything so adorable as him holding this tiny baby, having a little chat to her......don't want kinds, I don't want kids, I don't want kids, I don't want kids
In reply to Flicka:
A few people have mentioned some of the difficulties/risks of having children when older, but it's also good to remember that it becomes much harder for a woman to get pregnant as they get close to forty and beyond. And IVF is not the certain backup that it is often portrayed as.
Another reason not to leave things too late...
A few people have mentioned some of the difficulties/risks of having children when older, but it's also good to remember that it becomes much harder for a woman to get pregnant as they get close to forty and beyond. And IVF is not the certain backup that it is often portrayed as.
Another reason not to leave things too late...
In reply to kathrync:
I agree leaving it later is more of a risk.
I think nowadays 35+ is getting more and more common. For a variety of factors I don't think most of us consider wanting to settle down, or are even in a position to settle down, until our late 20's, early 30's, and kids would generally follow a few years later.
Financially I don't think many can get themselves in a position to support having kids much before the age of 30.
We want kids as soon as possible really, we know it will impact on life, it's pretty good at the moment, but age is a factor so we want kids sooner rather than later.
> However, beyond 35 I would think very carefully as the risk of Down's syndrome and other birth defects increases dramatically beyond this age in the mother....however that still gives me 7 years, so I guess I'll just wait and see what happens....
>
>
>
>
I agree leaving it later is more of a risk.
I think nowadays 35+ is getting more and more common. For a variety of factors I don't think most of us consider wanting to settle down, or are even in a position to settle down, until our late 20's, early 30's, and kids would generally follow a few years later.
Financially I don't think many can get themselves in a position to support having kids much before the age of 30.
We want kids as soon as possible really, we know it will impact on life, it's pretty good at the moment, but age is a factor so we want kids sooner rather than later.
In reply to SonyaD:
Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!!
> (In reply to Flicka) Was 23 when I had RB. She wasn't planned, but then again her Dad and I got 'carried away' so getting pregnant wasn't exactly an accident either!
>
> I'd hate to have a baby/small kids at my age, or in 40's. I've got less time to devote and less energy!
> I'd hate to have a baby/small kids at my age, or in 40's. I've got less time to devote and less energy!
Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!!
In reply to Flicka: Well I'm 36 now and missing one vital component in having a baby - a partner!
I'm not sure I'd necessarily want to have a baby if my (imaginary) partner didn't want one (I wouldn't be trying to persuade her otherwise), but I'd have no objections to doing so if she did either.
I'm not sure I'd necessarily want to have a baby if my (imaginary) partner didn't want one (I wouldn't be trying to persuade her otherwise), but I'd have no objections to doing so if she did either.
In reply to Flicka:
So, those who have had kids when 40 are wrong then - in your opinion ?
Oh dear.
Perthaps you want to have a rethink on a few things.
> (In reply to SonyaD)
>
> Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!!
> Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!!
So, those who have had kids when 40 are wrong then - in your opinion ?
Oh dear.
Perthaps you want to have a rethink on a few things.
In reply to Pids:
A bit harsh.... it didn't read like a judgemental comment to me.
> (In reply to Flicka)
> [...]
>
> [...]
>
> Perthaps you want to have a rethink on a few things.
> [...]
>
> [...]
>
> Perthaps you want to have a rethink on a few things.
A bit harsh.... it didn't read like a judgemental comment to me.
In reply to Papillon:
Ok, which bit is not judgmental then ?
Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!!
> (In reply to Pids)
> [...]
>
> A bit harsh.... it didn't read like a judgemental comment to me.
> [...]
>
> A bit harsh.... it didn't read like a judgemental comment to me.
Ok, which bit is not judgmental then ?
Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!!
In reply to Flicka:
Yes that's me. I spent a lot of time in my twenties (as part of a social/adevnture grpup) having a great time doing what i wanted when i wanted and decided i loved it and that if i ever did have thoughts about having children my lifestyle would have to change in a direction i didn't want to go. I'm not suggesting having children is the end of your social/climbing etc life but i'm sure certainly during the early days at least it must put constraints on such a life. Its not a decision i've ever regretted.
> Oh and anyone getting older, not had kids and quite happy with that and want to keep it that way?
Yes that's me. I spent a lot of time in my twenties (as part of a social/adevnture grpup) having a great time doing what i wanted when i wanted and decided i loved it and that if i ever did have thoughts about having children my lifestyle would have to change in a direction i didn't want to go. I'm not suggesting having children is the end of your social/climbing etc life but i'm sure certainly during the early days at least it must put constraints on such a life. Its not a decision i've ever regretted.
In reply to Andy Hudson:
That is to say having children with someone and not breaking some biological barrier and having them myself
That is to say having children with someone and not breaking some biological barrier and having them myself
In reply to Pids:
give her a break - I read the OP as that Flicka's musing about these things in terms of having maximum time available to spend with a child, in the context of her having just lost her mum.
give her a break - I read the OP as that Flicka's musing about these things in terms of having maximum time available to spend with a child, in the context of her having just lost her mum.
In reply to Flicka:
I think my missus wants kids at around 30. So that's 3/4 years to cram as much climbing/mountaineering in as possible.
I see kids from time to time and think 'awwwww' wouldn't that be nice. But really I'm not majorly keen on the idea. I enjoy our freedom too much.
I think my missus wants kids at around 30. So that's 3/4 years to cram as much climbing/mountaineering in as possible.
I see kids from time to time and think 'awwwww' wouldn't that be nice. But really I'm not majorly keen on the idea. I enjoy our freedom too much.
In reply to Moacs:
a HUGE step forward would be if people (men as well) could not feel they had failed somehow if they are childless - it really is just in their heads (I think), not in the view of the world around them.
Given that our evolutionary purpose is to have children, a large part of our psyche is geared towards that end. It may "just be in out heads", but there is a lot in there.
lsn
a HUGE step forward would be if people (men as well) could not feel they had failed somehow if they are childless - it really is just in their heads (I think), not in the view of the world around them.
Given that our evolutionary purpose is to have children, a large part of our psyche is geared towards that end. It may "just be in out heads", but there is a lot in there.
lsn
In reply to Flicka: I've done both ends of the spectrum and there's pros and cons whenever you decide to have children they just change according to your age.
I had my first two children aged 19 and 21, they were planned children. Pros back then were that I had boundless amounts of energy and the naievety of youth also I was happy to scrape by on a song financially.
On the other end of the scale I had Roo when I was 35, I have far less energy now but my patience and maturity have increased no end. I am financially more stable and able to afford things I could not have when I was younger. On the down side the energy levels aren't what they used to be but that is mostly compensated for in maturity/patience.
As I had pros and cons at any age they just change. Oh and small people don't end your climbing career either!
Cx
I had my first two children aged 19 and 21, they were planned children. Pros back then were that I had boundless amounts of energy and the naievety of youth also I was happy to scrape by on a song financially.
On the other end of the scale I had Roo when I was 35, I have far less energy now but my patience and maturity have increased no end. I am financially more stable and able to afford things I could not have when I was younger. On the down side the energy levels aren't what they used to be but that is mostly compensated for in maturity/patience.
As I had pros and cons at any age they just change. Oh and small people don't end your climbing career either!
Cx
In reply to Clears:
>I had my first two children aged 19 and 21
Bloddy hell that would have been a shock to all concerned! Ouchie! lol
>I had my first two children aged 19 and 21
Bloddy hell that would have been a shock to all concerned! Ouchie! lol
In reply to Flicka:
Hi mate,
my girlfriend is pregnant and she has just turned 31, I'm 41 and always wanted children but glad that it hasn't happened in the past. Anna thought it was just the right time to have children. She is then taking a year off and going back to work as she wants to continue her career as a Navy Officer.
I have noticed a change in a few of my female friends. They reach late twenties and then they suddenly have this urge to have babies, even the ones who don't want any. I'm not too sure why that happens, maybe it's just an inbuilt motherly thing?
I suppose the media doesn't help. All conflicting reports for when you should and shouldn't doesn't help does it?
I'm lucky, Anna is fab and we both really wanted to have children. As you hinted to, meet the right person and all that.
Den
Hi mate,
my girlfriend is pregnant and she has just turned 31, I'm 41 and always wanted children but glad that it hasn't happened in the past. Anna thought it was just the right time to have children. She is then taking a year off and going back to work as she wants to continue her career as a Navy Officer.
I have noticed a change in a few of my female friends. They reach late twenties and then they suddenly have this urge to have babies, even the ones who don't want any. I'm not too sure why that happens, maybe it's just an inbuilt motherly thing?
I suppose the media doesn't help. All conflicting reports for when you should and shouldn't doesn't help does it?
I'm lucky, Anna is fab and we both really wanted to have children. As you hinted to, meet the right person and all that.
Den
In reply to Flicka:
I had mine when i was 21. He was planned, partly because we wanted my partners parents to have a role in his life before they got very old (they are a lot older than my parents) That bit didnt work out which was odd cos they are constantly involved with his sisters kids but seem to want nothing to do with ours... bizare but never mind.
Other reason we had him young was we wanted to do the baby thing early then go off and do our own thing in my late 30's early 40's.
At 35 that is just starting to come about. He is nearly 15 and very independent young man. By the time he goes to uni I will be 39 I think.
I recon holidays without sprog are on the horizon... maybe even a honeymoon....(we never had one when we got married)
I had mine when i was 21. He was planned, partly because we wanted my partners parents to have a role in his life before they got very old (they are a lot older than my parents) That bit didnt work out which was odd cos they are constantly involved with his sisters kids but seem to want nothing to do with ours... bizare but never mind.
Other reason we had him young was we wanted to do the baby thing early then go off and do our own thing in my late 30's early 40's.
At 35 that is just starting to come about. He is nearly 15 and very independent young man. By the time he goes to uni I will be 39 I think.
I recon holidays without sprog are on the horizon... maybe even a honeymoon....(we never had one when we got married)
In reply to Pauline:
That was my plan too....... didn't bloody happen though!!!!
Cx
> (In reply to Flicka)
>
> Other reason we had him young was we wanted to do the baby thing early then go off and do our own thing in my late 30's early 40's.
> Other reason we had him young was we wanted to do the baby thing early then go off and do our own thing in my late 30's early 40's.
That was my plan too....... didn't bloody happen though!!!!
Cx
In reply to Flicka: Perhaps meeting the right person to have children with is more important than planning to have them by a particular age?
In reply to Flicka: A very timely thread...Mrs LD is 31 and I believe starting to warm to the idea of the patter of little 5-tennies, quite a change from previous where the concept was generally ignored.
I have used male deductive reasoning
1) Oh look, I am on my last pack of pills... <cue tumbleweed>....
2) going mushy at adverts on TV for nappies/anything with a cute laughing child
You see deductive reasoning, a powerful tool. Hmm, what am I meant to do next?
LD
I have used male deductive reasoning
1) Oh look, I am on my last pack of pills... <cue tumbleweed>....
2) going mushy at adverts on TV for nappies/anything with a cute laughing child
You see deductive reasoning, a powerful tool. Hmm, what am I meant to do next?
LD
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Oh absolutely. Equally, if I found "the right person" and he didn't want kids, think I'd prioritise the relationship rather than the need for kids? Who knows though.
To whoever said I was being judgemental, sorry didn't intend to be. Or say that people having kids in their 40s are wrong. But what Tall Clare said pretty much covers it anyway. Sorry to anyone offended!
> (In reply to Flicka) Perhaps meeting the right person to have children with is more important than planning to have them by a particular age?
Oh absolutely. Equally, if I found "the right person" and he didn't want kids, think I'd prioritise the relationship rather than the need for kids? Who knows though.
To whoever said I was being judgemental, sorry didn't intend to be. Or say that people having kids in their 40s are wrong. But what Tall Clare said pretty much covers it anyway. Sorry to anyone offended!
In reply to Flicka@work:
my thoughts on it - I'm 33, I'm single, I thought I wasn't bothered but it turns out I am... hmmm. It's not looking great.
my thoughts on it - I'm 33, I'm single, I thought I wasn't bothered but it turns out I am... hmmm. It's not looking great.
In reply to Tall Clare:
Yeah slight hiccup there! Would you be equally bothered if you were in a relationship but he didn't want kids? Guess that's something that's difficult to answer, I'd like to think I'd be ok with it but who knows when the actual time comes!
Yeah slight hiccup there! Would you be equally bothered if you were in a relationship but he didn't want kids? Guess that's something that's difficult to answer, I'd like to think I'd be ok with it but who knows when the actual time comes!
In reply to Flicka@work:
Again, I thought it was something that didn't bother me, but then having the choice taken out of my hands is something it turns out I'm not comfortable with. My last partner told me he didn't want kids, and I remember that as nonchalant as I tried to appear, I wanted to burst into tears. After we split up he said he was persuadable about them and that hurt. To say I'm a little stumped as to what to do next is an understatement. But then, all these things have to start with the two people tangoing thing, and that's not a particularly likely prospect at the moment.
Again, I thought it was something that didn't bother me, but then having the choice taken out of my hands is something it turns out I'm not comfortable with. My last partner told me he didn't want kids, and I remember that as nonchalant as I tried to appear, I wanted to burst into tears. After we split up he said he was persuadable about them and that hurt. To say I'm a little stumped as to what to do next is an understatement. But then, all these things have to start with the two people tangoing thing, and that's not a particularly likely prospect at the moment.
In reply to Tall Clare:
the last time I heard something similar it was from a guy in his late 20s told that by his v serious new girlfriend. Not the tears bit, obviously. They've split up now mind you.
three friends of mine have had babies in their 40s (I mean friends, not acquaintences). In fact two of them have two kids and didn't start until they'd turned 40. 42 in one case.
Have to say it seems bloody old and two of them at least would be the first to agree.
the last time I heard something similar it was from a guy in his late 20s told that by his v serious new girlfriend. Not the tears bit, obviously. They've split up now mind you.
three friends of mine have had babies in their 40s (I mean friends, not acquaintences). In fact two of them have two kids and didn't start until they'd turned 40. 42 in one case.
Have to say it seems bloody old and two of them at least would be the first to agree.
In reply to Flicka@work:
My first missus was 28 and I was 29 when we had our daughter. Incidentally unplanned my ex got pregnant whilst on the pill. We split not long after she was born (9 months ish)
Matt my son (you have met him) was born when I was 33 and Tanya was 36.
After Matt was born we decided we didnt want anymore children (the pregnancy and birth were not a pleasant experience for T) so we took steps to ensure that It didnt happen again.
My first missus was 28 and I was 29 when we had our daughter. Incidentally unplanned my ex got pregnant whilst on the pill. We split not long after she was born (9 months ish)
Matt my son (you have met him) was born when I was 33 and Tanya was 36.
After Matt was born we decided we didnt want anymore children (the pregnancy and birth were not a pleasant experience for T) so we took steps to ensure that It didnt happen again.
In reply to Tall Clare:
You have time.
I know couples who met in their mid to late thirties and just got on with starting a family.
You have time.
I know couples who met in their mid to late thirties and just got on with starting a family.
In reply to johnjohn:
I remember a pub conversation with one whose early 30s husband hadn't really thought of having kids. My advice, informed by four beers, was 'get on with it, he'll get used to it.' Next time we were unaccompanied in the pub was over a year later, hubby babysitting at home.
I had to ask, to check that my advice had nothing to with, or at most was very marginal to their decision.
Erm, no. It was rapidly acted upon and unilateral action taken. Unless she was winding me up.
I remember a pub conversation with one whose early 30s husband hadn't really thought of having kids. My advice, informed by four beers, was 'get on with it, he'll get used to it.' Next time we were unaccompanied in the pub was over a year later, hubby babysitting at home.
I had to ask, to check that my advice had nothing to with, or at most was very marginal to their decision.
Erm, no. It was rapidly acted upon and unilateral action taken. Unless she was winding me up.
In reply to Tall Clare:
oh dear
perhaps concentrate (but not too hard) on finding a person worth having children with you first ?
children are not the be all and end all of life, if you have them good, if not equally as good
> (In reply to Flicka@work)
>
> my thoughts on it - I'm 33, I'm single, I thought I wasn't bothered but it turns out I am... hmmm. It's not looking great.
>
> my thoughts on it - I'm 33, I'm single, I thought I wasn't bothered but it turns out I am... hmmm. It's not looking great.
oh dear
perhaps concentrate (but not too hard) on finding a person worth having children with you first ?
children are not the be all and end all of life, if you have them good, if not equally as good
In reply to Pids:
no shit.
yes.
> (In reply to Tall Clare)
> [...]
>
> oh dear
>
> perhaps concentrate (but not too hard) on finding a person worth having children with you first ?
> [...]
>
> oh dear
>
> perhaps concentrate (but not too hard) on finding a person worth having children with you first ?
no shit.
>
> children are not the be all and end all of life, if you have them good, if not equally as good
> children are not the be all and end all of life, if you have them good, if not equally as good
yes.
In reply to Tall Clare:
or you could just go out to the local disco/night club on a Fri/Sat night and try and make babies with any random bloke - he does not need to know about it if you do concieve !
the choice is yours
or you could just go out to the local disco/night club on a Fri/Sat night and try and make babies with any random bloke - he does not need to know about it if you do concieve !
the choice is yours
In reply to Pids:
Ha ha, it's strange how often people make that suggestion if you're over 30, childless and single. As a prospect, it doesn't get any more pleasant however many times I hear it.
We shall see.
Ha ha, it's strange how often people make that suggestion if you're over 30, childless and single. As a prospect, it doesn't get any more pleasant however many times I hear it.
We shall see.
In reply to Tall Clare:
Hmmmmmm. I wonder if I'd be the same. Currently I think if I were with someone and they didn't want kids, I'd be ok with it. Wonder if I wouldn't be after all. Guess it's one of those things you don't know until you are in the situation.
Never know, just round the corner may be Mr Right and 2.5 kids to follow Try not to lose heart.
> (In reply to Flicka@work)
>
> Again, I thought it was something that didn't bother me, but then having the choice taken out of my hands is something it turns out I'm not comfortable with. My last partner told me he didn't want kids, and I remember that as nonchalant as I tried to appear, I wanted to burst into tears. After we split up he said he was persuadable about them and that hurt. To say I'm a little stumped as to what to do next is an understatement. But then, all these things have to start with the two people tangoing thing, and that's not a particularly likely prospect at the moment.
>
> Again, I thought it was something that didn't bother me, but then having the choice taken out of my hands is something it turns out I'm not comfortable with. My last partner told me he didn't want kids, and I remember that as nonchalant as I tried to appear, I wanted to burst into tears. After we split up he said he was persuadable about them and that hurt. To say I'm a little stumped as to what to do next is an understatement. But then, all these things have to start with the two people tangoing thing, and that's not a particularly likely prospect at the moment.
Hmmmmmm. I wonder if I'd be the same. Currently I think if I were with someone and they didn't want kids, I'd be ok with it. Wonder if I wouldn't be after all. Guess it's one of those things you don't know until you are in the situation.
Never know, just round the corner may be Mr Right and 2.5 kids to follow Try not to lose heart.
In reply to Flicka@work:
The irony is that I'm not actually looking for anyone... ah, the joys (and contradictions) of being female...
The irony is that I'm not actually looking for anyone... ah, the joys (and contradictions) of being female...
In reply to Tall Clare:
>> Ha ha, it's strange how often people make that suggestion
...you mean helpfully suggest it when you're at a disco?
>> Ha ha, it's strange how often people make that suggestion
...you mean helpfully suggest it when you're at a disco?
In reply to Tall Clare:
Isn't that when you're most likely to find? When you aren't looking?
And yup isn't being female great! :-p
> (In reply to Flicka@work)
>
> The irony is that I'm not actually looking for anyone... ah, the joys (and contradictions) of being female...
>
> The irony is that I'm not actually looking for anyone... ah, the joys (and contradictions) of being female...
Isn't that when you're most likely to find? When you aren't looking?
And yup isn't being female great! :-p
In reply to Flicka: I was 37, mrs andy was 34 when we had the first, second was 2 years later. In the past I think that was fairly late (ie I'll be nearly 60 when they finally bugger off) but I think people "age" slower nowadays (my big brother's 60 this year and is climbing, cycling, skiing and gigging with his band, whereas 30 years ago he'd be putting his feet up and waiting to die) and also our kids will have the benefit of us being relatively more affluent and therefore able to give them choices and experiences that they maybe wouldn't have had if we'd had them 10 years earlier.
However - if we had had them 10 years earlier they wouldn't have had the disadvantage of being born in Yorkshire, something that will obviously haunt them for the rest of their lives...
However - if we had had them 10 years earlier they wouldn't have had the disadvantage of being born in Yorkshire, something that will obviously haunt them for the rest of their lives...
I always wanted to have kids-- I was definite about that, but not the number: I left that up to the lady. She chose to have four...
I don't think there would have been much chance for success for a relationship between me and someone who was adamant she didn't ever want kids.
I don't think there would have been much chance for success for a relationship between me and someone who was adamant she didn't ever want kids.
In reply to andy:
first prize in the lottery of life mate.
jesus bleedin christ that couldn't
> born in Yorkshire,
first prize in the lottery of life mate.
jesus bleedin christ that couldn't
In reply to Flicka:
bah, pesky kids - who needs/wants them
when they first pop out they keep you awake at night, barf and keich over you all the time
then they become pesky toddlers, into everything and throwing tantrums, never giving you a minutes peace
then they become clingly little bratts, or always wanting driven somewhere
then they become unrully surly teenagers
then you have to worry about them making babies
bah pesky kids, who needs them
enjoy your life - it's yours to live
bah, pesky kids - who needs/wants them
when they first pop out they keep you awake at night, barf and keich over you all the time
then they become pesky toddlers, into everything and throwing tantrums, never giving you a minutes peace
then they become clingly little bratts, or always wanting driven somewhere
then they become unrully surly teenagers
then you have to worry about them making babies
bah pesky kids, who needs them
enjoy your life - it's yours to live
In reply to johnjohn:
...be ignored.
Sorry, appoplexy induced itchy trigger finger.
That said my three were born in landan.
...be ignored.
Sorry, appoplexy induced itchy trigger finger.
That said my three were born in landan.
In reply to Flicka:
Hmmm - have babies at young age - low income, limited opportunity/time to party leaving you eventually at an age when they leave the coup to do all the things you missed as a youngster but now you are riddled with arthritis, have a pee bag strapped to your leg and you have no energy.
Have babies at old age - You've partied and pished up your life in your 20's and 30's. Not worried about consequences then you calm down and mature sufficiently with a much higher disposable income to support a family. Kids come along to occupy your time and when they leave the coup you can curl over and die knowning you did a lot of stuff before you settled down.
Remind me again the reasons for being unselfish and having kids at an early age?
Hmmm - have babies at young age - low income, limited opportunity/time to party leaving you eventually at an age when they leave the coup to do all the things you missed as a youngster but now you are riddled with arthritis, have a pee bag strapped to your leg and you have no energy.
Have babies at old age - You've partied and pished up your life in your 20's and 30's. Not worried about consequences then you calm down and mature sufficiently with a much higher disposable income to support a family. Kids come along to occupy your time and when they leave the coup you can curl over and die knowning you did a lot of stuff before you settled down.
Remind me again the reasons for being unselfish and having kids at an early age?
In reply to johnjohn:
Which brings me to another question for anyone who feels like answering...
Would your location affect your desire to have kids? Would you move for it? Just wondering, as my sister has been making noises about wanting kids but not until she gets out of England (think she has South Africa in mind). She doesn't want to bring kids up in England. Would you happily bring kids up where you are based now or would a move be necessary?
Which brings me to another question for anyone who feels like answering...
Would your location affect your desire to have kids? Would you move for it? Just wondering, as my sister has been making noises about wanting kids but not until she gets out of England (think she has South Africa in mind). She doesn't want to bring kids up in England. Would you happily bring kids up where you are based now or would a move be necessary?
In reply to grumpybearpantsclimbinggoat:
I'll have you know my pee bag is strapped to my arm, like one of those new fangled iPod thingy's!
Cx
> (In reply to Flicka)
>
> Hmmm - have babies at young age - low income, limited opportunity/time to party leaving you eventually at an age when they leave the coup to do all the things you missed as a youngster but now you are riddled with arthritis, have a pee bag strapped to your leg and you have no energy.
>
> Hmmm - have babies at young age - low income, limited opportunity/time to party leaving you eventually at an age when they leave the coup to do all the things you missed as a youngster but now you are riddled with arthritis, have a pee bag strapped to your leg and you have no energy.
I'll have you know my pee bag is strapped to my arm, like one of those new fangled iPod thingy's!
Cx
In reply to Flicka:
My Father was 48 when I was born.
I had great childhood with him (and my mother obviously) but when puberty hit I turned into a rebellious teenager with a head full of ideas gathered from the early 70's. My Father's view of life was formed during the 20's and 30's and in many ways they were diametrically opposed to mine. This led to a lot of friction which hurt him more than it hurt me.
It wasn't until I'd reached my mid twenties that I'd really accepted my father for who he was.
My Father was 48 when I was born.
I had great childhood with him (and my mother obviously) but when puberty hit I turned into a rebellious teenager with a head full of ideas gathered from the early 70's. My Father's view of life was formed during the 20's and 30's and in many ways they were diametrically opposed to mine. This led to a lot of friction which hurt him more than it hurt me.
It wasn't until I'd reached my mid twenties that I'd really accepted my father for who he was.
In reply to Flicka: Ok so my 2p worth, Its about the relationship with the other parent, I married young which was a big enough shock as expected not to get married until much later, We first seriously discussed having kids in the limo between the church and the reception (untill then we agreed we wanted kids but no point in rushing) We eventually had them 7 years later when we decided there was no point waiting any longer and we had finally got a house instead of a flat. Delay only by a few years whilst trying to sell negative equity flat.
Married at 19 (me) and 21 then first at 26 then 29 and finally 31. eldest starting now to show some independance and I'm only (ha) 42.
For me having a family was always important but thats not just kids, it includes 2 parents, if I was with someone who didn't want kids I think I would have been OK with that.
Instead I'm with someone who always wanted kids and wanting to give your soulmate what they want to me is the way to make it work. (Hence I'm allowed to go off climbing now)
I believe that whilst not necessarily black or white, Women will tend to have a greater drive towards having kids than men, and that in that case the body clock will have some influence.
Finally being a parent is not just the conception / birth bit, its about developing, guiding and teaching them, untill they are ready to stand on their own feet, and then picking them up occasionally. So in that, even for blokes there is a timeline that can't be ignored.
J
Married at 19 (me) and 21 then first at 26 then 29 and finally 31. eldest starting now to show some independance and I'm only (ha) 42.
For me having a family was always important but thats not just kids, it includes 2 parents, if I was with someone who didn't want kids I think I would have been OK with that.
Instead I'm with someone who always wanted kids and wanting to give your soulmate what they want to me is the way to make it work. (Hence I'm allowed to go off climbing now)
I believe that whilst not necessarily black or white, Women will tend to have a greater drive towards having kids than men, and that in that case the body clock will have some influence.
Finally being a parent is not just the conception / birth bit, its about developing, guiding and teaching them, untill they are ready to stand on their own feet, and then picking them up occasionally. So in that, even for blokes there is a timeline that can't be ignored.
J
In reply to Removed User:
I know it isn't quite what you were describing, but I am reminded of Mark Twain:
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.”
I know it isn't quite what you were describing, but I am reminded of Mark Twain:
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.”
In reply to Blue Straggler:
I read that book on my honeymoon!! Had no inclination for kids then, reading it certainly kept my view the same, not the most joyous if books!. but now three years on at 28 and still very happily married maybe now is the time? Still feels very early!
I read that book on my honeymoon!! Had no inclination for kids then, reading it certainly kept my view the same, not the most joyous if books!. but now three years on at 28 and still very happily married maybe now is the time? Still feels very early!
In reply to Flicka:
Hi Flicka
I was 33 when I had my son, after 5 years of infertility treatments.
Until my Mum died suddenly, when I was 28, 9 months after my wedding, I had been adamant that I did not want children (well, not for a good few years anyway). She used to laugh at me and say 'wait till you hit 30'. She was just turned 20 when she had me and had had all 3 of us by the time she was 28! Her death caused me to reassess everything about my life and I was overwhelmed by this massive urge to have a baby, it was almost as if I needed to create something positive out of something that had been so awful. As it turned out my father died 3 years after my mother, also at a young age and sadly before the birth of his grandson. Human instinct is a powerful thing.
Hi Flicka
I was 33 when I had my son, after 5 years of infertility treatments.
Until my Mum died suddenly, when I was 28, 9 months after my wedding, I had been adamant that I did not want children (well, not for a good few years anyway). She used to laugh at me and say 'wait till you hit 30'. She was just turned 20 when she had me and had had all 3 of us by the time she was 28! Her death caused me to reassess everything about my life and I was overwhelmed by this massive urge to have a baby, it was almost as if I needed to create something positive out of something that had been so awful. As it turned out my father died 3 years after my mother, also at a young age and sadly before the birth of his grandson. Human instinct is a powerful thing.
In reply to johnjohn:
You are a bad man and I'm never letting you talk to my missus...
> (In reply to johnjohn)
>
> I remember a pub conversation with one whose early 30s husband hadn't really thought of having kids. My advice, informed by four beers, was 'get on with it, he'll get used to it.' Next time we were unaccompanied in the pub was over a year later, hubby babysitting at home.
>
> I had to ask, to check that my advice had nothing to with, or at most was very marginal to their decision.
>
> Erm, no. It was rapidly acted upon and unilateral action taken. Unless she was winding me up.
>
> I remember a pub conversation with one whose early 30s husband hadn't really thought of having kids. My advice, informed by four beers, was 'get on with it, he'll get used to it.' Next time we were unaccompanied in the pub was over a year later, hubby babysitting at home.
>
> I had to ask, to check that my advice had nothing to with, or at most was very marginal to their decision.
>
> Erm, no. It was rapidly acted upon and unilateral action taken. Unless she was winding me up.
You are a bad man and I'm never letting you talk to my missus...
In reply to grumpybearpantsclimbinggoat:
Revolutionary parenting!?
> (In reply to Flicka)
>
> ...at an age when they leave the coup...
>
> ...at an age when they leave the coup...
Revolutionary parenting!?
In reply to Flicka:
It has been suggested that humans live well beyond the time when they (women anyway) are able to reproduce so that the extended family can help bring up the children, and we certainly see many working parents being supported by their parents looking after the children.
I knew all my grandparents, and although I hardly remember my great grandfather I was in my 20s when my great grandmother died, so had the opportunity to hear about her life and experiences.
If people don't have kids until they are 40+ and the kids don't have children until they are 40+ then you have grandparents who are 80++ if they are still alive, and are of course even older (or more likely to have died) by the time the children can appreciate and remember them. Whatever the pros and cons of being an older parent it seems a shame if kids don't get the full on Granny and Grandpa experience. My Granny was an amazing woman, not in the sweeties and pocket money sense like my Nanna, in the 'In the war I demanded to learn how to shoot a rifle, just in case' sense, she was clever and extraordinarily wise and I am a better person for having known her.
It has been suggested that humans live well beyond the time when they (women anyway) are able to reproduce so that the extended family can help bring up the children, and we certainly see many working parents being supported by their parents looking after the children.
I knew all my grandparents, and although I hardly remember my great grandfather I was in my 20s when my great grandmother died, so had the opportunity to hear about her life and experiences.
If people don't have kids until they are 40+ and the kids don't have children until they are 40+ then you have grandparents who are 80++ if they are still alive, and are of course even older (or more likely to have died) by the time the children can appreciate and remember them. Whatever the pros and cons of being an older parent it seems a shame if kids don't get the full on Granny and Grandpa experience. My Granny was an amazing woman, not in the sweeties and pocket money sense like my Nanna, in the 'In the war I demanded to learn how to shoot a rifle, just in case' sense, she was clever and extraordinarily wise and I am a better person for having known her.
In reply to Flicka:
Hey Flicka this post is really interesting and heart warming.
I also lost someone close to me this summer and it does make you re-think a lot of things and have a different view of life.
I'm 28 and very happily married for 3 years and 10 years together in total. I know for a fact it's going to be hard for me to get pregnant and doctors say i should try before 30, but that scares the shit out of me! We both want kids but are thinking 3 maybe 5 years time!
To all the people on here who have had kids at a similar age and I take it are all outdoor enthusiasts, how did it work?
We both love our freedom in the mountains, climbing, snowboarding, wild camping, walking and surfing, how the bloody hell do you do all that with a baby!?
We are just getting into more outdoor climbing and don't want to think about putting it on hold! Gear costs money too and babies even more!
Yikes the dilemma of it all.
It doesn't help that 6 of my closest friends have all announced pregnancy in the last few weeks! Feels like the world is trying to tell me something.
Should I stop being so selfish and at least try?
Hey Flicka this post is really interesting and heart warming.
I also lost someone close to me this summer and it does make you re-think a lot of things and have a different view of life.
I'm 28 and very happily married for 3 years and 10 years together in total. I know for a fact it's going to be hard for me to get pregnant and doctors say i should try before 30, but that scares the shit out of me! We both want kids but are thinking 3 maybe 5 years time!
To all the people on here who have had kids at a similar age and I take it are all outdoor enthusiasts, how did it work?
We both love our freedom in the mountains, climbing, snowboarding, wild camping, walking and surfing, how the bloody hell do you do all that with a baby!?
We are just getting into more outdoor climbing and don't want to think about putting it on hold! Gear costs money too and babies even more!
Yikes the dilemma of it all.
It doesn't help that 6 of my closest friends have all announced pregnancy in the last few weeks! Feels like the world is trying to tell me something.
Should I stop being so selfish and at least try?
In reply to Flicka:
Due to life issues, I'll nbe late 30s/early 40s.
For the record, I think your comment "Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!! " is hurtful.
Due to life issues, I'll nbe late 30s/early 40s.
For the record, I think your comment "Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!! " is hurtful.
In reply to JFort:
outdoor life does not stop because of bairns
when our first was about 8 months we went to Font instead of the Alps, was good as at that age he just sat on a mat allowing us to go bouldering - if he got upset we were just there
when he was a year older we tried it again, this time he wanted to play on the boulders as well, he soon learned he could not climb but loved running around the boulders hiding etc (closely supervised)
we take him camping with us, he has been up a few hills (walk/carry combination)
he loves going out on the back of our bike
we now have a second (as of about two weeks ago) and whilst this has momentarily stopped us getting out as much come next spring we will introduce the littelist one to the joys of the outdoors - just hope he likes it as much as his brother did / does
you can do what you want with your child - it is really only the parents that stop things from happening
outdoor life does not stop because of bairns
when our first was about 8 months we went to Font instead of the Alps, was good as at that age he just sat on a mat allowing us to go bouldering - if he got upset we were just there
when he was a year older we tried it again, this time he wanted to play on the boulders as well, he soon learned he could not climb but loved running around the boulders hiding etc (closely supervised)
we take him camping with us, he has been up a few hills (walk/carry combination)
he loves going out on the back of our bike
we now have a second (as of about two weeks ago) and whilst this has momentarily stopped us getting out as much come next spring we will introduce the littelist one to the joys of the outdoors - just hope he likes it as much as his brother did / does
you can do what you want with your child - it is really only the parents that stop things from happening
In reply to Flicka@work:
I wouldn't want to raise a child in SA. The education system is going to pot, and basic essentials like a reliable electricity supply are becoming a luxury.
For all the faults the UK has, it has a lot going for it, and I would have no problem bringing up a child here.
> (think she has South Africa in mind). She doesn't want to bring kids up in England. Would you happily bring kids up where you are based now or would a move be necessary?
I wouldn't want to raise a child in SA. The education system is going to pot, and basic essentials like a reliable electricity supply are becoming a luxury.
For all the faults the UK has, it has a lot going for it, and I would have no problem bringing up a child here.
In reply to JFort:
FOr what it's worth, having kids has had little impact on my outdoors part of life. The seven year old enjoys climbing with ropes (as opposed to bouldering - class girl!) and my two year old drags out of the house to "climb big rocks". We travel around other countries as a family with no difficulties, we go camping, we've just had a two week holiday in Font. All in all, very little impact! And it's great to share their enjoyment and growth in the big outdoors.
FOr what it's worth, having kids has had little impact on my outdoors part of life. The seven year old enjoys climbing with ropes (as opposed to bouldering - class girl!) and my two year old drags out of the house to "climb big rocks". We travel around other countries as a family with no difficulties, we go camping, we've just had a two week holiday in Font. All in all, very little impact! And it's great to share their enjoyment and growth in the big outdoors.
In reply to Pids: Annapurna next?
In reply to grumpybearpantsclimbinggoat:
Don't plan on having any more kids, but if we do, and it is a girl, you never know....
> (In reply to Pids) Anna purna next?
Don't plan on having any more kids, but if we do, and it is a girl, you never know....
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Spot on there Nick.
Although it isn't biologically difficult for single women to have children at an age to suit their life plan, being a single parent must be really hard work.
For a family to work well, the parents must want to be together with or without kids, there's no point settling for someone who will make a good parent to your kids if you don't have that spark between you.
> (In reply to Flicka) Perhaps meeting the right person to have children with is more important than planning to have them by a particular age?
Spot on there Nick.
Although it isn't biologically difficult for single women to have children at an age to suit their life plan, being a single parent must be really hard work.
For a family to work well, the parents must want to be together with or without kids, there's no point settling for someone who will make a good parent to your kids if you don't have that spark between you.
In reply to Flicka:
You sort of know my feelings on this after having a similar discussion in the tent a few weeks back but for what it's worth....
I guess I've always known I want kids. Even at 14 when my best friends little sister was born I got involved and was all googly-eyed over her.
However, even though my maternal instincts are strong I never wanted them before late 20's. Too much to do and experience first and I valued/value my freedom loads. It's alot easier to go away for the weekend on the spur of the moment having only 2 cats to worry about rather than 2 kids!!
Thing is, now I'm 34 and I'm beginning to wonder/panic about whether it will ever happen for me. Two failed long-term relationships in the past 6 years and it's not looking good. I do find that I thinking about it more and more, especially as you never know until you start trying, whether you can actually have them...then what?!
I was always adamant that if I got to 35 and was still single I'd turkey baste lol! I have a very good gay friend who said he'd help me out hehe!
Now I've just started a new relationship.....and I'm sure if he reads this he'll run for the hills realising he's with a desperate woman
Who knows what the future holds but as other people on here have sensibly pointed out, there's no point stressing, just go with the flow and see what happens. That's what I keep telling myself and in the meantime I'm enjoying life and getting lots of climbing done
You sort of know my feelings on this after having a similar discussion in the tent a few weeks back but for what it's worth....
I guess I've always known I want kids. Even at 14 when my best friends little sister was born I got involved and was all googly-eyed over her.
However, even though my maternal instincts are strong I never wanted them before late 20's. Too much to do and experience first and I valued/value my freedom loads. It's alot easier to go away for the weekend on the spur of the moment having only 2 cats to worry about rather than 2 kids!!
Thing is, now I'm 34 and I'm beginning to wonder/panic about whether it will ever happen for me. Two failed long-term relationships in the past 6 years and it's not looking good. I do find that I thinking about it more and more, especially as you never know until you start trying, whether you can actually have them...then what?!
I was always adamant that if I got to 35 and was still single I'd turkey baste lol! I have a very good gay friend who said he'd help me out hehe!
Now I've just started a new relationship.....and I'm sure if he reads this he'll run for the hills realising he's with a desperate woman
Who knows what the future holds but as other people on here have sensibly pointed out, there's no point stressing, just go with the flow and see what happens. That's what I keep telling myself and in the meantime I'm enjoying life and getting lots of climbing done
In reply to Pids:
Cheers Pids! That's good to hear. I was kind of thinking that myself, like what is to stop me taking a baby to climbing wall or up hills? But other people and there opinions do get in the way! Plus I must admit I do frown at the people with buggies containing screaming babies at climbing walls.
Cheers Pids! That's good to hear. I was kind of thinking that myself, like what is to stop me taking a baby to climbing wall or up hills? But other people and there opinions do get in the way! Plus I must admit I do frown at the people with buggies containing screaming babies at climbing walls.
In reply to Flicka:
I was 29 when Al was born (wife was 4 years younger). 31 when Lydia was born. Al has just gone to uni and I'm 47.
If you want to be married to someone for a few years before you have kids, and want to be with that person for a few years before you get married, then quite possibly, your future husband needs to be going to the same party as you this evening......
I was 29 when Al was born (wife was 4 years younger). 31 when Lydia was born. Al has just gone to uni and I'm 47.
If you want to be married to someone for a few years before you have kids, and want to be with that person for a few years before you get married, then quite possibly, your future husband needs to be going to the same party as you this evening......
In reply to Flicka:
I suspect your ponderings may take a different turn tomorrow as you're coming here tonight :oP
I suspect your ponderings may take a different turn tomorrow as you're coming here tonight :oP
In reply to Caralynr:
My dad is exactly 40 years older than me, I love hanging out with him, walking, pubbing and some golfing, he isnt quite the outdoors type as in climbing etc but never has been. i hardly ever think its any issue that he is that old, my mum is turning 61 and looks 49, they love live and have both retired and im jealous of all their free time! Having older parents is no big deal at all, people who say such things must be very young and/or not have much fun hanging out with their olds!
And, my dad and I are looking forward to having a big joint 100th birthday, my 30th and his 70th, it'll be great fun!
My dad is exactly 40 years older than me, I love hanging out with him, walking, pubbing and some golfing, he isnt quite the outdoors type as in climbing etc but never has been. i hardly ever think its any issue that he is that old, my mum is turning 61 and looks 49, they love live and have both retired and im jealous of all their free time! Having older parents is no big deal at all, people who say such things must be very young and/or not have much fun hanging out with their olds!
And, my dad and I are looking forward to having a big joint 100th birthday, my 30th and his 70th, it'll be great fun!
In reply to JFort:
We've done very little climbing this year, but with friends and taking turns to climb it can work fairly well. We've done a fair bit of hillwalking with the wee one, on days when it isn't too windy.
She loves it. Here's the last time she was in the hills with us:
http://www.dreamsofmountains.co.uk/garbhbheinn20090913/20090913-01Garbh_Bhe...
http://www.dreamsofmountains.co.uk/garbhbheinn20090913/20090913-05Garbh_Bhe...
http://www.dreamsofmountains.co.uk/garbhbheinn20090913/20090913-06Iain_Frey...
The first 6-9 months are pretty easy - they're light and mostly happy to snooze in a backpack. She's getting quite heavy now, and wants out to play a lot, so hill walks take about twice as long as they used to.
It's also a good excuse to spend lots of time playing on the beach
In reply to Flicka:
One of the main issues with having kids when you're older must be having enough energy to deal with them. I'm knackered enough as it is!
> To all the people on here who have had kids at a similar age and I take it are all outdoor enthusiasts, how did it work?
> We both love our freedom in the mountains, climbing, snowboarding, wild camping, walking and surfing, how the bloody hell do you do all that with a baby!?
Pids is mostly right. It's up to the parents, and it's hard work but perfectly possible most of the time if you really want to do it and put in the effort to be organised enough.> We both love our freedom in the mountains, climbing, snowboarding, wild camping, walking and surfing, how the bloody hell do you do all that with a baby!?
We've done very little climbing this year, but with friends and taking turns to climb it can work fairly well. We've done a fair bit of hillwalking with the wee one, on days when it isn't too windy.
She loves it. Here's the last time she was in the hills with us:
http://www.dreamsofmountains.co.uk/garbhbheinn20090913/20090913-01Garbh_Bhe...
http://www.dreamsofmountains.co.uk/garbhbheinn20090913/20090913-05Garbh_Bhe...
http://www.dreamsofmountains.co.uk/garbhbheinn20090913/20090913-06Iain_Frey...
The first 6-9 months are pretty easy - they're light and mostly happy to snooze in a backpack. She's getting quite heavy now, and wants out to play a lot, so hill walks take about twice as long as they used to.
It's also a good excuse to spend lots of time playing on the beach
In reply to Flicka:
One of the main issues with having kids when you're older must be having enough energy to deal with them. I'm knackered enough as it is!
In reply to Clears:
you see once you have produced the required sprog you ensure that no more appear thus scuppering your cunning plan!
> (In reply to Pauline)
>
> That was my plan too....... didn't bloody happen though!!!!
>
> Cx
>
> That was my plan too....... didn't bloody happen though!!!!
>
> Cx
you see once you have produced the required sprog you ensure that no more appear thus scuppering your cunning plan!
In reply to skog:
Great photos! Cheers for that, it fills me with optimism for the future!
Great photos! Cheers for that, it fills me with optimism for the future!
In reply to Flicka:
We were both 32 when we had our first and 35 (just) for the second. I'd always wanted children and didn't really want to be having them after the age of 35yrs. So I suppose after a 10 year relationship I jollied Mr wb into marrying me so we could have kids.
I too, thought it would take ages to conceive after being on the pill for ever, but it happened very quickly and when we were on honeymoon in Oz I was 5 months pregnant. All that wine and I could hardly drink any!
I always wanted two kids and so did Mr wb but after the first he started reassessing having a second. There where all sorts of reasons not to have two, it can make life more complicated and expensive. Anyway we had our second and I know he wouldn't change it for the world. We did the right thing.
Recently I have been seeing how life could have been without children. I have felt quite envious of people who choose not to have them! I can't believe it, I always wanted kids. It would appear to be a minor blip in my mid-life which I expect is common and I'm now enjoying my children more than ever.
I would definitely say you need to have found the right partner first. I think having children is most fun when you can do it together, and support each other.
We were both 32 when we had our first and 35 (just) for the second. I'd always wanted children and didn't really want to be having them after the age of 35yrs. So I suppose after a 10 year relationship I jollied Mr wb into marrying me so we could have kids.
I too, thought it would take ages to conceive after being on the pill for ever, but it happened very quickly and when we were on honeymoon in Oz I was 5 months pregnant. All that wine and I could hardly drink any!
I always wanted two kids and so did Mr wb but after the first he started reassessing having a second. There where all sorts of reasons not to have two, it can make life more complicated and expensive. Anyway we had our second and I know he wouldn't change it for the world. We did the right thing.
Recently I have been seeing how life could have been without children. I have felt quite envious of people who choose not to have them! I can't believe it, I always wanted kids. It would appear to be a minor blip in my mid-life which I expect is common and I'm now enjoying my children more than ever.
I would definitely say you need to have found the right partner first. I think having children is most fun when you can do it together, and support each other.
In reply to waterbaby:
been interesting reading all this, mine has now flown the coop and its left an odd dynamic in mine and K's relationship. You kinda go back to what you were when you didn't have them around and the gap of not having that extra conversation in the house is odd too. we find ourselves re discovering aspects of our old relationship before children that I suppose got submerged in daily life and living through the last 19 years. Obviously he's still around (albeit on skype and the webcam) and a big part of out lives and conversation but its different now. Interesting times
they aint babies for long and it does fly by very quickly..
been interesting reading all this, mine has now flown the coop and its left an odd dynamic in mine and K's relationship. You kinda go back to what you were when you didn't have them around and the gap of not having that extra conversation in the house is odd too. we find ourselves re discovering aspects of our old relationship before children that I suppose got submerged in daily life and living through the last 19 years. Obviously he's still around (albeit on skype and the webcam) and a big part of out lives and conversation but its different now. Interesting times
they aint babies for long and it does fly by very quickly..
In reply to Removed User:
Ah, but due to recent upheaval around here, we are rediscovering our relationship already. It was something that couldn't wait. I've practically packed them off to Uni already and they are only 10 and 7yrs, lol!
Ah, but due to recent upheaval around here, we are rediscovering our relationship already. It was something that couldn't wait. I've practically packed them off to Uni already and they are only 10 and 7yrs, lol!
In reply to Flicka: I was 26 when I had S, now 3. I wanted to have a baby so badly, i didn't really think about the future.
Now we're in a 2 bed flat with no chance in the foreseable future of moving into a nice place with a garden. Money is tight and the only way things are going to change is for me to work full time again, thus removing all possibilities of future children (couldn't afford to if we had a mortgage).
My twin sister did things differently. she's been with her OH for 12 years, they have a VERY cheap mortgage on a nice house inc large garden and they have enough money for 2, 3 or 4 holidays a year. They can both work PT if they wanted to when the time's right for children.
Love my bubs so very much but wish I had forsight, I'd have done things differently for sure.
Now we're in a 2 bed flat with no chance in the foreseable future of moving into a nice place with a garden. Money is tight and the only way things are going to change is for me to work full time again, thus removing all possibilities of future children (couldn't afford to if we had a mortgage).
My twin sister did things differently. she's been with her OH for 12 years, they have a VERY cheap mortgage on a nice house inc large garden and they have enough money for 2, 3 or 4 holidays a year. They can both work PT if they wanted to when the time's right for children.
Love my bubs so very much but wish I had forsight, I'd have done things differently for sure.
In reply to waterbaby: I've always had children! At least it seems that way. Well, I had my 1st when I was 24, then the next two when I was 41 and 43 - bit of a gap!
Made quite a dent in my climbing career, such as it was, but I've rarely if ever envied people without children - mostly the opposite tbh.
Made quite a dent in my climbing career, such as it was, but I've rarely if ever envied people without children - mostly the opposite tbh.
In reply to Flicka:
For what its worth I was born when my mum was 42 and my dad was 48. What's interesting is that my mum's mum had her when she was 43 (in a very different time, from a medical technology point of view), so my maternal grandmother was born in 1888 (and lived until she was 95).
Personally, I think the general view is kids tend to turn up at their own convienience rather than yours, and that fertility hangs around a lot longer than the media would have you think...
I know people say that its better to have younger parents than older ones who can't play football with you, etc, but that rather depends on the parent. My mother could play football if she wished, and we've taken her to a climbing wall (which she enjoyed) and she's 79... My Aunt was playing tennis every day (and had a 50-year-old boyfriend!) at 88.
I can think of a lot of 40-year-olds who are less active and healthy...
For what its worth I was born when my mum was 42 and my dad was 48. What's interesting is that my mum's mum had her when she was 43 (in a very different time, from a medical technology point of view), so my maternal grandmother was born in 1888 (and lived until she was 95).
Personally, I think the general view is kids tend to turn up at their own convienience rather than yours, and that fertility hangs around a lot longer than the media would have you think...
I know people say that its better to have younger parents than older ones who can't play football with you, etc, but that rather depends on the parent. My mother could play football if she wished, and we've taken her to a climbing wall (which she enjoyed) and she's 79... My Aunt was playing tennis every day (and had a 50-year-old boyfriend!) at 88.
I can think of a lot of 40-year-olds who are less active and healthy...
In reply to AnnaSpanna: The forseeable future isn't very far you know. Things can change quite dramatically (and for the better) in quite short spaces of time.
In reply to Pauline:
We thought we had.......vacectomies don't always work!!!!
Cx
> (In reply to Clears)
> [...]
>
> you see once you have produced the required sprog you ensure that no more appear thus scuppering your cunning plan!
> [...]
>
> you see once you have produced the required sprog you ensure that no more appear thus scuppering your cunning plan!
We thought we had.......vacectomies don't always work!!!!
Cx
In reply to Flicka:
I'm 38 now and have never wanted kids. My brother has a little boy whom I love and think is very cute but it doesn't make me want one, far too much noise and mess.
I imagine it would be tough to be an 'old parent' trying to keep up with a toddler. I guess I don't really like the thought of women being pregnant after their early 40s but it's their choice.
I'm 38 now and have never wanted kids. My brother has a little boy whom I love and think is very cute but it doesn't make me want one, far too much noise and mess.
I imagine it would be tough to be an 'old parent' trying to keep up with a toddler. I guess I don't really like the thought of women being pregnant after their early 40s but it's their choice.
In reply to Flicka:
When I was younger I expected (wanted I guess) to be married and be a dad by 25. Didn't get married until I was 31 and now at 36 I'm awaiting my divorce to be finalised. I do feel as though teh opportunity to be a dad has passed me by...
When I was younger I expected (wanted I guess) to be married and be a dad by 25. Didn't get married until I was 31 and now at 36 I'm awaiting my divorce to be finalised. I do feel as though teh opportunity to be a dad has passed me by...
In reply to Fizzy: See my earlier post! As the lady says, the world's your lobster...
In reply to Flicka:
God there's some ageist comments here! Particularly aimed at women by people who have no experience, just an idea that it shouldn't happen.
Get real, this is the 21 century and we are all a lot healthier than the 19th century.
Chill out Flicka you have ages. For me, 36 and 37 and absolutely no problems at all. I fitted in loads of climbing and mountaineering all around the world, slowed a little for 2/3 years and now climb with my sons lots.
God there's some ageist comments here! Particularly aimed at women by people who have no experience, just an idea that it shouldn't happen.
Get real, this is the 21 century and we are all a lot healthier than the 19th century.
Chill out Flicka you have ages. For me, 36 and 37 and absolutely no problems at all. I fitted in loads of climbing and mountaineering all around the world, slowed a little for 2/3 years and now climb with my sons lots.
In reply to Fizzy: No chance loads of time left it's all BS about being too old, depends on you if you fold up and go shuffeling down the pub every day and being a grumpy bastard then you be an old bloke. If you just carry on being 20 in your head then you won't be "old" for a long time.
I really think the saying "age is just a number" is true. Live life be young and have kids when it happens, not when you think it's time to have them. There is no right time. You do need to be able to commit though and the being young bit doesn't hold for being immature and having shit parenting skills. It's about responsibility and looking after those first.
I really think the saying "age is just a number" is true. Live life be young and have kids when it happens, not when you think it's time to have them. There is no right time. You do need to be able to commit though and the being young bit doesn't hold for being immature and having shit parenting skills. It's about responsibility and looking after those first.
In reply to Flicka:
Somebody I know has left it untill about 36 and found that she can't have a baby, it's probably been said already, but I need to rush off and can't read all the thread, as far as biology goes the chances of having a baby get progessively less and less as you get older, rather than declining at a steady rate, I guess it might be worth having a test to see what your chances are, or being tested every so often, just so you don't miss your chance of having a baby.
I think my mum was 34 or 36 when I was born having said that, so it doesn't always follow, but it can do. I've never felt that my mum was too old ever while i've been growing up though, so no problems there.
AFAIK I think it's better sooner than later generally, regarding chances of a healthy baby and being able to concieve, but it's only a general rule.
Cheers
Tim
Somebody I know has left it untill about 36 and found that she can't have a baby, it's probably been said already, but I need to rush off and can't read all the thread, as far as biology goes the chances of having a baby get progessively less and less as you get older, rather than declining at a steady rate, I guess it might be worth having a test to see what your chances are, or being tested every so often, just so you don't miss your chance of having a baby.
I think my mum was 34 or 36 when I was born having said that, so it doesn't always follow, but it can do. I've never felt that my mum was too old ever while i've been growing up though, so no problems there.
AFAIK I think it's better sooner than later generally, regarding chances of a healthy baby and being able to concieve, but it's only a general rule.
Cheers
Tim
In reply to Flicka: I'd say between 30-48 years old is the correct age to have a baby. Any old or younger and I'd feel its wrong to have a baby
In reply to Flicka:
Don't you have kids when you fall in love and the time is right? Screw everything else.
Don't you have kids when you fall in love and the time is right? Screw everything else.
In reply to krikoman:
> (In reply to Fizzy) No chance loads of time left it's all BS about being too old, depends on you if you fold up and go shuffeling down the pub every day and being a grumpy bastard then you be an old bloke. If you just carry on being 20 in your head then you won't be "old" for a long time.
>
I don't think I ever made it past 18 >
In reply to ligemidio:
Well this is true but the fact is that women do have fertility concerns to take into consideration which may influence when sprogs come along in relationship as opposed to' oh f*ck it, we'll just wait 5 more years' or whatever.
Well this is true but the fact is that women do have fertility concerns to take into consideration which may influence when sprogs come along in relationship as opposed to' oh f*ck it, we'll just wait 5 more years' or whatever.
In reply to Flying Monkey:
Thats the "time is right" bit!
Yeh I know women have fertility issues but isn't the optimum time to concieve age 20 or something?? After that it's all downhill anyway...
Thats the "time is right" bit!
Yeh I know women have fertility issues but isn't the optimum time to concieve age 20 or something?? After that it's all downhill anyway...
In reply to ligemidio:
Undeniably the younger the better but I've never heard 20 being the optimum age. I have read/heard that after 35 it becomes harder.
Undeniably the younger the better but I've never heard 20 being the optimum age. I have read/heard that after 35 it becomes harder.
In reply to ligemidio:
And I think you totally missed the point of my post by saying 'that's the time is right bit'
And I think you totally missed the point of my post by saying 'that's the time is right bit'
In reply to Flying Monkey: I thought the optimum age physically was actually much much younger - and Mary was supposed to have only been 12 or 13 when she had Jesus!
In reply to Rob Exile Ward:
Has anyone ever admitted tampering with her ?
Is God a paedo ?
> (In reply to Flying Monkey) I thought the optimum age physically was actually much much younger - and Mary was supposed to have only been 12 or 13 when she had Jesus!
Has anyone ever admitted tampering with her ?
Is God a paedo ?
In reply to Rob Exile Ward:
well I guess in some cultures people are having kids a lot younger and certainly in years gone by, but as we've evolved and commitment to education and careers has had an influence and society has changed people are having them later and later so maybe 12 or 13 today would not be the optimum age physically. I wonder whether women start their periods later these days. I can only speak for myself who was relatively young I guess at 11 but that was a long time ago and I can't say it's something I'm au fait with with young girls of today.
It's an interesting one because obviously by virtue of starting menstruating you are able physically to conceive, in centuries gone by having periods meant jolly good time to get pregnant! Aspirationally we've evolved, perhaps in the face of what nature intended. It's an interesting debate.
well I guess in some cultures people are having kids a lot younger and certainly in years gone by, but as we've evolved and commitment to education and careers has had an influence and society has changed people are having them later and later so maybe 12 or 13 today would not be the optimum age physically. I wonder whether women start their periods later these days. I can only speak for myself who was relatively young I guess at 11 but that was a long time ago and I can't say it's something I'm au fait with with young girls of today.
It's an interesting one because obviously by virtue of starting menstruating you are able physically to conceive, in centuries gone by having periods meant jolly good time to get pregnant! Aspirationally we've evolved, perhaps in the face of what nature intended. It's an interesting debate.
In reply to Flicka:
I'm 32, Matilda is 11 months. She will have her 18th b'day 2 days before my 50th.
I'm 32, Matilda is 11 months. She will have her 18th b'day 2 days before my 50th.
In reply to Rob Exile Ward:
>I thought the optimum age physically was actually much much younger
That's wrong - young girls can look v mature and obviously do conceive, but are a fair bit less fertile than say ten years later.
With boys the opposite is the case. They have, erm, fertility, coming out of their ears. As it were.
(Some evolutionary psychologists postulate that this latter is so that they fly under the radar and aren't seen as a threat by the big old guys, whilst the girls appeal to them).
>I thought the optimum age physically was actually much much younger
That's wrong - young girls can look v mature and obviously do conceive, but are a fair bit less fertile than say ten years later.
With boys the opposite is the case. They have, erm, fertility, coming out of their ears. As it were.
(Some evolutionary psychologists postulate that this latter is so that they fly under the radar and aren't seen as a threat by the big old guys, whilst the girls appeal to them).
In reply to Flicka:
I was 35 when I had my first, 37 for my second, and No. 3 is due around my 39th birthday. I shall be "taking steps" to ensure that there isn't a No. 4 because and after 3 Caesareans, I don't think my old bits would cope with another.
I didn't meet the right person to have kids with till I was 31, but we didn't plan on actually having any until I accidentally got pregnant at 34 and miscarried just as me and my husband were coming around to the idea. My hormones then went very scatty and becoming a mum became incredibly important to me. I'd calmed down and stopped trying when I got pregnant with my first.
No medical professionals have ever commented on my advanced age to me, and I consider myself an old-timer. The stats on how easily you conceive and how healthy the baby is likely to be based on maternal age are just that: stats, not guarantees. Teenagers have babies with Downs syndrome, and old bags like me sometimes fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. The problem is you don't and can't know how your age will affect you as an individual.
Flicka, you're young still. But IMHO better to consider these things and come to your own conclusion now (and act on it if necessary) than in 20 years time.
For what it's worth, I'm a better mum than I'd have been 10 years ago, but I'd have coped with the sleep deprivation far better 10 years ago! I'm glad I did my hell-raising long before I had kids, and I'm glad I'm financially secure enough to take a few years out of work (fingers crossed) to raise the blighters better (couldn't do that till now).
I was 35 when I had my first, 37 for my second, and No. 3 is due around my 39th birthday. I shall be "taking steps" to ensure that there isn't a No. 4 because and after 3 Caesareans, I don't think my old bits would cope with another.
I didn't meet the right person to have kids with till I was 31, but we didn't plan on actually having any until I accidentally got pregnant at 34 and miscarried just as me and my husband were coming around to the idea. My hormones then went very scatty and becoming a mum became incredibly important to me. I'd calmed down and stopped trying when I got pregnant with my first.
No medical professionals have ever commented on my advanced age to me, and I consider myself an old-timer. The stats on how easily you conceive and how healthy the baby is likely to be based on maternal age are just that: stats, not guarantees. Teenagers have babies with Downs syndrome, and old bags like me sometimes fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. The problem is you don't and can't know how your age will affect you as an individual.
Flicka, you're young still. But IMHO better to consider these things and come to your own conclusion now (and act on it if necessary) than in 20 years time.
For what it's worth, I'm a better mum than I'd have been 10 years ago, but I'd have coped with the sleep deprivation far better 10 years ago! I'm glad I did my hell-raising long before I had kids, and I'm glad I'm financially secure enough to take a few years out of work (fingers crossed) to raise the blighters better (couldn't do that till now).
In reply to JayH:
this is the common sense, inspirational approach I like! (applauds)
this is the common sense, inspirational approach I like! (applauds)
In reply to Enty: Or alternatively
youtube.com/watch?v=Tj3dh9i4zLs& Your days could be full of these kind of conversations for a few years.
youtube.com/watch?v=Tj3dh9i4zLs& Your days could be full of these kind of conversations for a few years.
In reply to marsbar:
I was 29 with my first and the second has yet to appear, I just havent conceived. I'm 34 soon and nearly at the point where I dont want to have another because I'm feeling older. Its tiring enough running after a very active 4 year old boy. I dont know if I have the energy to do it again.
I'm thinking of sending hubby for a vasectomy because I dont want an unplanned pregnancy when I'm 40.
I was 29 with my first and the second has yet to appear, I just havent conceived. I'm 34 soon and nearly at the point where I dont want to have another because I'm feeling older. Its tiring enough running after a very active 4 year old boy. I dont know if I have the energy to do it again.
I'm thinking of sending hubby for a vasectomy because I dont want an unplanned pregnancy when I'm 40.
In reply to Flicka:
I was 31 and GF was 33, we had known each other a long time but only been in a relationship for 8 weeks when she got pregnant. We felt the time was right in terms of age, and we had talked about it a bit but it wasn't planned, I was living in Dublin at the time and she was living in the UK. It was diffiicult having a baby without having had time to really get to know each other and enjoy a relaxed relationship together, but four and a half years later we had our second and everything is sweet.
Its quite a nice thread this one, how random and unplanned the whole family thing is.
I was 31 and GF was 33, we had known each other a long time but only been in a relationship for 8 weeks when she got pregnant. We felt the time was right in terms of age, and we had talked about it a bit but it wasn't planned, I was living in Dublin at the time and she was living in the UK. It was diffiicult having a baby without having had time to really get to know each other and enjoy a relaxed relationship together, but four and a half years later we had our second and everything is sweet.
Its quite a nice thread this one, how random and unplanned the whole family thing is.
In reply to Flicka:
I divide my life into three stages:
1. Yeah - I probably would like to have kids one day - but not just yet. (age 0-33)
2. Ooooo - I feel really broody. I want a child now, and will be dissapointed if I am not pregnant (33-35)
3. You know - I'm really rather glad that I never had children. I DO like them, but I also like quite a lot of other things in my life (35-now)
I divide my life into three stages:
1. Yeah - I probably would like to have kids one day - but not just yet. (age 0-33)
2. Ooooo - I feel really broody. I want a child now, and will be dissapointed if I am not pregnant (33-35)
3. You know - I'm really rather glad that I never had children. I DO like them, but I also like quite a lot of other things in my life (35-now)
In reply to Flicka:
A long, interesting and random thread...too near to my bedtime to give it the reply it properly deserves but the facts for us: Both Robyn and I were 39 when we had Sam (now 3 and a half) and we were both 42 when we had Anna (just over a year old)...both healthy, wonderful and 100% lovely!
Robyn and I didn't meet until our mid 30s and still had a few things we wanted to do before trying for kids (climbing, paragliding, windsurfing, mountain biking etc). By the time we were heading towards 40 we decided to get a move on!
Despite being pretty old as parents (with all the risks that it brings) I think it's a great age to be a parent. We're both pretty chilled with what we've already done and have embraced family life openly.
There's never a right (or indeed, wrong) time to have children...you just live through it.
A long, interesting and random thread...too near to my bedtime to give it the reply it properly deserves but the facts for us: Both Robyn and I were 39 when we had Sam (now 3 and a half) and we were both 42 when we had Anna (just over a year old)...both healthy, wonderful and 100% lovely!
Robyn and I didn't meet until our mid 30s and still had a few things we wanted to do before trying for kids (climbing, paragliding, windsurfing, mountain biking etc). By the time we were heading towards 40 we decided to get a move on!
Despite being pretty old as parents (with all the risks that it brings) I think it's a great age to be a parent. We're both pretty chilled with what we've already done and have embraced family life openly.
There's never a right (or indeed, wrong) time to have children...you just live through it.
In reply to Chris F:
We had a child in South Africa* and made what was at the time a difficult and finely balanced decision to return to the UK because of a prior job commitment. At first we hated it, but now I think it was for the best, especially for the kids. They can always go back if they want to. We might well go back too, at some point.
* At the ages of 34 (her) and 37 (me) with reference to the OP.
> (In reply to Flicka@work)
> [...]
>
> I wouldn't want to raise a child in SA. The education system is going to pot, and basic essentials like a reliable electricity supply are becoming a luxury.
>
> For all the faults the UK has, it has a lot going for it, and I would have no problem bringing up a child here.
> [...]
>
> I wouldn't want to raise a child in SA. The education system is going to pot, and basic essentials like a reliable electricity supply are becoming a luxury.
>
> For all the faults the UK has, it has a lot going for it, and I would have no problem bringing up a child here.
We had a child in South Africa* and made what was at the time a difficult and finely balanced decision to return to the UK because of a prior job commitment. At first we hated it, but now I think it was for the best, especially for the kids. They can always go back if they want to. We might well go back too, at some point.
* At the ages of 34 (her) and 37 (me) with reference to the OP.
In reply to tradmania:
8 weeks, shiiiiiit....there's hope for us all then!
> (In reply to Flicka)
>
> but only been in a relationship for 8 weeks when she got pregnant.
>
> but only been in a relationship for 8 weeks when she got pregnant.
8 weeks, shiiiiiit....there's hope for us all then!
In reply to Morgan Woods:
We probably had about 16 days together in that 8 weeks as we were living in different countries, it wasn't until after the first child was born that we moved in together (because of my study commitments in Ireland) and since then we've had about 5 days away from the kid/s on our own. That has been the greatest regret/challenge.
We probably had about 16 days together in that 8 weeks as we were living in different countries, it wasn't until after the first child was born that we moved in together (because of my study commitments in Ireland) and since then we've had about 5 days away from the kid/s on our own. That has been the greatest regret/challenge.
In reply to Flicka:
I was 29 and psd 27 when the little one was born. Most parents in the groups I go to are similar age.
One of the reasons why I started to hear the clock ticking very loudly is that I've got relatively old parents and wanted them to meet their grandchild and my child to be able to develop a relationship with them and remember them.
I was 29 and psd 27 when the little one was born. Most parents in the groups I go to are similar age.
One of the reasons why I started to hear the clock ticking very loudly is that I've got relatively old parents and wanted them to meet their grandchild and my child to be able to develop a relationship with them and remember them.
In reply to nickinscottishmountains:
Agreed Nick. 'Planned' children sounds rather clinical. "Pot luck' is much more romantic.
> (In reply to Flicka) Perhaps meeting the right person to have children with is more important than planning to have them by a particular age?
Agreed Nick. 'Planned' children sounds rather clinical. "Pot luck' is much more romantic.
In reply to all:
Cheers for all the replies, folks! Been an interesting read. Might pick up on some of the replies individually...
Cheers for all the replies, folks! Been an interesting read. Might pick up on some of the replies individually...
In reply to bergalia: Inevitable though isn't it? Many of us are on short term contracts, no long term job security, some 'planning' is just inevitable. I'll probably be working on short term contracts for a few years yet. I'm 30 next year and have only worked in a permanent job for 4 months of my life, yet have worked or been in full time Higher ed continually since 18.
In reply to Caralynr:
I think I could have phrased it better. Next time I'll think before posting before I'm fully awake! Amongst my peers when growing up, my parents tended to be amongst the older of the parents, I'm 26 and Mum died 59. So I suppose not hugely different to the 20/60 thing, but I wouldn't want my parents to be any older than they were/are. And I'd prefer to have kids a bit younger than my parents did. But that's just me. I didn't mean it as a judgemental comment on what anyone else feels or chooses. I'd imagine (and this thread suggests) everyone has different perspectives. And hey I may end up being older when (if) I have kids, who knows. But anyway I'm sorry you found my comment hurtful.
> (In reply to Flicka)
>
> Due to life issues, I'll nbe late 30s/early 40s.
>
> For the record, I think your comment "Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!! " is hurtful.
>
> Due to life issues, I'll nbe late 30s/early 40s.
>
> For the record, I think your comment "Yeah....besides, if you had them that age, when they were 20 you'd be 60...doesn't seem right somehow!! " is hurtful.
I think I could have phrased it better. Next time I'll think before posting before I'm fully awake! Amongst my peers when growing up, my parents tended to be amongst the older of the parents, I'm 26 and Mum died 59. So I suppose not hugely different to the 20/60 thing, but I wouldn't want my parents to be any older than they were/are. And I'd prefer to have kids a bit younger than my parents did. But that's just me. I didn't mean it as a judgemental comment on what anyone else feels or chooses. I'd imagine (and this thread suggests) everyone has different perspectives. And hey I may end up being older when (if) I have kids, who knows. But anyway I'm sorry you found my comment hurtful.
In reply to waterbaby:
That sounds reasonable to me. The way I see it, what I want is a caring, committed, happy (with a bit of work etc etc) relationship with a man. If children are a product of that/part of it, great. If not, so be it. I wouldn't view a relationship as the means to an end. But that's probably an easier stance to take when you have years of potential childbearing years ahead of you and you aren't in any hurry. I suppose ten years down the line, if I'm single I might view things differently! Who knows...
> (In reply to Flicka)
> I would definitely say you need to have found the right partner first. I think having children is most fun when you can do it together, and support each other.
That sounds reasonable to me. The way I see it, what I want is a caring, committed, happy (with a bit of work etc etc) relationship with a man. If children are a product of that/part of it, great. If not, so be it. I wouldn't view a relationship as the means to an end. But that's probably an easier stance to take when you have years of potential childbearing years ahead of you and you aren't in any hurry. I suppose ten years down the line, if I'm single I might view things differently! Who knows...
In reply to JayH:
Even if I had found the right person, I'm certainly not in a financially viable situation for weans at the moment anyway. It is all just pondering, whatever the conclusion is! I know I'm young and hopefully got plenty of time left, and I'm glad of that. But it is interesting to consider things from the perspective of there not being as much time as you are used to imagining, type thing.
> (In reply to Flicka)
>
>
> Flicka, you're young still. But IMHO better to consider these things and come to your own conclusion now (and act on it if necessary) than in 20 years time.
>
> For what it's worth, I'm a better mum than I'd have been 10 years ago, but I'd have coped with the sleep deprivation far better 10 years ago! I'm glad I did my hell-raising long before I had kids, and I'm glad I'm financially secure enough to take a few years out of work (fingers crossed) to raise the blighters better (couldn't do that till now).
>
> For what it's worth, I'm a better mum than I'd have been 10 years ago, but I'd have coped with the sleep deprivation far better 10 years ago! I'm glad I did my hell-raising long before I had kids, and I'm glad I'm financially secure enough to take a few years out of work (fingers crossed) to raise the blighters better (couldn't do that till now).
Even if I had found the right person, I'm certainly not in a financially viable situation for weans at the moment anyway. It is all just pondering, whatever the conclusion is! I know I'm young and hopefully got plenty of time left, and I'm glad of that. But it is interesting to consider things from the perspective of there not being as much time as you are used to imagining, type thing.
In reply to Flicka:
at 41 (wife 36) just had our first kid, 7 months on - I wish we'd done this 10 years ago given all the positives, however if we'd done that we'd have missed out (had to postpone?) some amazing climbing and touring trips around the world. So I guess its not too helpful advice, other than to say, an average woman's fertility begins to decline significantly at 36 yrs old. This doesn't mean women many yrs older than this can't have successful pregnancies - its just an average figure you might wish to be aware of.
In the big scheme of things - for me, being a Dad has ranked far higher than any work promotion, career choice, mountain summit, route success, fell race placing and for me it has put these things into a different context than I had before.
I realise it might not be the same for all - its my view.
Good wishes in your choices
Spike
at 41 (wife 36) just had our first kid, 7 months on - I wish we'd done this 10 years ago given all the positives, however if we'd done that we'd have missed out (had to postpone?) some amazing climbing and touring trips around the world. So I guess its not too helpful advice, other than to say, an average woman's fertility begins to decline significantly at 36 yrs old. This doesn't mean women many yrs older than this can't have successful pregnancies - its just an average figure you might wish to be aware of.
In the big scheme of things - for me, being a Dad has ranked far higher than any work promotion, career choice, mountain summit, route success, fell race placing and for me it has put these things into a different context than I had before.
I realise it might not be the same for all - its my view.
Good wishes in your choices
Spike
In reply to Flicka:
My mum was 32 when I was born and my dad 35. I was the 2nd (and last) child, they had my brother 3 years earlier.
I think my parents were older than alot of my school friends parents, but there were also parents older than them.
I'm 23 now and feel like I have soo much to do before having kids. I'd like to say, not before 30. I suppose I find that easier in that I don't have a career, house, man etc yet so I'd like them before kids, the later being pretty important for the whole child thing...
My mum was 32 when I was born and my dad 35. I was the 2nd (and last) child, they had my brother 3 years earlier.
I think my parents were older than alot of my school friends parents, but there were also parents older than them.
I'm 23 now and feel like I have soo much to do before having kids. I'd like to say, not before 30. I suppose I find that easier in that I don't have a career, house, man etc yet so I'd like them before kids, the later being pretty important for the whole child thing...
In reply to Katie86:
yeah I was second (and last) child too. Mum would have been 33 (er, if my maths worked, which isn't guaranteed!), so 30 when she had my sister who is 3 yrs older than me. And Dad is a bit older than Mum. I definitely wouldnt want to be any older than Mum was when she had me, when i have my first born. But again that's just a gut feeling and who knows where life will lead. I think it's something everyone has a different feeling on too. So there's no point in taking offence to what other people think/feel about it. It's only your partner's view that actually matters, when it comes down to it!
yeah I was second (and last) child too. Mum would have been 33 (er, if my maths worked, which isn't guaranteed!), so 30 when she had my sister who is 3 yrs older than me. And Dad is a bit older than Mum. I definitely wouldnt want to be any older than Mum was when she had me, when i have my first born. But again that's just a gut feeling and who knows where life will lead. I think it's something everyone has a different feeling on too. So there's no point in taking offence to what other people think/feel about it. It's only your partner's view that actually matters, when it comes down to it!
In reply to Spike:
There is that! I must say, I'm encouraged by the posts that mention taking the sprogs on outdoorsy outings with them and having a great time. I guess at the end of the day, you do what you can with life, without kids and with kids and hopefully not end up with too many regrets of what you would have liked to have done.
I think Mum dieing has given me a nudge to say youth doesn't go on forever. Maybe it's made me properly grow up. Doesn't mean I want to rush off and have babies now, but it's made me think about such things rather than sailing through life oblivious!
> (In reply to Flicka)
>
> at 41 (wife 36) just had our first kid, 7 months on - I wish we'd done this 10 years ago given all the positives, however if we'd done that we'd have missed out (had to postpone?) some amazing climbing and touring trips around the world.
>
> at 41 (wife 36) just had our first kid, 7 months on - I wish we'd done this 10 years ago given all the positives, however if we'd done that we'd have missed out (had to postpone?) some amazing climbing and touring trips around the world.
There is that! I must say, I'm encouraged by the posts that mention taking the sprogs on outdoorsy outings with them and having a great time. I guess at the end of the day, you do what you can with life, without kids and with kids and hopefully not end up with too many regrets of what you would have liked to have done.
I think Mum dieing has given me a nudge to say youth doesn't go on forever. Maybe it's made me properly grow up. Doesn't mean I want to rush off and have babies now, but it's made me think about such things rather than sailing through life oblivious!
In reply to Flicka:
I havent read through all the posts but imagine compared to most first time (about to be) dads I'm geting on a bit at 46 similarly my other half has just turned 40 (two weeks ago) and the baby is due any day now (actual due date was yesterday).
We realise that overall we are considered to have less energy, but are convinced with good planning etc we'll cope, in any case I still cycle the odd 100 mile sportive, climb and walk regularly so fitter than some 20 year olds, my other half is similarly fit and still swimming. We are already to take the baby for walks etc (off road buggy and sling) and planning (and hoping) to go away in 6 weeks time to North Wales, obviously we wont be climbing Snowdon at that stage!!
I havent read through all the posts but imagine compared to most first time (about to be) dads I'm geting on a bit at 46 similarly my other half has just turned 40 (two weeks ago) and the baby is due any day now (actual due date was yesterday).
We realise that overall we are considered to have less energy, but are convinced with good planning etc we'll cope, in any case I still cycle the odd 100 mile sportive, climb and walk regularly so fitter than some 20 year olds, my other half is similarly fit and still swimming. We are already to take the baby for walks etc (off road buggy and sling) and planning (and hoping) to go away in 6 weeks time to North Wales, obviously we wont be climbing Snowdon at that stage!!
Hi there we have had 6 beautiful Children my self and Sal {my wife} We love them so much As for holding us back or preventing us reaching our potential no. I would never see marriage or Children as a burden and hindrance, that might have taken away my good times. On the contrary they have helped. We had our fist boy when we where quite young I was 25 and Sal 21 then number 2 came 2 years. For our next child we had wait 6 years. Then we went to live in Albania. We had to come home has the youngest was diagnosed with Leukaemia and so was treated in Manchester. It wasn’t till then when I was now 41 and Sal!! We had our first girl 4 years after that another boy and then our big surprise two years ago another girl. We love the mountains all but the baby climb (though already practising). Its not all ways been easy some days you do feel like pulling your hair out.
In reply to BazVee:
You'll be fine, it's what you are here for. We have just had our third, the lad is nearly six months old and I am old.
Like the others, the latest sleeps between us which minimises night disturbances.
Congratulations and good luck.
lsn
You'll be fine, it's what you are here for. We have just had our third, the lad is nearly six months old and I am old.
Like the others, the latest sleeps between us which minimises night disturbances.
Congratulations and good luck.
lsn
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