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People who are thick enough to use "Cheap at half the price" to mean inexpensive. Just no.
"Dont put all your eggs in one basket". Why not? Its the most efficient way of carrying eggs. As long as you arent a complete spacker who is likely to drop said basket I fail to see why basic economies of scale cannot be made by investing in just one basket.
"No point crying over spilt milk". Well its just another bleedin obvious statement. Ive never cried over spilt milk. I never will. I cry over family bereavements, a kick to the nuts, Pixar films.. never has a lactose based accident moved me to tears.
"It will be in the last place you look for it" Thanks a lot captain f*cking obvious. Actually now Ive found my keys I think I'll just have another look under the sofa in case Ive entered a parrallell universe where my keys are also lost there.
"If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and theres nobody there to hear it, does it make a noise?" Yes. Basic f*cking science. Next question.
"Dont put all your eggs in one basket". Why not? Its the most efficient way of carrying eggs. As long as you arent a complete spacker who is likely to drop said basket I fail to see why basic economies of scale cannot be made by investing in just one basket.
"No point crying over spilt milk". Well its just another bleedin obvious statement. Ive never cried over spilt milk. I never will. I cry over family bereavements, a kick to the nuts, Pixar films.. never has a lactose based accident moved me to tears.
"It will be in the last place you look for it" Thanks a lot captain f*cking obvious. Actually now Ive found my keys I think I'll just have another look under the sofa in case Ive entered a parrallell universe where my keys are also lost there.
"If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and theres nobody there to hear it, does it make a noise?" Yes. Basic f*cking science. Next question.
In reply to Cú Chullain: "Im not buying those- (nice biscuits, crisps, etc...) You'll only eat them".
I still resent this after 25 years.
I still resent this after 25 years.
In reply to Cú Chullain: "...at the end of the day" said by our headteacher seemingly several times a day
In reply to Doug:
"at this moment in time". Bloody stupid expression, what's wrong with "now"?
"with regards to" - people who use this expression are just plain ignorant
"at this moment in time". Bloody stupid expression, what's wrong with "now"?
"with regards to" - people who use this expression are just plain ignorant
In reply to Cú Chullain: "Saving the planet." The planet's not in danger its the f**kheads living on it that need saving.
In reply to Cú Chullain: Complete spacker
In reply to Cú Chullain: I'm just not in the mood right now...
In reply to Cú Chullain: only been together for a tomato season , at the end of the day (I like to add. .. it gets dark ) . Essentially. ..... , ark at that
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"that is/you are so patronising" from people who obviously need to be patronised
"that is/you are so patronising" from people who obviously need to be patronised
In reply to Cú Chullain: " A window of opportunity" and "You'll be right mate"
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"Too many to choose just one"
"My first bash"
"Could well sneak in there"
are all pretty awful but "complete spacker" has to be the winner
"Too many to choose just one"
"My first bash"
"Could well sneak in there"
are all pretty awful but "complete spacker" has to be the winner
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Ah, but if a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
> "If a tree falls in the middle of the forest and theres nobody there to hear it, does it make a noise?" Yes. Basic f*cking science. Next question.
Ah, but if a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
In reply to Cú Chullain: "plenty more fish in the sea"
In reply to Cú Chullain:
In the vocabulary of every politician's fiscal reply these days..
...."but in real terms"....
as soon as I hear it my heart sinks....so who's right and who's wrong, surely there must be an answer ????
In the vocabulary of every politician's fiscal reply these days..
...."but in real terms"....
as soon as I hear it my heart sinks....so who's right and who's wrong, surely there must be an answer ????
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"For Free" - which is completely meaningless. Either it's Free or it's For Nothing...
"For Free" - which is completely meaningless. Either it's Free or it's For Nothing...
In reply to Cú Chullain: The use of 'literally' as in 'I literally died'.
Everytime I hear 'postcode lottery' I think (I may even shout) 'you frigging mean 'varies according to region.'
But the worst of all, the use of which should immediately result in the speaker being removed from any position of responsibility. has to be 'fit for purpose.'
Everytime I hear 'postcode lottery' I think (I may even shout) 'you frigging mean 'varies according to region.'
But the worst of all, the use of which should immediately result in the speaker being removed from any position of responsibility. has to be 'fit for purpose.'
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"He turned round and said (insert comment), so I turned round and said..." (turned is typically pronounced 'turnt').
I hate that.
"He turned round and said (insert comment), so I turned round and said..." (turned is typically pronounced 'turnt').
I hate that.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Is this your standup routine? You've already got a couple of hecklers agitated by the "spacker" reference!
Is this your standup routine? You've already got a couple of hecklers agitated by the "spacker" reference!
In reply to timjones:
"My first bash"
Ah the memories.
In fact, the first time something came out the end, I thought I'd broken it!
As an aside, my browser now has a Spell Checker and suggests that I should change "timjones" to "tampons".
"My first bash"
Ah the memories.
In fact, the first time something came out the end, I thought I'd broken it!
As an aside, my browser now has a Spell Checker and suggests that I should change "timjones" to "tampons".
In reply to Rob Exile Ward:
Second this. I remember shouting at the telly during the Olympics when Brendan Foster told us excitedly during a race that 'David Rudisha is literally on fire'. Might explain his performance.
Does self-immolation count as performance-enhancing?
> (In reply to Cú Chullain) The use of 'literally' as in 'I literally died'.
Second this. I remember shouting at the telly during the Olympics when Brendan Foster told us excitedly during a race that 'David Rudisha is literally on fire'. Might explain his performance.
Does self-immolation count as performance-enhancing?
In reply to Cú Chullain: The latest one is people talking "around" things, instead of "about" them. Get to the f*cking point!
In reply to Cú Chullain:
I really dislike the 'fate' phrases that some people spout; most often in a well-meaning way, but really betraying a glib, simple and totally thick personality.
'What's for you won't go by you.'
'Everything happens for a reason.'
And the phrase I once heard someone consolingly say to another person in a smiling and concerned way: 'Things fell apart because they weren't supposed to fall together...'
I really dislike the 'fate' phrases that some people spout; most often in a well-meaning way, but really betraying a glib, simple and totally thick personality.
'What's for you won't go by you.'
'Everything happens for a reason.'
And the phrase I once heard someone consolingly say to another person in a smiling and concerned way: 'Things fell apart because they weren't supposed to fall together...'
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"I'm not racist but is usually followed by something racist."
I hate that.
E
"I'm not racist but is usually followed by something racist."
I hate that.
E
In reply to Cú Chullain: " A raft of" used to describe a quantity of seemingly anything. Do these people know what a raft is?
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Roll out.
Blue-skies thinking.
Corporate bullshit in general.
People who say "issues" when they mean "problems".
People who say "around" when they mean "about".
People who say "with regards to" when they mean "with regard to".
People who say "with regard to" when they mean "about".
People who say "pants" when they mean "trousers".
People who say "alternate" when they mean "alternative".
People who say "precipitous" when they mean "precipitate".
People who say "commentary of" when they mean "commentary on".
People who say "skedule" when they mean "schedule".
People who say "customer services team leader" when they mean "buffet steward".
People who say "the buffet car is situated towards the rear of the train" when they mean "the grub is at the back".
Roll out.
Blue-skies thinking.
Corporate bullshit in general.
People who say "issues" when they mean "problems".
People who say "around" when they mean "about".
People who say "with regards to" when they mean "with regard to".
People who say "with regard to" when they mean "about".
People who say "pants" when they mean "trousers".
People who say "alternate" when they mean "alternative".
People who say "precipitous" when they mean "precipitate".
People who say "commentary of" when they mean "commentary on".
People who say "skedule" when they mean "schedule".
People who say "customer services team leader" when they mean "buffet steward".
People who say "the buffet car is situated towards the rear of the train" when they mean "the grub is at the back".
In reply to Cú Chullain:
even worst than 'with regard to' is the abbreviation 'wrt'.. Say 'about' or regarding' or even 're:' if you really must.
Anything cutesy 'For Sale/wanted: A few bits', 'Just going shopping for a few bits...what are ya, an effing computer or a drill operator?
'Low hanging fruit' - easy targets, ya marketing-infested weaselwordmonger. Gahhh!
And 'www'. Quite probably irrelevant nowadays and anyway... 9 syllables instead of 3 for 'world wide web'.
And 'biner'. Just sounds childish to me
even worst than 'with regard to' is the abbreviation 'wrt'.. Say 'about' or regarding' or even 're:' if you really must.
Anything cutesy 'For Sale/wanted: A few bits', 'Just going shopping for a few bits...what are ya, an effing computer or a drill operator?
'Low hanging fruit' - easy targets, ya marketing-infested weaselwordmonger. Gahhh!
And 'www'. Quite probably irrelevant nowadays and anyway... 9 syllables instead of 3 for 'world wide web'.
And 'biner'. Just sounds childish to me
In reply to Cú Chullain: some one i work with has a habit of using the term "and they go ..." and it pisses me off
"These days"
"Sign of the times"
Used to excuse all sorts of authoritarian farkwhittery.
"Sign of the times"
Used to excuse all sorts of authoritarian farkwhittery.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
The most obvious hated phrase is the tragically ubiquitous 'lol'. NO YOU F*CKING WEREN'T! And the 'lololol' really makes me want to tar and feather the perpetrator.
Most management speak is painful, of course. But 'pushing the envelope' and 'thinking out of the box' are unspeakable. Or should be.
Nothing is worse than "just gonna give you a head's up on this" though. Instant f*ckwit identifier.
The most obvious hated phrase is the tragically ubiquitous 'lol'. NO YOU F*CKING WEREN'T! And the 'lololol' really makes me want to tar and feather the perpetrator.
Most management speak is painful, of course. But 'pushing the envelope' and 'thinking out of the box' are unspeakable. Or should be.
Nothing is worse than "just gonna give you a head's up on this" though. Instant f*ckwit identifier.
In reply to Tim Chappell:
"People who say "customer services team leader" when they mean "buffet steward"."
I know 'human resources' accurately reflects exactly how most employees are seen by their employers, but I can't be doing with it. 'Personnel' or 'slave master'.
'One stop shop'. sheer cockendery of the first water, along with 'solution providers' (unless they're actually issolving stuff in other stuff).
And anyone that adds 'professional' to their job title. Unless there is a genuine corresponding amateur status, e.g. footballer.
It really doesn't apply to plumbers, 'nail technicians' or estate agents. (actually, the only thing that ought to be applied to letting agents and estate agents & persons of that ilk is a size 10 steel toecap and/or a grinding wheel and/or some kind of pox-infected bandage).
"People who say "customer services team leader" when they mean "buffet steward"."
I know 'human resources' accurately reflects exactly how most employees are seen by their employers, but I can't be doing with it. 'Personnel' or 'slave master'.
'One stop shop'. sheer cockendery of the first water, along with 'solution providers' (unless they're actually issolving stuff in other stuff).
And anyone that adds 'professional' to their job title. Unless there is a genuine corresponding amateur status, e.g. footballer.
It really doesn't apply to plumbers, 'nail technicians' or estate agents. (actually, the only thing that ought to be applied to letting agents and estate agents & persons of that ilk is a size 10 steel toecap and/or a grinding wheel and/or some kind of pox-infected bandage).
In reply to paul-1970:
The most appropriate reply (and consequent action) is 'Aye, and Ah'm gonnae give yez a heads-on, pal....<thunk> stitch that'
> (In reply to Cú Chullain)
>
> Nothing is worse than "just gonna give you a head's up on this" though. Instant f*ckwit identifier.
>
> Nothing is worse than "just gonna give you a head's up on this" though. Instant f*ckwit identifier.
The most appropriate reply (and consequent action) is 'Aye, and Ah'm gonnae give yez a heads-on, pal....<thunk> stitch that'
In reply to Cú Chullain:
'Does what it says on the tin.'
'Does what it says on the tin.'
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"Swinging leads" when they mean "leading through" it's climbing ffs, not a bloody dog walking exercise!
"Swinging leads" when they mean "leading through" it's climbing ffs, not a bloody dog walking exercise!
In reply to Submit to Gravity:
Similarly, in meetings now, colleagues and vendors "speak to" rather than "speak about" a topic.
No! You're speaking to me.
> (In reply to Cú Chullain) The latest one is people talking "around" things, instead of "about" them. Get to the f*cking point!
Similarly, in meetings now, colleagues and vendors "speak to" rather than "speak about" a topic.
No! You're speaking to me.
In reply to Cú Chullain: the politicians apology...'it would appear that I have made an error of judgement. mistakes have been made & lessons have been learned'
In reply to The Papa Lazarou:
or "that's a really good question, I'm glad you asked it, so ...." politician then proceeds to skillfully avoid answering it by overwhelming his questioner with irrellevent clap trap.
> (In reply to Cú Chullain) the politicians apology...'it would appear that I have made an error of judgement. mistakes have been made & lessons have been learned'
or "that's a really good question, I'm glad you asked it, so ...." politician then proceeds to skillfully avoid answering it by overwhelming his questioner with irrellevent clap trap.
In reply to Cú Chullain: The "go live" date instead of the "start" date.
In reply to Trangia: the other veiled apology...'it would appear I have acted inappropriately'
In reply to Submit to Gravity: we'll trial it, then roll it out to everyone
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Is there a growing trend amongst interviewees to respond to a question by saying...
"Yeah, no...." and then finishing the answer?
err...is this agreeing or not? Footballers tend to be the most common offenders.(no pun intended).
Is there a growing trend amongst interviewees to respond to a question by saying...
"Yeah, no...." and then finishing the answer?
err...is this agreeing or not? Footballers tend to be the most common offenders.(no pun intended).
In reply to sbc_10:
+1
> (In reply to Cú Chullain)
>
> Is there a growing trend amongst interviewees to respond to a question by saying...
> "Yeah, no...." and then finishing the answer?
>
> err...is this agreeing or not? Footballers tend to be the most common offenders.(no pun intended).
>
> Is there a growing trend amongst interviewees to respond to a question by saying...
> "Yeah, no...." and then finishing the answer?
>
> err...is this agreeing or not? Footballers tend to be the most common offenders.(no pun intended).
+1
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"right from the get-go" a favorite of actors,especially jude law
"right from the get-go" a favorite of actors,especially jude law
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"Hence why", instead of "hence"
"refrain yourself/ myself" instead of "refrain"
"Generally" instead of "genuinely"
and "defiantly" instead of "definitely"
All REALLY irritate me!
"Hence why", instead of "hence"
"refrain yourself/ myself" instead of "refrain"
"Generally" instead of "genuinely"
and "defiantly" instead of "definitely"
All REALLY irritate me!
In reply to Cú Chullain: at the end of the day, when all said & done, if you guys can't think outside of the box, I'm going to bail from the situation & go early doors for a cheeky pint. ciao for now, adios amigos
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Nobody mentioned 'to leverage' yet? The ultimate management-speak word crime!
Nobody mentioned 'to leverage' yet? The ultimate management-speak word crime!
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"Quality" as in Quality Kitchens? quality bathrooms etc.. makes no sense, what?, shite quality? average or good?
Another, but you will only hear this in Wales I believe, is:
"What Have you" In the context of "I was in town doing my thing and what have you..and this guy"..... Utter crap, but I guess its more grammar than a phrase.
Always remember, when you drink from a glass, then you are 'emptying it' so your glass is then half empty. If the glass is 'empty' and you fill it to halfway, then it is 'half full'!! another annoying phrase, "I'm a kind of glass half empty kind of person"???? what the
My most annoying phrase has to be "Lifes too short" lets live blurb' or the Carp Diem thing. F$%k off. Yes life is short stop reminding me!
"Quality" as in Quality Kitchens? quality bathrooms etc.. makes no sense, what?, shite quality? average or good?
Another, but you will only hear this in Wales I believe, is:
"What Have you" In the context of "I was in town doing my thing and what have you..and this guy"..... Utter crap, but I guess its more grammar than a phrase.
Always remember, when you drink from a glass, then you are 'emptying it' so your glass is then half empty. If the glass is 'empty' and you fill it to halfway, then it is 'half full'!! another annoying phrase, "I'm a kind of glass half empty kind of person"???? what the
My most annoying phrase has to be "Lifes too short" lets live blurb' or the Carp Diem thing. F$%k off. Yes life is short stop reminding me!
In reply to Cú Chullain:People saying 'absolutely' instead of 'yes.'
In reply to El-Mariachi:
I'm not being funny but, life might be short but I can't think of anything else that's going to take me longer.
Post brain-injury:
"you're looking well on it"
"we all forget things"
"isn't there a drug you can take?"
"the brain is a muscle, if you do crosswords won't it get better?"
I'm not being funny but, life might be short but I can't think of anything else that's going to take me longer.
Post brain-injury:
"you're looking well on it"
"we all forget things"
"isn't there a drug you can take?"
"the brain is a muscle, if you do crosswords won't it get better?"
In reply to jonathan shepherd:
I think it's from the USA, political programs were made up of "planks" so a load of planks makes a "raft", the political program of the speaker. It might not be this at all... I could, literally, be wrong.
Funnily enough, I like most of the expressions that distress others when they are old ones, it's the recent ones I dislike - "on-going", or "day on day", for example. "Funnily enough" is quite irritating too, it's rarely true, as in this paragraph.
> (In reply to Cú Chullain) " A raft of" used to describe a quantity of seemingly anything. Do these people know what a raft is?
I think it's from the USA, political programs were made up of "planks" so a load of planks makes a "raft", the political program of the speaker. It might not be this at all... I could, literally, be wrong.
Funnily enough, I like most of the expressions that distress others when they are old ones, it's the recent ones I dislike - "on-going", or "day on day", for example. "Funnily enough" is quite irritating too, it's rarely true, as in this paragraph.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
not phrases from me , but a currently topical job title;
The Project Manager.
annoying ,clueless,self important tw*ts,who 99% of the time couldn`t run a f***ing bath.Been watching to much Sarah Beeny
Also, when I hear the words "steering group" ,I stop cold .
another bunch of middle class(but not always) ,eco over-friendly, bellends.(often with beards)
Those f***ers really grind my gears,man.
Apolog
not phrases from me , but a currently topical job title;
The Project Manager.
annoying ,clueless,self important tw*ts,who 99% of the time couldn`t run a f***ing bath.Been watching to much Sarah Beeny
Also, when I hear the words "steering group" ,I stop cold .
another bunch of middle class(but not always) ,eco over-friendly, bellends.(often with beards)
Those f***ers really grind my gears,man.
Apolog
In reply to Cú Chullain: 'Going forward' and use of the verb 'to grow' when used in relation to company profits or market share etc. Utter bilge, beloved by those stunted cretins who can only think in soundbites and talk in managementspeak.
In reply to Cú Chullain: "I gave 110%"
In reply to Cú Chullain:Can't be arsed.
In reply to incog:
Indeed !
Oh, and over-use of bl**dy smilies and 'emoticons'.
Rug
> People saying 'absolutely' instead of 'yes.'
Indeed !
Oh, and over-use of bl**dy smilies and 'emoticons'.
Rug
In reply to Cú Chullain: People using reflexive pronouns myself and yourself instead of me and you to try to look clever. The irony.
In reply to Submit to Gravity:
I agree! You've reminded me of someone who uses "and I" instead of "and me".
I'd like to add people who say pronounciation. The cruellest of grammatical ironies.
I agree! You've reminded me of someone who uses "and I" instead of "and me".
I'd like to add people who say pronounciation. The cruellest of grammatical ironies.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
In terms of.....
Why not just say what it is? That really annoys me and where I work, there are hundreds of people using it on a daily basis. It's just a good job the windows don't open....
In terms of.....
Why not just say what it is? That really annoys me and where I work, there are hundreds of people using it on a daily basis. It's just a good job the windows don't open....
In reply to Edradour: seconded-"going forward" ? as apposed to what exactly? Going backward? have these people invented time travel FFS?
In reply to Cú Chullain: Another colleague of mine had an entire conversation in which he used the word "bad" for something that was good (short for bad ass I assume). Not only this but it seemed he couldn't think of any other words to use if liked something, made me want to put forks in my ears.
I work with a group of fecking imbeciles.
I work with a group of fecking imbeciles.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
'You are overreacting.'
Commonly said by people who don't understand a situation to people who do. Also by the sane to the insane. In either case, it doesn't help anyone.
'You are overreacting.'
Commonly said by people who don't understand a situation to people who do. Also by the sane to the insane. In either case, it doesn't help anyone.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Have a nice lie down...
... That's a recommendation, rather than a grumble.
Have a nice lie down...
... That's a recommendation, rather than a grumble.
In reply to cuppatea:
And the ignorant who say "Me and my girlfriend are going to the Alps this summer"
People who respond with "Really?" when you've just told them some news. Of course it's real you dolt, are you doubting me?
> (In reply to Submit to Gravity)
>
> I agree! You've reminded me of someone who uses "and I" instead of "and me".
>
>
> I agree! You've reminded me of someone who uses "and I" instead of "and me".
>
And the ignorant who say "Me and my girlfriend are going to the Alps this summer"
People who respond with "Really?" when you've just told them some news. Of course it's real you dolt, are you doubting me?
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Why do people say "Off of" instead if from
One particular Radio DJ used to do it all the time now it's almost normal !
Why do people say "Off of" instead if from
One particular Radio DJ used to do it all the time now it's almost normal !
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"In any way, shape or form" which seems to be the current buzz phrase, particularly for cretinous sports pundits. Usually "not" would suffice.
"In any way, shape or form" which seems to be the current buzz phrase, particularly for cretinous sports pundits. Usually "not" would suffice.
"In the round" and " a raft of" brings back memories of vile 1980s Tories about to dump on someone/enrich themselves. They were always associated with Bad News.
In reply to Fat Bumbly2:"Could of..." Instead of "Could have...".
In reply to Cú Chullain: Bugs me when someone says "you know what it's/they're like" with a smile and forced laugh in a misguided attempt to create some sort of facile and meaningless connection using moaning about something as a shared experience.
For example, "If I'd put my coat on it wouldn't have rained...hahaha, you know what it's like?" No, no, no, that's not what its f*cking like at all.
In fact any weather or fate related phrase is pretty bad.
Also when people use the phrase "that's totally ignorant" incorrectly, as in to mean "that's not respecting your feelings". "Oh, just dump him hen, I can't believe he cheated on you again, that's so ignorant like." Something about being ignorant about the meaning of the word ignorant, annoyingly ironic.
For example, "If I'd put my coat on it wouldn't have rained...hahaha, you know what it's like?" No, no, no, that's not what its f*cking like at all.
In fact any weather or fate related phrase is pretty bad.
Also when people use the phrase "that's totally ignorant" incorrectly, as in to mean "that's not respecting your feelings". "Oh, just dump him hen, I can't believe he cheated on you again, that's so ignorant like." Something about being ignorant about the meaning of the word ignorant, annoyingly ironic.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"root and branch review"
as with most of these I cringe upon hearing it, but probably will utter something equally gobsh1tish if "given enough rope"......arghhhh
"root and branch review"
as with most of these I cringe upon hearing it, but probably will utter something equally gobsh1tish if "given enough rope"......arghhhh
In reply to Cú Chullain: "[Do It] For the Lads" - No! No I wont behave like a 15 year old who has left their brain in a plastic bag under the sink simply because of 'lad culture'... If you want to see me to behave like a bit of a dickhead, you're going to have to [try to] drink me under the table in the time honoured fashion!
"Hench" I don't know how it morphed into.the connotation of being 'ard... but my experience is that people using it to mean that are both hoplessly deluded and increadibly irritating!
"Hench" I don't know how it morphed into.the connotation of being 'ard... but my experience is that people using it to mean that are both hoplessly deluded and increadibly irritating!
In reply to ice.solo:
When I was working in the shop (well known outdoors type) I offered a family a 'down' care leaflet after they spent some dosh on winter kit.
After saying " heres a leaflet on how to look after and care for your down" whilst taking the till, and after a long uncomfortable silence... I looked up to see the young lad in the family was Downs Syndrome
> (In reply to Cú Chullain)
> I loathe the way a down jacket is now just referred to as a 'down'.
When I was working in the shop (well known outdoors type) I offered a family a 'down' care leaflet after they spent some dosh on winter kit.
After saying " heres a leaflet on how to look after and care for your down" whilst taking the till, and after a long uncomfortable silence... I looked up to see the young lad in the family was Downs Syndrome
In reply to incog:
I have my alarm radio set for 6.15 a.m. which means I am part way through R4 Today when I wake up.
I have a little bet with myself how long it will be before some dick on air replies "Absolutely!" to a question. The record is about 15 seconds.
I have my alarm radio set for 6.15 a.m. which means I am part way through R4 Today when I wake up.
I have a little bet with myself how long it will be before some dick on air replies "Absolutely!" to a question. The record is about 15 seconds.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"Almost certainly" is another.
How can you be almost certain? You're certain, or you're not. Its a definite.
Clowns.
"Almost certainly" is another.
How can you be almost certain? You're certain, or you're not. Its a definite.
Clowns.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
People who try to sound clever by using 'myself', when 'me' would a) do and b) be correct.
People who try to sound clever by using 'myself', when 'me' would a) do and b) be correct.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
People who say "Can I ask you to..." or "I'm going to have to ask you to...", rather making the request directly.
People who say "Can I ask you to..." or "I'm going to have to ask you to...", rather making the request directly.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"the devils in the detail". Makes me run screaming from the room.
"I'm not being funny but.....". Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.
Replying to a question with "So...
"the devils in the detail". Makes me run screaming from the room.
"I'm not being funny but.....". Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.
Replying to a question with "So...
In reply to Cú Chullain: Generally people that say something along the lines of:
"I literally *insert something you can't possibly literally have done". For example; "I literally died of laughter".
Well, clearly you didn't, did you?
C
"I literally *insert something you can't possibly literally have done". For example; "I literally died of laughter".
Well, clearly you didn't, did you?
C
In reply to thin bob: www can be shortened to: "dub dub dub" which is cringeworthy
In reply to deanr:
This is a very Victor Meldrewish thread. So I should feel right at home.
As I get older and grumpier I get more and more puzzled as to why Young People say "He was like" instead of "He said". Also why Young People giving academic presentations start every sentence with the word "So".
And those young hooligans wearing their jeans halfway down their underpants. Don't you just feel an urge to buy them a belt and say "Here, try this, I really *don't* want to see what you're showing me, thanks"?
Harrumph!
This is a very Victor Meldrewish thread. So I should feel right at home.
As I get older and grumpier I get more and more puzzled as to why Young People say "He was like" instead of "He said". Also why Young People giving academic presentations start every sentence with the word "So".
And those young hooligans wearing their jeans halfway down their underpants. Don't you just feel an urge to buy them a belt and say "Here, try this, I really *don't* want to see what you're showing me, thanks"?
Harrumph!
In reply to Tim Chappell:
Oh, and why *do* people keep on talking about climbing in smocks? A smock is for painting in. Perhaps they mean overalls? Bah. Hrrumph.
Oh, and why *do* people keep on talking about climbing in smocks? A smock is for painting in. Perhaps they mean overalls? Bah. Hrrumph.
In reply to Tim Chappell:
Yo Victor!
Well ... I woz 'Like'...so she woz 'Like'....then we Like...got smashed... Literally....Like.
Yo Victor!
Well ... I woz 'Like'...so she woz 'Like'....then we Like...got smashed... Literally....Like.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Any business speak, particularly the word "leverage", which in almost any sentence can be replaced with "use" or "steal".
Neil
Any business speak, particularly the word "leverage", which in almost any sentence can be replaced with "use" or "steal".
Neil
In reply to thin bob:
To go with that, any organisation (e.g. a train company, or a water supplier, or any Government organisation) that refers to me as a customer, implying that I have any choice in doing business with them.
Neil
To go with that, any organisation (e.g. a train company, or a water supplier, or any Government organisation) that refers to me as a customer, implying that I have any choice in doing business with them.
Neil
In reply to thin bob:
Less childish than throwing a chain of karabiners over to someone, then pointing out using another common abbreviation what they just caught...
Neil
Less childish than throwing a chain of karabiners over to someone, then pointing out using another common abbreviation what they just caught...
Neil
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"Criteria" and "phenomena" used in the singular.
"Criteria" and "phenomena" used in the singular.
In reply to Cú Chullain: Putting 'super' before words where it is entirely unnecessary.
In reply to Cú Chullain: Thanks for that.
Thanks for what!!!
Thanks, or rather Thank you is fine.
i have lists of this pretentious management speak s***e which i gather at each meeting i attend.
Thankfully i retire in 8 weeks. Hoorah!
Thanks for what!!!
Thanks, or rather Thank you is fine.
i have lists of this pretentious management speak s***e which i gather at each meeting i attend.
Thankfully i retire in 8 weeks. Hoorah!
In reply to Cú Chullain:
'You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.’
'You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.’
too many cocks spoil the brothel.
Throwing snowballs at haystacks.
What the f*ck you doin in ma garden.
You lookin at ma burd
In reply to birdie num num: Quality work, as ever )))
In reply to Neil Williams:
Not heard of "vire"?! You're clearly not cut out for senior management, Neil.
> (In reply to Tim Chappell)
>
> "Vire"? Don't think I've heard that one before.
>
> Neil
>
> "Vire"? Don't think I've heard that one before.
>
> Neil
Not heard of "vire"?! You're clearly not cut out for senior management, Neil.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Mainly in cafes & shops: "can I get..?"
No, absolutely not, you stay on *that* side of the counter and, if I feel so inclined, I may (just may, mind you) fetch it for you. You cannot get anything, except perhaps a thick ear if you persist.
It sounds so rude.
And also.. "you need to.." without further explanation of consequential happenings* It's as nonsensical as saying to someone 'you need to go to the toilet' (a matter almost entirely of my own choosing nowadays).
Thus, these are acceptable: 'you need to stop doing that/ get out of the car/step away, else I shall crush some of your bones with a baton / urinate all over you, sorry, but i'm bursting for a wee / put 50p in the slot.'.
*and that's another couple**: 'we're having a happening' 'there's a happening'. And 'installation' And 'space' when talking about rooms. And 'property' instead of house or flat (or home).
** ok, 4.
Mainly in cafes & shops: "can I get..?"
No, absolutely not, you stay on *that* side of the counter and, if I feel so inclined, I may (just may, mind you) fetch it for you. You cannot get anything, except perhaps a thick ear if you persist.
It sounds so rude.
And also.. "you need to.." without further explanation of consequential happenings* It's as nonsensical as saying to someone 'you need to go to the toilet' (a matter almost entirely of my own choosing nowadays).
Thus, these are acceptable: 'you need to stop doing that/ get out of the car/step away, else I shall crush some of your bones with a baton / urinate all over you, sorry, but i'm bursting for a wee / put 50p in the slot.'.
*and that's another couple**: 'we're having a happening' 'there's a happening'. And 'installation' And 'space' when talking about rooms. And 'property' instead of house or flat (or home).
** ok, 4.
In reply to Tim Chappell:
is that "smock" as in "smock, combat 1960 pattern" ?
seems like proper usage to me and has done for a considerable time
is that "smock" as in "smock, combat 1960 pattern" ?
seems like proper usage to me and has done for a considerable time
In reply to Cú Chullain: all the nasty ones really that say so much about the speaker
sly yid
dirty paki
thieving nigger
mincing faggot
complete spacker
etc etc
sly yid
dirty paki
thieving nigger
mincing faggot
complete spacker
etc etc
In reply to thin bob:
"Mainly in cafes & shops: "can I get..?"
No, absolutely not, you stay on *that* side of the counter and, if I feel so inclined, I may (just may, mind you) fetch it for you. You cannot get anything, except perhaps a thick ear if you persist.
It sounds so rude."
That's an Aussie-ism, isn't it? It does hack me off, though.
I don't work in a shop, but if I did I suspect I'd have a comeback for it.
Neil
"Mainly in cafes & shops: "can I get..?"
No, absolutely not, you stay on *that* side of the counter and, if I feel so inclined, I may (just may, mind you) fetch it for you. You cannot get anything, except perhaps a thick ear if you persist.
It sounds so rude."
That's an Aussie-ism, isn't it? It does hack me off, though.
I don't work in a shop, but if I did I suspect I'd have a comeback for it.
Neil
In reply to Doug:
youtube.com/watch?v=tr36XDC6hmA&
or one that's better because it's all from a single episode
youtube.com/watch?v=48HUdzoKiPA&
> (In reply to Cú Chullain) "...at the end of the day" said by our headteacher seemingly several times a day
youtube.com/watch?v=tr36XDC6hmA&
or one that's better because it's all from a single episode
youtube.com/watch?v=48HUdzoKiPA&
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"How's you?"
The only response to this is "I is fine." Followed by "innit."
"How's you?"
The only response to this is "I is fine." Followed by "innit."
In reply to Tall Clare:
I and I is fine. Irie
or some such thing
> (In reply to Cú Chullain)
>
> "How's you?"
>
> The only response to this is "I is fine." Followed by "innit."
>
> "How's you?"
>
> The only response to this is "I is fine." Followed by "innit."
I and I is fine. Irie
or some such thing
In reply to Trangia:
Yes! That and the similar "is it?" and "was it?" etc.
If I can be bothered I tend to say "no, I was lying", just to force them to think about how CRETINOUS they have just been.
>
> People who respond with "Really?" when you've just told them some news. Of course it's real you dolt, are you doubting me?
> People who respond with "Really?" when you've just told them some news. Of course it's real you dolt, are you doubting me?
Yes! That and the similar "is it?" and "was it?" etc.
If I can be bothered I tend to say "no, I was lying", just to force them to think about how CRETINOUS they have just been.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"Good luck with that" (sarcastic comment meaning "I don't think that that's a very good idea", yet so heavily laden with smugness that you can't help but continue with what you were about to do)
"Fixed that for you" as used on Internet forums
"Good luck with that" (sarcastic comment meaning "I don't think that that's a very good idea", yet so heavily laden with smugness that you can't help but continue with what you were about to do)
"Fixed that for you" as used on Internet forums
In reply to RBonney:
I keep hearing Yanks in films saying "my bad" for "my fault" . Sounds bad to me.
I keep hearing Yanks in films saying "my bad" for "my fault" . Sounds bad to me.
In reply to Blue Straggler:
"I love your images"....FFS I've started saying it too!
"I love your images"....FFS I've started saying it too!
In reply to Blue Straggler:
Could have been worse - I might have gone all Clarkson and called them "Septics".
Could have been worse - I might have gone all Clarkson and called them "Septics".
In reply to Tom Valentine: "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."
Like crossing bridges is ever a problem.
It's rivers without bridges are the problem.
[Like the 'Fords' of Avon for example. Anyone want to chip in a fiver for someone to build a bridge? I've had enough of wet feet on the way to Faindouran.]
Like crossing bridges is ever a problem.
It's rivers without bridges are the problem.
[Like the 'Fords' of Avon for example. Anyone want to chip in a fiver for someone to build a bridge? I've had enough of wet feet on the way to Faindouran.]
"To be fair."
As far as I can see, this means nothing at all.
If it does mean anything, it apparently doesn't mean what it most obviously might mean--"I need to be fair to him/ them/ her". Instead it means "You need to be fair to me".
Using this phrase is like putting a sticker on your forehead that says "I'm whiny, argumentative, and not very bright".
As far as I can see, this means nothing at all.
If it does mean anything, it apparently doesn't mean what it most obviously might mean--"I need to be fair to him/ them/ her". Instead it means "You need to be fair to me".
Using this phrase is like putting a sticker on your forehead that says "I'm whiny, argumentative, and not very bright".
"To be honest."
So up to this point in the conversation you've been lying to me?
So up to this point in the conversation you've been lying to me?
In reply to Neil Williams:
Ooh, this is one of my favourite dislikes. I have worked in a shop, and were it not for the fact that I'd have spent the whole day correcting people, I would have happily said something like what you suggested.
To be fair (sorry Tim), people presumably do it to be more informal and appear less demanding ('I want...'), but I still chose to find it annoying.
Have you noticed Evan 'Get Some' Davis uses the phrase for pretty much every introduction to the weather or sport?
> (In reply to thin bob)
>
> "Mainly in cafes & shops: "can I get..?"
> No, absolutely not, you stay on *that* side of the counter and, if I feel so inclined, I may (just may, mind you) fetch it for you. You cannot get anything, except perhaps a thick ear if you persist.
> It sounds so rude."
>
> That's an Aussie-ism, isn't it? It does hack me off, though.
>
> I don't work in a shop, but if I did I suspect I'd have a comeback for it.
>
> Neil
>
> "Mainly in cafes & shops: "can I get..?"
> No, absolutely not, you stay on *that* side of the counter and, if I feel so inclined, I may (just may, mind you) fetch it for you. You cannot get anything, except perhaps a thick ear if you persist.
> It sounds so rude."
>
> That's an Aussie-ism, isn't it? It does hack me off, though.
>
> I don't work in a shop, but if I did I suspect I'd have a comeback for it.
>
> Neil
Ooh, this is one of my favourite dislikes. I have worked in a shop, and were it not for the fact that I'd have spent the whole day correcting people, I would have happily said something like what you suggested.
To be fair (sorry Tim), people presumably do it to be more informal and appear less demanding ('I want...'), but I still chose to find it annoying.
Have you noticed Evan 'Get Some' Davis uses the phrase for pretty much every introduction to the weather or sport?
In reply to OwenM:
Even worse is "doing our bit to save the planet", which means they put their plastic box used to transport their dried figs halfway round the world in the green bin.
> (In reply to Cú Chullain) "Saving the planet." The planet's not in danger its the f**kheads living on it that need saving.
Even worse is "doing our bit to save the planet", which means they put their plastic box used to transport their dried figs halfway round the world in the green bin.
In reply to Cú Chullain: 1.It's all there.
2. You can do it static.Even a sloth can't do it static.
2. You can do it static.Even a sloth can't do it static.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
Lush
Safe
Like
Hash tag
Beer o'clock
Dry humping
Laters or l8r
Lets put this job to bed
Sharp scratch
This won't hurt a bit
Lush
Safe
Like
Hash tag
Beer o'clock
Dry humping
Laters or l8r
Lets put this job to bed
Sharp scratch
This won't hurt a bit
In reply to Jamming Dodger:
The reason why our fruit bowl is empty. People eat it.
> (In reply to Cú Chullain) "Im not buying those- (nice biscuits, crisps, etc...) You'll only eat them".
> I still resent this after 25 years.
> I still resent this after 25 years.
The reason why our fruit bowl is empty. People eat it.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
There is loads of blue sky, net effect speak in my office;
'Going forward' - slap deserved here
'Rinky Dinks' - deserves to lose a kneecap
'Across geography' - whats wrong with saying 'in other countries'?
'Stake holders' - what the fe*k does that mean?
People who answer a question with 'So...' for example,
Q: 'I understand you went to Tesco for lunch?'
A: 'So, we decided we needed to go somewhere new and .....'
NO NEED!
And our American friends keep thanking me for 'Reaching out and touching them', my arms are that long!
There is loads of blue sky, net effect speak in my office;
'Going forward' - slap deserved here
'Rinky Dinks' - deserves to lose a kneecap
'Across geography' - whats wrong with saying 'in other countries'?
'Stake holders' - what the fe*k does that mean?
People who answer a question with 'So...' for example,
Q: 'I understand you went to Tesco for lunch?'
A: 'So, we decided we needed to go somewhere new and .....'
NO NEED!
And our American friends keep thanking me for 'Reaching out and touching them', my arms are that long!
In reply to Cú Chullain:
The worst offender is....
"Only joking"
When this is used it is following usually a derogetory or offensive statement and the person has been pulled up about it and they are trying to save face.
To anyone who uses "Only Joking" not only have you probably been derogatory and/or offensive you have now looked like a knob for not taking it on the chin and apologising.
Then there is second on my list "Whatever". When it is used as a throw away remark it is really a put down to the other person, it shows lack of respect for what the other person is saying as the personsaying "Whatever" can't care less. Much nicer to use "I don't mind" followed by why to make it not a throw away remark.
The worst offender is....
"Only joking"
When this is used it is following usually a derogetory or offensive statement and the person has been pulled up about it and they are trying to save face.
To anyone who uses "Only Joking" not only have you probably been derogatory and/or offensive you have now looked like a knob for not taking it on the chin and apologising.
Then there is second on my list "Whatever". When it is used as a throw away remark it is really a put down to the other person, it shows lack of respect for what the other person is saying as the personsaying "Whatever" can't care less. Much nicer to use "I don't mind" followed by why to make it not a throw away remark.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
English people who say "can I please get" to a waitress instead of "may I please have". My daughter started doing this after watching too many American sitcoms. She's stopped doing it now that I have taken to slapping her round the back of the head in the middle of the restaurant when she does it.
Others have already been mentioned on this thread but 2 of my least liked phrases are:
Going forward
I'm not racist but
English people who say "can I please get" to a waitress instead of "may I please have". My daughter started doing this after watching too many American sitcoms. She's stopped doing it now that I have taken to slapping her round the back of the head in the middle of the restaurant when she does it.
Others have already been mentioned on this thread but 2 of my least liked phrases are:
Going forward
I'm not racist but
In reply to Cú Chullain:
'Of age' i.e. the child was 6 years of age. When did 'old' become un-pc?
anything with the letters PC in them.
'Of age' i.e. the child was 6 years of age. When did 'old' become un-pc?
anything with the letters PC in them.
In reply to Submit to Gravity:
Very much an Irish turn of phrase.
On meeting someone you know:
"Well, it's yourself!"
> (In reply to Cú Chullain) People using reflexive pronouns myself and yourself instead of me and you to try to look clever. The irony.
Very much an Irish turn of phrase.
On meeting someone you know:
"Well, it's yourself!"
In reply to Submit to Gravity:
Spot on.
If someone says 'two halves', I am often tempted to ask 'How many halves?'
> (In reply to Cú Chullain) People using reflexive pronouns myself and yourself instead of me and you to try to look clever. The irony.
Spot on.
If someone says 'two halves', I am often tempted to ask 'How many halves?'
In reply to Cú Chullain:
"nom nom nom". Stupid. What's wrong with "yum yum yum"?
"Beer o'clock". I appreciate the sentiment but the actual phrase is annoying.
"nom nom nom". Stupid. What's wrong with "yum yum yum"?
"Beer o'clock". I appreciate the sentiment but the actual phrase is annoying.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
'please contact a colleague' as in 'If your Sainsbury's trolley has a mind of it's own please contact a colleague'
What f*cking use will it be to phone up one of my fellow engineers to tell them about a knackered trolley!
And 'it's all good' - no it bloody isn't; you've just used an incredibly inane phrase and soured my mood.
'please contact a colleague' as in 'If your Sainsbury's trolley has a mind of it's own please contact a colleague'
What f*cking use will it be to phone up one of my fellow engineers to tell them about a knackered trolley!
And 'it's all good' - no it bloody isn't; you've just used an incredibly inane phrase and soured my mood.
In reply to Cú Chullain:
People who say "I was in a bad place" to describe their mental state, rather than being in, say, Birmingham.
People who say "I was in a bad place" to describe their mental state, rather than being in, say, Birmingham.
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