UKC

Three and a half years ago my sister in law died and ever since it has been non-stop doom and gloom with BiL. "Life's not worth living" etc., etc.

Anyway having had a cat for about fifteen years provided some sort of consolation. But, inevitably, the cat's health got worse. She was pooing and peeing all over the house, couldn't keep food down etc. She was about 17.

Anyway BiL took her to the vet last Monday and the vet put her to sleep. He is now blaming himself saying things like "She'd still be here if I hadn't taken her to the vet". We've tried saying that the vet would not have put her down if she hadn't been "near the end". He counters that with "Well she wasn't suffering" - how the hell does he know that?
Are there any vets here who might care to comment?
Thanks

In reply to mypyrex:

I'm not a vet but it appears obvious that the poor cat was suffering as she couldn't toilet in the way she has been used to, sounds like loss of bladder and bowel control which if human, we'd certainly look at is a suffering.
I'm guessing your brother in law has slipped into depression after the death of his wife.
I'd speak to other members of the family and if this is the assumption you all come up with, you need to tactfully speak to him and set him on the road to some treatment.
Sounds tough mate.

In reply to wilkie14c:



Thanks for the comments Wilkie. Sadly we're still on that road following the death of his wife.
Despite all our efforts he's just sinking further into depression. He won't accept that he needs professional help. He has no more to do with us than he has to and has cut himself off from the few neighbours he was friendly with. At 80 we won't be able to change him and, as awful as it sounds, I think it's a downward spiral
With the passing of the cat I think it's just downhill from here

In reply to mypyrex:

Do what you can, but don't beat yourself up about not doing things you can't.

In reply to mypyrex:

Can you "find" a kitten and take it round there?

In reply to mypyrex:


Isn't the response to that to ask him. " Isn't it better that she was put to sleep BEFORE she started to suffer? It would have been cruel to have waited until the suffering started."

We went through this a couple of years ago when our 18 year old cat became very thin, and he started to shit and pee all over the house. It was a very hard decision, and one that many pet owners have to make. The vet told us that we were doing exactly the right thing, and that's exactly what he said to us.

I just wish we could give terminally ill people nearing end of life the same compassion.

Well done looking out for your BIL



"

In reply to mypyrex:

I'd tell him the cat not keeping food down was a sign that it was suffering, and well done for doing the right thing.

In reply to mypyrex:
Could you take him on holiday to try and help cheer him up?

When I've been in darker places, that's always seemed to help a bit.

In reply to marsbar:


Not really fair on the kitten who will come to love an elderly person and end up being left alone.

Myprex cats are very clean animals and if she was messing round the house she had problems and it was definitely time.
I don't know how to help you with the BIL but it was the right thing for the cat.

In reply to Dax H:

That's what I was thinking. Kind idea otherwise - though.

In reply to Timmd:



Manic laugh

In reply to mypyrex:

Our cat has just come back from three nights in a cattery and barfed all over the kitchen. Does that mean I can kill her?

In reply to All: Thanks everyone for your responses. It's almost as if he's saying "Oh good, I've got another excuse to let everyone know how miserable I am"

He has a very negative personality and very poor social skills so he doesn't mix with people. Last year we asked him if he was coming to us for Christmas. The response was pretty well predictable - "I'll be alright sitting at home with my little cat"(euphemism for "I'll be quite happy sitting at home being miserable and feeling sorry for myself")
We have bent over backwards to help since his wife died and I've told Mrs that she really needs to take a step back for her own sanity.

About eighteen months he went through a particularly bad patch. I was talking to him on the phone and he suddenly started slagging off Mrs and her younger son both of whom have done loads to help him like sorting out probate, managing domestic affairs etc., etc.)

In reply to mypyrex:

Hard to tell unless you're there but does he maybe need some tough love? I think I might have growled at him a bit, in your shoes, at him slagging off the people that are trying to help.
(Not the cat, the brother in law)
He needs someone to put his arm up his back and get him to his doctor.

In reply to colinakmc:


I didn't "growl" but I told him I was not "prepared to continue this conversation" I told younger son what had happened and he(he doesn't take any nonsense from him and had been dealing with his legal affairs) tore him off a strip.

In reply to thread:
I tried telling him that I was sure that vets were, like doctors, bound by professional ethics and were unlikely to euthanize an animal without reason. Fell on deaf ears.

In reply to mypyrex:

Having grown up with a 'bustling mother' when it comes to doing what's good for people for their own good, sometimes whether they know it or not , I'm half thinking you should take him on holiday.

People with mental health issues (it sounds like he's depressed) can tend to get stuck in a cycle or a pattern, and (I have read) can not tend to go on holiday.

I guess the worst that can happen is he'll still just feel depressed - seeing something new and nature related might bring some 'lightness' into his thinking?

My best mate is a vet and he's words are: he would not put an animal to sleep without an agreement from the owner. No matter how much it would suffer he would risk a law suit for putting it to sleep without agreement. From legal point of view animal is property of the owner.

Once he had a cat hit by a car. It was brought in by the driver who hit it. Cat was done for good, but still alive. It was just matter of time and nothing could have been done. His nurse managed to find an owner in like half an hour. But the owner refused to put cat to sleep via phone and arrived an hour later in person. Then she would not trust my friends opinion that nothing could be done and took half dead cat to another practice. Second vet was offering lethal injection as the only option as well. She refused and while that vet was talking her in cat died. All that time cat had internal bleeding and one of paws was ripped off. It was in huge pain, but both vets would not do anything without a permission from the owner.

So that's why your brother in law most likely agreed to the injection himself and it's not the 'evil vet' scenario.

In reply to nutme:

That's true. I had to sign the paperwork before the dog could be helped his way.

In reply to mypyrex:

Well done myprex & your family's efforts to 'keep an eye' on BiL.
He is clearly suffering with depression particulary since the loss of his wife and now puddy-tat. I feel for the chap, I seriously do. I also empathise as lost my mother to dementia in Nov 2014 then my cat of 19+ yrs three weeks later. "Downward spiral here I come".
One thing to be Very wary of is increased/excessive alcohol intake which will likely raise spirits during the guzzling but the come-down next day is an absolute horror. And the cycle continues ,,,
Best wishes to BiL and yourselves for Christmas.
Andy.