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Picking up from some off-topic discussion in the news thread about the new Caff E8...
I'm considering setting up a society for like-minded climbers who like to climb at their own pace. This is not a society for lazy, unmotivated climbers - far from it! Many slothful climbers will be highly psyched, chomping at the bit, willing to put their neck on the line, always looking to push it types. It's just that they like to adopt a thoughtful and measured approach, particularly when in extremis.
Possessed of bottomless reserves of stamina (offset somewhat by a lack of strength, power and route reading ability), slothful climbers will typically be seen hanging from non-rests in the middle of crux sequences, even in the middle of a well-rehearsed redpoint, unable to decide whether to go for it or shake out for a few more minutes before reversing to a better rest. More often than not this will of course be counterproductive and they will run out of steam on the crux move but on a few rare occasions they will rest and shake out their painfully slow way to the top of the route, which will only go to reinforce their belief that slow and steady is the best way.
Most at home on dicey sea cliffs such as Mousetrap Zawn, where the ability to climb up and down repeatedly to test the holds pays dividends, slothful climbers generally avoid bouldery cruxes, dynamic moves or steep ground, unless there are some jugs to hang off part way through. Partial to extracting rests at every opportunity (considered mild cheating in some circles), slothful climbers will deploy knee bars, heel hooks and weird contortions to get a shake out.
Unsurprisingly, slothful climbers sometimes find it hard to get climbing partners, seeing as much of the rest of the climbing world seems to prefer to live in the fast lane of powering through cruxes and, you know, climbing quickly. Slothful climbers quite possibly once had plenty of good climbing friends but they have bored them senseless - so they are still good friends but somehow always have other plans when asked about going climbing.
The main benefit of membership of the Society is therefore being able to find people prepared to belay you on your latest venture into the vertical world. Of course you have to agree that if they belay you on your route one day, you will return the favour by belaying them on their route the next day.
Thinking back, I'm not sure I've ever exceeded two hours on a pitch, or at least not by much. My application to the Society was a couple of hours on a single pitch ascent of Darius a few years ago. There have been various slo-mo contests since but a more recent one which comes to mind is a couple of hours on the main pitch of Sioux Wall in a gathering storm last year. I think my long suffering partner was getting mildly hypothermic towards the end.
So, what are your best tales of slothfulness? Have you ever been outclimbed by a caterpillar? Have you ever noticed a visible shift in a glacier while you were doing a pitch?
Sloths of the world, unite! In your own time, that is...
Ueli Steck need not apply!
Who needs power when you've got stamina?
There is no membership fee but you must disable or hand in any stopwatches which you happen to own.
I'm considering setting up a society for like-minded climbers who like to climb at their own pace. This is not a society for lazy, unmotivated climbers - far from it! Many slothful climbers will be highly psyched, chomping at the bit, willing to put their neck on the line, always looking to push it types. It's just that they like to adopt a thoughtful and measured approach, particularly when in extremis.
Possessed of bottomless reserves of stamina (offset somewhat by a lack of strength, power and route reading ability), slothful climbers will typically be seen hanging from non-rests in the middle of crux sequences, even in the middle of a well-rehearsed redpoint, unable to decide whether to go for it or shake out for a few more minutes before reversing to a better rest. More often than not this will of course be counterproductive and they will run out of steam on the crux move but on a few rare occasions they will rest and shake out their painfully slow way to the top of the route, which will only go to reinforce their belief that slow and steady is the best way.
Most at home on dicey sea cliffs such as Mousetrap Zawn, where the ability to climb up and down repeatedly to test the holds pays dividends, slothful climbers generally avoid bouldery cruxes, dynamic moves or steep ground, unless there are some jugs to hang off part way through. Partial to extracting rests at every opportunity (considered mild cheating in some circles), slothful climbers will deploy knee bars, heel hooks and weird contortions to get a shake out.
Unsurprisingly, slothful climbers sometimes find it hard to get climbing partners, seeing as much of the rest of the climbing world seems to prefer to live in the fast lane of powering through cruxes and, you know, climbing quickly. Slothful climbers quite possibly once had plenty of good climbing friends but they have bored them senseless - so they are still good friends but somehow always have other plans when asked about going climbing.
The main benefit of membership of the Society is therefore being able to find people prepared to belay you on your latest venture into the vertical world. Of course you have to agree that if they belay you on your route one day, you will return the favour by belaying them on their route the next day.
Thinking back, I'm not sure I've ever exceeded two hours on a pitch, or at least not by much. My application to the Society was a couple of hours on a single pitch ascent of Darius a few years ago. There have been various slo-mo contests since but a more recent one which comes to mind is a couple of hours on the main pitch of Sioux Wall in a gathering storm last year. I think my long suffering partner was getting mildly hypothermic towards the end.
So, what are your best tales of slothfulness? Have you ever been outclimbed by a caterpillar? Have you ever noticed a visible shift in a glacier while you were doing a pitch?
Sloths of the world, unite! In your own time, that is...
Ueli Steck need not apply!
Who needs power when you've got stamina?
There is no membership fee but you must disable or hand in any stopwatches which you happen to own.
74
In reply to Misha:
I once stopped shortly below the top of a fairly soft HS in Pembrokeshire because I spotted what I was sure was the perfect placement for my newest tricam. Being heedless of the rising tide is one of the priveleges of being near the top, and the sound of breaking waves mixed with the protestations of belayers seems far away indeed when there is new gear to be scratched.
And so it was, that three quarters of an hour after spotting the placement, and 15 minutes after I finally conceeded that none of my tricams were actually going to fit, my climbing partner emerged at the top of the crag and gave me a piece of her mind.
Some people just don't understand the importance of good gear.
I once stopped shortly below the top of a fairly soft HS in Pembrokeshire because I spotted what I was sure was the perfect placement for my newest tricam. Being heedless of the rising tide is one of the priveleges of being near the top, and the sound of breaking waves mixed with the protestations of belayers seems far away indeed when there is new gear to be scratched.
And so it was, that three quarters of an hour after spotting the placement, and 15 minutes after I finally conceeded that none of my tricams were actually going to fit, my climbing partner emerged at the top of the crag and gave me a piece of her mind.
Some people just don't understand the importance of good gear.
24
In reply to davidbeynon:
Ah yes, I forgot. Slothful climbers tend to be very safety conscious and lace their routes as much as possible. I think I got about seven pieces at regular intervals into the crux diagonal crack of Left Wall.
Ah yes, I forgot. Slothful climbers tend to be very safety conscious and lace their routes as much as possible. I think I got about seven pieces at regular intervals into the crux diagonal crack of Left Wall.
5
In reply to Misha:
My mate Jim could well be a member of this club. He once managed a five hour plus lead of JR. ( very ethical as he refused to touch the Corner at any point). This led to a classic description of his climbing style as ' full glacial speed ahead'
My mate Jim could well be a member of this club. He once managed a five hour plus lead of JR. ( very ethical as he refused to touch the Corner at any point). This led to a classic description of his climbing style as ' full glacial speed ahead'
8
In reply to Misha:
From the historical section of the 1986 Pembroke guide, I give you the brief mention of the first ascent of Imagination (E4 6a) on St Govan's East:
From the historical section of the 1986 Pembroke guide, I give you the brief mention of the first ascent of Imagination (E4 6a) on St Govan's East:
> Later in the month the overhangs right of The Savage gave de Montjoye and Parsons, Imagination, a long, quite eventful ascent which ended in the hapless, patient Parsons being marooned on a large boulder some distance from the cliff and having to wade to begin the pitch.
7
1
In reply to mark hounslea:
That's got to be a strong contender for honorary membership!
That's got to be a strong contender for honorary membership!
In reply to Misha:
I must have taken about an hour leading the crux pitch on Isengard (HVS 5b), thankfully my mate didn't mind as directions at each of the cruxes on the main pitch were joyfully accepted, as was the abundant gear!
I must have taken about an hour leading the crux pitch on Isengard (HVS 5b), thankfully my mate didn't mind as directions at each of the cruxes on the main pitch were joyfully accepted, as was the abundant gear!
In reply to Misha:
My personal record is 2 and a bit hours for 18 meters of climbing (a pretty leisurely 7.5 meters per hour). Is that a relaxed enough pace for entry to the society? Placed 12 bits of bomber gear as well.
My mate had as he put it "gone through the other side of boredom into the sunny lands of semi consciousness that await beyond" . He also maintains that he could see the trees grow and watched the continental plates speeding past.
Apparently if I climbed any slower I'd get moss growing on me.
My personal record is 2 and a bit hours for 18 meters of climbing (a pretty leisurely 7.5 meters per hour). Is that a relaxed enough pace for entry to the society? Placed 12 bits of bomber gear as well.
My mate had as he put it "gone through the other side of boredom into the sunny lands of semi consciousness that await beyond" . He also maintains that he could see the trees grow and watched the continental plates speeding past.
Apparently if I climbed any slower I'd get moss growing on me.
20
In reply to Misha:
The Strand is probably the ultimate sloths route as it's essentially the same move for 150 ft with tons of gear available and crafty rests to be had every 6 inches. When I did it I thought I'd made decent progress but my partner informed me I'd been over an hour and he'd nearly fallen asleep with boredom.
The Strand is probably the ultimate sloths route as it's essentially the same move for 150 ft with tons of gear available and crafty rests to be had every 6 inches. When I did it I thought I'd made decent progress but my partner informed me I'd been over an hour and he'd nearly fallen asleep with boredom.
2
In reply to Misha:
I presume that George Smith should be the patron saint of this society? IIRC, in "Upside-Down Wales", the question is raised of whether he's ever looked down to find that someone else is now belaying him ...
Also, of course, we have him to thank for the noble pronouncement "To climb without knee bars is to climb without dignity."
Could there be some sort of Auxiliary to the main Society for those of us who don't have stamina either? As a result, I require "knee bars, heel hooks and weird contortions to get a shake out" to get to the top of anything, but I rather like bouldery cruxes because they're over very quickly and then I can have a rest again.
I presume that George Smith should be the patron saint of this society? IIRC, in "Upside-Down Wales", the question is raised of whether he's ever looked down to find that someone else is now belaying him ...
Also, of course, we have him to thank for the noble pronouncement "To climb without knee bars is to climb without dignity."
Could there be some sort of Auxiliary to the main Society for those of us who don't have stamina either? As a result, I require "knee bars, heel hooks and weird contortions to get a shake out" to get to the top of anything, but I rather like bouldery cruxes because they're over very quickly and then I can have a rest again.
6
In reply to slab_happy:
Reminds me of a Monday morning at the Roaches.
Nobody about, just me and Simon.
Simon is committed near the top of the runout on Elegy when it starts raining. He is stuck, not daring to move his feet lest the footholds get wet, trying to decide to commit to wet holds and risk a groundfall.
Belaying, I work out there is just enough rope to tie Simon off and solo with the spare rope up an adjacent easier route to then drop a top rope.
Simon, quaking and praying on the route thinks, " Thank F***, a top rope, but then thinks " But who is belaying me ! "
> I presume that George Smith should be the patron saint of this society? IIRC, in "Upside-Down Wales", the question is raised of whether he's ever looked down to find that someone else is now belaying him ...
Reminds me of a Monday morning at the Roaches.
Nobody about, just me and Simon.
Simon is committed near the top of the runout on Elegy when it starts raining. He is stuck, not daring to move his feet lest the footholds get wet, trying to decide to commit to wet holds and risk a groundfall.
Belaying, I work out there is just enough rope to tie Simon off and solo with the spare rope up an adjacent easier route to then drop a top rope.
Simon, quaking and praying on the route thinks, " Thank F***, a top rope, but then thinks " But who is belaying me ! "
6
In reply to Misha:
My slothful claim to fame was getting through 2 or 3 belayers on an 80ft single pitch .
My slothful claim to fame was getting through 2 or 3 belayers on an 80ft single pitch .
1
In reply to Toerag:
I once spent longer on a single section between bolts, falling off and downclimbing until I somehow managed the crux move, than we spent doing all the adjacent Ticket route on the Peigne the previous evening.
Can I join, please, Misha?
I once spent longer on a single section between bolts, falling off and downclimbing until I somehow managed the crux move, than we spent doing all the adjacent Ticket route on the Peigne the previous evening.
Can I join, please, Misha?
1
In reply to Misha:
I nominate Paz (formally of this 'shire) - I held his ropes for 3.5 hours in the baking sun of Avon Gorge whilst he attempted Peryl (E4 6a)
When he finally decided that he wouldn't commit to the crux, rather than bail from the in-situ pegs, he spent another 30minutes reversing the whole thing, stripping gear as he went, thus perserving his on-sight.
I, his now sunburnt belayer swore off trad climbing with Paz from this point forth...
I nominate Paz (formally of this 'shire) - I held his ropes for 3.5 hours in the baking sun of Avon Gorge whilst he attempted Peryl (E4 6a)
When he finally decided that he wouldn't commit to the crux, rather than bail from the in-situ pegs, he spent another 30minutes reversing the whole thing, stripping gear as he went, thus perserving his on-sight.
I, his now sunburnt belayer swore off trad climbing with Paz from this point forth...
12
In reply to Misha:
Not me (tho' there have been many occasions when I might have qualified for membership), but a nomination: this is from the early 70s in Calanque en Vau during an escape from a stormy Alps. A rope of 3, including me, went to have a go at a partially aided route "La Machine a Laver". My mate led off tentatively (aid not being our thing) and crawled up the free climbing to the roof then slowed down considerably on close inspection of the ageing and decrepit wooden wedges he was expected to thread in order to launch outwards. At this stage I, the non belayer, thought I'd entertain myself in other ways and descended to the beach, consulted the guide book, solo'd a relatively easy route on the aiguille in the middle of the calanque, then wondered how to get down, a feat that was eventually achieved but not with alacrity. Upon returning to the base of our climb after an hour or so I found that my mate had got as far as dangling from the lip of the roof about 4 moves further than when I'd left. His belayer, a famous climber who must remain nameless for fear of embarrassment, was asleep!
Not me (tho' there have been many occasions when I might have qualified for membership), but a nomination: this is from the early 70s in Calanque en Vau during an escape from a stormy Alps. A rope of 3, including me, went to have a go at a partially aided route "La Machine a Laver". My mate led off tentatively (aid not being our thing) and crawled up the free climbing to the roof then slowed down considerably on close inspection of the ageing and decrepit wooden wedges he was expected to thread in order to launch outwards. At this stage I, the non belayer, thought I'd entertain myself in other ways and descended to the beach, consulted the guide book, solo'd a relatively easy route on the aiguille in the middle of the calanque, then wondered how to get down, a feat that was eventually achieved but not with alacrity. Upon returning to the base of our climb after an hour or so I found that my mate had got as far as dangling from the lip of the roof about 4 moves further than when I'd left. His belayer, a famous climber who must remain nameless for fear of embarrassment, was asleep!
5
1
In reply to spenser:
Hmmm, not sure about that, sounds too much like speed climbing to me.
> I must have taken about an hour leading the crux pitch on Isengard (HVS 5b), thankfully my mate didn't mind as directions at each of the cruxes on the main pitch were joyfully accepted, as was the abundant gear!
Hmmm, not sure about that, sounds too much like speed climbing to me.
3
In reply to Toerag:
That really is something!
That really is something!
> My slothful claim to fame was getting through 2 or 3 belayers on an 80ft single pitch .
1
In reply to Rick Graham:
I guess that's a bit different as you were struggling to do the move. Was that the route which led some French luminary to say "you fart, you fall"? I thought the crux of the Ticket was thin enough, more like trad 6b than French 6b!
I guess that's a bit different as you were struggling to do the move. Was that the route which led some French luminary to say "you fart, you fall"? I thought the crux of the Ticket was thin enough, more like trad 6b than French 6b!
In reply to Misha:
Someone I know, also from this shire, once spent the same amount of time on Valkyrie (roaches) as it would take Ueli Steck to climb the Eiger twice.
Someone I know, also from this shire, once spent the same amount of time on Valkyrie (roaches) as it would take Ueli Steck to climb the Eiger twice.
10
In reply to slab_happy:
Though, thinking about it, I have been known to spend ridiculous amounts of time wedged inside offwidths/squeeze chimneys, where, with sufficient skill and use of advanced techniques like ribcage-jamming, vertical progress can be reduced to almost zero.
Though, thinking about it, I have been known to spend ridiculous amounts of time wedged inside offwidths/squeeze chimneys, where, with sufficient skill and use of advanced techniques like ribcage-jamming, vertical progress can be reduced to almost zero.
9
In reply to Greasy Prusiks:
Classic comments.
> My mate had as he put it "gone through the other side of boredom into the sunny lands of semi consciousness that await beyond" . He also maintains that he could see the trees grow and watched the continental plates speeding past.
Classic comments.
Post edited at 13:19
4
In reply to Somerset swede basher:
Yeah but what's he ever done on grit? Ueli, that is...
> Someone I know, also from this shire, once spent the same amount of time on Valkyrie (roaches) as it would take Ueli Steck to climb the Eiger twice.
Yeah but what's he ever done on grit? Ueli, that is...
3
2
In reply to Misha:
One of my clubmates was contrasting the climbing styles of two other members.
“When you look at John he always seems to be moving and flapping about, but you look away for a few minutes and then when you look back, he’s in exactly the same place. On the other hand, when you look at Steve for about 10 minutes he’s motionless. You get bored and look away for a moment, look back and he’s moved up about three metres”. Just wondering which, if either of these pseudonymous characters, would best qualify?
One of my clubmates was contrasting the climbing styles of two other members.
“When you look at John he always seems to be moving and flapping about, but you look away for a few minutes and then when you look back, he’s in exactly the same place. On the other hand, when you look at Steve for about 10 minutes he’s motionless. You get bored and look away for a moment, look back and he’s moved up about three metres”. Just wondering which, if either of these pseudonymous characters, would best qualify?
5
In reply to Rog Wilko:
Both?
Both?
In reply to Misha:
A friend of mine took about 2.5 hours to lead Ordinary Route at Widdop. We took turns belaying him. It was pitch black by the end (there's a photo of us waiting for him to top out in my gallery). I got so bored I went for a walk over the top in the dark and fell into a bog up to my waist.
A friend of mine took about 2.5 hours to lead Ordinary Route at Widdop. We took turns belaying him. It was pitch black by the end (there's a photo of us waiting for him to top out in my gallery). I got so bored I went for a walk over the top in the dark and fell into a bog up to my waist.
6
In reply to Misha:
Not quite sure if this qualifies, but I once spent 6 very cold hours on a belay on the Tough-Brown on Lochnagar, when the party in front couldn't surmount a short blank wall. They kept falling off and every time they did I was drowned in spin-drift. A similar harrowing experience on the Eastern Traverse on the Ben in full blizzard conditions, and desperate navigation across the plateau afterwards in total darkness and whiteout!
I try to be first on the routes these days!
Not quite sure if this qualifies, but I once spent 6 very cold hours on a belay on the Tough-Brown on Lochnagar, when the party in front couldn't surmount a short blank wall. They kept falling off and every time they did I was drowned in spin-drift. A similar harrowing experience on the Eastern Traverse on the Ben in full blizzard conditions, and desperate navigation across the plateau afterwards in total darkness and whiteout!
I try to be first on the routes these days!
1
In reply to Misha:
I was propelled on by fear of not getting a lift back to Durham from the car park that evening!
I was propelled on by fear of not getting a lift back to Durham from the car park that evening!
1
In reply to Misha:
You might be too strong now
> I thought the crux of the Ticket was thin enough, more like trad 6b than French 6b!
You might be too strong now
In reply to mark hounslea:
I think I was there that day. He was clamped to some holds just above the girdle for the entire time it took me to climb Resurrection including a fall. Definitely the Limpet method
I think I was there that day. He was clamped to some holds just above the girdle for the entire time it took me to climb Resurrection including a fall. Definitely the Limpet method
Post edited at 00:10
1
In reply to Somerset swede basher:
Maybe it's a ULMC thing but I also know someone who could apply based on an experience on Valkyrie!
Maybe it's a ULMC thing but I also know someone who could apply based on an experience on Valkyrie!
1
In reply to Misha:
I should like to apply for associate membership. A bold approach has got me into trouble before now and clearly a more considered approach may well bear fruit.
I should like to apply for associate membership. A bold approach has got me into trouble before now and clearly a more considered approach may well bear fruit.
1
In reply to Misha:
Great post and reminds me why I switched from trad to sport climbing years ago. You just get so much more climbing done and far less waiting around.
Great post and reminds me why I switched from trad to sport climbing years ago. You just get so much more climbing done and far less waiting around.
1
In reply to spidermonkey09:
My nominee is also ULMC. Maybe its the same person? Now resides in Scotland but originally from another continent further east......
My nominee is also ULMC. Maybe its the same person? Now resides in Scotland but originally from another continent further east......
My membership request would be based on sitting in the 'pod' on Peapod for probably an hour, just weighing the exit move up. It was almost transcendental.
2
In reply to Misha:
Do I have to resign my founding membership of the Stunned Ox Mountaineering Club to join, or can I be in both SOMC and SCS?
I could point to my hour long near-ascent of the the first pitch of Milestone Buttress while my second shivered convulsively in the sleet. Authoritatively, I backed off what I now know to be the hand traverse (reasonable foot holds though), claiming Milestone Buttress 'wasn't in' that weekend....
b
Do I have to resign my founding membership of the Stunned Ox Mountaineering Club to join, or can I be in both SOMC and SCS?
I could point to my hour long near-ascent of the the first pitch of Milestone Buttress while my second shivered convulsively in the sleet. Authoritatively, I backed off what I now know to be the hand traverse (reasonable foot holds though), claiming Milestone Buttress 'wasn't in' that weekend....
b
In reply to Misha:
Founded in 1997 by myself and Andy, after his description of my ascent of Needle Ridge as "having all the skilful footwork of a partially stunned ox in an abattoir".
We have a motto in Latin and everything - Semper Ataxicus - and regular re-enactments of our nimble footwork skills can be seen at about closing time on friday evenings.
We also have badges, worn with pride on our bulbous mountaineering helmets, proclaiming "I sat still for my X-Ray"
and "I was brave at Fracture Clinic".
Membership requires commitment to Bumbly Values and core beliefs. Ideally, breeches should be worn. Flash merchants and those with a BMI <25 need not apply.
We possibly have overlapping membership
b
Founded in 1997 by myself and Andy, after his description of my ascent of Needle Ridge as "having all the skilful footwork of a partially stunned ox in an abattoir".
We have a motto in Latin and everything - Semper Ataxicus - and regular re-enactments of our nimble footwork skills can be seen at about closing time on friday evenings.
We also have badges, worn with pride on our bulbous mountaineering helmets, proclaiming "I sat still for my X-Ray"
and "I was brave at Fracture Clinic".
Membership requires commitment to Bumbly Values and core beliefs. Ideally, breeches should be worn. Flash merchants and those with a BMI <25 need not apply.
We possibly have overlapping membership
b
2
In reply to ben b:
Excellent, unfortunately my BMI is too low.
Excellent, unfortunately my BMI is too low.
1
In reply to Misha:
I do pride myself on finding sneaky rests that others breeze past with superior fitness and courage. I think my speciality is wedgeing my arse into otherwise strenuous to climb corners but I'm sure exasperated belayers can point to other equally effective forms of provarication.
I do pride myself on finding sneaky rests that others breeze past with superior fitness and courage. I think my speciality is wedgeing my arse into otherwise strenuous to climb corners but I'm sure exasperated belayers can point to other equally effective forms of provarication.
1
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