UKC

What do folks think is a reasonable amount to pay for a 6 year old?

In reply to aln:

It depends on your circumstances. We wife (seperated for over six years) and I have always used this calulator:
http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/

In reply to hokkyokusei:

Thanks I'll have a look.

In reply to aln:

It depends on so many things...

Does the mother have total custody? If you have some time then its not fair for you to pay the full rate. Do you pay also for clothes etc or not?


https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/how-much-child-maintenanc...

In reply to aln:

IT depends if she's a bitch or not, my ex was buying new cars and going on holiday, while I struggled to pay her and keep my house for 16 years. I travelled every other weekend to pick him up and drop him off, because she didn't like driving, (except when it was something she wanted to do ). When my son came to live with me, and I asked her for some money, she said, "well I haven't got any money".

I don't know what it's like now but the CSA (as it was) was a nightmare to deal with coming up with contributions of £40 to £800 in the same month. Eventually we decided to sort it out ourselves and keep them out of it.

My ex got a good life out of getting pregnant, when I met her she was living in a one bed flat with maxed out credit cards and a bank loan.

Sorry rant over!!!

I think I was paying about £280 a month towards the end, about 3 years ago, but he was 18 then.

In reply to aln:
It is fairly simple to calculate based on the info on the gov website. This leaflet is the most useful with plenty of worked examples for each case

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/3...

The figures are based on how many children you pay for, how many nights a week they stay with you, if you have other children living with you (e.g. new partner's children).

If you assume you are in a normal full time job, one child who stays with you alternate weekends then it would be 15% of your take home pay - 1/7 nights with you = around 13% of your take home pay. Get it all in a spreadsheet and it makes sense.

And for the love of all that is good, keep the CSA out of it and make your own arrangements!

In reply to aln:

Thanks for all the replies.

In reply to thedatastream:


definitely this ^ ^ ^

In reply to krikoman:







I am in a similar position, and things haven't changed. I'd do all you can to keep the CSA out of it. I had to quit my self employed job because of their calculation suggesting I should pay more than half of my net income to the ex!!

In reply to krikoman:

And people wonder why guys don't want to get married and have kids. Your circumstances match quite a number of people I know.

In reply to aln:

The csa online calculator will tell you the legal minimum, you can pay more if you wish. Basically it'll be 15% of your net income for child 1 then an additional 5% for each extra child, for example, 3 kids = 25%.
There may be additional discounts depending on how many nights per week child sleeps over and if you have other step children living with you.
Of course it has nothing to do with if you have contact or not, or if your ex is a bitch.

In reply to wilkie14c:

The CSA used to use net income, the new calculation the CMS use is based on gross earnings.

In reply to aln:
I would recommend keeping Child Maintenance Service out of it if you can. I would, however, ensure that any financial agreements are recorded and any transactions are transparent and logged.

This avoids a sutuation where payments were informally made by the father but the mother then stated that she had never received any money.

Father was stiched up.

If at all possible keep relationships open and friendly so there is less likelihood of animosity developing. In the long run good relationships avoid demonisation of a parent and are more beneficial for any children involved.

In reply to Prof. Outdoors:



This is the best advice ever. A pal of mine used to get paid in cash (by the council) every Friday and called at the ex to give her 1/3 of his wage every week.
It was fine for 5 years but as is often the case she went bat shit crazy when he met someone else and she went to the csa saying she had never had a penny.
They screwed him to the floor for years paying what he "owed"

As a minimum draw up a signed agreement and pay via a standing order labeled something like child support to xxxxx

In reply to aln:

Thanks again for the replies. To avoid unnecessary comments in any further replies... Things are amicable, we're both keen to avoid official involvement and will be setting up a legal agreement.

In reply to Dax H:
Yes good advice. I pay mine via bank transfer so a trail left behind, never had a problem but maybe that's why

In reply to aln:

Mr TC has avoided the CSA equivalent with his ex thus far - and has a clause in their child consent order that says that if his ex does go to the CSA, he has the right to stop paying half for all additional stuff (after school activities, etc). What he pays is more than generous/eye watering (depending on your perspective) though, especially as we have the kids with us for approximately half of every week.

In reply to aln:


It's good that things are amicable now but make sure you future proof.
I am sure you have seen friends who started amicable then something went wrong and it can go down hill really fast.

In reply to Tall Clare:


I'm in a similar situation, having my two kids 50% of the time (one week in mine and one in their mum's) and have always contributed half of additional costs plus what the CSA state. Despite this shared arrangement, the kids' mum has always received child benefit and tax credits too. In the ten years we have had this arrangement I've never been able to work out how this is, in any way, either logical or fair. I've put up with it without whinging due to the constant shadow of her turning into an uber-bitch and denying me custody; an ever-present threat.

In reply to Morty:

The tax laws may have changed since I was in that position, but it may be sensible to get any arrangement you make rubber stamped by the court in either legal separation agreement or divorce agreement so that you can claim tax relief on the payments.

In reply to Morty:

That sounds familiar - we do a lot of tiptoeing/not poking the crazy, which is all rather frustrating, but as a child of a divorced family I know these things come out in the wash, and the kids figure it all out for themselves in time...

In reply to Tall Clare:

It is frustrating. We now don't pay anything in particular as we have her for full 50% but that took time and was down to her mum being fair, not the system. Before Mr marsbar was paying and looking after her 50% of the time. Her mum gets CB and so on. The system needs looking at.

In reply to Trangia:

Looked into this and it seems you may be right. Thanks a lot!

In reply to aln:

Just to agree with some fine points above, make sure you pay by bank transfer or DD, so you have a record.

Keep a diary of when you have the children and what you buy for them.

I was left in the position where she bought everything and I had no money to buy anything, even mundane stuff like shoes and school uniform. We lived in different town about 30 mins away so school day staying over was too much bother and not a stabilising influence. so that left every other weekend. This isn't enough to count against what we paid so even doing the right thing cost me extra. I could have claimed travel expenses if I'd used public transport, but not for the car. She got to keep all the child benefit, even when he came to live with us!!

There were so many shit rules, but this was 20 years ago so hopefully things might have improved ha ha!!

Best sort it yourselves but have something in writing, just a letter will do, I drafted one and each of us sent it to the CSA (as it was then). It may be amicable now but the futures a long way away and things can turn horrible quite quickly, you get another woman and that can cause all sorts of resentment, she gets another bloke who can change the dynamic, imagine any ex relationship and then magnify what might go wrong by 100.

So it's best to just cover yourself, good luck.