UKC

Should you buy one for someone who has just had their illness diagnosed as pretty much terminal?

Both options feel wrong.

In reply to Chris Harris: No, just go and see them. Every person Ive ever know who was dying wanted people to come and see them. Its about them.

In reply to Chris Harris:

Tricky one. Maybe get a blank one, and write something heartfelt in your own words?

In reply to Chris Harris:

Can't you get a nice blank one and add your own message? I think you can buy 'thinking of you'/'thoughts are with you' cards too

In reply to Chris Harris: I tended to buy random cards for my friend not get well soon cards, but a variety of the ones that are blank, some arty ones, some humour. There were points where she didn't want to see people and she didn't want flowers so I sent cards regularly so she knew I was thinking of her.

Take care

In reply to Fawksey:

The odd thing is he's almost asymptomatic. Went out for a pint with him the other night, and would have been out with him for a couple tonight if I didn't have a cold.

That said, the chemo starts Monday, and looks like no more than an exercise in buying a bit of time, barring a miracle.

In reply to Chris Harris: A freind and colleague of mine with the mountain rescue was buried on Friday. He was given 6 months about two and a half years ago.

Be positive, especially for their sakes.

In reply to Chris Harris:
I'm well aware that the medic always give it worst case scenario, so that anything more seems like a bonus, and I always try to go for the glass half full approach.

However, when it's both lungs, and has spread extensively into the surrounding bones, optimism is only worth so much.

In reply to Chris Harris: Well positive thoughts for him anyway.

In reply to Chris Harris:

Get one that says "With Sympathy".

In reply to bentley's biceps:

That's a bit strong, those are normally used for after the event. Better to go with a blank one, or go and talk to them and tell what you were going to write.

In reply to Chris Harris:

Get one that is blank, say now you are feeling better would you like to repay that money I lent you. Say you would like it back by September as you are going on holiday then.

That way he thinks he is going to last at least that long.

In reply to Chris Harris: When I was ill, not terminal, but as close as you can get, I hated getting cards, it just reminded me that I was ill. Phone calls don't cost anything either, going out for beers was even better, even if I was generally just drinking pints of ginger ale.

In reply to Chris Harris: cards are the biggest load of crap ever alongside text and e-mail for when you really should phone or talk to somebody.
I would much prefer a friendly call or visit if anything hit the fan in my hoose.

In reply to Chris Harris:

A 'Get Well Soon' card for someone with a terminal illness?

Brilliant!
Only if this person is your worst enemy...

In reply to yer maw: My friends house was like a train station there were that many visitors and often she wasn't in a fit state to see people. Meanwhile her other half was exhausted with fielding constant visits and phone calls, the phone never stopped. I did visit and phone, but sometimes a funny card or a chatty email was a much less intrusive way of making sure she knew we hadn't forgotten her.

In reply to marsbar:

Cheers for that, I have a bit of a dilemma with a friend (kind of a distant friend, but still...) who is hospital leading what sounds like a horrible existence. She's been in this condition before (but not as bad as right now) and when I visited her it looked like she just needed to be resting but she felt obliged to put monumental effort into sitting up and making small talk, it was very awkward. But yes, you've reminded me - just funny cards and so on. I'd thought that this might look "lazy" or "tokenistic" but your point about intrusiveness makes PERFECT sense in this context. Thanks.

Chris - sorry for slight hijack, I don't know what's best for your dilemma but it looks like you've got some good tips from others.

In reply to Chris Harris:

Sorry to hear about your friend. If he's doing chemo & you're pretty close friends ask if you can pop in/go with him to one of the chemo treatments. They can take from an hour to 7 hours so some company to help you through it can go a long way. Some of my dad's friends went with him almost every time or popped in for a bit. Meant a lot to him, us (as family) & the friends in the end. It's not as scary as one thinks as all they do is sit there with a drip & it can get quite boring. Having some company popping in helps to lift the depressing side of it & if you take a mag or book along to leave once you're off it'll be much appreciated. We even ended up treating dad to a gameboy & the odd new game on treatment days & he loved it at almost 60! A friend also sent him a balloon in a box (loads do it on the internet) & he thought that was rather fun instead of a card. Anyway that's enough rambling, good luck to you (cause it is tough on friends & family as well) & hope you end up having some good quality time together as that's what really counts.