In reply to nbonnett:
( joke)
The votes are counted in the Scottish Referendum and it is a No, (As hoped enough Scots switched to No because of vague promises of more powers.
Prime Minister Cameron calls all the parties to the cabinet office at Downing Street to start on the 'Timetabled' talks on delivering more powers for Scotland (for voting no.)
( champagne glasses chink all around , they are in a party mood)
Prime Minister Cameron opens the meeting, Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the first timetabled ( and last) meeting to deliver on our promises of MORE powers for Scotland .
( howls of laughter fill the room)
So what exactly have we all 'promised' says the PM?
(Even more howls of laughter)
LABOUR:- what did you promise:-
Joanne Lamont:- Well prime minister we promised , powers to raise just 15p in the pound on income tax , (but we meant ONLY if a pig flies past St Paul's. )
PM Cameron thinks about this, and says , well we don't want that to happen, and there are a lot of clever scientists out there , so he gets his advisors to call on world renowned genetic experts to find out if there was ANY chance that pig could ever fly over St Paul's.
The answer comes back, that a genetically modified pig might just fly past St Paul's on day. But if they changed that to a cow jumping over the moon, then they would not have to deliver on that promise.
The PM was happy with that change, and scored the Labour promise off the list.
Ok LIBDEMS what did you promise the Scots? Says PM Cameron.
Danny Alexander says , well Prime Minister, WE said would give Scotland TOTAL control over all Scottish income tax rates, as well as other taxes including air passenger duty.
( but we meant only if Alex Salmond could Square the circle. )
PM Cameron thinks about this for a while and says well we certainly don't want THAT to happen, and sends out for the most eminent mathematicians in the world, who are asked what the chances are that Alex Salmond could ever Square the circle.
The mathematicians come back, and say there is only an infinitesimal chance that Alex Salmond could ever possibly square the circle BUT, to be really safe if you change that to,:- When a snail exceeds the speed of light, then they would not have to deliver on that promise.
The PM was happy with that change, and scored the Libdem promises off the list.
So that just leaves us the Conservative Party , what did WE promise says the PM
Ruth Davidson says, well Prime Minister, we promised more tax powers, more spending powers, and more powers over the welfare state.
(But we meant ONLY if Glasgow Rangers ever win a SPL championship again. )
The PM, thinks about this for a few seconds, looks at his advisors and says....
Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes our meeting of delivering more powers to Scotland.
I am confident that we will NEVER have to deliver on any of them.
Post edited at 22:38