In reply to krikoman:
> But it helps, I realise it's boring and can seem like a bit of one-upmanship trip. But there really isn't a way to explain what having children of your own is like or how to explain it.
> OK it's not the same for everyone and there are bad parents so I'm not saying that all people feel the same.
> To put it in climbing terms to explaining to a non climber the experience of climbing a really difficult climb that was touch and go, at the top of your limit. It doesn't work, then multiply that a number of times.
> Before I was a parent I thought exactly the same, what a load of shit, and now I can't explain to anyone how it is and they think I'm being superior, when I'm not.
> For me it's simply a matter of fact.
I can't comment. I only have a step child. But it's really hurtful when people (innocently) make comments such as "ah, she's only your step daughter" or "don't you have any real kids / kids of your own".
Or refer to her as 'just' my stepdaughter.
It's hurtful both to me and to her.
And it's really galling to have the 'I'm a parent therefore I have better grasp of loving a child than you do'. I know that's not how it's meant and I'm not referring specifically to you...but that's how some of these comments have come across.
But I can't comment because I have nothing to compare it to.
Maybe if someone on here has a stepchild that they've raised from a very small age, and also has a 'real' child of their own, they can comment on whether they feel a 'different' depth of love for one, over the other. (and whether that raises any problems in the relationship?)
Or maybe I'm derailling the thread a little bit. May be more appropriate on a thread of it's own.
Post edited at 17:22