UKC

ARTICLE: 150 Excuses for Falling Off: I Fell Off Because...

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 UKC Articles 20 Jul 2016
Lowering after some big air time in Ceuse, france, 2 kbAdmit it, you're guilty. When you fall off, it's never your fault. The conditions weren't right, your belayer is an inattentive fool and the latest rock shoes you bought just aren't up to scratch. They say a workman never blames his tools. A climber, on the other hand, can apportion blame for failure to a seemingly endless list of both plausible and immaterial causes.

What's the most ludicrous excuse for falling off that you've ever heard? It may well feature in this list. Walls have ears...



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 SenzuBean 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

Conditions were “smeggy”
Conditions were [insert pretentious synonym for 'wet']


I'm pretty sure "smeggy" is actually different to just wet, and requires sea salt in the mix. It's almost like oil on the rock, rather than a bit of dampness that comes off with a bit of wiping.

Anyway good list
1
 Sam Beaton 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

My mate once said with a completely straight face "I didn't read the sequence" and genuinely wondered why I fell about laughing
8
 Steve nevers 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

'My shoulders f**ked.'
Andy Gamisou 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

I once fell off because some knob-head started up a drone unexpectedly about 10 feet behind me (and 20 feet below me).
1
 Kemics 20 Jul 2016
In reply to Sam Beaton:

Afraid I don't get it either?
1
 Sam Beaton 20 Jul 2016
In reply to Kemics:

I didn't explain it very well did I. He said it to me after failing on a route.
3
abseil 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

That's an impressive list. And very useful. Thanks.

It seems to have every excuse except "The route is too hard" and "I'm not good enough".

I really like number 89. 'I wanted to pretend I could fly'.
In reply to SenzuBean:
> Conditions were £smeggy£

> Conditions were [insert pretentious synonym for 'wet']

> I'm pretty sure "smeggy" is actually different to just wet, and requires sea salt in the mix. It's almost like oil on the rock, rather than a bit of dampness that comes off with a bit of wiping.

> Anyway good list

In limestone sport routes parlance (at least with the denizens of Malham and Kilnsey etc), smeggy refers to those humid, still days when all but the sharpest holds feel slick and unpositive, often with a slightly tooth-pasty feel.
Post edited at 16:06
 Andy Farnell 20 Jul 2016
In reply to thebigfriendlymoose: Smeg can also be any nondescript gunge on the holds due to seepage, weather or just, well smeg.

Andy F

 SenzuBean 20 Jul 2016
In reply to thebigfriendlymoose:

> In limestone sport routes parlance (at least with the denizens of Malham and Kilnsey etc), smeggy refers to those humid, still days when all but the sharpest holds feel slick and unpositive, often with a slightly tooth-pasty feel.

Hmm okay, Jon Stewart thinks it's from sea spray: http://www.ukclimbing.com/forums/t.php?t=640379

In my experience inland limestone can feel polished and slightly slippery, but by far the worst I've ever found was on crags like Subluminal - it's not just unpositive, but downright like the hold is actively trying to grease you off!
 Rob Morgan 20 Jul 2016
In reply to abseil:

#89.5 I wanted to be R Kelly.
 Kemics 20 Jul 2016
In reply to Sam Beaton:

Still don't understand. I fall off all the time from a route for not reading a sequence the most concise reason is because I suck at climbing :P ...but not reading a sequence is a part of the puzzle
 bouldery bits 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:
I clipped my belay loop / gear loop into the QuickDraw.
Post edited at 19:13
 Pbob 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

"I was being shot at" - Markfield Quarry in the late 90's
 Jon Stewart 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:
Brilliant!

Conditions were [insert pretentious synonym for 'wet']

I've never worked out how holds dry out so quickly. When I'm leading, they're sopping wet, but when my mate's seconding, she says they're OK. I know I climb slowly, but still.
Post edited at 19:23
 Jon Stewart 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

...because some wanker had music on at the crag!
In reply to UKC Articles:

Errmm
I was a bit pissed after a refreshing Sunday lunch in The Moon, early '80s.
The sequence was Moon-Curbar-l'horla solo nearly the top-very quickly down to the bottom-The Moon again-A&E at the Hallamshire-6 weeks in a cast
 full stottie 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

"I was too busy worrying about the macro-economic situation..."
 Mick Ward 20 Jul 2016
In reply to abseil:

> "I'm not good enough".

This is the one that comes back to haunt me - again, and again and again. Last time, an hour ago. But then, on the last go, magically/mysteriously/unbelievably, you pull through. Five moves more. And you think, "Well, maybe... who knows?"

And the sun rises tomorrow and you think, "Well, maybe... who knows?"

Mick




 Chris Craggs Global Crag Moderator 20 Jul 2016
In reply to andy farnell:

> Smeg can also be any nondescript gunge on the holds due to seepage, weather or just, well smeg.

> Andy F

Though it does have an older and less appealing root I believe, check the Urban Dictionary,

Chris
 andrewmc 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:
It was snowing and I didn't know it but I was ill (although I didn't actually fall off). Also it was Helfenstein's Struggle (which should be reason enough)...

My only two outdoor falls I can remember (seconding) were being really really cold (having stood for some time belaying in the shade in the wind tunnel between the fins at Lower Sharpnose, and the first foothold on Via Dolorosa (VS 4c) being really polished as I tried to clean my shoes. I hit the ground, so I retained the onsight in my eyes :P
Post edited at 20:53
abseil 20 Jul 2016
In reply to Mick Ward:

> "I'm not good enough".

> This is the one that comes back to haunt me - again, and again and again.... But then, on the last go, magically/mysteriously/unbelievably, you pull through....

All good points Mick, although I wasn't talking about a psychological barrier but about an actual barrier where the route is unambiguously definitely and clearly too hard for me! (E.g. Vector, in my case - just beyond my technical skills, and so I never got up it on 2 tries).

You're right though, the psychology of it all is so important!
abseil 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

You forgot another one:
151. I went off route by mistake*

*Personal experience by me when leading, followed by an 80-foot fall at Avon (uninjured)
 robate 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

Excuses I have heard, weirdly all health related
I can't do this because I think I have a tape worm.
Someone at work has a cold and I have caught it.
My cat's ill.
My girlfriend hurts my back
 Brass Nipples 20 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

It's the wrong type of rock.

In reply to andy farnell:

> Smeg can also be any nondescript gunge on the holds due to seepage, weather or just, well smeg.

> Andy F

which when it dries becomes "scrtittle".... I-speaka-da-lingo!
 bouldery bits 20 Jul 2016
In reply to abseil:

> All good points Mick, although I wasn't talking about a psychological barrier but about an actual barrier where the route is unambiguously definitely and clearly too hard for me! (E.g. Vector, in my case - just beyond my technical skills, and so I never got up it on 2 tries).

YOU.
CAN.
DO.
IT.

You will do it this summer - make it a project. Make it a goal. Get it done!!!
 bouldery bits 20 Jul 2016
In reply to robate:


> I can't do this because I think I have a tape worm.

If I had a tape worm I'd be a better climber - power to weight.

 Sam Beaton 21 Jul 2016
In reply to Kemics:

I just found it a funny thing for him to have said. What's wrong with "I couldn't do it"?
1
abseil 21 Jul 2016
In reply to bouldery bits:

> YOU.
> CAN.
> DO.
> IT.

> You will do it this summer - make it a project. Make it a goal. Get it done!!!

Thanks for your encouragement, you really have something there, I'll rethink my relationship with Vector! (And I like "You will do it" ... making it happen)
 Kemics 21 Jul 2016
In reply to Sam Beaton:

I guess that seems like a slightly redundant thing to say
 jsmcfarland 21 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

Too busy trying to get signal on my phone to sign up to vote for Jeremy Corbyn..
 cha1n 24 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

Watching young Ellis BB trying to onsight a route at Cheddar, he proceeds to fall off and shouts that a cob web was covering a crucial hold. May have been true but has always suck with me.

He even included it in his comments back in 2013; Seven Months Later (7c)
 HammondR 24 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:
A chum in the early 90's, who shall remain nameless. Very strong lad, could do all the impossibly hard fingery problems on the old Bradford University wall. Looked like a compact Chuck Atlas.

On a summers day on Gimmer he fell off on a tricky move on The Crack. "My chest was too big".

Later transpired his chest was too big for a considerable number of routes.

 C Witter 25 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

Speaking for myself and my climbing partners, the excuses tend to come long before a fall is on the cards....

I've only fallen twice:

1. Winged Traverse: Because it was actually an ice rink, masquerading as a climb.
2. White Rose Flake: Because it was a Don Whillans route, and he was a hard ba**ard.
 Dell 26 Jul 2016
In reply to UKC Articles:

....I'd just heard that the BMC are changing their name to 'Climb Britain'

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