UKC

Managed to convince on of my group today that quartz is fossilised snow and that crampon scratches are from the elusive Welsh Mountain lion.

What others could I steal from people as I gain quite a lot of fun telling lies to kids (and some really gullible adults)?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Burger buns grow on trees, why else would they be covered in seeds?

In reply to Southern Man: its a good one but I'm after outdoory ones!

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-_xIAsK1kRgU/TXUwQOc3eZI/AAAAAAAAB1c/RtWy...

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Haggis are actually animals with one leg shorter than the other, so they can walk round hills. the way to catch them is to chase them the other way round the hill so the fall over.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: "That's the back of the sun" (when looking at the moon)

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Tell them that the word 'gullible' can't be found in a dictionary.

T.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
Farmers send their sheep poo to get made into malteesers. Mars dries them out and then covers them in chocolate. (The dried ones you find on the hill will convince them of this).
Have a pre mushed up bit of soreen ready, then tell them that the deer in that area have really nutritious poo as they have a really healthy diet. Then proceed to eat some and offer it round.

In reply to 33% Longer: I heard a similar one involving legs - sheep in wales have shorter right legs and always walk around the hills clockwise. there are australian sheep that were imported and their left legs are shorter and can only go anti clockwise and you need to keep an eye out for them as they're quite rare!

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Tell them you're in The Alps?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Or tell them they're looking at Ireland when they get a view of the Llyn?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
We perhaps do it unconsciously when we say look at that sunrise or sunset, inferring that it moves up and down when clearly there is no such thing as the sun never moves.
It s a lie that no one even thinks about.

There are bound to be more?

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Sheep love the taste of toasted heather. That's why you will often find strips of moorland where the farmer has deliberately set fire to the heather. Also, you can spot the sheep that are hooked on it because they have blacken faces and legs where they've been foraging in the burnt heather.

It's true!

In reply to higherclimbingwales: that black sheep are/were the runts of the litter & the farmer dyes them black as it scares the other lambs & they're then able to get food & it increases the farmers productivity.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Pull a sundried banana out of a rabbit hole and eat it .

In reply to higherclimbingwales: cows lay eggs, show them the hay bails wrapped in plastic and say they are cow eggs, the ones that have split open have hatched

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Cairns are where dinosaurs have died, the pile of stones being what's left from their stomach as they eat all the plants with the odd stone.

If you throw apple cores the voles die because they eat the apple then run around looking for more apples, starving to death before they do.

Craig.

In reply to Pursued by a bear:

dam , beat me to it .

In reply to tim000: The rare Welsh Mountain Araf, now endangered which is why the road signs all say Slow Araf.
convinced a number of members of our uni rollerhockey team

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Sixth formers on a fieldtrip were convinced that if they were lucky, they might spot the elusive sea badger basking in rock pools or bobbing up and down in the seaweed. Sure enough the seed was sown and soon most had spotted one of the creatures. The ruse gained extra credibility when a man appeared down the path with a huge pair of binoculars and we said that he must be looking for the same thing.

Also told that they were familiar with quartz watches... so when looking at pebbles on the beach a lump of quartz was seen and they were told that if it was a pure enough example with very few impurities, they would hear it ticking. Inevitably, most swore they could hear something!

Again, because they were told by someone 'in authority' they didn't question these !

In reply to Jim C:

Really? I'd read that the sun is moving at a fair pace.

Just not relative to us.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

We convinced a girl in our uni hillwalking club that cattle grids worked because the noise of cars driving over them scared off the animals...

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Cows eggs.

In the late summer these wonderful Cow's eggs pop up in fields up and down the land where cows were grazing on grass. These eggs are huge and roughly the size of a cow.

I told my niece and nephew this for years and they believed me.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: I thought I was bad with the ones I know. you guys are seriously cruel!

In reply to higherclimbingwales: When ghyll scrambling, you say "oh, check this place out... it's the sump, if you dive down under this rock here - you can come up over there and look out from the crack just here."

BW

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

I was out walking with Little Miss Lemming over by Hawsewater when we went through a farm. Going through a field the path was marked out by small stones. As these stones looked like little grave stones, I told Miss Lemming that they were actually grave stones for all the mice that ether the farmer or farmer's cat had killed.

Along with the mouse grave stones and getting her to look out for haggis the first time we both went to Scotland she has never believed a thing I have told her again.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: When I used to take groups up Old Man Coniston I would tell them the worlds smallest MacDonalds is at the top. hey started moving quicker then
B

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Water is only wet at the surface because it reacts with the air - underneath it is dry. Use this on most groups I take canoeing.

In reply to 33% Longer:

I was told this when I went to Scottish North West Highlands for the first time when I was 14! After a couple of days I plucked up the courage to tell the teacher (it was a school trip) that it couldn't be true, because how could they get back home once they had set out... LOL

In reply to higherclimbingwales: While is a field full of sheep: "Sheep that have red sprayed on them are the dangerous ones".

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Drop bears! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_bear You end up with your whole group walking round with sticks on their heads

In reply to higherclimbingwales: when I was a kid, my dad told me that the GB sticker on a car stood for 'getting better', and that you got a GB sticker after losing your L plates. I believed him for years

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Pigeons are the only bird species that suckle their young.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Easter eggs come from feeding chickens chocolate...

In reply to higherclimbingwales: gods real

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

When I was a leader on a Scout camp once, one of the boys was keen on astronomy - it was a nice clear night and he picked out Orion.

One of the other leaders then identified "Escort", rapidly followed by "Sierra" and "Fiesta" from another leader.

Poor lad didn't know these and asked where they were, only to be told they were in the "Ford Galaxy"...

On another camp, one of the leaders commented he could do with a sky hook to hang his tent on - one innocent lad asked where they were and promptly spent 1/2 hour rummaging in the back of a minibus.

I managed to get 6 Scouts to peel beansprouts during a Thai cooking night!

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

It's only v-diff...

In reply to Southampton Tom:
The Araf is the rare endangered Welsh Spineless Hedgehog, they are very shortsighted and lead a fairly solitary existence. They mistake the cateyes in the road for other Arafs and attempt to mate with them which is why you need to drive carefully and they paint signs saying "ARAF SLOW" on the roads. Any small bumps in the road at night can be explained as "Oh no, I must have hit an Araf!"

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Traffic lights in Wales have little red and green dragons instead of people.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

We had a lot of fun with "all cattle grids go north-south" which was believed for a long time by the hard-of-thinking members of my Scout troop. The explanation was that sheep follow the sun and so they always migrate east-west but they are very good at balancing on narrow things (mountain paths, stone walls, cattle grids placed east-west) so by placing the cattle grids at ninety degrees to their migration pattern they end up walking along the beam and into the wall whereupon they turn round and go back the way they came.

My parents used the classic "Thunder is clouds banging together" which is usually pretty accepted.

Even more so when in my sister's GCSE science paper, one of the multiple choice answers of "What is thunder?" had it as an option (which she dutifully ticked)

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Taking a young child down a cave for the first time------Stalactites and stalagmites are old dragons teeth that have been put there by the trolls.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

That the word "gullible" has been removed from the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary?

You've then got the Scouting classics of sending people to the quartermaster to get items that don't exist, e.g. :-

- A long/short weight/stand
- A glass hammer
- A left handed screwdriver
- Rainbow/tartan paint
- The key to the store tent
- Anything from upstairs in the store tent
etc.

Neil

In reply to LastBoyScout:

"sky hook to hang his tent on"

The problem with this one is that they exist as an item of aid climbing equipment...one day the Scout will find one and get their own back!

Neil

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Wind is caused by trees wafting the air along

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Squirrels sometimes swarm down out of the trees and eat small children.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

That Perygls are a vicious dragon like creature that lives in Wales, which is why you see so many signs saying

Perygl Danger

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

I was lead a group in the Peak once when a couple came past us with their 3-legged dog. One of my group was surprised that a dog with legs could be so nimble over the rocky path that they were struggling with. I told him that it a high peak terrier and it had been specifically bred with 3 legs to make it more stable on the uneven moors but they were very rare now, so he was lucky to see one. Back at camp he excitedly told anyone who would listen all about it.

Snowdon Eagles - look suspiciously like crows circling.
Cumbrian Eagles - look much like Snowdon ones.

I once told a group that if they took a picture from the summit of Snowdon at a bearing of 135degrees that they would be able to see their house if they zoomed in on their computers back home. But only if they had 8MP or more.

Kids are horrendously gullible so you should actually be a bit more responsible.

In reply to Neil Williams:

I know, but not at the basic level of climbing that lot were up to and especially not when in the middle of a field with a leader looking directly upwards at the clear, blue sky...

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

A friend of mine in his 20s by way of making conversation when we were driving over a cattle grid did the "did you know ... " statement, going on to explain to us that cattle grids were there so that horses and cows feet were cleaned as they crossed them so they didn't leave mud on the roads.

Apparently his dad had told him this when he was a kid and he'd never ever questioned it ...

In reply to higherclimbingwales: The furry ginger caterpillars often found in upland heather are actually baby highland cows that eventually go into a Chrysalis and hatch as a cow.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

- Bees make honey, wasps make golden syrup.
- Giving a giraffe viagra will give it a stiff neck.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
More fun is to tell things to your colleagues.
Get a mix of weird-but-true and ridiculous-and-false...

Ideas include:
There are wild kangaroos in Derbyshire.
Heather emits a weedkiller to keep other plants away. But birch and pine are immune to this weedkiller.
The first ever rocket was fired from the Isle of Eriskaig.
The Bristol Channel has the 7th highest tidal range in the world.
The sea level of the Atlantic Ocean is higher than the sea level of the Pacific Ocean, if you measure at either entrance to the Panama Canal.
Britain is tilting: Edinburgh is rising out of the sea, London in sinking. The rises in sea level from global warming make London's situation even worse.
The most dangerous animals in the UK are ticks - they can give you Lines Disease. This disease gets its names from the inflammation that builds in your lymphatic system, creating the appearance of lines.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

"Burglars can walk through walls and they also like to kidnap you"

(Another kid at school told this to my mate's 7 year old daughter and now they have no end of problems when the lights go out)

E

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Did you know there is no word in the Spanish dictionary for gullible?

E

In reply to Enty:

No, but the Spanish word "escrible" comes close.

In reply to almost sane:

Or even "credulo"

In reply to Jack Loftus:

We used to take this even further explaining that the dry stone walls in the Lakes were to keep the wild sheep away from the domestic ones. When wild camping, spreading Kendal Mintcake around your tent will keep the wild sheep away.

In reply to SteveD:

And of course sheep are all carnivorous at night. That's why you never see a whole dead one, just bits of wool.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

I was on a bothy trip a few years back with a bunch of Uni mountaineering students. We'd bumped into some lecturers from Dundee Uni and had a good night sharing whisky and old Scottish fairy tales.

On our way home we stopped on the brow of a hill overlooking the bothy and the guys were waving cheerio to us. One of the Candian members of the club turned to me and said 'you know Gaelic don't you, how do you say "Goodbye" in Gaelic?'

I told her, and after a few seconds perfecting her pronunciation she duly bellowed 'pog mo thoin' down to them.

Cue much hilarity from the bothy below us.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Welsh and Scots Haggis have longer legs on opposite sides, so run opposite ways around a mountain. Crampon scratches are in fact the claw marks of the incredibly shy Mountain Coypu. Convinced a group walking through Castleton (or somewhere nearby) that a sewer vent stack (like a lamppost with a spiky crown on top) was left over from WW2, and was designed to snag German parachutists by the lines on their parachutes, so that the local Home Guard wouldn't have to run around far to capture them all! Ordnance survey benchmarks were carved on kerbs or walls near to the homes of recently released prisoners. Those with BM under the arrowhead signified 'Bad Man'.

In reply to almost sane: Britain IS tilting due to iso-static rebound.

In reply to almost sane: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Post-glacial_rebound_in_British_Isles.PNG

In reply to higherclimbingwales:


Or you could try the theory I proposed when four years old:

Hill sheep have magnetic feet, and the roots have metal in them, so they don't fall off the hills.

I'd been playing with magnets a lot at the time, including swallowing one which had to be retrieved...

In reply to browndog33:


Hence:

"Get a mix of weird-but-true and ridiculous-and-false..."

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

That the Millstones abandoned round the peak edges are in fact fossilised UFOs and that on a hot day the martians might thaw out and come out,

That sand is dehydrated water and that to make up 1 litre of water you simply need to add 1L of water to a handful of sand and then filter away the bits that did not properly rehydrate.

That Blu-tac is a deadly form of plastic high explosive which can explode when a battery is pushed into it, hence the term 'blu up'

That the big red and white lorries on motorways belong to Norbert Deathstrangler and drive around the roads looking for misbehaving kids in the backs of their daddies cars.

That spending time on UKC is called 'working'

In reply to Ava Adore & Almost Sane:

Am I missing something?

E

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
That is why the two breeds can't mate, as they would fall over due to the difference in leg heights when the ram tries to 'tup' the ewe [for those who don't live with a background of agricultural terminology, - mate]. This preserves the integrity of the 2 breeds and avoids any DNA cross-contamination.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

I used to take groups of kids caving in the Peak. I would warn them about 'Bladder bats' that lived in the roof spaces. They had a very acidic wee that would constantly drip from the ceiling and would burn exposed skin. The only way to protect yourself was to liberally smother yourself in cave mud.
It was great to see the faces of parents and teachers as you handed back their wards covered from head to toe in mud.

Cows only give cream when you milk them upside down.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: I still get some gullible people (adults) to believe the story that when I lived in Maine it would get so cold that the electricity froze in the wires and our power went out. Also, for a couple of years I had my niece and nephew convinced that the entire world was black and white before 1940, and only turned color then. Pictures to prove it.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
When trying to talk a drunken girl out of the idea that she was coming to come camping with me, I told her that there are Brown Bears in the Peak District, she believed me. I then told her there were panthers in the Peak District from when a rich zoo owner released them all.

A similar story
A guy at work got the sack or something so went, and when another guy at work asked my mate where's 'Bob' my mate told him "Bloody hell, didn't you hear?! he got eaten by a Bear in Denmark". He replied with "OMG REALLY!"

In reply to higherclimbingwales: I used to tell kids that the atc on my harness was an eyeball holder... i used it to rest my eyes from looking up into chalk all the time!

In reply to browndog33:

That's what I said - a mix of weird but true with funny and false.

I am surprised people have only picked up on one of the true things.
http://www.czbrats.com/Articles/oceans.htm

In reply to higherclimbingwales: I don't know if anyone reading this was at Stanage on a very warm and very busy summers day a few years, and experienced the entertainment from one of our Scouts (shouting loud enough to be heard in Sheffield) something along the lines of "Claire, is it true that eating Polos stops you from getting an erection?" Apparently one of the little darlings didn't want to share his sweeties. Claire was quite baffled by this question.

In reply to Neil Williams:

Don't forget giving them a bucket and sending them to every leader on site to ask for dehydrated water.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Sending Scouts into tourist information centre to change their money to Welsh Pounds as we crossed the border was a good one...

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

More mixture of true and false. Keep 'em guessing!

There used to be a major sea weed industry in the UK, but we now Import all of ours. It is used to make ice cream, and flavour whiskey.

Britain used to be home to woolly rhino, but they became extinct due to poaching of the rhino horn.

Over exploitation by the Romans caused the English land oyster to go extinct. These pearl-producing molluscs lived on the sides of west-facing cliffs. The fossilised remains of the threads that anchored them to the cliffs be seen as little flecks of white in the cliff.

In the song Rule Britannia, it makes such a big thing about Britons never being slaves because, until shortly before the song was written, slave raids were common against coastal communities in the UK

In reply to higherclimbingwales: I spent a summer season many years ago leading canoe trips down the Ardeche river. The trip started at a small village with a bridge and a big weir and it finished at a similar looking village 3 days later. We used to tell the kids that they were paddling on the worlds biggest circular river. What made it seem real was that the first 2 days of the trip had rapids and the last day always had a headwind so we told them that this was the uphill to make up for all the downhill they had already done. A lot of them believed us.

In reply to balmybaldwin: Used this one but we were by the river and told the group it was Welsh for Piranha...Welsh Piranha being the biggest and most vicious of all Piranha as they have to cope with the freezing waters and raging currents of the mountains...all in the fine detail!

In reply to almost sane:

I went to a talk on seaweed at our local hall I was not expecting much, but I was blown away by how interesting the talk it was and the huge number of things that it was used in. The 'slavery' of the Scottish Islanders, working on seeweed collection and processing and paid in tokens that could only be used in the overpriced employer's shop was a internal slavery that is little known.

In reply to kinley2:

In an expanding universe I take your point. That said whilst 'Earthrise' and 'Earthset' might be more accurate, but just does not have the right ring to it.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: I like telling my vegetarian scouts that chocolate is made from pigs' ears dried and ground into powder. When I was little my parents told me the red algae in the sea caves here was fossilised dragon's blood, made me spend ages looking for dragons bones .

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

My job was a squirrel wrangler, oh and a swarm of ticks will leave you as a dried out husk of a corpse.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Tell them a man in a red suit will come down the chimney and give them presents at Christmas.

Or that if they put their tooth under a pillow, a fairy will take it away...

In reply to almost sane: Q.I. and very entertaining!


As you say there is a remote (albeit misconstrued) connection as in:
Wallabies in Staffordshire
The Severn having the one of the highest tidal ranges (second or third highest?)
Ocean levels at either end of the Panama canal being different
Britain tilting
Ticks and Lyme disease
Some plants having natural herbicides

In reply to GeoffRadcliffe: britain's tilting is actually quite complex, with some of the Western Isles sinking. It is not just the south of England that is at risk. The Western Isles communities are particularly vulnerable given their remoteness, the lack of wealth to provide defences and repair, and their exposure to severe storms from the west.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
The word "klaxon" is a corruption of the name "Clarkson", who was very well known on the Isle of Man in Edwardian times as a visitor with loud voice who was always droning on. He was also a keen motorist, and kept blowing his horn at people. Very quickly, car horns came to be known as "Clarksons" which got shortened to "klaxon"

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
Back in the day, there was a group of people who criticised some of the actions of those in power. These people were Bulgars. To deflect criticism, those in power started a smear campaign against this group, accusing them of being homosexuals who spent all their time having @n@l sx.
The smear campaign worked. Over the years, the word "Bulgar" morphed into "bugger"

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
And the word "dunce" came about as a result of another smear campaign, this time against a scholar from Duns.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

TPS is E1

In reply to higherclimbingwales: when at a tawny owl enclosure on a wildlife watch club trip, the ranger was saying the tawny was the most common in britain. I interrupted at that point & said, "no its not, its the teat" the ranger then went on yo say, "no, there's no such thing as the teat owl" at which point all the kids giggled and i burst into a huge grin. The ranger had 50+years as an ornithologist and hadnt heard that one.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

We used to take a wooden stake with a plug socket fixed to it camping with scouts and give one of them a kettle with a plug and ask them to boil some water. Only really works once on any trip.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Not easy to work into a trip to Wales, despite typical UK summers, but an old favourite wildlife one is the penguins on the Falkland Islands..

Penguins had never seen or heard aeroplanes before, so during the Falklands conflict when they heard a jet roaring overhead they used to stare up and follow the plane with their eyes all the way back over their heads until often they would fall onto their backs. Penguins can't right themselves from their backs so many would starve and die.

To counter this the RAF employed 2 guys to go round in a land rover who's job it was to


p-p-p-p-p-p-pick up the penguins



Its actually true

In reply to Paul035:
Tell them that workmen in the road at dusk/night are changing the bulbs in the cats eyes .
My 36 yr old girlfriend asked me who changed them and will never forget it !

In reply to higherclimbingwales: "Ambulance"; "Police" and "Fire" are printed in reverse on the front of vehicles so that dyslexics can read them.

Tell young kids that if the eat the stringy bits down the sides of bananas they turn into centipedes in their stomachs and will then eat their way out.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

My husband is a mountain instructor for the Scouts. Every winter, they have a week in the Highlands including a 2 night wildcamp. He finds it highly amusing to tell some of them that all the water in the streams is too poisonous to even purify, and watch them lug 5ltr each up the hill. When they question him drinking from streams, he explains he's had his vaccinations! He also gives them a key "to the hidden showers, that must be here somewhere" and sits watching them run about looking for keyholes in rocks.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: MY farther used to convince southern city kids that 'pergyl's (danger in welsh, you may offten see the signs) meant beware of the pergyls which were ancient rock lingering mongoos like creatures that threw rocks as people climbed.

He'd quite offten throw pebbles when no one was looking and shout

"did you see that one he was massive"


Secondly, ensuring that all wore helmets........

In reply to Caralynh:

Blimey! he sounds like a bundle of laughs

In reply to higherclimbingwales: The ice cream van only plays its music to let you know it has run out of ice cream.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

You don't need to understand fall factors to lead safely.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
ARAF's are small goblins that eat children, however they're a protected species so we have to slow down at their crossing points!

then when out with a group of kids walking, if they don't keep in up with the group they'll get eaten!

keeps them together as a group!

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Smoking makes you big and strong.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
Just tell them that one day they will get old and will die. That's really funny.

Now seriously. Why do you think it is fun to tell kids crap?

In reply to Doghouse:

+1 Is it really an absolute hoot to make kids carry 5 kg more than they need to? And have a good old giggle as they struggle?

In reply to higherclimbingwales: If the lie is big enough and said with enough seriousness lots of people will believe almost anything.

R

In reply to Roberttaylor: That is very true, and applies to lots of gullible 'grown-ups' - just look at the current government!

In reply to higherclimbingwales: more a fan of the 'strange but true' or guess what's fact vs fiction side of things rather than trying to teach kids that being openminded, curious and trusting will make them look silly

How do frogs swallow their food?
A just like we do, internal muscles.
B use their feet to push it down.
C rely on their eyeballs to shove it towards the stomach.

Tim

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

As mentioned in a parallel thread.
If there is an unidentifiable bird in view then refer to it as the elusive Oohargh bird, emphasising the syllables.
When asked about how the bird gets its name, tell them it lays square eggs.

In reply to andyathome:

Have you ever tried it? Its funny, it creates shared memories, its a traditional game passed from one generation to the next, its done with affection. It teaches kids to think for themselves, not to unthinkingly trust absolutely everything an adult tells you, in a situation without serious consequences. Quite a valuable life lesson really.

In reply to sbc_10:

Incorrect, The Oohargh bird lays an egg bigger than itself !

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Disney is one of these words with a rare silent p

This came from a second year student in my uni club, she really thought the swirly y was a silent p...this thread is full of ideas to try

In reply to higherclimbingwales: Anyone done the, those aren't sprouts sweetheart they're baby cabbages.

Toby

In reply to andyathome:



I was thinking the same - why not say Nan is not really waiting for us in heaven, she's rotting in the earth and you'll never see her again.

That should get a giggle - such shared memories of what pillock Daddy was

One thing I was told, not for a joke but to avoid me feeling pain, was when I noticed Auntie Hettie was completely bald. they said she'd washed her hair with Swarfega and it had all fallen out. I didn't find out about chemo-therapy until many years later, and didn't suffer from not knowing either.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
When I was young my parents told me that the big black silage bales you see in fields were dinosaur droppings, like rabbit droppings but much larger obviously.
Also, when we were on holiday in Spain with my grandparents they told us that the big spiky aloe plants dotted around the hotel were "man eating plants" but only children were really at risk because adults were too big.
This probably saved a lot of tears in the end as we avoided them and didn't get spiked.

In reply to Needkraken:

The P is silent, as in Swimming Pool.

In reply to marsbar:

Alternatively it is a way of enhancing our own self-esteem because we are cleverer than kids and they fall for our lies; 'its done with affection'?. Like making kids lug 5kg of water around is loving?

Is 'everyone is a bastard who will lie to you if they can' a valuable life lesson? Its only if the kids work out you are lying that it teaches them 'to think for themselves'. And sometimes that could be years later.

Sorry if I come across as a total killjoy. I think laughter and fun is important. I've just never got my kicks by lying to impressionable youngsters that's all (and quite a few of the 'funny' anecdotes on this thread are about scaring people after all!).

I remember taking my youngest oop t' dales. Four or Five? We went for a walk and there was a dead ewe lying by the path. Thinking he might be too young to deal with it I persuaded him that the sheep was probably really tired and it was just having a sleep. We got home and when asked by his mother what he had seen today he replied 'a dead sheep'. A lesson learned on my part.

In reply to andyathome:

I make up all sorts of bunkum for Mr TC's kids... they're too young to say 'Clare you're so full of shit' but they do a good line in eyerolling, weary sighs and wandering off... funny enough they dkn't laugh at my 'jokes' either...

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

That they are adopted?

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

As a child in Holland I was made to believe that brown and white cows made chocolate milk unlike the normal black and white cows.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

I managed to convince a friend that the old mill wheels you see at millstone are left behind from the days when the place used to be the stone ages equivilant of a kwik fit.

And that cows cannot walk backwards. If this is told with the same story as "cows cannot walk down stairs" (which is true) then people normally buy it.

In reply to andyathome: Funny think is, I wouldn't dream of lying to a kid about the reality of a dead sheep, kids are far more resilient than most people realise, and they have a better grip on life and death than many adults.

Kids enjoy scary stuff within safe limits. Why do you think we enjoy climbing, or Alton Towers?

I missed the bit about 5kg of water. As for it being self esteem, I just don't think so. Anyway, have to agree to disagree....

In reply to marsbar: thing not think. I know the spelling police will be watching....

In reply to Bruce Hooker:


Oh god, I'm a terrible person. An involuntary chuckle escaped.

In reply to danrock101:

Of course the best way to deal with people that constatly tell tall tales is to say 'OMG REALLY' to everything they say, no matter how incredible.
It is really funny to hear them telling others how gullible such and such a person is, whist all the time WE are all laughing at them being the gullible one.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

Coal fired power stations are in fact cloud factories.

In reply to Iain Downie:

Aren't they?

In reply to higherclimbingwales: In the same vein as sheep running round hills with odd length legs my Dad would start a walk reminding us to keep an eye out for haggis with said leg issue but also haggis hunters. You would recognise them as they had nets rather than guns because if you shot a haggis it would explode. Can't wait to use that one myself

In reply to Ava Adore:

It is quite funny though, the name seems so old fashioned too... she's one of those people that figured in my early childhood then disappeared, for obvious reasons. I don't know what her surname was nor what relation she was... I remember the bright red lipstick and how I didn't like being kissed by her. Children can be uncaring too.

In reply to andyathome:

You're right, you're a killjoy. Whilst I agree that making kids carry 5kg of water is cruel and stupid, making up tall stories is as old as the hills.

Give children credit, they don't actually believe the stories (as you found out) but they have the imagination to pretend and it livens the day up a bit. Lighten up.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:

When I was a kid, when driving down the M4 motorway, my father used to point at a bridge over the motorway, and tell me, proudly; "Your uncle Terry won an award for designing that bridge."

I was well into my teens before I realised that it was a different bridge each time.

I was even older before I thought; “Hang about, Terry runs a newspaper shop.”

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
My Dan used to tell me that when an Ice Cream Van is playing a tune it means it has run out of Ice Cream.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: when working at a scout campsite i was once asked to find a good long screw. I spent a whole afternoon looking for said screw. Upon returning proclaimed I couldn't find a screw sending the office into uproar.

In reply to higherclimbingwales:
Peat sharks, very rare but very deadly and live in peat bogs

I often point out the wood where shrek was filmed to my groups.

In reply to higherclimbingwales: if one asks if you've done the Duke of Edinburgh award, tell them you ARE the Duke of Edinburgh!